graphs of my Universe
Ripples break the face
On the lake. Beauty remains
In the loverโs heart.
โ
A teacher asked whether there could be two Layla for one Majnun.
Everyone in the class knew the answer. There is only one Layla for one Majnun. That Majnun and that Laylaโ
Salaam.
Deaccelerate,
Accelerate on the road.
Life is not a race.
โ
Fasting is a very familiar way of life to Javanese. Called pasa or poso, fasting in Javanese culture is always related to the effort to self align. Many Javanese like doing fasting with or without meditation (tapa brata or topo broto) depending on their commitment.
While Javanese Muslim do at least one month of fasting per year in Ramadhan, fasting in Javanese culture itself came even much earlier before Islam was introduced. While in Islam fasting is between dawn to dusk and the same restriction is commonly applied to all kinds of fasting, Javanese fasting is more varied both in term of period and restriction.
Fasting helps Javanese slow down the pace in their mind, regulate the speed of their ambitious behaviour upon life goals, train themselves to be patient.
There are several kinds of fasting in Javanese culture that are still practiced by relatively many nowadays.
1. Regular fasting
This fasting is done only from dawn to dusk like the Islamic fasting. This is a common practice, many Javanese parents use this kind of fasting to train their children about how to manage their immediate excessive desires and concentration in under pressure situation. I remember when we were elementary and high schoolers, we were instructed by parents to do fasting on Monday and Thursday during yearly school testing weeks. Yes, I felt more focused on my study as I had to prioritise tasks to save energy. Brilliant!
2. Mutih
Mutih is derived from the word putih (white in Javanese, Indonesian, Malay). During this fasting, a person is restricted to eat other than white rice and fresh water for 24 hours started either at dawn or dusk. Ordinary Javanese can do it for one day, three or seven. Yet more advanced (usually senior) Javanese would extend the period as per commitment.
3. Ngasrep or nganyep
Ngasrep is derived from the word asrep that means cool or cold; while nganyep from the word anyep means tasteless. In this kind of fasting the food and drink should be all cool and tasteless. The person is suggested to eat only boiled vegetable without adding taste (salt, sugar, oil, sauces, etc) and drink fresh water. It is mostly done in three days.
3. Ngrowot
Ngrowot is a word derived from the word krowot that means Javanese common carbo source except rice. The person who does this fasting will only eat carbo non rice like sweet potato, suwek (konjac), gembili, gembolo (English pleaseโฆ.), taro, cassava and other tubers.
4. Ngebleng
Ngebleng means staying in; so doing this, a person will do regular fasting but very limited food intake allowed without leaving room or house, not meeting anyone, just doing meditation or doing household chores without distraction from anyone. Someone can do it three and seven days and forty days. Not many are doing this as this is a challenging one: not easy to find a place. This fasting is quite heavy because it does not allow sufficient food intake for a long time.
5. Pati geni (pati: turned off, geni: fire)
It literally means โfire turned offโ. This is the highest level of Javanese fasting as the restriction applied really tests the personโs very high commitment: s/he is not allowed to eat, drink, sleep including fall asleep and see any light both artificial and natural. How long? The shortest is 24 hours, maximum unlimited. Note: if s/he sleeps or falls asleep, s/he has to restart the fasting.
There are other kinds of fasting in Javanese culture which were done by very limited people and have been left by many due to the impracticality such as pasa ngidang (from the word kidang or deer) in which a person is only allowed to eat raw foliage like a deer, pasa ngalong (from the word kalong or bat) only eating ripe fruit from the tree, pasa kungkum (bathing up to chin level either in the pool, river or shallow sea) without eating or drinking, etc. There are probably other kinds of fasting as Javanese used to be very creative in โfasting engineeringโ hahahaโฆ.
Javanese believe that with fasting they will connect better to themselves and inevitably with the ultimate power of the universe. They will usually become confident people without showing off. Those fasting committed people โif doing it right and without evil intensionโ will be a highly spiritual people and voluntarily dedicated to environment and people.
