Wondered about home.
Has wandered finding a home.
She’s learnt she’s a home.
—
Feel good is feel home wherever she is.
A Home before A Home
Tag: love
Flowers for The Dead
Red rose on white tomb:
Greeting to another world
That sees but says not—
—
Nyekar is one tradition that many Javanese still keep until today. Nyekarcomes from the word sekar that means flower. Nyekar is sprinkling flowers on to someone’s tomb as part of a prayer to the loved ones lying under the tomb.
Javanese pin a meaning to the word and activity of nyekar by relating it with the flowers’ fragrance, colours and shapes. The fragrance and beauty of the flowers sprinkled on to the tomb are sent as supplementary to the prayer whispered by those “visiting the dead”. At the same time it is to remind the living that it should be the good deed and memories of the dead to be cherished; bad memories and bad deed should be neutralised through forgiveness — not easy but doable.
Aside from flowers Javanese add boreh as part of the flowers sprinkled. Boreh literally means to spread or to smear cream or paste on to skin. Borehis mixture of ground dlingo (Acorus calamus L) and bengkle or bengle or bangle (Zingiber cassumunar). Dlingo has a kerata basa (acronym) of elingothat means to remember. Bengkle has a kerata basa of becik kelakuane that means good deed. In short, boreh is added to the flowers to emphasize the importance of remembering the good deed of the dead they visit.
What a beautiful visit is made to the dead by those Javanese who understand what they sprinkle on to the tomb of their loved ones.
So, no it is not just beautiful flowers or flowers arrangement; more than that, it is the beautiful meaning that Javanese pinned to the flowers.
Salaam.
Romance
Romantic dim light
Sums up through numbers and codes,
Closes down a hope.
—
I wish you happiness. 💝
Good Chat
Good chirp of two birds
Fill the air with random songs
Above golden trees.
—
Time flies when we spend it with those we love. How would I not thank this life for giving me abundance of them? Good to have a holiday at home before spending more holidays outdoor faraway from them after this. 💝
I am blessed. 💝
Sweet Smile
Sweet smile always blooms
To season and deck each day.
Keep it, don’t waste it.
—
Feel Good
Colours make a day
Worth celebrating. Live it.
Don’t regret a bit.
—
Reflection of Beauty
Ripples break the face
On the lake. Beauty remains
In the lover’s heart.
—
A teacher asked whether there could be two Layla for one Majnun.
Everyone in the class knew the answer. There is only one Layla for one Majnun. That Majnun and that Layla—
Salaam.
My Mother Said
My mother said
You were a cute baby
Even when crying.
My mother said
You were a beautiful toddler
Running around,
Bubbling all words.
My mother said
You were a cheerful girl
Cycling around
Climbing up trees
Playing drowning in the river.
My mother said
You were a beautiful woman
Arguing every ideas from me
Showing me your strong desires
Moving to where life brought us.
My mother said
You are an adult woman
Enjoying life differently from me
Giving me what you’ve promised to be
Loving what you love with no doubt
Living life with smiles and warm heart.
My mother said
I love you
I bless you
Wherever you are.
You’re loved
You’re blessed
However you are.
—
My mother called, we laughed a lot today. She said I laughed as I did when I was a baby. How happy I have been to be her daughter. Lots of hugs and kisses, Ibu.
Alfatihah.
💝
Blessed
I love
You
Without throbbing heart
I love
You
Without nervous mind
I love
You
Without going date
I love
You
Without touching each other
I love
You
Without intense conversation
I love
You
With the breeze of mountains
I love
You
With the wave of oceans
I love
You
With the dew of mornings
I love
You
With the sound of music
I love
You
With the hue of flowers
I love
You
With the flow of dreams
I love
You
With all whose reason is unseen.
How rejoicing and exciting.
(The Lover’s love to the Beloved)
Birthday
On your birthday, Love,
Magic sends sweet messages
And flowers and gifts.
—
Ibu turns 78 today. It is a 78 years of human beings, 54 years of a wife, 53 years of a mother of 5. 47 years of being my mother— maybe the most annoying of facing this one rascal among 5 angels. 🙃 She might not be always happy being her but she is full of sweet smiles and words of encouragement.
If her life is a painting, it will be a colourful canvas full of fragrant tropical flowers and powerful herbs that can be concocted as medicines especially for her family and friends. Beautiful and full of healing for others— No wonder her family and neighbours highly respect her.
Ibu, I know you never like big celebration and that’s why we only send stupid messages on your birthday. But I know you always miss us to annoy you and that’s why we give surprises! Much love today and forever!
Salaam…
Oct 9, 2022
Good Food
River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.
