graphs of my Universe
Red leaves, Beloved
Gracefully fall on the lap
Of Mother Nature,
Garnishing coloured autumn
Welcoming benign winter.
Dream, dream, Beloved.
As vibrant as you wish to,
As sweet as you want.
You’re red leaves lightheartedly
Flying decorating life.
—————————————————————
I wish all my good dreams come true. And all of yours, too 🙏🏼
Salam.
Time travels with you
To where good memories sit,
Waiting to rejoice.
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When I was a girl, I got sick very often. Yet what I remember the most isn’t the pain but is how my family would take care of me. Of course they medically treated me either at home or hospitalised, but there was a unique way I can never forget what my mother, father and siblings did extra.
My father would chant Javanese mantra that would calm me down. My mother would wrap me with a sheet of batik cloth before putting the next thicker blanket. And of course siblings especially sisters would sleep with me the whole night.
What Javanese mantra chanted by father? Oh can’t remember! What batik, I definitely remember it and now own it for the same need; covering myself with batik gringsing when sick.
Gringsing is one of the oldest batik background patterns in Java. It is thousands of tiny square with a dot in the center symbolising “sedulur papat kalima pancer” (literally means 4 siblings and 1 core as the fifth) the cosmic balance of human reality in Javanese wisdom. And through the philosophy it is believed that when a Javanese human is sick, s/he is cosmically imbalanced and needs to be balanced. Physically s/he is medically treated, metaphysically s/he is cured with gringsing the balance symbol.
Gringsing is an acronym of gring or gering (sick, not well, ill) and sing (not); gringsing means not sick anymore. Oh! That simple! Made by hand! Oh! Not that simple!
What a blessed human being!
Across rainbow bridge,
Wings bring a tiny light up
High to where it glows.
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I’m surrounded by animal lovers and rescuers. Every now and then I see how they struggle with animals in pain or death. It’s not easy each time those friends have to say good bye but at the same time they learn again and again that the best end is by releasing sincerely and being released sincerely.
Happy journey, Dear. Thanks for all the lessons you have taught us.
Alfatihah 💝🙏🏼
Today I had a lunch chat with a colleague. We discussed about this and that and of course how we both grow more grey hair, more fat and of course more wisdom.
I remember when I was 30’s I said to him I was so afraid of growing old alone. Now I’m growing old alone and I’m not afraid. Today I said to him that I’m afraid of dying alone and he lightly said “No one wants to die with you or with anyone else, girl! No one!”
I laughed and said “Damn! you’re right!”
And I made a good decision right during the convo that I won’t be afraid of being alone! Everything is gonna be alright!
But he said something before saying goodbye “And you’d better be a bit stingy to those not helping!”
“Damn! You’re right again!”
Life is fair but life is also not fair so we’d better know how to surf! Unfortunately, I don’t like surfing, I’m just gonna be biking!
It’s about flower in its life cycle.
A flower blooms, dries to fall off or falls to dry at time in place for a given moment. It lives then dies. It blossoms or prematurely drops.
Some flowers are admired, some are not even noticed. Some are vibrantly coloured, some are dead dull. Some are meticulous, some are straightly simple. Some produce edible fruits, some the poisonous.
It’s about flower, the beauty in itself, although most view points perceive the look differently. Absolute beauty sits where it is, lingering forever as values and concepts. Relative beauty fades away through aging, some even without being remembered as memory or history.
It’s about flower, the one in a palace and that in a lawn.
Salam. Alfatihah.
Even though they’re weed,
They’re flower, ready to bloom.
Truly as they are.
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Respect each other as all of us have become us with no choice but traveling the paths we’ve agreed to sign up. Early termination doesn’t apply; life is about starting and completing what’s written.
Respect each other. At least….
💝
I know, Beloved,
Those words are leaves falling down,
Decayed before you.
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Jika kita lahir dan tumbuh sebagai kata-kata,
saya akan selalu menggarisbawahi kamu
seperti kata yang saya anggap penting,
meski kamu nanti mencetak miring saya
seperti kata yang tak dikenal dan asing. (part of a poem by Adimas Immanuel)
Pearl in the heart
That will keep shining.
No matter what.
No expiration,
No boundary,
No dimension can weaken its brightness.
In silence
In the dark
No matter what.
It will shine.
It resides
Here
Now
In the heart.
Weekend, Beloved,
A bowl of green tea nicely
Served cold and creamy—
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Give yourself reward for being a brave person sometimes. 😎
For an ordinary person setting a clear boundary is enough a bravery. Sometimes a passive person should tell arrogant people “You can step on my shoulders to reach your goal ‘coz I’ll support anyone dreaming high but you mustn’t step on my head to underestimate a human being ‘coz I have the same right to be respected. Please excuse me this time to be equal and forever be.”
