Count to a hundred.
See if heart silences, or
Drags you to market.
Temasek – August 26, 2019 / 14:49
My heart has been so annoying (not annoyed ya) recently. It brought me all troubles that had been tamed before. It unleashed all possible cries and shouts that will not only make the heart but also head crowded like a market.
Water wets you.
Fire burns you.
Wind blows you.
Earth buries you.
Maybe I’ve gotta play metal to my own self so it cages me safe in locked safe.
But no….
Dear Beautiful Soul, let go off all distrust. Friendship isn’t always about keeping secret but it is also about accepting a bad label because some secrets are jocularly consumable for public.
Dear Beautiful Self, forgive yourself for entrusting your honest secret to someone you don’t really know. It is a lesson that it is ok to be vulnerable. It is fine to be imperfect. It is nice to be angry when necessary. All is fine…. And forgive those that won’t have locked tongues for any reason.
Life is about masquerading.
How well she acts under a mask determines what the crowds will give her.
Whether she is crying under a smiling mask, it doesn’t matter. What matters is her body languages correspond with the smiles in the mask.
Her cry in the heart will not resonate whatever frequency is spread through the air ‘coz the crowds don’t read the heart. They see the mask and they are wearing masks, too.
Dear, Mask.
How are you?
Are you happy there?
Or, do you need some touch-up of colors?
Let me do it.
I can put mascara, blush-on, eye-shadow, eyelashes or more colors on your lips.
Your smiles shall not fade away.
Otherwise, the crowds will be disappointed and go away.
Dear, Mask.
Do you know how I am?
I am crying for how long you are suffering to look good all the time.
Sobbing when you have to laugh out loud celebrating how grand the victory is.
Weeping to see the mask running low with sweat, tired of grinning at how splendid love looks.
You seem so young but I know you are weathered.
Don’t you want to take a break?
……
But hold on, Mask.
Hold on a second.
Let me think it over.
Let me reckon what I just said to you.
No, no, no.
Do you need to listen to what I said?
Yes, you should.
But should you change?
No!
It is a big no-no.
I am happy that I am here for you.
I am what I am as you are what you are.
I am your shadow, where you can hide for a while.
I am your sanctuary, where you can take shelter.
I am your bin, where you want to dump all your hazardous wastes of make-up.
I am your Lover.
I can be your Beloved, too.
Dear, Mask.
Be a good mask.
Play the best acting as you can.
If life is a joke, let yourself be the greatest Joker.
When life orders pretension, be the greatest Pretender.
You take the best Role in this Life,
With me beyond your Play.
Dear, Mask.
Just don’t forget that….
There is the Playwright.
Never ever take action without His bloody instruction.
Ney….
Your song pulled me down in to the depth of abyss
Gliding with no weight,
Free falling –
Ney….
Your tone touched me on the hollow emptiness
Craving for sensations,
Crashing on nothingness.
Ney….
Your call dragged me along the path that I know well, yet
I am lonely and blind,
Waiting for a map.
Ney….
Do you know I’ve been here all my life,
My breath,
My step,
My tear,
My despair,
All of mine.
Ney….
You are the breeze that sweeps my draught
Then soars;
The dewdrop that breaks my morning
Then wakes up;
The spark that lights up my flame
Then burns.
The dirt that buries my hope
Then grows.
Ney….
It is you
That swirls like earth spiraled upwards by tornado,
And travels afar before it hits the door of heaven.
Ney….
I am taking your hands.
Your weeping cries will always accompany my journey
To you, Ney.
My home is near the MRT railway, every five minutes two 6-car trains will go to both directions. And, today they do their routine of life. But there is something different, like they know it is almost 2019 and want to celebrate the year exchange.
The trains sound more merrier.
And the vehicles in the crossroad just down floors below run like no energy is lacking or no drowsiness greets the drivers.
Around where I live there are a lot of trees that I hope won’t be cut down for long years to come. I love them as they are the ones making my breath lighter and healthier. And tonight I feel they send out purer air to me.
And there is a reservoir that is cleaned daily by the boatmen on the blue boats. It still looks dark at night but the water reflection is clearer and more magnificent.