Javanese believe that this type of people bring blessings to the surroundings although blessings are not always tangibly seen. The blessings can be as simple as peaceful daily life with little conflict,
Do we still have many of them? In very silent villages around Java island we might still find a few. They are traditional farmers who feel the need to connect with the ultimate power as only that can help them manage their humble farming that is now severely industrialised and exploited.
Hope we still have them in silence. Amen.
Alfatihah.
See you, dear neighbour.
The old prays, the new welcomes.
Good memories stay.
โ
One of my neighbours move to a new place as they need an apartment with 3 bedrooms after having a new baby. We met at the basement carpark when they were stuffing cartons and stuffs to the Lalamove lorry.
The wife gave me their new address that is near my office so it can be easy to visit them someday.
We pray for your nice warm new home. We bless our 4-year neighbourhood. Thank you.
Salamโฆ. ๐๐ผ
A dream is shadow
Who is loyal to the light,
Acting as the dark.
โ
Weekend is always the second best after everything even when it is cloudy and full of rain everyday. ๐
Letโs meet
Under a tree that we climbed when we were children.
The tree will say
โHere are the children who perched like birds the whole day to eat my fruit.โ
Letโs meet
At the river whose bank we used to build sand figures.
The sand will say
โHere are the children who tap and slap me to look stunning.โ
Letโs meet
At the crossroad where we departed to where our bikes agreed to go.
The road will say
โHere are the children who noisily negotiated which place to visitโ.
Letโs meet
Once again before the next once-again.
The rendezvous will say
โHere are the children who have refused to lose excitement in life and continued to be young in heart,
Even when age has taken some muscles away.โ
โ
Weather is changing,
Sky isnโt. Furniture does,
Space sits still smiling.
โ
No condition changes space. Itโs there, might look temporarily conditioned sometimes but simply because some furniture is busy โstirring the airโ. And sky is just there being the canvas of weathers which come and go.
Itโs fun to observe and silently enjoy each moment of truth.
Salaam.
My mother said
You were a cute baby
Even when crying.
My mother said
You were a beautiful toddler
Running around,
Bubbling all words.
My mother said
You were a cheerful girl
Cycling around
Climbing up trees
Playing drowning in the river.
My mother said
You were a beautiful woman
Arguing every ideas from me
Showing me your strong desires
Moving to where life brought us.
My mother said
You are an adult woman
Enjoying life differently from me
Giving me what youโve promised to be
Loving what you love with no doubt
Living life with smiles and warm heart.
My mother said
I love you
I bless you
Wherever you are.
Youโre loved
Youโre blessed
However you are.
โ
My mother called, we laughed a lot today. She said I laughed as I did when I was a baby. How happy I have been to be her daughter. Lots of hugs and kisses, Ibu.
Alfatihah.
๐
A path to a place
Is walked through trees and uphills.
A meadow is waiting
Opening another path
To a warm home filled with love.
โ
My friend sent me three photos of our beloved โsimbahโ (those senior people who are considered wise or those who have grandchildren) – Javanese). Most people call these simbah โbatik makerโ because they make batik to earn a living. We both call them โbatik artistโ. More than that through what weโve seen and heard about them, weโve considered they are artists of their life. How they embrace their humble life gracefully and consciously has always amazed both of us. They live like calm river flowing to the sea. They donโt struggle against what others think about or do to them. They live as if there is no hindrance and disturbance in life.
When my friend told me some things about those three honourable ladies, I secretly harvested some lessons. It is very critical reminder for me who is still very much attached to a feeling of (accidentally) underestimated and (slightly) humiliated because of one petty case. These three artists of life have silently told me to let go.
What a loud shot in a quiet weekend!
No apology is needed. All is gradually let go through my own wish and willingness. This is my life and I only want to be the artist of my own life. ๐
Thank you, artists of life. Youโre blessed. ๐
Salaam.
