You? Where, Beloved?
The omnipresent through air,
Undefined calmness—
Breeze that caresses the leaves.
Breath that blows prayer for you.
—-
🐣
Tag: poem
Blinding Light
Blinding, Beloved,
Light when too bright. Dimly bright
Suits these eyes searching
Luminosity and cracks
Following path to a home—
—-
Sometimes light disturbs eyes because its intensity is way too high than what’s expected or needed by the eyes. eyes can only tolerate and work well with enough light. So the more isn’t always the better.
May all beings be happy.
If I’m Missed, ….
I’m a nut
In a gigantic machine.
Even if I’m missed,
The machine still works wonder.
And so be it.
I’m a grain of sand
In a far vast sand dune.
Even if I’m missed,
The land still spreads wonder.
And so be it.
I’m a drop of water
In a cask of wine.
Even if I’m missed,
You’re still having happy hour.
And so be it.
I’m one in billions
In this spinning plane.
Even if I’m missed,
It won’t mean less greater.
And so be it.
Life is so fragile
Yet so dense
Like a spider web
Wrapping a prey
Before it’s dissolved
Away….
And
You are
Written in this tiny matter—
….. so be it.
—-
Temasek – May 4, 2022 / rainy morning, 4:50
Spread of The Day
A wise teacher said:
If you have a space for shelter,
A plate of rice for meal,
A job for a living;
That’s when you’re blessed.
I couldn’t say a word
To deny.
It’s true
And
Only true.
—-
Enjoy!
Different Days for One Date
I learn
Life is about counting gates of moments.
It’s not what I celebrate,
It’s how I celebrate.
They call it this,
I call it that,
It’s a day dyed with red, blue, yellow
Yet
Really the day won’t describe its own color when asked.
One more day to celebrate!
—-
It’s not unusual Ramadhan is closed on different days by different groups of Muslim esp. in big country like Indonesia. One group may close Ramadhan on 29th day, the other on 30th. It’s not a big deal (although some noisy people like to debate about it) but it’s not simple things to explain. Overall the difference is due to 2 different methods of seeing the crescent moon visibility in the horizon – one group is using mathematical astronomy (computation), the other physical observation (telescope).
This year most of my family in Indonesia celebrated the Eid yesterday, I in Singapore today.
Without further ado….
Celebrate moments that are given in life including this festivity. Every moment is a gate to another moment before entering the next gate of moment. After entering Ramadhan gate, now Syawal gate, what’s next? Any should be simply a gate to start or to restart or to continue.
Gate after gate before finally the grandest gate ⛩
once more…
Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri 1443H
Warm Snow
Hi, Purple Crocus.
You must have been hugged by snow,
Now rise joyfully.
—-
How is it possible for a seed to grow if not because of a warmth hug from Mother Earth blanketed by white snow?
May all beings be happy.
I’m so blessed with such a looooong weekend that I say it again and again and won’t stop playing with colours.
✍️
Roses
Roses, Beloved
Gift born by Mother Nature.
A beau with sharp thorns—
—-
When you love a flower, let it stay in its tree until it passes away by the warmth of the day prince and the coolness of the night queen. It deserves nothing but appreciation; admiration is too fake for a shirt life of a rose.
Weekend, weekend! Very looong weekend!
🐣
Watching Beauty Decomposed
Beauty, Beloved
Bodily fades. Beauty stays
Only as value:
Commitment, integrity.
Forever? Yes, forever.
—-
I won’t exchange anything in me with anything from any other beautiful, rich, sexy women who look happier and more successful because I love the way Mother Nature presents life through this very journey.
Watching physical deterioration is provoking yet amazing. Seeing my own picture from small girl to adult mature, it takes courage to tell myself that who was radiantly strong has grown to this dully weak. At the same time it takes courage to tell myself that who was carelessly egotistical has grown to this wisely humble.
Thanks so much for all the lessons and gifts. I won’t regret. 🐣
May all beings be happy.
Dedicated to: scammers who never stop trying stealing from others in one way or another – if you don’t have money, just stop shopping, don’t use others’ to satisfy your impulsive buying, lazybones!
A Gift
A gift, Beloved,
From hands with a heart tested
Through time to well shine—
—-
Giving is one of human nature that can fade away if the hands and the heart are let be corroded by calculation and distrust.
It’s a gift to have hands loaded with loving and caring heart or heart equipped with loving and caring hands with very little if not any calculation and distrust. Train yourself, dear self to be generous. Just don’t get trapped by scammers who never stop trying to leak tanks. 🙂
Alfatihah.