Happy weekend. 🤩
Live once, no regret,
Said banana trees. They die
After giving fruits.
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Does it suffocate
Or release? Up to the sky
Or stuck in the black?
Meet the wind. Fly to the far.
Let the chimney nobly stand.
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Chimney is a symbol of industrial era like church for religiosity, tower for secularity and all kinds of stars of spirituality.
Yet I found different interpretation of mine on chimney through Japanese books reading (very very elementary, all hiragana and katakana, I can only remember 15 kanji so far, hell yeah!). Chimney can be a symbol of fairy tales, dreams, ideas and creativity emerging from the dark, beautiful stories. What else? Ya, just use imagination to find what clicks in mind until the word “chimney” meets its lighter connotation against the one in paragraph 1.
Reading the books, I can’t deny some people really get blessed with extraordinary imaginary world and ability to materialise what’s in it by intertwining the intangible blessings with the tangible ones. Like the writer whose books I’ve read.
God bless you, Akihiro Nishino (should be with ~san). Thanks for the books you’ve written.
Read. Read. Read.
Read the letters. Read the lessons. Read between the lines.
🏭
Go solo travel
Through blocked road, dead end
With fright, thirst and hope!
Trees will tell you where to go.
Sun will tell you when to halt.
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I (almost) always travel alone and I love it. It is not only business trip but also travel for leisure.
My first impressive adventurous solo travel was at 12 with my red mini bike. I would bike from home to my uncle’s home in a hilly district. It was about one hour ride of 7 kilometers away excluding all the U turns of getting lost in quite rough terrain in the route. I was excited doing it though because of nieces and nephews waiting to play with and the agriculture experience to enjoy. The up-hill biking to uncle’s home was my private getaway until my little brother insisted joining.
Another impressive solo travel of mine was in Bandar Lampung where I visited elephant and rhino conservation centres. Unfortunately the sweet young me was still innocent that people thought I was welcoming them; and I got sexual-physically harassed. Lucky me to be saved by a bus driver — wherever you are (maybe you away already because you looked like 60 years old when I was 26), you are blessed, Pak Supir!
And the excitement of the first impressive solo travel and the most dangerous one have combined to be a sufficient foundation for me to be a 99% solo traveler until now.
Traveling solo, I learn and improve how to cope with life challenges: languages, culture, human behaviour, security, etc. Yet I can enjoy the trips as I wish without having to wait for others moving slower or having to be dragged by others moving faster. It is almost always about excitement, freedom and privacy!
The bravest trip of mine was to Bangladesh in 2011. Plane touched down at 12am. Taxi waited in a corner that will be considered dangerous spot by any normal women on earth. Hotel was totally different from what was described online. Food was a bit below my hygiene par but I had to show my respect by eating with (fake) happy look! Yet I was truly happy to meet 3 new friends who hosted me with genuine hospitality (no fakey smiley like in some countries on earth I won’t mention); they brought me to city parks, mosques, slum areas, high end areas, etc in Dhaka. That was one paradoxically the happiest-saddest trip where I met the most skinny dogs and poor people right in front of luxurious houses. The most teary nights ever!
My smoothest, most expensive was 20-day solo travel in Europe: expensive flights, flights between countries, 1st class trains between cities and countries, taxi rides, good hotels, accessible public facilities, drinkable water free of charge!, good choices of food…. very little warm smile though. My favourite cities are still Amsterdam with so many Indonesians that warmed my soul and Madrid with so many handsome men that freshened my eyes! 😂
Do I still want to travel alone? YES! but not 99% anymore, maybe will be 75%. I have a small group of semi-backpacker ladies who will be best neighbours when I retire. So they might be my travel buddies when I want to share some itinerary with.
I miss traveling!!!
Next destination? I don’t know…. The virus has evolved from physical barrier to physio-socio-psycho-political block for me to move around! God bless you, dear Corona.
Happy Sunday home! Salaam. 💝
Aging, Beloved,
Counting blessings everyday—
Feeling challenging?
——————————————————————————————————
Sometimes a challenge or deadline is needed like fertiliser sprinkled on to the soil to trigger more chemical, biological, physical reactions from the root dancing in the ground to go deeper and healthier so that the tree grows even stronger and taller.
頑張りましょう！
Know not, Beloved
This path about to end when
And where. I trust you.
——————————————————-
Trust is what she’s been holding tight because without it she’s lost the grip against so much magnetic force around that will pull her into a gaping hole, where greediness can consume anyone till no end.
Thanks, Beloved, for giving me a life that’s imperfect but perfectly humbling me in many ways.
I trust You; voluntarily or forcefully.