The biggest secrets
Are sitting on the eyelids
Without disguising.
โ
Where is peace on earth?
In deep sea, blue sky, green land,
Kind heart and here now.
โ
Dark night starts early
In fall when red leaves sway down
To earth cooling off.
โ
While normally talking about spirituality and self love, one day one bestie and I conversed about money. To me she appears much more calculating than all of us in the circle. She manages her money very carefully and (of course) influences her friends to do so.
โIf we feel ready with both predictable and measured emergency issues, we can feel good in more time than not.โ 100% agree!
She is one of two besties teaching us to save at least 12-month income for emergency, fully pay all the loan the soonest possible, stay liquid rather than fixed (assets), not lend any assets to anyone anymore even with oneโs emergency reason. I stubbornly disagreed with last one.
And she said all should be done soon because 2023 seems gloomy.
I didnโt take her words until watching a bunch of YouTube videos about financial analysis and forecast by experts and practitioners for the past two years.
Not hoping the darkness happens but there is no harm to prepare the umbrella before it rains.
Please save us. Amenโฆ
Loud enough and clearโ
Thunder strikes and rain begins.
Children play outside.
โ
Your signs are well read, well noted, well understood. Wellโฆ. ๐
River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.
โ
Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.
What is seen in a river? Its flow. Whatโs behind the flow?
What is felt in a wind? Its blow. Whatโs behind the flow?
Whatโs behind the singing birds? Whatโs behind good food?
Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see โnoneโ that can be immediately ignored, the self sees โthe essenceโ that can only be understood through accepting in silence.
What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. ๐
Thank you for everything. ๐
Background, Beloved,
Grass of meadow,
Water of lake,
Sand of desert,
Breeze of mountain,
Wave of ocean,
Trees of forest,
A spill of a secret.
Background, Beloved,
Without which
One canโt be
Fully described.
A signature
After yours trulyโ
โ
Todayโs call was with a not so close friend who found a Facebook account she suspected as mine after seeing the account commented in one of her friendโs Facebook post. Slightly not a welcomed call but a good one to learn to be sweetly sarcastic to a public enemyโ
F: You should change the background photo. The current one if too plain.
Me: With what?
F: It should be a picture that describes you, the owner. You like flower, maybe you can put flowers? Or kitchen because you like cooking? Or books?
Me: This is not a personal Facebook account. Donโt own one; not needed. This one is for me to display gathering schedules and photos to family and friends.
F: An AirBnB wanna be?
Me: More or less but more a rendezvous place. Other ideas for the background photo?
F: Maybe Kraton Yogyakarta or its symbol. Or Merapi. Or Candi Boko. Anything associated to Yogyakarta well known tourist spots; your home can be one of a very interesting place for some people in that city, too. Eh, eh you can also put photos of Singapore landscapes as youโve been living there; it is to show people that you live in both places.
Me: The home is a humble place, too petty to represent or to be represented by those grand things. I prefer screenshooting the map of the surrounding like now. You see the Jiwa Jawi Restaurant? That is my backyard.
F: Nice! But you should give some luxury touch so people will be interested to visit.
Me: Thank you. Hey! Your background photo is Eiffel Tower! You want to live in Paris?
F: No, just symbol of romance. thatโs to show how romantic me and my spouse are.
Me: Maybe you should use Taj Mahal picture. I can give you mine. Thatโs more relevant.
F: Eiffel is more romantic to us. It represents modern romance.
Me: Oh, ok. (eyes rolled)
F: I like the name you give to your home. Whatโs the meaning? May we both visit and stay overnight?
Me: Thank you. The meaning is a door to those real or a door to those true. You may visit but Iโm sorry not for staying overnight. Iโll invite you for lunch with other friends someday. Not so soon though. Wait until I have a decent kitchen and long dining table so no one touches each otherโs elbows when eating
F: Would be glad to! May we both request special cookings?
