Counting beads of pray, An echoed name flows away Through silence of heart.
—
Have you ever prayed so silently? No one can hear. Only beads of pray click. A remembrance of love that is unseen. Beyond the ocean and beyond existence—
Literature is a limited tool to disclose ideas and emotions; not accurate enough to shoot one heart. Math is sharp to operate a complex equation; not sweet enough though to state naked truth.
With what then should I count this reality between two lovers? Beauty or precision?
Only beads of pray is whispered silently. Who knows the river will sail this soft voice along its flow introducing it to the estuary that escorts it to the ocean where winds push the current following the North Star to meet with you.
Scarlet, Beloved, Traveling in a canal Brings blossom to life.
—
Flamboyan tree is magnificently stunning, all part of it— trunk, branches, twigs, leaves, scarlet flowers and seed pods, no exception.
Seeing pictures of flamboyan trees with blossoming scarlet flowers feels like my blood gets healthier and flows more smoothly. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence that I’m being healthy now and seeing the pictures. So, it is the blood not the scarlet flowers causing me feel alive! ☺️
Alhamdulillah. Monday is well done. A satisfying healthy day!
Note: Blood colour isn’t always bright red. It won’t be blue though.
Deep dive, Beloved, To where soft bodies guard light Wisdom of the dark
—
Nowhere is better than within, where price tag is no longer a concern, where silence and acceptance is currency, where no one looks evil or harmless, where only gratitude and peace reside, where no colour distracts, where pain and joy are blended to ecstatic reality….
….where I finally get sleepy 😁
Salaam.
the no-longer-cost-fortune-yet-still-cost-a-wisdom gemstone called pearl is produced through 100’s of layers of mineral secreted by mollusk to cover around irritants that enter its shells – if a soft body of mollusk can do it, how can’t we human beings?
Reading, Beloved Deciphering messages Sent by soul that shines—
—
Sending my warm regards to all readers in the world. Hope we’re all blessed with wisdom and fun from reading and what is read.
Salaam…. 🙏🏼
‘ve always wanted to read this book but never happens; maybe my 5 people are not those in his book 😎 skipped (maybe forever)this writer has fascinated me with his crazy ideas about children’s life; wish I could write that way 😍 paid!sorry, Keanu; many not even in my kindness list 😘 you’re not my guide, just a man that has charmed me with your kindness & bearded face 😂 finished reading in the bookstore
Kinokuniya SG – calm Saturday afternoon after Japanese class with Honda Sensei
Blessings, Beloved, Smiles counted as a welcome Paid with a thank you.
—
I’ve always loved South East Asia countries; its friendliness, warmth and good food is beyond compare. Tonight was a nice local experiences with a colleague at Hanoi night for cha ca la vang, desserts on the road and egg coffee in Cafe Dinh. Most importantly on motor bike!
🏍
cha ca la vang – gone in 15 minutes! 🥰
couldn’t finish it
👍🏽
egg coffee – umm… creamy, soft and sweet
there is always cuteness making big smile
Mr Dinh
thought I could do it myself; yes, but not in Hanoi 😂 then I just let my colleague take me around 👏🏼
Blessed life, Beloved, Chains of weeks with good content Closed with happy ends—
—
Weekend!
Again?
I’ve been curious how many weekends I’ve lived.
Way more than 2000!
Are there more good weekends than not so good ones? After some contemplation the answer is yes! There have been way more good weekends in my life! Thanks to laughter and clumsiness naturally blessed to me.
Hope to live thousands of more healthy weeks and commit to spend them gloriously!
If not given that long? Still enjoy! Or if given too short, negotiate! Don’t disappoint this human being, God. 😶
Love is Unseen rope Invisibly tying Sparkling souls.
Love is Interconnected network Constantly connecting All computers.
Love is Moving air Secretly exchanged Through breathing.
Love is An attached context Building meaning In a statement.
Love is A medium Conveying messages To a ready recipient.
And what is not Is not.
—
Years of experience has brought me to an understanding that subtle sensitivity is one of the keys to understanding, genuineness, boundary and security.
Welcome to genuine hearts. Good bye to tricky engagements.
Today I’m in love again with those around me who never give up on my clumsiness and insensitivity and with myself who becomes more patient and acceptant.
Salaam. 💝
“3 sisters with love in heart” in progress – thanks for being older than me, you both are beautifully blessed ♥️♥️♥️
Love at the first sight To what’s captured by senses And stays in the heart—
—
One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….
“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”
“Not my priority”, I said.
“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”
It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁
“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”
“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”
“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”
Alamak….
Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.
Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰
Gemstones, Beloved, Beautiful, shiny, precious— Mind! You’re still a stone.
—
When you integrate, you at the same time disintegrate. Imagine what happens before a gemstone sits on a ring: a tumble stone, cut, polished, separated from dirt and rock. Often time most part of the tumble is “wasted” for the sake of presenting a small carat of a bright semi precious or precious stone!
What gemstone are you? You might be a diamond in progress. Don’t tell, let the true eyes see the true you. Sheer beauty! Don’t take so long except you are willing to be a hidden treasure of the universe. Whatever your choice is – be true to yourself.