💞
Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscars—
————————————————
She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the director’s direction and directive.
What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!
So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.
Oscars are waiting.…
…. Only if you play all out!
Heart and soul dancing through body 💞
Alhamdulillah 🌻
River, Beloved,
Flows. Let things go with the flow
From, in, through, to you.
—————————————————————
Feel the flow: calm, swift, pushing, breaking, splashing, swirling, stuck, moving. No matter what, flow.
Seed deeply buried,
Grown finding the sun slowly—
It is about time.
——————————————————
Good life was once tiny little secret longing for forgiveness and blessings.
I accept my history, present and future.
May all beings be happy. 💝
Comic, Beloved,
Life through senses. Through head, storms—
Through soul, a great gift—
—————————————————————-
‘m wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to meet my family and friends then have some chat with them while throwing sour jokes without emoticon or disturbed internet connection.
‘m wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to see my base home starting her life.
‘m wishing I’m as fine as now if the borders don’t re-open soon. 😎
Borders re-opening means no quarantine applied 😁 10-day in a closed room -how much ever it is comfy- is truly a must-not-happen-experience-in-life thing!
Blissful, Beloved,
Joyful, gleeful— life should be.
Save the right window.
————————————————————-
‘m praying that I’ll be saved from any danger and threats from any creature. Amen…
Nagasari or Nogosari is rice cake filled with ripe banana, one “snack” included in Javanese praying ceremony. This food symbolises prayer to God for safety and security from any danger and threats from any creature; and so a Javanese’s life can be blissful, joyful and gleeful.
Always sit next to the right window, dear Self. 💝
Garden, Beloved,
Fertilized with poisons? Dead!
Cinder rose goes off.
———————————————————
A group call with my brother and sister in law is mostly either stupid or crazy. Once we talked about the old time passing and our addiction.
How someone gets addicted to something is mostly started from a physical or mental exit of pain— either clinically prescribed or personally decided— followed by excessive dependency on the substances or the activities.
I’ve seen how people addicted to medicine (I was to pain killer), drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc have changed from beautiful human beings into ugly persons either physically or mentally. It’s how awful co-dependency shapes someone’s life. Moreover, there is no addiction in any history that brings true happiness or freedom.
Three of us then discussed about someone who was addicted to something unusual: spiritual drills. Having all resources, the person went shopping on various classes and workshops about spirituality and self help such as meditation, mindfulness, tapping therapy, money magnet and how to optimise it spiritually, how to activate chakra, yoga and blahblahblah, gemstones and their spiritual power, mandala and spiritual awakening, how spiritual life pull financial abundance, spiritual traveling around many places, etc. One had been in one’s 60th class last time we met. One would be able to answer all questions in any possible ways. I called one ‘Mr/Ms Know All’, a euphemistic nick name that might be loved by those addicted to power and authority. Some friends called this person “Mr/Ms Spiritual Junky”.
What I remember about this person is that no one around was genuinely appreciated, everyone was just a “who-are-you-you-think-you’re-better-than-me”. One called most of one’s friends “cantrik”, a Javanese word that literally means follower/helper and would never be up to one’s level (one called one’s self healer and universe map reader).
How ironic! From someone who were full of compassion to someone who were full of envy and insecurity—
I think many if not all people to some extent were once addict who learned the lessons and changed the patterns to be free from co-dependency. My brother was a heavy smoker, been stopping for around 3 years. My sister in law was a Korean drama freak and quit. I myself was addicted to those I fell for and heavily overthinking.
“I almost got addicted to someone again.”
“Let go! Let go! Let go!” said they to me like cheerleaders.
Definitely! It’s a waste to wait for emotionally unavailable people to care that I care about them. I’m ok to get soaked in love and compassion but not in addiction to people. 💝
Addiction, oh addiction.
Alfatihah to all of those who are addicted to anything in any situation. Be healed and blessed.
Was madly in love,
Still am…. Realm is the limit.
…. With you, Beloved—
—————————————————————
Where is the end of love journey? Either hopelessness or time 💝
Alfatihah 💕
Murky, Beloved,
That pool’s full of mud and smell.
Enough to kill fish—
—————————————————————
There is a proverb in Indonesian “ada udang di balik batu” literally “there are shrimps behind the rocks” that means there is a hidden (fishy) agenda.
I’ve received some invites from “unclear” people in Instagram, most are men that I believe scammers trying to lure a victim whatever they are aiming at from me; maybe as simple as attention or most probably money. And how did I feel? Disturbed? Not at all. Scammers are equivalent with friends with hidden (fishy) agenda— they are sources of entertainment either directly connected or just ignored.
God bless you all scammers. You’ll find a way to get a big money with your work, plus the logical consequences but not from me.