Me: Ah! It is a friendly invitation not a paid lunch so I donโt accept request. The best will be served for sure.
F: Ahโฆ. Unfortunatelyโฆ. Weโd like some western food if there is.
Me: Ah.,.. Mostly served are local foods from different islands in Indonesia or a few Asian ones. Never mind. I can invite you only for a house tour minus my bed room because youโre not gonna like itโฆ. (smiled at the end of the line then excused myself immediately)
Boundary is important. We can be kind but not be fooled around.
Salaam.
She be, Beloved,
The space not the furniture,
Lets all come and go.
โ
If only maturity could be implanted like nose or breast or whatever, I would still choose to get mature naturally through ageing and weakening although it takes almost half of century of struggling and pain to find only its gate. Damn late!
One maturity breakthrough of my life was when realising I should be more a โspace human beingโ (my teacher calls it โroom human beingโ) rather than a โfurniture human beingโ.
Salaamโฆ.
Come true, Beloved,
Wishes colouring this life,
Bringing love and joyโ
โ
My mini daruma dolls package arrived from Japan. Now it is time to make wishes and draw the left eye.
May all beings be happy!
Brewed tea, Beloved,
Best sipped anytime with you
While counting the starsโ
โ
Certain music composition like good friends is like well brewed tea, suitable for any occasion.
Feel good, Beloved,
No matter what. Stars still shine.
Moon and earth still spin.
—
Why are you nervous, my dear? Romance is within reach, just between breathing in and breathing out. Stars, moon and earth give you so much attention while you are ignoring them. They have done their jobs; you should do yours if you think it feels good.
May all beings be happy.
Salaam. ๐
White hair, Beloved,
Waves through the wind of white sword
Waved by white wizard.
โ
In white hair, will I be as strong as Gandalf?
Romance, Beloved,
Turns her into a dreamer
Of a slow dinner.
โ
Todayโs dinner is the longest ever I have alone: sitting in the restaurant for almost one hour not only to eat but also to enjoy a sight of two old-aged lovers enjoying dinner at a table across mine. There was no obsession of showy loving, no romantically staring each other, no hand holding, only picking food from the shared menu on a plate and a bowl s-l-o-w-l-y almost meditatively โ Hmmm I mean I still dream of doing the young romance but at their age all lovers will have become โprivate life historiansโ wanting to recount memories alone in the crowd. ๐
They spoke Vietnamese so I (almost) whispered to a waitress serving both of our tables to translate a chunk of the chat we both eavesdropped. A couple of hackers of very ordinary topics! ๐
When I left the table (they were having a shared plate of dessert s-l-o-w-l-y), I smiled and waved my hand to the lady. She smiled and waved to me, too. Silently I sent my prayer gift for their health and happiness.
I think my dinner was more romantic than theirs. What a beautiful evening!
Wakey, wakey!
Time to prepare tomorrowโs work! โบ๏ธ
Salaam.
These gifts, Beloved,
Peace and love hummed to loved ones
Living here and thereโ
โ
One of the Javanese and Islamic teachings that I will never leave for the rest of my life is sending gift of prayer containing peace and love to my loved ones wherever they are, whether they are physically wandering on earth or spiritually gathering around life.
I believe that my passing-away ancestors are living in different levels of consciousness (call it hell, heaven or somewhere in between up to your liking) and they are watching their offsprings without being able to directly communicating with us. They deserve my gift as they have been my line to get the chance to be here now. They deserve peace and love as they have done the best they could to draw a meaningful family tree. Yes, some might have made silly mistakes but hey thatโs what Buddhism calls โkarmaโ. Yes, some might have caused shameful stains on the family picture but hey thatโs what Islam calls โalam syahadahโ. Whoever and whatever they were, all of my ancestors deserve good wishes sung to them.