Behind The Hills
What’s behind the hills?
A secret— that will greet you
If you keep riding.
—-
Let’s go biking! 🚴🏻♀️
A Gate
A gate, Beloved,
Before a flight through the stairs
Before the next gate—
—-
⛩
One Step At A Time
Never miss a step
Taken to reach the last point.
Just enjoy. And joy—
——
Enjoy today’s experimental bread. Not the best but truly an enjoyable process. Should have been only one potato
Fasting is always about hunger, thirst and on hold of many things. But it’s worth doing, its breaking is worth waiting.
May all beings be happy.
🐣
Perfect
Perfect, Beloved
Indication of moments,
Not about others—
——-
I thought there was perfection but then life showed me that the only thing truly modified by the word perfect is time or in some situation called moment. Other than those two creatures are never essentially perfect, they are perfect through some agreed points of view.
When it is over, it is perfectly done – time is up. When it is cut, it is perfectly completed – time is up.
And I accept a “time is up” sincerely or forcefully. A let go. A move on. A celebration. A moment to remember. A memory to save.
Oh life…. A set of perfect moments you are!
Thank you!
Singapore – Apr. 19, 2022 / 21:03
Life As I Like It
Good life, Beloved
Surrounded by them most loved
In green serene air—
—-
I like to tell some colleagues that I’ll be the host for our reunion dinner in my home 15 years from now. It must be a good time to talk about how we’re doing what we’re doing.
Though not soon, ‘m looking forward to a long life to make it happen.
See you in a green serene garden, fellas! 🥳
Temasek – Apr. 19, 2022 / 19:33
One Way To Forget
Away from real life
In real life: watching movie—
One perfect weekend!
——
Good movie is not always that with good cinematography quality, to me good movie is one released and on when there are many to run away from for some time in real life. Sitting in a huge space among those we don’t know feels like a freedom with responsible limit: we enjoy ourselves and try our best not to disturb others who are enjoying the same thing with us in different way — some people scream watching some scenes, I simply close eyes and block ears; some giggle, I laugh loudly; others eat and drink, I enjoy Fisherman’s Friend, and so on, and so forth.
Life is full of blessings if we can see it from the right point of view.
Salaam.
Temasek – Apr. 17, 2022 / 21:15
Strokes of Colours
Woven coloured threads
Build a spread of table cloth,
Freshening guests’ eyes.
——-
While white is the most beautiful colour, bright colours are good choices to brighten most days!
Welcome, tired eyes to a realm of colours.
Salaam.
Singapore – Apr. 14, 2022 / 21:00
Quietness
It’s dark, Beloved,
I’m afraid. Where should I go?
Walk through the shushed wind.
————
One wise teacher said,”Your path might be dark and you can’t see anything but don’t worry, my child as the hearing works without the light.
Listen. Listen carefully”.
Singapore – Apr. 13, 2022 / 21:22
History of A Tree
You have to believe
Nature lives with you, ruling
Games in which you are.
See colours. Watch shapes. Seasons,
Patterns count the scores to make.
Fruits rot. Flowers sere.
Leaves fall. Trunks topple. Roots die.
This plant is a name
In encyclopaedia,
Memory of its climbers.
——-
This body has expiry date. I’m seeing it deteriorates in time. What will be something of me left behind?
Temasek, Ramadhan 11 / 5:55am
Palate The Great Influencer
I want to not eat
But get full. My palate says
“Go talk to the wall”.
—————————————————
My palate is greedy yet very loving and worth loving. It tells me to eat more tasty food although I’m not hungry. In Ramadhan it whispers to me, coaxing me to “collect good-looking food” on the day to reward my good deed through breakfast (ifthar). Damn good influencer!
Dear, Ms Palate. At least please support my weight loss program. 😚
Drunk Without Drinking
Intoxicated
Without drink, just dream of you.
Sensing from afar—
From a distance it is you.
The true you? A perceived you?
—————————————————————-
I learn about fasting gradually, starting from child’s fasting to earn presents then knowing it as shoum then as shiyam. All refer to the same activity but have different level of loaded meanings. In Arabic when word is added with one letter, the type of word changes, the voice changes and the depth or load of meaning also changes. The word صوم (shoum) has three letters, while صيام (shiyam) consists of four letters. Therefore, the word shiyam has a deeper meaning than the word shoum. There are even some circles that distinguish the meaning of the two words.
