graphs of my Universe
Waking up (very) late
Relaxed
Watching movies or YouTube videos
Trying some new recipes
Changing the bedsheet
Cleaning all rooms in the house
Eating out if feeling bored with my own food
Joining online classes
Or going to Kinokuniya
❤️
And…..
…. doing my laundry 💔
…. all in all my weekend is like my working days except for the laundry things.
A complete package is always with at least one unpleasant thing!
May all beings be happy
There are times when you feel people pass by you igniting some fire inside of you. Oops! Not you, it is me. There are times when I feel people pass by me igniting some fire inside of me. And that day is ruined, work isn’t fun, chores aren’t fun, good movies become boring, good books become rubbish, many things become lousy.
This evening I looked at the face in the mirror, scrutinised the body line, touched the thinning hair and felt the throbbing core in the chest. Closing my eyes, those faces of people igniting my fire jumped and jolted out of my head…. And some inner songs are sung to the Self.
Dear Self,
All coming to you as Teachers with different what and how.
Some people come teaching with words.
Some others come teaching with actions.
Some others come teaching with emotions.
The others come teaching you with the combination of those.
You’ve gotta accept those people lightly ‘coz they are just Teachers.
Oh, Love
I don’t feel like having Teachers anymore.
Dear Self,
Then take them as Messengers.
All the words, actions and emotions are lines of messages, prophecies, justification, validation, rectification…. Or even judgement for you, on you, to you.
Just take them as Messengers and let them go freely and lightly. Don’t hold on to who they are. The messages and the way the messages are brought to you is more meaningful than the Messengers.
Let the Messengers go. They need to send messages to other human beings.
Oh, Love.
I know now.
My hair becomes grey and thinning because of the ugly voices.
My skin and flesh becomes flabby because of the cruel hands and feet.
My eyes and smiles become dull and gloomy because of the laughter and anger.
Those are all the reflections of my own deficiencies, not those Messengers’.
I care too much on who and whom and that has made me so tired like Heaven.
Dear Self.
Now that you know….
Oh, Love.
I don’t know
Dear Self.
But you said you know….
Oh, Love.
Let me revise. Now I know that I just need to see thing as it is, not adding assumption, perception and loading emotions….
That way I liberate myself.
That way I unlearn what have blinded me from the reality.
That way I accept things as they are.
That way I judge things neutral.
And that way I can live lightly.
Dear Self
Good!
Oh, Love.
Nothing is good or bad.
Dear Self.
You start to talk wise like me.
Oh, Love.
Aren’t I you?
Dear Self,
Stop.
Time to eat your fried tofu then sleep….
Oh, Love.
You are wise and know what I need….
—-
Note to Self: sometimes you don’t have to take life so heavily; otherwise, your head will explode before its due date. Eat then sleep! 😁
When the dream has fallen down
Let it go.
Move on.
Though not wither, hope can dry out and burn itself down like forest in heat fire….
May all beings be happy.
My dear Self,
You are not what you have.
You are what you do.
Oh dear Love,
Why do you keep reminding me to be one that is difficult to materialise?
Do I have another option?
My dear Self,
You have all possible options.
Be what you wanna be
But what you have should not define you.
Bloody hell, you Love….
But ok…. I will do.
May all beings be happy.
Ode To Beautiful Weekend
I can feel weekend
The thrill slithers on my back.
I can smell the weekend
The fragrance stabs my nostrils.
I can hear the weekend
The euphoria of wind whistling through the sliding door opening a jar.
I can touch the weekend
Its textures give me goosebumps of excitement.
And I can see the weekend
A fluffy nest on my bed with pillows under my feet and the greenery across my windows.
Weekend, you beautiful period
All senses are hugging you
With love and hope.
Weekend, I know you don’t last forever
You are just one seventh of the cycle,
Only a dwarf that ends the line,
Only one color in the bowing rainbow,
Only an end that starts another project.
Weekend, you are the true refresher though
That stops the billowing smoke from the top of my head,
That interrupts the intensity of hostile stalking of some friends,
That gives me space to shift my focus.
Dear Weekend,
Bring me Love in your next visit.
Pack your luggage and safe travel.
Me to Weekend – Aug. 2, 2020 / 08:57
September is the most romantic month. The feeling maybe comes because I was born in September. Or, there may be other reasons that haven’t emerged yet through my mind. The taste granted now is that September is romantic for me.