I also wish peace and love to those I love still breathing the air. Wishing all of them health and happiness. ๐
We Javanese Muslim will send gift by reciting some Javanese prayer closed with Alfatihah, a short chapter in the Quran containing peace, love, praise, forgiving, protection and guidance. A basket of beautiful wishesโ
How light this heart is to be sure that all whom I love are well.
Alfatihah to all whom I love. Youโre loved. Youโre blessed. Donโt shop too much. ๐
Happy weekend!
Guessing, Beloved,
The least inaccurate points
Of mangosteen seedsโ
โ
Thatโs what we call โtebak buah manggisโ, guessing game to decide whether the number of sections at the bottom of the fruit accurately matches the number of seeds inside. Mostly matching, yet this time it is not! ๐ Life is sometimes unpredictable even with good database; anomaly is a rule whose patterns are not yet formulatable oops formulated by human beings โ please excuse my English, Iโm not a native. ๐
Like someone we love. We thought they are 6, in fact they are 5.
Fair enough to say: seldom expect accuracy in estimation; better be sufficiently into the least inaccuracy so it wonโt drop one down to abyss when finding inaccurate things. Iโm trying to be wise as myself for myself about myself. ๐ฅฐ
Oh dear, mangosteens!
Payday, Beloved,
Crossroads to 4 directionsโ
6 oโclock, good bye!
โ
Ah yes! Iโve been paid with how a group of people feel proud of achieving what they thought would never happen for my persistence and never-ending-annoying questions and reminders. Iโve been paid with sweet smiles for greeting the cleaning ladies and security guards and colleagues and neighbours. Iโve been paid with my family and friendsโ laughter for the jokes that were not even funny. Iโve been paid with my colleaguesโ flooding emoji for my โdrunkenโ fingers sending auto-correct silliness. Iโve been paid by many many of those Iโve never thought of making me so light hearted more than dollars and cents.
Hey! Donโt get me wrong! Iโve also been paid with bitter rejections and secret smirks for what I did wrongLY and/or I did inappropriateLY.
And hey! Iโve also been actually paid with wages and benefits for working in a company.
Everything is worth paying and everyday is a payday.
Never look back to what was wrongly spent, thatโs my payday commitment!
Ah how I love my payday!
Of course! Whoโs not?
May all beings be happy.
Prime time, Beloved,
The best time to bloom or dry.
Not her decisionโ
โ
David and Goliath were enough lesson to learn that prime time isnโt always at oneโs physical prime.
May all beings be happy
๐
Time is paper
With which poems are unrolled.
My beloved said
You need pens, I give you trees.
You need ink, I give you oceans.
Write love poems with love
Until you run out of paper.
I said
I need much paper
I want as much as I want
My love poems are trillions and more.
My beloved said
I wonโt let you write forever
The last paper is not for you
It is for me to invite poets for a party
Where a special spread is ready.
I asked
How much paper will I get
Will you give me as much as I want
Will you let me write trillions of love poems?
My beloved said
Write as much as you want
Iโll give you as much as you write
Youโll get your paper for your trillions
As long as theyโre yours.
My beloved said
Be dignified, write your own poems,
As the spread will be only for those
Not claiming from othersโ names.
โ
Daruma city
Youโve witnessed left eyes were drawn.
Wish me the right ones.
–
A group of people in Takasaki wished me a happy birthday in an online meeting. A real surprise that made my day! I almost cried of happiness! ๐ฅบ
This evening one of them went back to Tokyo and she sent me messages with photos taken in Takasaki station. Another sweet surprise!
ใใใใจใใใใใพใ, AWใใใใพใๆฅๅนดใไผใใใพใใใ๏ผ
Looking forward to a set of daruma dolls of different colours I ordered from Amazon (because of cancelled plan to buy them in its original city). Not a real surprise but hope the dolls give me a little shade of surprise! ๐คฉ
Salaam.
Dream home, Beloved,
Sitting with all senses on,
Capturing momentsโ
โ
Lunch break + very very heavy rain = early wish of birthday getaway to come true!
