Tag: love

A bunch of roses,
Send this prayer as a gift
To those remembered
Through air, land, water, fire in
Dark, fragrant beauty. Amen.

I pray with flowers in a glass vase every week: reciting beautiful verses to those I’ve loved and remembered especially the ancestors, whispering unsaid love to those faraway, wishing they be happy everyday. Some people consider it ancient practice and not applicable or acceptable as modern but I feel more connected to my own self by doing it. So making it a habit

I love the dark mood of today’s flowers combined with my “sogan handmade batik”. It painted a shade of dark beauty with special fragrance and colour.

May all beings be happy.

Still You, Just

You’re in the dark. Who?
What? Matter? Not! It’s still you.
Just some shade and light.

I’m never perfect, will never be as long as I live with and in this matter. There won’t be any absence of uncertainty. There is always a gap to bridge, a space in between, an emptiness after fulfilment…. Always between 0 and 1 – a binary system of wholeness I call it. Swinging like a pendulum from one point to another up to one extreme point before at the end of momentum thrown back to the next direction…..

Why would you stay in the day for 24 hours if you can stay cool in the dark for 12 hours after a long working day? Or the other way around with some reason?

Why would you mind missing someone for at least an hour a day if it can make this life more vibrant? Just don’t hate….

Why would you regret your broken heart as long as you don’t hurt anyone’s pride? Just don’t forget to love yourself….

No matter what and who you are some time of and in your life, you’re still you. Be you! Be more whole you every time…. A true you

May all beings be happy.

Loved By Nature

Mr Squyrrell came,
Winked then said “Loved by nature”.
She asked “yours or mine?”

Up to us to think of “loved by Nature” or “loved by nature”; maybe it’s everybody’s

May all beings be happy.

Lovin’ Ma Bike

Poetic, This Person, Those People

Lil knoz ‘bout a gal
Bikin’ crashin’ co’nut tree
Laughed and helped at once

Remembering what you did in childhood is like watching cartoon movies, entertaining and energizing. How painfully the bad time was brought to you, when recalled, it brings a good smile back to your face.

When I was a girl, I loved riding bike. Often time racing with no one just with my beloved red one, enjoying the wind as if I was the queen of the road. Old people knew I was one of the careless.

One day I took off hands from the handlebars to clap hands singing along. Stupidly… No… Excitedly! Thought I was good enough as a bike rider. So, the wind took control of the bike in high speed as we were sliding from a sloping edge. We crashed into a coconut tree in front of neighbour’s house. It was my first bloody accident in life and not the last for sure 😊 I was lucky to live in a community who believed that children of the neighbourhood were the responsibility of all…

By then bike and I always met our rescuers. Now I won’t, so I ride bike wisely…. 😁 So far only one mudguard wheel was gone because of one silly accident —an irresponsible electric scooter didn’t want to slow down and forced me to get stuck to the side of the bike way pushed us to a tree. Hope no accident anymore 👍🏽

Nothing happens for no reason. Always be happy how much ever life sprinkles bitter to your plate. Hope all become good memories when we see it from later time.

May all beings be happy.

About Flowers

What about flowers?
Colours, fragrance, shapes, and mood
Wrapped in a prayer.

Singapore – November 20, 2020 / 00:10

Red Betel Vine

By red betel vine
She paints a poem through canvas
Message in a frame.

I’m romantically cheap as I can change all things into love message (to myself and the one that I care so much although secretly) to earn my own satisfaction and to calm inner storm. Gradation of emotions: heavy to light, colourful to dull, abrupt to flowing, all to serve equilibrium to what and who are dealing with me.

A betel vine in a small pot and my remembrance of red betel vines at my best friend’s backyard has drawn me to a flowing river of loving emotion that I realise existing constantly in heart.

All the leaves in my imagination turn to love that has lived generation to generation like leaves lining along the betel vine.

20% of the completion is here, already makes me overwhelmed with the deep love that I always have inside.

May all beings be happy.

Red Carnations

Poetic, This Person

Through red carnations
She says goodnight, sleeps away
In his bright morning.

May you be happy in your bright morning.

Bengawan Solo – favourite

This song is one of those in my top rack! Nothing can beat Bengawan Solo. God bless you, Pak Gesang.

When a baby is born, s/he is “accompanied” by placenta. In Javanese culture the placenta should be either buried in the home where the baby will stay in his/her first 40 days or floated to the sacred river, both with sacred small ceremony. Mine was floated (larung in local language) in Bengawan Solo, the longest river in beloved Java island. If you Google “Bengawan Solo”, you’ll find a Singaporean bakery – hell yeah! Not making me much happy as that phrase has lost its authenticity. I’m not so upset though as at least I have a favourite place to buy “traditional Javanese cakes” (some claimed as Peranakan though – never mind anyone can claim anything with power) at the same time relating it to my favourite song and where “my brother placenta” was floated.

