Tag: love

Head Bowed to Love

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
I'm bowing this head
Like sunflower to the sun
That sets then slips down.

It’s not easy to lose. It’s not easy to lose my mother. It’s not easy to lose my mother who has been so gently loving all of us. It’s not easy to lose my mother who has been so gently loving all of us with the ups and downs in our relationships. It’s not easy to lose her indeed.

This is the day on which I have to totally live normal without her presence. Today is the last day when most of our family members gather in her home. One by one we are going back to reality bringing a gaping hole in our heart called “mother, how are you today”.

No WhatsApp. No call. No monthly bank transfer. No laugher of silly things. No sad cry. No gossip about my late father. No “what’s for lunch”. No “have you taken your pills?”. No this. No that. Small things that built a castle called love have stopped coming; one by one the memories that we’ve saved fade away.

I just hope that this castle can be a temple where I worship love, not other types of building. šŸ’•

Forgotten

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Love can live in a song,
But what can love do when a song is
Forgotten?
None but an old book,
Dusty and unread--

Life is just like that.

it’s ok to be forgotten as life is just like that

love never lives in a vacuum chamber; it grows with bias of lovers who mightn’t have known deeper layers of love that can only be clearly understood with the understanding of one’s self, never with anything else

silently I’ve paid attention to someone and how one acts in public

the last song has been forgotten so it’s time for me to truly withdraw – no I don’t want to get hurt by someone that I hope not hurting me (but doing it on and on maybe without one’s knowledge of hurting me)

it’s my last day of bereavement leave of my dear mother’s passing and I want to spend it with full relaxation, watching whatever within my reach for the next one hour, then read books on and off the whole day inserted with writing what’s popped out in mind & talking to families members who are still staying until end of this week in my mother’s home

I just want to rest….

Do You Know?

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person
Do you know, my love
Love has no definition
But that undefined--

this love is as old as the earth before she was born….

this love is as vast as the universe and non universe of which she was yet not born….

this love is as deep as the riverbed that has no end of the abyss that greets….

this love is as true as the love itself that has no definition as truth is layered and its finale is love itself

I just want to be loved by love that I love in which love loves love itself.

ā£ļø

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

It’s my first morning without my mom’s messages.

It feels….

Singapore, 2017 with Ibu – she didn’t know I was sick & neither did I yet she complained about my body weight that according to her was indicating something she didn’t know what…. a mother knows her daughter

It was so fun – everyday was jalan-jalan… I know she didn’t enjoy being out of hone too long as she was a homebody but I made her

terima kasih, Ibu

šŸ’•

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Aku sayang Ibu.

our last video call

the last time I saw you was just yesterday when I had a video call with Yogi & Ocka – you smiled sweetly ā˜ŗļøā˜˜ļøšŸ’•ā£ļø

terima kasih, Ibu…. šŸ˜˜ā˜˜ļøā£ļø

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Aku tak pernah tahu
Rasa apa yang lain
Darimu buatku
Selain cinta.

Aku tak pernah tahu
Hadiah apa yang lain
Darimu buatku
Selain doa.

Tapi kau pasti tahu
Aku salah paham akan cintamu,
Aku sering lupa mendoakanmu,
Kau juga tahu aku akan tahu.

Aku tahu.
Jangan ragu, Ibu.

ibu, you annoyed me by not opening the video ā˜ŗļøā£ļø

in Jogja ā˜˜ļøšŸ’™ā£ļø

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
No one, Ibu
But
You
Who loves me without questioning,
Trusts me without doubting,
Gives all to me without expecting,
Lets go off your belonging for me without counting,
Does all for me without calculating.
Is it because you are a perfect human being?
But no!
It's because you see your perfection in me and
See my imperfection in you.

I always said I don't want to be like you.
You're too perfect to be copied:
Your patience:
Being abandoned,
Left,
Betrayed,
Cheated,
Lied to,
Hated,
Marginalised,
And so much more.
Your gift:
Being generous,
Kind,
Soft,
Lovely,
Caring,
Acceptant,
Lovable,
Humane,
And so much more.

Dear, Ibu.
I want to talk about you
All the time now
Because I can't talk to you
Anymore.

Yes I can
But without your voice
Kicking softly on my eardrums
Giggling about our silly days.

But I assure you:
I am letting you go wholeheartedly,
I will take care of your legacy,
I will love those whom you love, too.

Ibu, I wish I could still
hug you....

ibu, terima kasih ya….

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Terima kasih ya
Sudah jadikanku bagian badanmu,
Bagian jiwamu,
Bagian hidupmu.
Cuma kamu yang tiap pagi WhatsApp aku selama 13 tahun setiap pagi di manapun aku berada.
Aku kadang sebel
Tapi sering tidak sebel,
Aku suka. Rasanya seperti kau manja.
Aku janji hanya kuingat yang bikin aku makin dekat denganmu.
Sedihmu,
Bahagiamu,
Sakitmu,
Sehatmu,
Janjimu,
Cintamu.

you might not be the smartest woman on earth but trust me, Ibu you are the wisest of all – I won’t replace you with anyone

šŸ’™

terima kasih yaaa….