To be continued with more destinations in 2028, 2029, 2030, 2031, 2032, 2033, 2034, 2035, 2036, 2037, 2038, 2039, 2040, 2041, 2042, 2043, 2044, 2045, 2046, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2050, 2051, 2052, 2053, 2054, 2055, 2056, 2057, 2058, 2059, 2060, 2061, 2062, 2063, 2064, 2065โฆ. As if I knew how long I will wander around here? I hope to live as long as time is mentally and physically enjoyable with family and friends without bothering them.
Long life, fresh and sane!
Then came the calculation partโฆ. A lot of coins to spend to comfortably celebrate that way in those particular places. Easy! Just need a clover pendant to make it happen. ๐
Thanks for the rain and daydream. I know there is more than meets the eye! Life is so rich and I accept all the gifts.
Crossroads, Beloved,
A while gauging where to goโ
Follow the North Star.
โ
Todayโs conversation with one best friend was a bit nostalgic. She talked about how she went to spiritual class (very common in my country to do so for religion or non-religion based teachings) until finally she quit at 45. Her reason was disappointment to teachers. She asked about me and I said quit at 30โs and my disappointment was to myself.
A stubborn student, I wouldnโt listen to what teachers told me to believe or to do. I would ask questions then believed only when choosing to believe; even with good explanation, I wouldnโt believe if not interested to believe.
One example of the fool was when a particular teacher gave โdaily taskโ to recite โBismillahirrahmanirrahiemโ, I didnโt do it even he only asked me to recite it 10x a day, while the other two were 100x a day. โNo, Teacher. Why do I have to do it? I already read it as part of Alfatihah recitation in my daily prayer, thatโs more than 10x a day,โ said I. It was when praying was five times a day for me, oftentimes 7 times!
Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem is a sacred word uttered by Muslim or most traditional non-Muslim Javanese when starting an activity. It means โIn the name of Allah The Gracious The Mercifulโ, some interpret it as โOn behalf of Allah The Gracious The Mercifulโ. By reading it the reader is expected to only do good thing with good intension with love. The teacher also said that reading it we were doing self alignment: align the self with the true self, to be true to ourselves, to easily make decision and to cut short confusion and to always be blessed, to blend action with good intension.
Amazingly all teachers understood the fool and just gave a lot of smiles and books to read which annoyed her more and more. I became frustrated seeing the two good friends gained fast track understanding of life. I decided to quit then did whatever was fun fun fun ignoring the essence of being human being.
Only years later I found that self alignment is very important and I was sorry for realising it late. I finally got it why those two good friends were so peaceful while I was still struggling with almost everything. It was also the year when we found that that dear teacher passed away of old age.
Now? Learning to care more about inner journey and well being. Whatever happens to me is a consequence of my decision. If the decision is aligned with my true self, it leads to success. If the decision is false and against my true self, it leads to lesson learnt. Lesson learnt leads to better decision. Better decision leads to success. Success to me is not merely material gain, it can be simply being able to smile in tough time. This simple lesson is a result of years of battle for a stupid person like me.
My best friend asked me how now to deal with self alignment esp when in confusion.
Me: I recite Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem cumulatively 300x before night sleep.
BF: Why? Did that teacher come virtually and ask you to?
Me: No. I found that this word is my best to strengthen self-alignment between good intention and action.
BF: Why 300x? He said 10x.
Me: He discounted the price. Iโm 30x more valuable than his appraisal.
BF: Arrogant fool!
Me: Iโm just a fool.
BF: There are two of us.
Lesson learnt: Always find a way to see my fool not othersโ. Always find a way to laugh at my own self not at othersโ.
Alfatihah.
I donโt want to race.
Only safety that I wish
So I can meet you.
โ
Gesture, Beloved,
Expressed to send a message
Addressed with no stamp
โ
rike jokanan 
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