graphs of my Universe
This life is a library
Keeping all collections,
Reference to public,
Exclusive to a lover,
One lover.
The
Beloved—
Read,
Beloved
Any scrolls
In this library.
Read,
Lover
The diaries
In the secret dungeon.
Read,
Beloved
With naked eyes, or
With any glasses on the shelves.
Read,
Lover
Through letters and numbers,
Shapes and colours.
Read,
Beloved
This library is open
As long as you are awake.
Read,
Lover
Before you sleep
When I’ll be reading you through.
—
About the photo
How many tastes can she experience in joy? 5 or 7?
—
Realising that the best taste is not any of those 5 or 7; the best taste is only 1: to love. 😊
Days of love be like…
Does heaven and earth exist other than in a lover’s smile? Yes. Dream.
—
There is always first.
A tree greeting breeze and sky
Comes from minute seed.
—
Thank you, 2022 for every single second spent together. You are a stronger part of what I’ve been building with love. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
And thanks to all years passing, too. I’ll miss you. 💝
—
Life is wonderful that she is eager about it and is willing to expand and to keep up with what she is becoming. She is the pilot, she is the plane. She is the destination, she is the direction. She is the standard, she is the conformance. She is the alignment, she is the aligned. She is enough.
It is not others’ responsibility that she feels good or not good. The feel existing is because she allows it to be. And the vice versa.
—
2023, be my excellent canvas of feel-good-no-matter-what. Clarity, sufficiency, integrity as in good life, beautiful love, genuine laughter 💗
Alfatihah.
💝
About tumpeng or buceng (in Bahasa Indonesia)
Rain is a blessing
From the sky before starting
Journey to the north.
—
Me: Boys, the rain seem to stay heavy. Boys, are you ok?
Nephews: Yes, it is fun! We just want to pee again!
Me: Don’t pee on your pants ya.
What a conversation!
Perennially
Love celebrates all seasons
Cycle by cycle.
—
See this pendulum
Swinging between two far poles
Knowing each other—
—
Someone called me and asked if we could have a dinner. We hadn’t met for many years. Knowing this person was in Singapore, I excitedly agreed to meet. Meeting this person, I was given a shock. This person looked weary and older than one’s age. The excellent appearance and posture was totally gone. That time I felt so blessed for for being me.
Me: I am not a marriage advisor, dear. Not even ever married yet! (That’s after a very long ranting from the friend stopped).
SO: But I know you are the most suitable one I can talk to.
Me: Oh…. (damn wrong, whispered to myself)
SO: …. A broken marriage… !@#$%^&*()_+=-::’<>,./?~~~~~~~~~~ What should I do?
Me: Oh…. (proven wrong talking to me, whispered to myself)
SO: …. Divorce is painful…. !@#$%^&*()_+=-::’<>,./?~~~~~~~~~~ What should I do?
Me: Oh…. Ummm (starting to show sympathy) I understand how you feel in this situation. Must be painful. Your own stress, the other one’s stress, your children, other people’s impression and words about you, your work….. Everything seems not at your side. I can understand you feel unwanted, useless, bad, irresponsible. Yet decision was made. You just should face it. How? Not sure if my word is reasonable and responsible but I think you just need to keep being you: working as before, doing activities that are still accessible, talking to your children like before, talking to your ex about the children….
SO: You don’t know! It is not that easy!
Me: Oh…. I am so sorry. I might not fully understand it is not that easy. I am so sorry for my ignorance. (told ya I am not the right person, whispered to myself)
SO: How would you survive alone all this time? You seem so happy with your life. Sometimes I regret for getting married too young. Look at you and X and Y and Z. All the singles are happy.
Me: (Oh! A sudden death! I know this would come but too soon, too soon. Let me find the right words. Whispered again to myself ) Ummm…. I think it is not that easy too…. Ummm…. I am happy, yes. Not always, but most of the time I am. Yet I also probably started hard.
SO: You don’t seem ever in hard time.
Me: That’s what you see. !@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@&%%%%%%%%%%%%%.
SO: So do you think I can survive?
Me: Of course. Although our problem is not the same, I am sure you can. Don’t underestimate your ability to cope with the hardship of life. You are stronger than you think. You just don’t know it yet.
SO: You really don’t want to get married?
Me: (This question I never like, never like, never like; whispered to myself, but need to find the best words that won’t cause any further question.) This is out of context; you should not ask me this question. Not that I don’t want. It’s just about time.
SO: Do you fall in love?
Me: Ok, now you are asking me question about me.
SO: I feel good when knowing I am not alone.
Me: (Make sense, but why me oh my God!) Ok. Ok. I can make you feel better. Yes I fall in love and break my heart. And I don’t want to break my heart again.
SO: So you don’t want to fall in love again?