All do more magic tonight…. Because it is new year tomorrow. And I am infected by their spirit of best performance of now here and so I want to be in the harmony with Nature now here and next year.
I might not be able to get a mentor that I expected but I will make myself the best mentor for myself to be more professional – clarity on what I do, purity on what I intend. I might not be the best of all but I will make myself the best version of me – committed and true. I might not get everything I wish but I will make myself to get what’s the best I deserve.
Tonight I welcome 2019 at home looking at my plants in the small balcony, going back and forth the fridge to get cool water – I don’t drink beer fyi, seeing all the passers by, enjoying the dogs’ smell from the one living under my balcony. The air, water, cloud, unseen sky, shy rain, greenery in the black black new year’s eve, all people celebrating far away with the fireworks, all the animals with shelters or without, all the blessed life under the sun, and all
To you I wish a….
…. Happy New Year 2019! The best is welcoming you.
My father had a black starling.
It loved eating kepok* banana – no, had no choice.
It sang – no, cried
It danced – no, nervous
It entertained our guests – no, tried to escape
It slept peacefully – no, dreamed nightmares days and nights
It did happily – no, a prisoner.
The cage was wires and wood.
We hoped it could talk.
Our family moved
To a much smaller home.
Our starling got neglected
How much I can feel the guilty is like a teary moment to a bloody heart!
The black starling got a home
Bigger:
My mother’s relative.
It loved eating kepok* banana – no, had no choice.
It sang – no, cried
It danced – no, nervous
It entertained our guests – no, tried to escape
It slept peacefully – no, dreamed nightmares days and nights
It did happily – no, a prisoner.
The cage was wires and wood, half we gave to it.
We hoped it could talk.
If you are dead, dear Black Starling,
Be in a peaceful moment.
Fly with your beautiful wings, black and shiny!
Feed your life with all the fresh memories.
Forget all the cages and bars.
Be the air
Be the vapour
Be the atmosphere
Be our silent guidance to the freedom out of this cage.
Thank you for your will to be our prisoner
Thank you for your sincerity to be our exhibition
Thank you for your sacrifice to feed our ego
Thank you for your life to complete our purity.
See you across the bridge.
You’ve met him, right?
Tell him you forgive us.
It’s been quite long I haven’t posted anything in this site. Too busy? Or not able to manage the time? Oh my goodness, how life lasts long yet runs so fast that it rolls in like a useless scroll.
Alas!
What will I give to Life?
Nothing?
Ya, nothing as I have nothing.
Yet, I still do things with my nothing.
Life,
Please guide me through my nothingness to the Light at the end of the scroll.
I’m almost 50?
Gosh! Am I that near to what is called half a century? it gives me goosebump!
What have I done?
To my beloved parents?
To my beloved sisters?
To my beloved brothers?
To my friends?
To my country?
To humanity?
To….
To myself?
Last month I visited a good friend and found more things about her. She has done so much in her life.
She helped me and her colleagues grow professionally.
She did many things to help people in her industry.
She did so much to her mother especially when her mother was in the deathbed.
She travels to see many places.
She plays piano.
She plays violin.
She plays golf.
She hangs out with friends.
She read spiritual books.
She always comes up with solutions of problems around her.
She dedicates her life to humanity.
She does many many things that I can even only imagine I can do with my mini courage.
Once I told her “My Friend, I think you will not regret your life when you die.”
And she said “You’re right, Rike. I won’t regret my life when I die. I will die happy because I’ve lived happily.”
She said to me, “Be happy. Do something that you have wanted to do but you haven’t. Hey, what about taking music classes?”
Going out from her apartment, I could not stop thinking of what I should do to make my life meaningful for myself and for those I love that I leave when I die.
Life is short and I’ve gotta do something.
Thanks, my Friend for being an inspiration to me.
I will die happy because I’ve lived happily.
Singapore – April 29, 2018 – 02:39
The picture below is of Fifi (the black and white) and Chocho (the ginger), kittens in my Mom’s home. Chocho died of suffering for his back on April 23, 2018 at around 11:15am Jakarta time. Thank you, Chocho for telling me over and over again that you lived happily and died happy. Thank you, my dear kitten. See you across the rainbow bridge….