šŸ˜˜

Ibu

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
Ibu,
Thank you for becoming the gate for me to this life.
One day I said to you,
"Who knows I'll have a daughter like you have me?"
You said,
"Amen. Pray. All is good."
Then I said to you again,
"Do you love me?"
You said,
"All mothers love the children."
I said again,
"But I think you love my brothers better because they are men and I'm a woman who is not considered more valuable in our tradition?"
You smiled saying,
"You are stronger. Much stronger."

ibu, terima kasih ya ā˜ŗļø

Life Is A Trip

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
If I'm in a trip,
I'd be with the Lone Ranger,
Or with my Tonto.

I’m 50 years old next week. I still want to live next many years in good health although this body needs to compromise with speed and strength. And I want to have more trips– both professional and personal.

While professionally I go alone almost all of the time and not expect to change it; I’d like to have a travel buddy personally.

He should be….

šŸ˜Ž

someone that knows how to pack nicely both in backpack & suitcase

someone that doesn’t have to stay in 5-star as long as it’s with me

someone that doesn’t bother to have ice cream because the restaurant is fully booked

someone who is not ashamed to have fun in simple way although it looks weirdly cheap

someone who likes to sing under the rain

someone who rides motorbike… yaaay!

who drives much better than I do

he’s my Lone Ranger or Tonto, whichever he needs to be when with me

who?

not sure, I won’t overthink as I can find all those within me except the driving one šŸ˜

I’m gonna be 50 &

yes I’m just me that’s gonna be 50 wholeheartedly.

Fire

Learning, Map It!
This fire, Beloved
Lights up. It dies not; just dims
When night is warmer.

once ignited, this love won’t die — an eternal flame

I won’t stop talking until it’s time to stop talking. Sometimes I will hurt some human beings that have hurt those I love.

This time I’m so angry with some politicians, stupid idiot ones in Indonesia who ran away after making big wound in our people’s heart.

No, I won’t stop. I will keep this flame within & this time constantly without!

Sorry, I might wave the flag too strongly but that’s not to hurt, it’s to show them that we’re not afraid!

Sorry, I might tread these steps too strongly but that’s not to hurt, it’s to show them that we’re all in a coordination that might not be detected.

Dear, Indonesia. I might not be able to give you much but I won’t stop talking to give warnings to those I love so they’re protected from those that want to destroy the sovereign of the people, the justice of the governance, the love among the burning souls in our community.

It might not be easy for me, for you, for them; yet we will make it!

Let’s keep this fire to live forever,

In this piece of heaven on earth called Indonesia.

Yes! The future is beautiful & grand! And it’s close. So close, my Motherland.

ā˜˜ļøā™„ļøšŸ‡®šŸ‡©

If

Learning, Poetic, Those People
If you were a king,
What would you be like, my love?
Would you let me know?

šŸ˜Ž

ā˜˜ļø

šŸ¤Ŗ

ā˜•ļø

šŸ’™

šŸ’™

šŸ¤Æ

šŸ¤£šŸ˜˜

šŸ’•

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ˜˜ā£ļø

Life Cycle of Love

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
It never dies-- Love.
It sparks then sparkles; no end
But milestones to mark.

preparing batik for myself

will name this piece “life cycle of love”

Beauty Today

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person
What's beauty today?
Ants partying in some blooms
For sweetness of life--

no, I don’t want to focus on what I experience as bitterness too long

why should I age with heavy burdens if I can live in my second half of my life with light heart (that’s if I live 100 years)

I will see bitter day just as a bitter gourd for me to carve to be beautiful garnish or to cook in nice recipe; or better seeing it as bitter dark chocolate šŸ˜˜

I just won’t let others play around as they love to tease others fr sport; no! My life is too precious to waste just for those who think life is fun when wasted with no clear design šŸ„°

Beauty Today

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Beauty today, Love
Is about about colours and shapes
Softly touch the heart.

as close as I could, I felt a tap on my broken heart telling me “life is just like that, beauty lies on the tiniest part of your own heart, not others'”

at closer glance the colours gave me some soft touch on my heart who is longing for honest heart to talk about love, life with sufficient laughter

today I worked under a tamarind tree across a construction site and found a tiny beauty, a grass flower inviting me with its enticing colours

A Hope of Elden Soldiers

Learning
A hope that vanishes
With the forgotten true stories
Of the unsung heroes,
Those not buried with engraved tombstone

Dear, Elden Heroes
Who are taking a break from battles.
Wish us a basket of flower
Full of prayer summoning
The only thing left with Mother Earth:
Love that glows in the heart.
Wish us her love
That fades all selfishness away
Swiftly
Like the colours dissolve from a white fabric.
No trace of arrogance.
No trace of greed.
Only love.
Only care.
By everyone,
For everyone
Including 
The Elden Soldiers--

A poem for a piece of Mother Earth’s true love called Indonesia on her 80th birthday–

Thank you. You’re staying in this very heart that weeps for getting hurt over and over again yet keeping the trust in a journey called life.