—
Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.
What is seen in a river? Its flow. What’s behind the flow?
What is felt in a wind? Its blow. What’s behind the flow?
What’s behind the singing birds? What’s behind good food?
Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see “none” that can be immediately ignored, the self sees “the essence” that can only be understood through accepting in silence.
What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. 💝
Thank you for everything. 💝
Weekend Starts Again
Jazzy weekend starts
With a smile under the rain.
I’ve been missing you.
—
Come True
Come true, Beloved,
Wishes colouring this life,
Bringing love and joy—
—
My mini daruma dolls package arrived from Japan. Now it is time to make wishes and draw the left eye.
May all beings be happy!
Friendship
Friendship, Beloved,
The sun rising so early,
Pushing stars away—
—
(Very early) morning conversation that left me sleepy but so energized after talking with someone whose genuineness could kept me listening to whatever this person said— My day is always good especially when started with a cheap talk with my best friends. Today is going to be super good one!
…
BF: Still writing?
Me: Everyday
BF: Poems and ranting?
Me: Ya, you don’t read mine?
BF: Not these two weeks. Busy! You still talk to yourself in your writing?
Me: Ya
BF: You think people like it?
Me: No
BF: Why do you do it then?
Me: I do what I love doing.
BF: Even if no one cares?
Me: Even if no one cares.
BF: Are you happy?
Me: Not always
BF: Are you happy writing?
Me: Mostly
BF: What happens when you are not happy writing?
Me: I have so much in head but I don’t want to make it so obvious or it is so hard to make it concise.
BF: Do you know that people reading your cheap writings might think you are madly in love?
Me: I don’t care. But yes I’m madly in love.
BF: With whom?
Me: With many different things.
BF: Name some.
Me: Oh my…. Are you interrogating me?
BF: 😂😂😂 Yaaa! You didn’t know?
Me: I just realised it.
BF: That’s how you don’t care about what people are doing to you? Don’t be silly. Put some suspicion and negative thinking to some people, even to someone that you love.
Me: I will.
BF: You’re 50 several years to come and still have mental of a £€$@$£€L!
Me: What?!
BF: Do you know who is among your friends genuine or not?
Me: Yes.
BF: But you look like not knowing.
Me: Because I don’t care. It’s my business to make sure I’m me but I can’t ask others to do the same thing to me the way I do to them.
BF: What about me?
Me: You are genuine especially when you have problem.
BF: You mean?!
Me: Yes, only I can listen to you for 5 hours non stop ranting about your problems! The same problems unsolved for years! That’s how genuine we are with each other.
BF: &$@!?890:;((@:!!!!
God bless all my best friends. See you all soon! 💕
About Us
Your face gleams in stars
I look up alone at night.
Your words shine with suns
I search in far galaxies.
Your heart sits so high,
It’s frozen. Should I leave now?
Said I to my heart.
A line of white clouds stop me.
These feet are stuck here
Standing on dewy grasses.
It’s almost morning.
Maybe you’ll wake up, I’ll see.
It’s a bird story
Finding a place called a home.
She thinks home is far.
It lies in her heart meadow.
—
Penang – Oct 5, 2022 / 04:56am
One Last Sign
One last sign, dear Love,
Closure of a long journey,
End of a battle—
—
Finally….
Feel Good
Feel good, Beloved,
No matter what. Stars still shine.
Moon and earth still spin.
—
Why are you nervous, my dear? Romance is within reach, just between breathing in and breathing out. Stars, moon and earth give you so much attention while you are ignoring them. They have done their jobs; you should do yours if you think it feels good.
May all beings be happy.
Salaam. 💝
Romance
Romance, Beloved,
Turns her into a dreamer
Of a slow dinner.
—
Today’s dinner is the longest ever I have alone: sitting in the restaurant for almost one hour not only to eat but also to enjoy a sight of two old-aged lovers enjoying dinner at a table across mine. There was no obsession of showy loving, no romantically staring each other, no hand holding, only picking food from the shared menu on a plate and a bowl s-l-o-w-l-y almost meditatively — Hmmm I mean I still dream of doing the young romance but at their age all lovers will have become “private life historians” wanting to recount memories alone in the crowd. 😄
They spoke Vietnamese so I (almost) whispered to a waitress serving both of our tables to translate a chunk of the chat we both eavesdropped. A couple of hackers of very ordinary topics! 😊
When I left the table (they were having a shared plate of dessert s-l-o-w-l-y), I smiled and waved my hand to the lady. She smiled and waved to me, too. Silently I sent my prayer gift for their health and happiness.