Anyway, why isn’t a question I want to deal with about this. Just can’t wait to meet September again. Although I cancelled the 2020 annual major holiday (I claim it every September), I still think it is gonna be a great time!
September, be my sweet anchor forever.
May all beings be happy
Singapore – Aug. 1, 2020 / 21:59
Not so much differs
Too much work or too much time.
Busy or lazy?
Singapore – July 31, 2020 / 08:45
—-
A pile of work can show whether you have a lot of work waiting or you have wasted time that so much work is left not done.
May all beings be happy.
There’s always a light
In the dark. Open your eyes
While you’ve got your time.
Singapore – throwback flood in my apartment last week
—
My apartment was flooded because of a bursting pipe joint in the kitchen. I was so panicky with the joint pipe bang sounding like an explosion, when I ran to the kitchen the pipe strongly sprayed water – hot water! Bloody hell! It was the hottest shower I’ve ever had in my life.
I could not find the valve to stop the water flow. Water had reached the living room and kitchen balcony. I threw all pillow from the sofa and all big towels in the drawer to the kitchen door to hold the water. I didn’t know what to do! I said to myself: My neighbour!
I felt desperate as I didn’t know anyone in the 15th floor. They never open their doors. But I was so lucky that #2 door was open and I saw a man, a woman and a small girl.
Long story short the husband ran in to my home, while I ran downstairs to the facility office to get help to close the external valve for my apartment water supply. It took 20 minutes to stop the hot water flood. Hot water!!!
When the facility lady reached my apartment (with me) my neighbour was wet like hell in my kitchen holding the piping joint. He looked so desperate but tried to behave fine and calm.
I felt so guilty especially when he helped me put a complaint on the valve thing. The wife kindly told me that they will help me follow up if anything the same happens again. What a kind couple! Thank you!
The apartment management took the blame and sent a handy man on the same day. And the next week my regular handyman came to check the whole piping to find and fix the error.
It was one bad day in my July but also the best – in the hot water flood I finally got to know my neighbour, a Malaysian young couple with one baby daughter. They said they love traveling to Indonesia and I said I go to Malaysia every month in normal situation. We agreed to check each other once in a while as good neighbours; I now knew that they also have missed to “have neighbours” like their original culture in Malaysia. Ya, it is slightly difficult to know our neighbours in this type structure of living spaces. The next door neighbour of mine only opened their door and stared at us with empty eyes seeing me panicky running to the lift to go to facility office; he didn’t even ask “What happened? What can I help?” Oh my goodness! How I miss a friendly neighbourhood. I’m sure I’ll have it, I’ll have it!
May all beings be happy.
No picture, no video was taken due to panic Attack. 😶
To myself: I love you forever….
.
.
I hope you’re AirPods,
Listening to my love songs
From far far away….
But you’re not AirPods. Your heart
Is frozen by arrogance.
Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 23:22
—-
When human technology is lame and degrading, they don’t believe anymore with the unseen signs that they can only feel through taste granted to Self…. Many human only believe in the limited five senses that won’t work just because of a wall standing tall. You know now, dear Love…. that you’re not better than my AirPods. I’m crying because of that fact but I don’t care anymore as long as my AirPods can help me listen to my own Love songs from my machine that stands tall in my living room while I’m cooking in the kitchen….
Thanks my AirPods and those who have worked together to deliver them to my silent heart….
May all beings be happy.
Dear Beloved, I’m
Imprisoned in blind Love
Who taught me colors.
Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 22:54
May all beings be happy.
Hujan Bulan Juni
tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu
tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu
tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu
—-
Most of his poems are romantic, in all walks of life. His words are not flowery but so touching with its simplicity, flowing like a story.
My maturity has grown and some shade of it has been by this poet’s lyrical poems.
Rest In Peace.
Aku Ingin
Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan kata yang tak sempat
Diucapkan kayu kepada api
Yang menjadikannya abu..
Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan isyarat yang tak sempat
Disampaikan awan kepada hujan
Yang menjadikannya tiada
—-
Rest In Peace, Maestro 🙏🏼
You are a successful human being for your lyrical poems have humbly touched this person’s heart and taught her how to preserve love…
Sometimes it is more convincing to speak without showing who you really are.
Yet hiding self is suffocating,
And at the end
You might forget who you really are.
Look at the mirror then slowly unmask.
May all beings be happy.
Hope that it is never too late
To realise
That time is space
To pay all the taste
That you’ve been granted
In life
By
The Beloved.
May all beings be happy.