Facets and faces
On diamonds and humans are
Overt covert beauty —
===
Can you see the real things behind the things? You might be able or not but the thing is there you know it or not. Existence is not about the humans’ ability to see through, existence is about that it is there and that’s it. You’ve gotta to reach the fact that you believe what’s true is true, what exists exists without judging what’s true and what exists. My homework for myself.
He’s a yellow cat,
With a hurt back and couldn’t walk.
Much love is showered.
Chocho is one of two kittens that survive of 4 of Mother Prengil. He got an unknown accident that made him not able to walk and just drag his body. I wish I’d be with him to give him medication.
Sitting in my tiny bedroom, I felt ache in my chest and said to myself, “Damn! How can I have so many things in my little nest? What am I going to build of those rubbish?”
Books, bottles, containers, clothes and other things were scatterred everywhere, on the floor, on the table, at the shelf, on my bed. Once again, what would I make with all of these? Nothing but an old lady hoarding bric-a-brac.
Please stop myself. Please….
“When I’m going to read my book, I’m confused which book I should read first as all the titles show me all the urgencies in life. When I’m going to write on my diary, I forgot which one is the most recent one as there are at least six different books and sketchbooks that I’ve used so far. When I’m going to iron my clothes, I’m confused which one should I work on first as the piling rags are covering my rooms. Oh my gosh!”
I stopped for a while and looked at my hands.
Only two hands….
What have they done in my life? My two hands have done so much but not so much, — too much unnecessary stuff.
….
Take a deep breath.
….
I have been clutterring and need decluttering.
….
Start with one simple thing. My mind.
…. Declutter my mind.
…. Throw away unnecessary things.
…. Just take what is needed, ignore what is not.
…. Stop talking, start doing.
Much a do ’bout it
Ripples in a pool have brought
A Star. Guide me please.
I might not involve emotions in my devotion but I mean it. Never ask me to love you coz I don’t. Never force me to long for you coz I don’t. My realm is so much different from yours. Mine is far under the bottomless abyss, yours might be in heaven. Leave me coz I don’t have a promise.
Heard a sheering cry–
May all beings be happy.
Masquerade is done.
Mount Agung from afar, what can we see in location? Un-rescued pets, cattle, etc…. But the cry of the voiceless is not only upthere, many dogs cry for being killed violently. For food, take the necessary and treat them well including don’t torture them to die. May all be beings be happy….!
Kutabur debucahaya
Bersama salam dan langkahku
Demi jejak kemanusiaan
Bagi seluruh isi alam.
Berurai air-mata….
Sungai-sungai sebagai urat-urat darah
Yang mulai tersumbat,
Menyempit,
Buntu…. Samudera pun kehilangan tuah dan birunya.
Tersedak Ibu Gaia terbatuk-batuk, bersedih melihat anak-anaknya tiada berhati.
Duh Gusti,
Ampunilah aku
Yang tak mampu membantu titik-titik mungil bercahaya terkungkung rantai dan kerangkeng.
Letih dan terluka
Batin dan badannya.
Duh Gusti,
Merdekakan kami.
Aku dan titik-titik mungil bercahaya itu.
Merdekakan inti hidup kami.
Sehingga bahagia walau kami dihela hingga pertolonganMu tiba.
Sehingga ikhlash walau kami dipaksa hingga kehendakMu tiba.
Wahai, titik-titik mungil bercahaya….
Kuseru doa dan belai mesra.
Salamku salam ruhani yang akan membungkusmu dengan kekebalan
Dari segala derita.
Kuatkan. Murnikan. Tataplah langit seperti kutatap ia.
Kudekap Ibu Gaia,
Kuhembuskan debu cahaya
Dan titik-titik cahaya itu berpendar, melebar dan merayakan kebahagiaan.
Salamku salam ruhani
Wahai titik-titik mungil dalam dekapan.
Puisi ini kupersembahkan bagi para satwa yang didera kekejaman atas nama kesejahteraan manusia. Terkirim bagimu kekuatan dan kemuliaan selamanya. Sayangku….