I think my dinner was more romantic than theirs. What a beautiful evening!
Wakey, wakey!
Time to prepare tomorrow’s work! ☺️
Salaam.
Gifts to You
These gifts, Beloved,
Peace and love hummed to loved ones
Living here and there—
—
One of the Javanese and Islamic teachings that I will never leave for the rest of my life is sending gift of prayer containing peace and love to my loved ones wherever they are, whether they are physically wandering on earth or spiritually gathering around life.
I believe that my passing-away ancestors are living in different levels of consciousness (call it hell, heaven or somewhere in between up to your liking) and they are watching their offsprings without being able to directly communicating with us. They deserve my gift as they have been my line to get the chance to be here now. They deserve peace and love as they have done the best they could to draw a meaningful family tree. Yes, some might have made silly mistakes but hey that’s what Buddhism calls “karma”. Yes, some might have caused shameful stains on the family picture but hey that’s what Islam calls “alam syahadah”. Whoever and whatever they were, all of my ancestors deserve good wishes sung to them.
I also wish peace and love to those I love still breathing the air. Wishing all of them health and happiness. 💝
We Javanese Muslim will send gift by reciting some Javanese prayer closed with Alfatihah, a short chapter in the Quran containing peace, love, praise, forgiving, protection and guidance. A basket of beautiful wishes—
How light this heart is to be sure that all whom I love are well.
Alfatihah to all whom I love. You’re loved. You’re blessed. Don’t shop too much. 😁
Happy weekend!
Idyll
Idyll, Beloved,
Found in rural area;
Hidden heritage—
—
Saw a package in front of my door today. It had been there for several days as instructed to the courier while I was away for a biz trip. Three pieces of jarik batik (long fabric with traditional batik patterns) from Yogyakarta were delivered safe and sound.
Idyllic gift for myself for the hard work in the past one year. Thank you, dear self! 💕
Truntum (depiction of thousands of jasmine flowers) symbolises life under divine guidance and peaceful life fragrant like jasmine. Sido asih symbolises living in love and compassion.
While sido asih pattern bears common symbols everywhere in Java island, the color and the strokes show its place of origin. Black and thin lining is originated from Solo, white and bold lining is originated from Yogyakarta.
Nitik (literally means making dots/points) is an original batik pattern in Bantul district, Yogyakarta. Nitik “cakar ayam” (literally means chicken claw) symbolises someone who is good at providing good life for his/her family (hard working, prosper and wise).
Two-sided batik is such a luxury to have in modern day. It doesn’t always show the price; but it is more about the maker has to block both sides of the fabric and it doubles the time of craftsmanship. Most batik is one-sided nowadays.
Can’t wait to directly thank the batik makers for their love to Javanese culture.
Matur sembah nuwun, Mbah. Mugi penjenengan dipunbarokahi dyaning Gusti Allah Kang Maha Agung. 🙏🏼💕
Alfatihah
Feeling
Feeling, Beloved,
Sparks from a crater deep down
Show that it’s alive-
—
Poem, Beloved and I
Time is paper
With which poems are unrolled.
My beloved said
You need pens, I give you trees.
You need ink, I give you oceans.
Write love poems with love
Until you run out of paper.
I said
I need much paper
I want as much as I want
My love poems are trillions and more.
My beloved said
I won’t let you write forever
The last paper is not for you
It is for me to invite poets for a party
Where a special spread is ready.
I asked
How much paper will I get
Will you give me as much as I want
Will you let me write trillions of love poems?
My beloved said
Write as much as you want
I’ll give you as much as you write
You’ll get your paper for your trillions
As long as they’re yours.
My beloved said
Be dignified, write your own poems,
As the spread will be only for those
Not claiming from others’ names.
—
“eat” what you’ve worked and share with love 🙏🏼
Little Bird
Little bird, dear love,
Telling her to soar then go home
To where her heart is—
—
Home. Is it a what, a who, a whom, a whose, a which, a when, a where or a how? She knows hers and it doesn’t always the same as others’. 💝
Nuance
Nuance, Beloved,
Painting one heart in two hues;
Comparing two times—
—
Some songs like poem will stay in my heart and won’t die. One of them is Dewa’s Kangen.
Never getting bored of listening to it— Weekend is the best music box! 💝
With Love
With love, Beloved,
All is done and completed.
How would she not thank?
—
Love & Trust
What is love and trust?
Wind and water pushing boat
Sailing to a land—
—
Yes, love can come mysteriously like Capt Nemo’s Nautilus suddenly emerged from sea surface. She might love one that she doesn’t logically expect to love at all. Love is an active emotion. If she loves, she does. If she doesn’t love, she doesn’t. Accept and embrace it with its pain and foolishness.