I’m less than a dust
But bigger than galaxy.
Would you please accept?
—
Some people just wanna stay at one point, forever good, forever winning. Two chances: impossible and improbable combined in a giant jar of lottery
Can you just accept that some people can’t accept your being a dust? Others can’t accept your being galaxy and the other small portion can accept you swinging between these two realities. Take the last group to be your true friends coz they will know when to speak bitter truth to see who you are and when to just throw you sugar-coated appraisals to cajole you in challenging situation.
Be dust and be galaxy
Never forget that you are dust in the galaxy at times,
And galaxy full of dust at others….
May all beings be happy.
This lala in the “Aku Lala Padamu” was created earlier than the lala in Lalaland.
Lala in this song (2005) is a word that you can’t find in modern dictionary or thesaurus. The singer -Sujiwo Tejo- uses this new word to express his deep, unspeakable, unspoken, painful feeling because of missing the Beloved.
Well, this old puppeteer -Sujiwo Tejo- has composed a lot of unique art work that behaves like magic either to and in the heart. His music and lyric, paintings, poems, books and stage performances are loaded with love to a hidden Lover and longing for a meeting with the Beloved.
Many young people in Indonesia swarm around his Twitter and Instagram accounts to read through his tweets and posts, to assess his clear thinking and logic (he is a Mathematician), to intelligently ridicule him, to respond with naughty statements or just to cynically laugh at him.
He is well known as the Presiden Negeri Jancukers (President of the Jancukers Land). Jancukers are nick names given to his fans characterised as those who own the expression of honesty and/or frankness and/or wit and/or paradox. What a tribe of artist they are!
Life becomes more mysterious, at the same time more meaningful and beautiful in the hands of artists around you.
May all beings be happy.
As if I’m not there.
Floating— I’m a drone over
You, who never cares.
Singapore – July 14, 2020 / 20:24
—-
Expectation is like gravity to a plane that is taking off leaving the runway. Fly away to the destination! Expectation will only overkill your dream especially if the one that you want is not the one that can appreciate sincerity.
May all beings be happy.
Messy like heaven.
After cooking I feel tired
Of all the dirty
Pots, plates, spoons, knives and rubbish.
Full without eating—
—
I am naturally a picky eater, but trying my best to eat every thing served as long as healthy and non poisonous. I even let myself eat those I’m allergic to – just to prove to this weak Self that this body can bear the poison though has failed now and then.
Today I cooked one traditional food from Java island of beautiful archipelago, my dear Indonesia – buntil.
It is stuffed cassava leaves wraps, you can also use papaya leaves. The content can be as cheap as grated young coconut only or added with anchovy or meat or any protein that you wish to have in the meal. This time I make a fusion – buntil stuffed with Korean stir fried anchovies with pumpkin seed and walnuts. The fusion is just because I could not find the seed that originally cooked in the Java island, we call it “petai Cina” (please use your freedom to find what it is in Google). I bought the Korean side dish coz I don’t know how to make it.
This is cheap and humble dish that is traditionally eaten as side dish with rice. But it has become a rare food where I live now – even people from Indonesia might not find it interesting anymore. Not sure why but alas! Everybody has one’s own liking. I’m so grateful that the cleaning lady knocked my door and brought some earth products that I’ve missed dearly – bamboo shoot, banana flower, cabai rawit and cassava leaves! So why not making food that I’ve missed so dearly, too.
I’m happy with the result, knowing that there are details of ingredients and still a good success. But the after cooking was not so happy seeing piles of dirty containers and cooking utensils that I had to wash by myself…. Heaven!
Anyway! Let’s see the happy scenes! Unhappy scenes of cleaning and tidying up the shelves and cabinets are off the records!
Welcome next good week!
May all beings be happy….
When you miss your friends and you can’t meet them, just FaceTime. When you miss your childhood memories that you can’t revive, just YouTube!
I found an interesting YouTube channel and just by watching the videos I feel so full and feel like home. Can’t stop watching, liking and sharing them!
The game in one of the videos reminds me of when I was young, competing eating the most chili with the least veggie fritter. Oh how I miss gorengan and cabe rawit!
😁
I prefer bokeh.
My eyes stare, brain relaxes.
Focused on nothing.
—
I just wanna sleep, blurring my memories in the slumberland and dream sweet about you…. Have a good vibe, Universe!
May all beings be happy.
Beauty is Nature
Married to Culture. Others?