I want to be a diamond but I am not and so I will never be.
I am though grateful to have been created a less pricy one – it is precious to be given time to be what I am. Not more, not less, just right. I know and I accept it. 💝
Blueprint, Beloved, Life in black and white. Colour! With meanings and vibes—
—
Happy life is a sketch before coloured. The same sketch in the hands of different human beings can have different colour composition that bring different vibes and nuance. Neuroscientist’s perspective of happiness is different from artist’s. The haves’ perspective of happiness is different from the have nots’. A wanderer’s perspective of happiness is different from a homebody’s. Et cetera…
Yet it is still happiness in its original design.
It is a feel of happiness when I shed tears then realising that life is more than crying on failure or accidents; life is seeing failure or accidents as blessings. Imagine how happy a person was knowing that she was late for boarding losing mega business opportunity then after that learning that the plane she was supposed to board crashed in which all passengers were dead. A blessing in disguise! Life is more precious than any business!
Thank you for this subtle reminder about putting some bright colours where dreary feeling resides.
Baby step to grow wiser…. Very slow but I’m sure I’ll be a wise old lady. 😁 Hey, hey! Don’t forget to dye your hair!
Which one, Beloved? To love? To be loved? Any— As long as it’s true.
—
There are times when you have no choice but giving or taking; no reciprocity whatsoever. And that is when you think it is not fair although that is not necessary to think of anything as long as it is true.
When it is time to give, just give like when you enjoy good unhealthy food. When it is time to take, just take like when you enjoy the healthful bland food. Easy but I have found it challenging in some way. I want balanced give and take, good and healthful.
Life is bitterly fair. To enjoy it, be true. Be true to yourself, my dear.
💝
all is healthful until….you are given this loud, greasy, high carbo, full of pleasure magical crackers! 💝 🎉
Coffee, Beloved, Brings back the fragrance of breeze From the green high land.
—-
I drink coffee but am not a big fan of it. Fragrance of raw coffee beans, coffee cherries, coffee leaves, coffee flowers, coffee trees are much more lovable to these nostrils. Last 2019 visit to my uncle and aunt’s home in Menoreh Hill has always been a fresh fragrant memory; it is because the coffee fragrance would welcome us in the morning when wind blowing down the hill through the window sills.
Along the path up the hill going to our grandparents’ graveyards these hands would playfully pull some coffee leaves or coffee cherries, squeeze them and breathe the aroma in. My cousins and nieces would do the same. We would throw them to the dogs jumping around as playful as the owners.
Miss that green high land, where my ancestors started their humble legends—
Wind, fly me. 🛫
Salaam.
coffee shrubs decorate back yard of many houses in the hill; that fragrance is the witness of how the people love the land 💝another fragrance loved – pepperwait!hey! get up, let’s run!
Stories, Beloved, Chronological events With no emotion She puts meanings and settings To characters in action.
—
I like poems loaded with love even when it is not love stories according to my friends. To me all stories are potential love stories.
I couldn’t find my left green sock and a poem about losing a beloved one was born. My kitchen lamp was blinking before switched off for good, a poem about a lover moving on after struggling reaching out to the beloved. Yet real broken heart helped me develop poems about how a heart shape blinks from white to blue to red to black before fading away.
Everything is love story between a lover and beloved. Of left and right socks. Of dark and light. Of hope and fear. Of head and heart. Of missing you and hating you. Of everything and nothing. Of me and my beloved that constantly changeable among me, you and them.
Mystery? Cheesy? It doesn’t matter. It helps me relax yet focus. ♥️
Life is all romance through these eyes. Wish that they remain with romantic lenses until life shows its true romanticism at the end of the journey—
😚
oh oh oh love you love you love you….. who are you? someone, something or some money? 😑
She is all children Playing, pushing the limits Before time for home.
—-
Adults at home often reprimanded young me for going home late missing timely afternoon bath or going home dirty playing in the river or paddy field. As a child I was confused why adults didn’t like playing; worse is they tried stopping me from having fun, while we children didn’t even do any harm when playing.
Reading a message from someone “Stay safe. Enjoy life.”, there is optimism that life is still playful even among those working crazily hard although level and perception about enjoyment differs from person to person based on whatever limit the prefer to use: culture, law, moral values, religion, contracted ethics conduct, etc. Mine is still the same: traveling along the river and going home late minus mud (sometimes at the bike wheels) and adults’ criticism.
Weekend is always refreshing. Welcome, Monday! I’ve been nice to you, please be nice to me! (transaction starts at the end of a weekend)
Salaam.
seen more black and white recently and hope to see more colour-negotiable days 💝
Married, Beloved, To your shadow that follows Wherever I go.
Divorced, Beloved, From your doubt that hunts and haunts Wherever I hide.
—-
One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.
She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.
How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.
She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a “friendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle 😑
There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘
This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!
Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!