Yet, trust can promote or demote one to or from a position like how Capt Nemo finally trusted Aronnax, Ned and Conseil as his main crew in the submarine. Trust is a living action. Test and investigate it with loyalty and integrity. If she trusts, she’ll promote the one to an inner circle. If she distrusts, she demotes one to outer layer.
Aaah! Love is always sweet in word— just that some people don’t have sufficient vocabulary to express and to understand. Trust is always inevitable in number — just that some people are accustomed to data manipulating to look good and so hiding the fact.
Still loving you though 💕 💕
May all beings be happy.
Dream Home (lunch break)
Dream home, Beloved,
Sitting with all senses on,
Capturing moments—
—
Lunch break + very very heavy rain = early wish of birthday getaway to come true!
To be continued with more destinations in 2028, 2029, 2030, 2031, 2032, 2033, 2034, 2035, 2036, 2037, 2038, 2039, 2040, 2041, 2042, 2043, 2044, 2045, 2046, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2050, 2051, 2052, 2053, 2054, 2055, 2056, 2057, 2058, 2059, 2060, 2061, 2062, 2063, 2064, 2065…. As if I knew how long I will wander around here? I hope to live as long as time is mentally and physically enjoyable with family and friends without bothering them.
Long life, fresh and sane!
Then came the calculation part…. A lot of coins to spend to comfortably celebrate that way in those particular places. Easy! Just need a clover pendant to make it happen. 😝
Thanks for the rain and daydream. I know there is more than meets the eye! Life is so rich and I accept all the gifts.
Crossroads
Crossroads, Beloved,
A while gauging where to go—
Follow the North Star.
—
Today’s conversation with one best friend was a bit nostalgic. She talked about how she went to spiritual class (very common in my country to do so for religion or non-religion based teachings) until finally she quit at 45. Her reason was disappointment to teachers. She asked about me and I said quit at 30’s and my disappointment was to myself.
A stubborn student, I wouldn’t listen to what teachers told me to believe or to do. I would ask questions then believed only when choosing to believe; even with good explanation, I wouldn’t believe if not interested to believe.
One example of the fool was when a particular teacher gave “daily task” to recite “Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem”, I didn’t do it even he only asked me to recite it 10x a day, while the other two were 100x a day. “No, Teacher. Why do I have to do it? I already read it as part of Alfatihah recitation in my daily prayer, that’s more than 10x a day,” said I. It was when praying was five times a day for me, oftentimes 7 times!
Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem is a sacred word uttered by Muslim or most traditional non-Muslim Javanese when starting an activity. It means “In the name of Allah The Gracious The Merciful”, some interpret it as “On behalf of Allah The Gracious The Merciful”. By reading it the reader is expected to only do good thing with good intension with love. The teacher also said that reading it we were doing self alignment: align the self with the true self, to be true to ourselves, to easily make decision and to cut short confusion and to always be blessed, to blend action with good intension.
Amazingly all teachers understood the fool and just gave a lot of smiles and books to read which annoyed her more and more. I became frustrated seeing the two good friends gained fast track understanding of life. I decided to quit then did whatever was fun fun fun ignoring the essence of being human being.
Only years later I found that self alignment is very important and I was sorry for realising it late. I finally got it why those two good friends were so peaceful while I was still struggling with almost everything. It was also the year when we found that that dear teacher passed away of old age.
Now? Learning to care more about inner journey and well being. Whatever happens to me is a consequence of my decision. If the decision is aligned with my true self, it leads to success. If the decision is false and against my true self, it leads to lesson learnt. Lesson learnt leads to better decision. Better decision leads to success. Success to me is not merely material gain, it can be simply being able to smile in tough time. This simple lesson is a result of years of battle for a stupid person like me.
My best friend asked me how now to deal with self alignment esp when in confusion.
Me: I recite Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem cumulatively 300x before night sleep.
BF: Why? Did that teacher come virtually and ask you to?
Me: No. I found that this word is my best to strengthen self-alignment between good intention and action.
BF: Why 300x? He said 10x.
Me: He discounted the price. I’m 30x more valuable than his appraisal.
BF: Arrogant fool!
Me: I’m just a fool.
BF: There are two of us.
Lesson learnt: Always find a way to see my fool not others’. Always find a way to laugh at my own self not at others’.
Alfatihah.
So I Can Meet You
I don’t want to race.
Only safety that I wish
So I can meet you.
—
Sent by The Breeze
Cool breeze, Beloved,
Caresses her long black hair
Sending sweet message—
—
rike jokanan 
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