I miss the land where I can smile to anyone without being called weird…. My dear Java island.

I found some versions hitting the mood so damn gracefully! Enjoy.

May you all be happy.

Prayer Travels Fast

Prayer travels fast.
Racing with light, it still wins.
Ride it to meet me.

Satu Jalan – reminder

There is only one way…. No other way. That way is love. To love others by respecting and appreciating them

Remember Her

Learning, This Person, Those People

Relationship pattern changes over time and so does the way children relate with their parents. Although we are far away from each other, always remember the precious role of our parents especially mother. Oh anyway, I was closer to father. As he passed away, I become close to mother.

Dear Self, at least say hi through online chat or video call. Sending her the picture of our lunch would be a good sign that we are ok. Never let her worry about us, no matter what.

Self Love Or Selfish?

Self love or selfish?
A striking question to me
From me about me.
The answer hangs up the call
Coming from behind my head.


—


Singapore, October 26, 2020 - 9:45pm

Arid Land, His Heart

I never want to hurt myself, I just didn’t know who you are.
I got hurt by a cactus in a desert
Who pricks little fingers,
Who just want to touch this life softly,
Not hurting, not taking anything away.


Wounded, I decided to blame stupidity:
Why did I have to have to have to have to have to just touch cacti? I should have left that arid land long before I touched a prickly spirit.


A delayed regret is less important than a lesson learned but it always gives a story the most significant pivot.


Now
I’ll just admire from here
From where I stand
With millions of prayers
For a secret journey.
Yet I know you are a ghost days and nights.


Someday when I pour down the rain,
You’ll know.
Love is as sweet as water in drought—
Maybe—
If it is not late....

May all beings be happy.

You, What?

You are a flower
Ready for fruition. Give
The best of all crop.

Who Is Your Best Friend?

Who is your best friend?
MacBook, iPad or iPhone?
Internet it is!

I can’t deny my % of interaction with outside of my body recently is through machines activated by Internet. Hope 2021 will bring the “real life” back to normal: when I do the job normally meeting people kindly at the same time evaluating honestly, when I can travel to home country to meet good friends and to favourite countries to absorb good energy, when I can smile to others without waving hand because of wearing face mask, when eating out is not limited except by the operation hours not by physical distancing, when things are natural.

‘m still happy though as Life has given so big a gift every now and then. I have family who love me and friends who accompany me in high and low. I work in a company that takes care of me very very well. All with the Beloved’s bless and love

So, I am still ok to be MacBooks, iPad and iPhone’s best friend for the next some months.

May all beings be happy.

May All Beings Be Happy

People who treat other people improperly will do it to animals. It’s in the blood. And so I never trust those who are not nice either to their own kind and/or to animals.

I have met people —they look like nice and respectable ones— who abuse others physically, verbally and/or emotionally from torturing to humiliating, underestimating up to ignoring. I’m sure those will do what they do to animals, too.

May all beings be happy.

Muslim Women Have Their Right Over Their Own Body

It takes courage for some women just to wear what they would love to so appreciate the freedom to do what you want to do responsibly.

Life is so generous and would it be wise for me not to be blessed just to be me?

May all beings be happy.

Signs – ranting

When sign means nothing,

She’s maybe illiterate

Or dead desperate.

—

I had a conversation with a good friend, the topic was “sign”. This particular friend cannot read most of non verbal signs and hints from her spouse clearly. What her spouse shows non verbally won’t trigger any curiosity from her; except when he expresses it verbally then she will understand. Facial gestures, body language, more seriously mental vibration won’t do her any ring anymore.

I thought it was strange as a couple should be able “to read” each other’s feeling or idea with a blink of an eye! At least that’s my ideal couple goal.

Then after a while I can relate to what has happened to me.

I’ve been living away from family for more than 25 years; the 7 of which I’ve lived totally home alone (cats and other pets not counted). And that 7-year period is when I think I’ve lost the ability to read what my family is trying to communicate to me. We either don’t understand “the language” or we just can’t accept “the reasoning”. When it comes to language, I feel that our ability to read kinds of personal or cultural gestures have diminished either with my ignorance to their loving and caring behaviour or with their insensitivity to my practicality and logical thinking. We just don’t know how to match things in many occasions and usually we’ll just tolerate each other by saying “no worry, as long as you are happy and healthy”.

When I asked what happened to my friend and her spouse, she said “I just don’t know what language I should use to communicate with him”. Hmm exactly what I experience with my mother and siblings.

“Why don’t you try guessing whatever you see from him? Just to show that you care?”