May all beings be happy.
Time flows, Beloved,
To an estuary of hope.
Time flows, Beloved,
To the eternity sea.
Won’t be long before we meet—
Time flows, Beloved
To you through me. White beacon
Blinks red at low tide.
Wind says the woodlands miss me.
Time flows, Beloved. Thank you.
—————————————————————
Don’t take too long a time to fix an issue. Time wisely travels with those willing to appreciate a journey through action taking along with wisdom harvesting. Otherwise, it will bulldoze what’s not solved.
Dear January. I know you’ll transform with me who doesn’t want remedial lessons next year.
Thank you, 2021. Welcome, 2022.
Bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiem….
💝
Flowers scent the air
With messages telling her
To follow North Star.
The path brings her to the gate
Where home is a state of mind.
————————————————————-
Home is where the heart belongs to. This wanderer finds it where she is. Now and here….
Sail by a bumboat
To linger where nature’s mixed
With preserved good life.
——————————————————-
Finally I visited Pulau Ubin, the only place in Singapore where there are no apartment buildings, malls or highways. It just a kampung (village in Malay language). Cool and green!
Wikipedia: On 3 June 2005, the Singapore Government ordered that all the farmers rearing poultry on the island were to ship them to mainland Singapore and rear them in government-approved farms by 17 June 2005, in the wake of the avian influenza. In exchange, the local inhabitants were offered HDB government housing packages, although they could choose to live on the island. As of 2012, there are only 38 people living on the island.[8]
Wikipedia: Pulau Ubin’s wooden house villages and wooden jetties, relaxed inhabitants, rich and preserved wildlife, abandoned quarries and plantations, and untouched nature make it the last witness of the old kampung Singapore that existed before modern industrial times and large-scale urban development.
Thanks, Singapore for teaching me a lot of paradoxical loads of experiences.
Holiday is real! 🤩
Wish you, Beloved,
Sent with white heart through the air
And short holiday
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Christmas falls on Sunday so it’s replaced with a day off on the following Monday. I take 2 days of special shut-down on 23 and 24 so…. It is a long weekend for 2021’s Christmas. Whoohoo!
As much as missing my family, I don’t have enough gut to go back to Indonesia which still applies 10-day quarantine in Jakarta while I still have to fly to Surabaya before meeting my mother.
“It’s fine, you stay safe there. Take good care of yourself,” said they. That’s enough as blessings to me.
So? Where to go?
Pulau Ubin by bike!
Al Fatihah to all celebrating Christmas and those enjoying holiday! 💕
Nature, Beloved,
Speaks to you about a path
Where wings be North Star
Which gives signs and directions
Only when you walk.
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Only when you know your destination, Beloved, and are willing to take the walk, all signs, symbols and directions become relevant.
Salaam…. 💝
Mirror on the wall,
I’m the prettiest of all?
It cracks up. Masks gone—
————————————————————-
Ah, weekends of mid December! Work is slowing down on several days. Weekends feel like starting on Friday morning. I have some longer time to talk to the mirror and find that I’m still there! A hidden innocent rascal nicely sitting behind layers of curtains
Masquerade on break!
🤡👻🤖👽😈👹👺🎭💩🎃👾🤠
🥰
May all beings be happy! 💝
Colours will fade away
At the front gate of
A new season,
Leaving beautiful memories
To the garden.
No regret, Beloved
If all are infused with love.
No right,
No wrong.
Only lessons,
And wisdom
Imprinted—
Cycle is short;
Life is forever.
Each of the pearls in a strand is perfect when it’s loose. And so is a cycle in your life—
If I owe you one cycle,
Beloved,
I’ll come back
With a bunch of fruits
Ready to harvest.
Ready to taste
By your own senses—
See you again,
Beloved.
Choose what seed you want me to grow.
—————————————————————-
Flowers losing petals is a natural phase before plants are harvested for the fruits, the bulbs or other parts. Or, the flowers are the ones harvested to experience falling petals before they dry out naturally. It’s an end of one cycle at the same time a start of another.
May all beings be happy.
Thanks for everything
Not only abundance, but
Also scarcity.
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Online work mode has made people think creatively to minimize boredom including inserting some fun through dress code in online meetings. This time thanksgiving. Yay!
I’ve read some history and the development of that tradition, not a fans though because I am raised a Javanese who is supposed to thank every day —every moment if possible— with whatever reason. If you don’t have reasons to be grateful, find one.
For being a human being. For being a female. For being one rascal in the family. For being a persistent colleague. For the abundance. For the scarcity. For being me now.
If it is still hard to thank for who you are, Beloved, just be you with the layers of fear, hope and awe.
Thank you! For everything 🐣
rike jokanan 
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