This song by Mariah Carey, Hero has been a good earplug for me. Been feeling so tired of my own self – being not confident with all what I called weaknesses. Until I found that points of weakness are where our strenghts stand out. Enjoy…. ❤
There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You’ll find the way
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
This below video clip by “The Law” was sent by a friend. We’ve never thought of how a rap group (vocal? band? what? never heard of “The Law”) could sing a negative song, a set of negative lyrics about two women (Maia & Meichan of Duo Maia) who truly achieve very high position in Indonesia music world. Only hatred could generate this work.
Just wanna say…. What you sow, what you reap!
This group is over, might never get up again…. I pity their start cum end….
To Maia and Meichan: Good Luck here and after! You have the beauty, the talent and the attitude. Love, love, love…..
These are the lyrics as sung by “The Law”.
Now throw ur hand in the air buat duo maia
Jari tengah di udara buat duo maia
Middle finger’s in the air buat duo maia
Baladewa sluruh dunia acungkan jari tengahmu
Check this, check this You don’t wanna miss
Gw gak pengen menghujat atau berlaku sinis
Tapi duo maia yang katanya formasi baru
Buat gw contoh buruk yang gak pantas ditiru
Gaya harajuku lu lebih mirip cewe brengsek
Ibu tiga anak kok gayanya seperti bom sex
Ngaku jadi musisi tapi kemampuan cetek
Mendingan gw nonton mulan jadi bintang obat ketek
Kemampuan dan skill lu cuma setahi upil
Gw sumpahin album lu gak bakalan berhasil
Tampang vokalis lu kaya bintang bokep miyabi
Kok kaya mirip cewe yang lagi masturbasi
Gw denger-denger sih lu kan ngakunya sarjana
Tapi klakuan minus kaya cewe gak bragama
Gak becus ngurus anak, ngandelin pengacara
Wajar kalo cinta suami lu tertinggal di malaysia
You had all the money, you had all the fame
You had a good family and you have a good man
Tapi lu masih ngotot lu pengen jadi artis
Lu kaga punya bakat semua lagu lu najis
Untung aja lu masih punya suami yang sabar
Walaupun sifat lu tuh udah kaya cewe bar bar
Lu tau rumah tangga lu udah mau bubar
Tapi lu malah minta duit dua ratus milyar
Now throw ur hand in the air buat duo maia
Jari tengah di udara buat duo maia
Middle fingers in the air buat duo maia
Baladewa sluruh dunia acungkan jari tengah (2x)
Ini babak yang baru cobalah kau dengarkan
Semua orang tau lu tuh mabuk ketenaran
Kalo lu emang bener bener punya kemampuan
Kenapa takut bersaing sama dewi dewi dan mulan
Gw suka dewi dewi apalagi mulan
Gw juga suka ratu waktu vokalisnya pingkan
Tapi sekarang vokalisnya kok diganti mei chan
Doi gak pantes nyanyi doi pantesnya mecun
Lebih baik mei chan lu kirim aja ke batam
Gw yakin lebih laku jadi PSK malam
Karena di musik dia gak punya masa depan
Republik cinta bakal bikin lu semua tenggelam
Mulan jameela udah ninggalin ratu
Album dewi dewi masih yang paling laku
Andra and the backbone yang jadi nomer satu
Gw kasih jempol terbalik buat albumnya ratu
Udah deh mendingan cepetan lu insaf
Sebelum baladewa indonesia pada khilaf
Ini cuma nasihat we still love you anyway
Kalo lu kaga suka HOO! E-G-P
Now throw ur hand in the air buat duo maia
Jari tengah di udara buat duo maia
Middle fingers in the air buat duo maia
Baladewa sluruh dunia acungkan jari tengah mu (2x)
A building like a dragon in the city – September 28, 2016 – 15:32
Pronouncing good word,
Parrot is nodding its head.
When word is just word.
What does a word mean when it is uttered by a bird, it only repeating what it has heard from environment without knowing what it means. It means…. Meaning is not everything but it is more essential than just the pronounced lining letters.
Life, teach me about what essential when I pronounce a good word as I am not a parrot or any other copiers.
rike jokanan 
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