“I’ve tried but it looks unnatural. He asked me why I did weird questioning and guessing.”

“It is ok, unnatural at the beginning but will be natural when you find the click”.

“We won’t find a click anymore. We are not happy and not meant to be.”

Eh?

At that point I couldn’t say anything. I think she is not illiterate, she’s seriously desperate.

Gosh! Life is a mystery! We, her close circle have always thought they’re the happiest and I’m the lonely. Now I think it is time to be thankful just for a minute to be happier even than the happiest.

May all beings be happy…..

Complete or Complex? – ranting

Life is a complete journey. You’re the driver, passenger, the road, the vehicle, the destination and the source!

That’s not complete, that’s complicated or even complex.

Dear Self, it doesn’t matter though that the understanding of the complexity isn’t coming yet.

You may think you’re just a driver, dear Self. But why thinking you’re a driver if you don’t even think of direction?

You may think you’re merely a passenger. Why thinking you’re that if you are so busy directing your life to certain direction. Only driver minds about direction.

You’re the road ‘coz you’re always saying you’re tracing back your DNA. You claim that you try to understand yourself, to follow your line…. You’re the road and route itself.

The vehicle?
Without your body, you won’t be able to move around! You. Are. Your. Own. Vehicle.
Note that!

The direction?
You always say everything is for your own good, for your own benefit…
You’re your own purpose. Direction.
Re-orient yourself!

The source?
Don’t worry, dear Self there is blown spirit given to you, from the Source.
So if you don’t think you’re the source, you at least contain some particle sparked or blown or splashed or however the way from the Source.

Hmm…. Love
So easy to fool around this humble Self to believe that life is a complete oops complex journey….

Take it easy….. Time to enjoy your corn with cheese, dear Self.

May all beings be happy

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Sunset – haiku

She loves each sunset.
It throws her things to ponder,
About life knots.

Temasek – Aug. 30, 2020 / 23:54

—

Many people choose to live in houses facing the east where the Sun greets them in their mornings. The iconic sunrise is not only the representation of natural beauty but also the indication of value in dollars of the residence.

All my windows face west though, with no special consideration except that I pay cheaper rent for this small apartment. My friends said I should have chosen the other one with some dollars more to see the sunrise. I thought I made wrong choice but soon found that sunset isn’t less beautiful than the sunrise.

Sunset gives me warmth of the day. It waves me a hope to see the next day. It’s red, orange, yellow behind the spectrum of light to dark blue and oftentimes grey to pitch black has become my dear friend when I’m home.

I’ve been not only living but also working from home since March and seeing many sunsets with different combinations of colours and weathers.

In fine days sky gives me clearer definition of what sunset is like. Round burning circle slowly and quietly drowns into darkness, leaving the land a peaceful place and letting electricity take the turn.

In cloudy days I’ll ask the sky where he hides the giant fire ball. He says the ball is still burning behind him, moving to the same direction in the same orbit with relatively the same speed, just that it is knowing that certain days don’t need its presence for some reasons. Sun still sets but my eyes don’t witness it.

Sunset has taught me that life goes on whether we see it or not, hear it or not, discuss it or not, taste it or not, smell it or not: sense it or not. Sunset has taught me that the attention is human beings’ button of “what exists”. With or without that button, everything exists yet human beings think some don’t exists just because their button is off.

Sunset is truly a gift for me from the Universe. It is a present when I miss my beloved people, a lesson when I’m aware of who I am or I am not, a teaching when I’m enlightened, a button when I’m observant or ignorant and many other subjects depending on what state of emotions I’m in.

Sunset is a call to realise that nothing lasts forever and at the same time thing can be an eternal memory of yours as long as you wish it is.

Alamak…. I become so sentimental because of sunset….

Thanks much, Sunset for accompanying me for some minutes in my long-hour day. I know you travel to the west, please carry my hope to my love and send it back to me the next day through the sunrise in front of my east front door.

May all beings be happy….

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Empty Talk of Friendship between Self & Love – ranting

There are times when you feel people pass by you igniting some fire inside of you. Oops! Not you, it is me. There are times when I feel people pass by me igniting some fire inside of me. And that day is ruined, work isn’t fun, chores aren’t fun, good movies become boring, good books become rubbish, many things become lousy.

This evening I looked at the face in the mirror, scrutinised the body line, touched the thinning hair and felt the throbbing core in the chest. Closing my eyes, those faces of people igniting my fire jumped and jolted out of my head…. And some inner songs are sung to the Self.

Dear Self,
All coming to you as Teachers with different what and how.
Some people come teaching with words.
Some others come teaching with actions.
Some others come teaching with emotions.
The others come teaching you with the combination of those.
You’ve gotta accept those people lightly ‘coz they are just Teachers.