All failed engagement—
Yet you’ll find culture too shy
And wrapped in modernity.
Singapore – Jul. 3, 2020 / 0:48
—
I miss going someplace, any place where land is covered with nature mixed with friendly people….
May all beings be happy.
Slowing down footsteps
Pace along an ancient route.
Trace back your soul path.
Now here
—
Thought sometimes gets puzzled why thing happens to the Self, while logically she has made best possible efforts to control it not to emerge into events. At times emotions pour like heavy rain or they numb all nerves.
Then the Self realises that all is about tracing back the soul path: paying one’s karma, optimising one’s dharma.
Dear, Self.
You’d better pass major lessons in the current life. You shouldn’t want to fail the same lessons: acting lame or repeatedly meeting lame spirits wrapped in different physical planes, or both at the same time.
Dear, Beloved.
If it is not done,
Don’t let me slip from Your hands.
May all beings be happy….
You’re different, my Love.
Don’t turn your full life to none.
Keep your head. Alone….
Singapore – Jun. 26, 2020 / 22:31
—
I won’t let you change your life just to be with me. Fly, dear Self.
As you wish
‘Coz you’re the master of your own Life.
May all beings be happy.
Stumbled on music,
Ears hum into melody.
Life is always good.
Singapore – Jun. 24, 2020 / 21:11
—
Life is always good with music.
May all beings be happy.
Eyes are partying.
Sleepless night is back online.
Is lockdown over?
Singapore – Jun. 24, 2020 / 12:45am
My desk misses me so much!
Pardon, your bed misses you so much?
No. It’s the bike misses me so much!
Oh? You mean the couch misses you so much?
May all beings be happy.
Picture borrowed from Shusama Patel Thank you….
When the Rain hugs her,
Sun is weaving Light spectrum.
Does she see the arch?
Singapore – June 22, 2020 / 23:32
—-
I love the rain as it warms my heart and waters my hopes.
May all beings be happy.
There is so much to learn in a cup of steamed cupcake.
There is love surrounding it. There is pain inserted to it. There is patience blended in it. There is hope. There is despair. There is smile and frowning at the same time.
I love learning to cook but the process of searching and trying the best recipe has been part of the journey. Some recipes were just failure and more were not shown to public because I have not enough patience to read my nasty good friends’ comments – trust me their love is bigger than their sarcasm but I still can’t deal with it.
I always hope that I have more time to try on more recipes but there are a lot of limitation that bump me like the bumper-cars on the arena – work, household chores, books, movies…. Name it. But the despair is more about thinking too much of who will eat the food as I am alone in this small apartment. Sometimes I will just call the cleaning lady to bring some home, or ask her to share it with the other cleaning staffs and security guards – some despair is just not reasonable and mine isn’t exception.
Yet I still love learning to cook, exploring ingredients and techniques, trying some different cooking from different places of the world. I’m not big fans of culinary but all the food that I’ve made myself has built some side of mine to know that I still want to go around the world some day to try on the original food in its place of origin.
Just smile more and frown less.
Here is the process of my steamed cupcake today! The result isn’t as good as the real recipe yet I smile at myself for today’s joy.
May all beings be happy.
Ingredients of my simple steamed cupcake
These are the cup and paper sent by my friend from Jakarta.
Mix, mix, mix….
Put pandan pasta into half of the dough
I know it is not even… The recipe said for 8 cups but maybe the size of the cup is different from mine. No problem!
Into the steamer….
8 cupcakes: 3 successful, 5 “next time better” – still it made me happy!
Morning greets sweetly
Eyes that open lazily.
Love is truly blind.
Singapore – June 19, 2020 / 21:40
—
Only human beings own the ability to manipulatively respond to anything, while other beings will always respond honestly as they are. Morning will always present bright colours either with the shining sun, cooling rain, wrapping cloud, awaiting meeting, and other possible hustle-bustle of the job; yet people will not always smile in the morning. There are those choosing to start the day with heavy burden and drudging steps.
If you wanna see what true love is, find the love shown by the nature and learn through it.
May all beings be happy.
Can Wind vanish, Love?
Look how pressurised we’ve been!
Just give me soft Breeze.
Singapore – Jun. 18, 2020 / 21:30
—-
Sometimes you wonder why the wind blows all the hopes. Sometimes you want strong wind to dry your sweat. Sometimes you are longing for soft, nice breeze to accompany you in a solo journey. Nothing is permanent….
May all beings be happy.
rike jokanan 
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