May all beings be happy! 🙏🏼
the commitment on paper needs realisation in 3 dimension reality with soul and trust – red torii in progress
Orchids’s peekaboo! They breathe, we breathe the same air. They bloom. We do, too. They show colours. We do, too. Theirs are bright. Would ours be, too?
Sunset, Beloved, Serene pretty end of day To be in your lap—
—-
I’ve limited contact with human beings for the past 2 years either due to the blessed pandemic or my own will. It feels good to seclude myself: doing what’s sweet and enriching, talking only to those encouraging and infusing positive vibes, working with all heart and soul.
Only calls from colleagues and family are those I’ve picked. Very very limited number of friends have been the preferred channels. The rest is next layers, not priority.
Only 6 people have been my favourite for the past one year — they are the easiest to laugh things with; at the same time the most serious to discuss crazy things with. We can talk about how stupid we are especially when in love 🤮 up to how we are afraid of dying ugly and in debt 😑
My mom and 2 older friends are kind of those I would respectfully listen with a twist – hey sometimes my ears are itchy too… My youngest brother and 2 same age friends are whom I impatiently argue with and patiently listen to each other. They are the definition of best friends of mine.
Thanks for becoming my sunrise, sunstroke and sunset. Beautiful friendship is about acceptance and trust! 💝
Alfatihah for you all my best people
sunset is beautiful reminding me of those sweet sour best friends 🥳
Good night, Beloved, They slow down even the trains. But times, it moves right.
—-
One friend said “Some people show their sweet side when they need me, I just knew they laughed at me behind my back and said how stupid I’ve been for (she mentioned one big social contribution she made). Do you think I should stop being kind to people?”
Another friend said “No. why stop? There is karma so you’d better do good deed. Your good actions will be repaid with good reactions. Believe it.” This one is also very kind.
Another one said “This life doesn’t owe you anything. So how much ever you spend, it will not be paid back. You will not be repaid 10 points just because you donate 1 point. Look! How much have you lost, just like that? No one gives you 10 times the amount, right? What karma? Whose karma? You’d better do what’s the best for your benefits and without harming others.” She is the most critical.
The other friend said “it should be balanced. You do good things and don’t forget doing bad things.” 🤔 Gosh she is always the most confusing.
I said “I’m hungry. Let’s go dinner. Our brain needs to slow down.” Those three stopped arguing.
Night is always good for a chat with some friends whose heads contain different things whose heart is of one intension — to respect friendship.
Salaam. ♥️
two trains to/from opposite directions of the same line, Red Line
Achene’s a message Sent to wish more joy and bliss. Sad no more, dear earth.
—
Each day new day. It is equivalent with Javanese wisdom “mati sajroning urip” which literally means “dead within life”. It is a very deep wisdom teaching Javanese human beings to let the old self to transform to the new one. It is simply acknowledging that some problems are let go and self is moving on with better understanding about what life is truly is.
If life challenge is considered a seed, it will free the human being, fly away to fall on Mother Earth’s lap somewhere and be part of green woven blanket beautifying and cooling.
Sometimes I’m somebody At a conference room Where win-win Isn’t always a solution. Powerful— Decisive—
Sometimes I’m anybody When long lost friends Suddenly say hi and cry “Would you please help? Would you help?” Unconditional— Used—
Sometimes I’m everybody When I blindly devote myself, When I wholeheartedly do everything needed, When I run around everywhere to find you. Preoccupied— Stand-alone—
Sometimes I’m nobody When I feel my heart beats, My breath slows down with calmness, When I know nobody is with me. Blissful— Submissive—
Thanks, my body. You’re a complete gift to me.
I dedicate the above free verse to Emily Dickinson who has touched my life with many of her poems especially “I’m Nobody! Who are you?”
🐣
Salaam.
this poem was introduced by Ibu Siti Parwati Soemarto, our lecturer who always challenged her students to bravely see who we truly are – 28 years ago! damn I’m an old nobody! how bitterly fair life is! Terima kasih, Ibu Soemarto. 💝
They live in the mud. Flowers wanted. Story not, Real beauty that’s missed—
—
Dark and bright, two limits that often corrupt my perception of facts and so affect many plans. In fact both bring different strengths supplementally support my life.
What is it about? Oh, it is just about that night ride is cool and serene, morning ride is colourful and fresh.
In the dark I hear more; when it’s bright., I see more.
Hey! Riding morning makes skin darker! Damn right! 😿
Salaam.
the blooming happiness along my normal route of fun this morningthey’re all resting buds last eveningmostly living in cluster, colourful same colour clustertwo of themliving at the edgesoloisolated duosupporting systemhiddensome can see their reflection on the water, some not 💝
Good time, Beloved, Sitting silently, centred. Grazing on the time—
—-
Life is never bored of reciting how grand a name when zoomed in and how tiny its reality when zoomed out. Oh! It is the other way around, tiny when zoomed in and grand when zoomed out.
don’t disturb, she’s enjoying her good time as if she’s real – is she?
What is your name, dear? Deer!
what is an animal as sturdy and cold as metal? this! is it real?
Are you a buck or a stag? You don’t look like one. Or, you look like both?
rike jokanan 
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