Me: Of course not like that. I fall in love again and again.
SO: With whom?
Me: With my eyes. With my lips. With my hair. With my morning. With my job. With my…. (I saw the person got annoyed but I continued with more things) Hahaha….
SO: Is it that easy?
Me: Nothing is easy automatically. It takes practice and time.
SO: What if I don’t get married again in the future?
Me: That’s too far away. Think about what you can do today.
SO: Do you think I still have a chance to get married?
Me: Of course if you want! Just find the right person.
SO: How can I find it? How?
Me: (Oh my God, help me before I can help others. Whispered to myself while finding the best words for this troubled person; even an intelligent person can be as dumb as this in one’s bad time) Hey, hey! If I know how to get the right person, I would have been married much earlier. This question is irrelevant.
SO: Hahaha……! Sorry, sorry! Hahaha……..!
Me: (Ok, at least I made you happy, whispered to myself. Mostly smiling among listening to the ranting, I enjoyed a perfect night — no rain, enough breeze…. Hours can feel like minutes…. On and on and on and on until midnight. Whispered to myself.) Cinderella has to go home, my friend. Or else, she will be back to be Cendrillon.
SO: I feel so much better. It feels like I find myself again. Maybe I was too preoccupied with not important things that I thought I lost the person I had known so long, myself.
Me: I might be like that in the same situation, maybe worse.
SO: Thank you very much.
Me: (I didn’t do anything. Just sat down and listened and responded to you. Whispered to myself for how many times heaven knows) The least I can do. It is good to meet long lost friend. Welcome back.
Dear friend, I know you’ll read this with a smile. Get better. See you some day. When meeting me again, make sure you look nicer.
Lesson learnt: Be patient with those facing fresh-from-the-oven problem. Don’t judge. Be a good listener. Don’t try to be a perfect advisor because you are not. Be yourself. Don’t get offended, someone in trouble may unintentionally disturb you.
Life is a love song
Growing from the heart and soul
Blooming everyday.
—
Love is dark chocolate. Heart throbs, eyes wide open then dehydration comes.
—
Love, your wings hurt me by slapping water. Fine, you’re having fun. Get drunk.
—
She hums rhythms that no one can enjoy
But those hearing the thin breeze
In the falling dusk.
She recites rhymes that no one can feel
But those touching beads of dew
In the brightening dawn.
Not sending wishes anymore
As whispering is louder in her own ears.
Intention might be misunderstood.
Not delivering messages anymore to you
As journaling is clearer to her own mind.
Linguistic might be multi-interpreted.
She sings love songs sweetly
To re-orchestrate in many genres with the paradise green birds
She keeps safe gently in heart.
She rewinds her heart slowly
To become millions of forever notes turning into eternal air
She meditates sacredly in silence.
How beautiful love is with love songs
Unheard!
—
Life is a quarter
With many doors to access.
Ever rendezvous—
—
Love is not fading.
Love is distancing away
From shooting stars
Hurting a peaceful land.
Dear, shooting stars.
Dance.
Fly.
Free fall.
Father of Sky will redirect you
To another land who is willing to be hurt
Or
Simply re-orbit you to safer route.
—
When two are wedded,
The rest are singing, wishing
Brighter days and nights.
—
I attended my nephew’s wedding matrimony today. Mike looked stunning, and so did Vera.
Hearing their wedding vows was mixture of fun and heartwarming feelings — two poles apart met by destiny. 💝
Tante Rike happy for you, Mike
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Smile, Beloved, smile.
It’s a luxurious gift
For you and for me.
—
I was checking my educational docs and was in awe to see my photos in each of different docs. How I am touched by physical transformation and what experiences attached to it, that makes me stay loyal with my own self whatsoever.
Tell yourself that your life is a journey that if you need buddy, you should pick those willing to share wonder. Otherwise, travel alone. 💝
Thank you!
💝
My love is mostly dumb, stubborn, too thin to see, and makes you hate me.
My luck is often loud, sudden, too huge to miss, and makes me love you.
I’m not a gambler, yet think you’re a dice rolling numbers for a prize.
—
Rindu itu
Sebutir berlian tak diasah
Teronggok begitu saja
Menanti pengasah berputar.
Tak ada yang mau.
Rindu itu
Sebiji nanas madu tak dikupas
Tergeletak di atas meja
Menanti pisau mengiris.
Tak ada yang mau.
Rindu itu
Setangkai kembang api mati
Terbujur kaku di dalam wadah
Menanti pemantik menyala.
Tak ada yang mau.
Rindu itu
Kabut tipis tentangmu
Tebal menyelimuti kaca
Menanti cuaca berganti.
Mau tak mau.
Rindu itu
Bukan tentang kamu yang lupa.
Rindu itu
Tentang aku yang tak ingat.
Mau tak mau.