šŸ’•

your promise to liberate your offspring’s life from all that occupy them was well done

would you say that what your offspring is doing to celebrate the victory is truly what you wished to be

dear, Elden Soldiers who have been either well-known or unsung….

There’s A Blocker

Learning, love, Poetic
There's a basket of blockers
Called assumption
Built about me and you.
That everyone wants to be famous;
Forgetting that in different occasion he says all is love.

There's a basket of blockers
Called assumption
Built about me and you.
That you are untouchable by my love;
Denying that in different occasion she is in love.

There's a basket of blockers
Called assumption
Built about me and you.
That you belong to them and not me;
Claiming that certain human beings don't deserve the others.

dear Life, please give me what you call true love, not what is seen true love;

& life as light as feathers that can fly a bird,

life as deep as an underground chamber that keeps all secrets,

love that is free from any blockers except you between me and you

šŸ’•

You

Learning, love, Poetic
I've read thousands of poems
In which all lines are started with
You.

I've recited hundreds of them
With which all rhymes are ended with
A you.

I've waited for a sonnet full of love
Through which my questions are answered by you. Yes,
You.

Have You?

Learning, life, love, Poetic
I've asked myself all my life:
Have you ever thought what this life is for?
You're born. You die.
You struggle. You cry.
You suffer. You rant.
You're full. You sleep.
You're fulfilled. You forget.
You're numb. You're silent.

If it's really
You that this life is about,
Am I really needed?
Am I really wanted?

Yet the echoes of the quest go on.
Your answers feel like algae converting light to feed my days with
Hope that you embrace me, with
Fear that it will end when I still owe you  promises.

I can't answer it clearly until today.

It becomes like a love story
In which falling in love is either inserted with broken-hearted acceptance or ended with broken hearted let-go.

That I live for
You, because of
You, in
You, through
You is a journey between a lover longing for the beloved who might care but care; who might love but hate, who might exist but not exist.

Have you ever thought what this life is for? I said yes and yes and yes to
You, and for
You.

Guidance

Amouge, Guidance – it’s about you guiding me to you

bought it when in Sydney

slided the box out of the outer cover

one of my best gift to myself – a scent that guides

Heart

Learning, Poetic, This Person
My heart is a garden
Where flowers are nodding to butterflies and ladybugs
That need a ride to play.

My heart is a pond
Where lilies spread their pads to dragonflies and frog
That stop to meditate.

My heart is a cave
Where treasures are hidden from
eyes and ears
That crave for secrets.

My heart is an ocean
Where space is containing depth and width
That hug the abyss.

My heart is a home
Where songs are waiting for rhythms and rhymes
That long for a voice.

dear heart, be fragrant even when it’s around bad odor ā™„ļø

A Door

Learning, life, Poetic
A door, Beloved
Your way I take to enter
The way of loving--

some people said to me directly and some indirectly “my way or no way”

my life is like one-way highway with no U-turn with which the choice is chosen by itself, go ahead and that’s it! when I choose my way, the way becomes bumpy and muddy and not safe,

so I’ve never really thought about my way

letting it be instructed through my heart and follow Life’s way

so when some ask “my way or no way”, I’ll smile and think

maybe those people’s life has been so easy and smooth that all their way is running without any interruption or alteration or even 100% negotiation

maybe

but I again just smile and try to understand while waiting whose way is winning

Gift

Learning, love, Poetic
A gift, Beloved
Wrapped with a curled pink ribbon
For all that she loves--

my life is a gift that I share with those close around me

my gift might not be expensive but it’s the best I can present

when time is up, I hope all that I love will have received the blessing I silently promise to share with them

ā™„ļø

The Sun

Learning, love, Poetic
What if the sun never rises again?
I might also lose my sunflowers.
The yellow in my life fades away,
With the calming breathing at the end.

At least I love, Beloved,
At least I've loved
You so much.

Coffee Flowers

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Coffee flowers, Love
It breathes what I long for much,
Poisons me with love.

coffee flowers – I used to see many at the backyard of my uncle’s house in Jogja

I loved breathing its fragrance every morning and afternoon when I had the time to stroll along the path

yet not as many now

I love breathing coffee fragrance but not drinking it as much

Clarity

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Clarity, my love
Is silence that loudly says
About who you are.

some people talk about honesty as if honesty is falling hair of theirs – nothing but waste….

…. not because honesty doesn’t mean anything; yet because they claim being honest but actually lying.

once I thought you were this, and your signs said you were this until all birds then messengers coming saying that you are that….

honesty saves everyone’s time….

1) when honesty is about dishonesty

2) when it is the talking of the walk

3) when it is the walking of the talk

šŸ™ƒ

so clear to me, after meeting a friend yesterday

ā˜ŗļø

A Gift

Learning, Poetic, This Person
A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.

I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume šŸ’—

patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry

I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?

….thinking in awareness & with compassion