Oh, Love
I don’t feel like having Teachers anymore.

Dear Self,
Then take them as Messengers.
All the words, actions and emotions are lines of messages, prophecies, justification, validation, rectification…. Or even judgement for you, on you, to you.
Just take them as Messengers and let them go freely and lightly. Don’t hold on to who they are. The messages and the way the messages are brought to you is more meaningful than the Messengers.
Let the Messengers go. They need to send messages to other human beings.

Oh, Love.
I know now.
My hair becomes grey and thinning because of the ugly voices.
My skin and flesh becomes flabby because of the cruel hands and feet.
My eyes and smiles become dull and gloomy because of the laughter and anger.
Those are all the reflections of my own deficiencies, not those Messengers’.
I care too much on who and whom and that has made me so tired like Heaven.

Dear Self.
Now that you know….

Oh, Love.
I don’t know

Dear Self.
But you said you know….

Oh, Love.
Let me revise. Now I know that I just need to see thing as it is, not adding assumption, perception and loading emotions….
That way I liberate myself.
That way I unlearn what have blinded me from the reality.
That way I accept things as they are.
That way I judge things neutral.
And that way I can live lightly.

Dear Self
Good!

Oh, Love.
Nothing is good or bad.

Dear Self.
You start to talk wise like me.

Oh, Love.
Aren’t I you?

Dear Self,
Stop.
Time to eat your fried tofu then sleep….

Oh, Love.
You are wise and know what I need….

—-

Note to Self: sometimes you don’t have to take life so heavily; otherwise, your head will explode before its due date. Eat then sleep! 😁

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Who Are You? – ranting

Learning, This Person

My dear Self,
You are not what you have.
You are what you do.

Oh dear Love,
Why do you keep reminding me to be one that is difficult to materialise?
Do I have another option?

My dear Self,
You have all possible options.
Be what you wanna be
But what you have should not define you.

Bloody hell, you Love….
But ok…. I will do.

May all beings be happy.

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AirPods – tanka

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People

I hope you’re AirPods,
Listening to my love songs
From far far away….
But you’re not AirPods. Your heart
Is frozen by arrogance.

Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 23:22

—-

When human technology is lame and degrading, they don’t believe anymore with the unseen signs that they can only feel through taste granted to Self…. Many human only believe in the limited five senses that won’t work just because of a wall standing tall. You know now, dear Love…. that you’re not better than my AirPods. I’m crying because of that fact but I don’t care anymore as long as my AirPods can help me listen to my own Love songs from my machine that stands tall in my living room while I’m cooking in the kitchen….

Thanks my AirPods and those who have worked together to deliver them to my silent heart….

May all beings be happy.

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Blind Love – haiku

Dear Beloved, I’m
Imprisoned in blind Love
Who taught me colors.

Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 22:54

May all beings be happy.

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I’m Less Than A Dust – haiku

I’m less than a dust
But bigger than galaxy.
Would you please accept?

—

Some people just wanna stay at one point, forever good, forever winning. Two chances: impossible and improbable combined in a giant jar of lottery

Can you just accept that some people can’t accept your being a dust? Others can’t accept your being galaxy and the other small portion can accept you swinging between these two realities. Take the last group to be your true friends coz they will know when to speak bitter truth to see who you are and when to just throw you sugar-coated appraisals to cajole you in challenging situation.

Be dust and be galaxy
Never forget that you are dust in the galaxy at times,
And galaxy full of dust at others….

May all beings be happy.

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Aku Lala Padamu – lyric with music

Learning, Those People

This lala in the “Aku Lala Padamu” was created earlier than the lala in Lalaland.

Lala in this song (2005) is a word that you can’t find in modern dictionary or thesaurus. The singer -Sujiwo Tejo- uses this new word to express his deep, unspeakable, unspoken, painful feeling because of missing the Beloved.

Well, this old puppeteer -Sujiwo Tejo- has composed a lot of unique art work that behaves like magic either to and in the heart. His music and lyric, paintings, poems, books and stage performances are loaded with love to a hidden Lover and longing for a meeting with the Beloved.

Many young people in Indonesia swarm around his Twitter and Instagram accounts to read through his tweets and posts, to assess his clear thinking and logic (he is a Mathematician), to intelligently ridicule him, to respond with naughty statements or just to cynically laugh at him.

He is well known as the Presiden Negeri Jancukers (President of the Jancukers Land). Jancukers are nick names given to his fans characterised as those who own the expression of honesty and/or frankness and/or wit and/or paradox. What a tribe of artist they are!

Life becomes more mysterious, at the same time more meaningful and beautiful in the hands of artists around you.

May all beings be happy.

Against Gravity