Rindu itu
Rindu ini.
Sibuk sendiri
Hingga ia puas bermain
Lalu menggandengmu pergi.
Kau harus mau.
—
Colours and patterns
Drawn for beauty and meaning—
At times the colours call
To get brightened up.
At times the patterns invite
To compare accuracy.
—
To me the highest luxury in life is not branded bags, luxurious houses, luxurious car, luxurious holiday (not backpacking though); but it is hand-made batik. With as low as USD100 I can afford a sheet of hand-made batik that definitely a way to conserve local culture and to help the batik makers survive life. There are brands and designers sell the batik for doubled prices; with the same quality of my USD100 batik, they probably sell it for at least USD400. My most expensive batik is only for USD700; imagine how much those brands and designers will sell them — trusted names do sell.
How can batik be so expensive even bought from the first hand like mine? It of course involves high technique and skills (senior batik makers can make very delicate and accurate result of batik), the patterns made, the colours used (the more colours esp natural colourants, the more expensive as the blocking process can be more than twice); time consumed (can be up to 5 months to complete one sheet of 2.5m of hand-made batik sheet), quality of fabric used (cotton and silk is the most common). In short quality hand-made batik is a combination of high art and high patience!
Today is my batik day. Some of the batik sheets got light treatment of “airing” in which folded batik is unfolded, hung loose to get some breeze for around an hour. This is my own technique in rainy days. In sunny day the sheets should be sunbathed.
Batik treatment by an amateur batik curator ✅
Let’s do more fun today! 💗
Thank you, dear weekend.
Salaam.
Journey to the self
Takes a long and winding road,
Worth doing. Half done—
—
Human beings’ journey to understand one’s self is often unpredictable. I never wanted to visit Mecca and Medina yet because of my devotion to a mother, I agreed to go to ensure that she was safe and healthy. And the result was tremendous evolution of self. 💝
To Ibu: I miss you much today 😘
Alfatihah
It’s not about you.
It’s about me loving you.
It’s love that hides you.
A door opening ajar,
Heaven sprinkling you with stars—
—
Now here is a point
Where start and finish collide.
A shadow of yours—
—
Two love birds singing
In a cage full of good food.
A choice to a love—
—
Love is…. ?
Love is…. ?
Love is…. ?
Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.
That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?
That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.
What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.
I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.
I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.
I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.
This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.
Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.
Alfatihah to all whom I love.
Yellow lucky leaves
Pop up unexpectedly.
Answers to wishes.
—
Dream come true is not always with work only. It might be with some enchanted wishes, self encouragement, ranting when upset, sleeping when tired and beloved ones’ prayer — all acting as the x factor. In a package those can be summed up as human being determination.
Ignore those demotivating and/or disrespecting. They try to distract, but let them be out of the equation for a while. Just blow them a kiss. 😘
Weekend is a bridge between two islands. Walk on it slowly with a smile. Don’t forget to hum love songs. 💕
🍀
The ripples on this heart
After a touch from a falling feather
Wrapped in a trivial memory
Of a name
Loaded with wisdom
Whispered silently
Forever.
Is this your name, Beloved?
Or mine?
—
Too good to be true,
Yet too long to be untrue;
A dangling long dream—
—
One of my dreams that might never come true is meeting Banksy. It doesn’t matter, not all dreams come true; some are dangling in my hair beautifully visiting me every night.
God bless Banksy for his inspiration on love and peace.
—
I’ve printed many of Banksy’s works and here are some of my favourite.
Ocean welcomes all,
River flown and rain fallen.
Friends in a friendship—
—
A meet up with my first mentor training me in my current profession almost 20 years ago. He and his wife are in Singapore to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary and spend this whole day to meet up with me: shopping in Orchard Road Apple Store, browsing around looking for my favourite Japanese restaurant that was found closed down since 2021, having lunch (Indonesian food in Singapore….? Oh my) walking around Orchard Road, taking MRT for fun, enjoying evening coffee in Starbucks Bugis Junction before our farewell.
This wise couple gave me a bunch of advices to be this and to be that…. How lovely this life is to have friends who are willing to share their (personal) experiences for precious lesson learning.
Thank you, Pak Donny and Mbak Maya. See you in Jakarta! 💗🙏🏽
Alfatihah to my dear friends.
There’s only one way to leave a forest: its edge. Throw away the doubt.
—
Manusia mengembarai langit
Manusia menyusuri cakrawala
Tidak untuk menguasainya
Melainkan untuk menguji dirinya
Apakah dia bertahan menjadi manusia,
Tidak untuk hebat kuasa atau perkasa
Melainkan untuk setia sebagai manusia.
(Emha Ainun Nadjib)
—
Good morning, Surabaya. You did a lot of moulding to this human being. Thank you!!! 💝
rike jokanan 
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