The word shiyam means to refrain from things that cancel (eating, drinking, sexual intercourse) performed with good intention, while the word shoum means leaving things that cancel fasting or not talking. In the Quran the word shoum can be found when Maryam the mother of Prophet Isa (Jesus) intended to stop eating and talking after the birth of him. While shiyam can be found as an instruction to do fasting in Ramadhan month.
I wish my fasting flies to the place where even Angel Gabriel (Jibril) can’t go in then my fasting goes back bringing me better understanding of how a human being should serve the living.
May all beings be happy.
❣️
Mood Booster
When not in the mood,
Cook the special instant food.
Incredibly good!
——————————————————
Sweetness
Sweetness, Beloved,
A limit everyone sets.
She has for good words,
Not for sugar. It is fine.
World gives space to all tastes.
————————————————————-
Life can be seen from many different perspectives. It can look bitter, sometimes sweet but the level of bitterness and sweetness is not standardisable. If someone wants to set a standard of bitterness based on her/his limit, s/he will suffer for her/himself. 😁
May all beings be happy (with different level of sweetness)❣️
Ribbons With Messages
There is a crystal clear ribbon
Flying through a cavity
Bringing a message
About love
To whom
I say
“This painting is made for you from the first stroke to the last dot in the artist’s signature.”
I’m mixing colours to find the best hue to paint you.
I’m balancing the real and unreal to find the vibe of you.
I’m panning my own work to find if this is truly a gift or stolen relic from you.
I keep these hands engraving
But eyes focusing on you.
All to find you.
And every second I can see myself reading another message on another ribbon:
“Is this a hide-and-seek?
Or simply a peek-a-boo?”
Ahh! You maybe only smile, enjoying the scene of how funny this could be.
——————
Journey Of The Nights
Up and down the hills
The feet walk, the heart stands still.
Journey of the nights—
———————————————————
Nights and days are the consequences of sun and moon fixed courses. Or is it the other way around: sun and moon fixed courses are existing due to the need of nights and days in this particular planet.
Many say day is for activities, night is for resting. I don’t deny but I have my own interpretation of activities and resting. Activity is when all my concentration is for transactional economy, resting is when my concentration is for relaxation and personal. Rest day? Of course all my rest days will become nights. 💞
Thanks for giving me days and nights.
May all beings be happy❣️
Welcome, Month of Exercising (Javanese Muslim Tradition)
Regret and sorry
Not easy to feel and say,
Yet flushing the guilt.
Look! It’s rain water pouring
On the roof, sweeps away dirt.
—————————————————
Ramadhan is starting tomorrow, it’s my 38th year in which I do full fasting. I’m so grateful with this achievement. Achievement? Yes! Imagine for one full month during the day we don’t drink, we don’t eat, we don’t smoke, we don’t sex, we don’t let out uncontrolled emotion, we simply hold whatever we normally let out easily with no delay. We are human beings though, we can do all those at night. Ahem!
As a Javanese Muslim welcoming Ramadhan is as special as the fasting itself. We welcome the Ramadhan with a small celebration called megengan which literally means holding (esp. the breath).
In megengan a Javanese family will deliver a basket of rice with dishes to neighbours and extended family members living separately. While each family can choose what they share, there is one must specialty in this occasional delivery so called “apem” in Javanese or “kue apam” in Bahasa Indonesia or Malay.
Apem is steamed cake whose ingredients are rice flour, coconut milk, coconut water, yeast, sago starch and some sugar.
The word apem is derived from the word “afwun” (an Arabic word) meaning apology. Why apology? In Ramadhan when a Muslim is fasting, s/he is not only holding her/himself from hunger, thirst, lust, uncontrolled anger, and exercising her/his integrity; but s/he is also recommended to contemplate her/his own “action records” for the past one year. It is not easy for one to bear the guilt during the contemplation, so it is recommended for a Muslim before Ramadhan to apologise to their family and friends or to whomever s/he did wrongdoing, to ease the contemplation process. As it might not be easy to say sorry through a naked word, Javanese Muslim will include a symbolic apology in the food called apem when they deliver the whole food package. Everyone knows what it is, what it does— it is up to each person whether or not to accept the apology. And there they go starting the fasting month with a light heart to physically, mentally and spiritually exercise her/himself for one full month.
I used to think that that celebration was a waste of food. For one week I used to see sooooo many plastic and bamboo baskets piled up in our dining table and shelves — all those megengan packages which would be eaten just a bit and end up given to our chickens at the back yard. Fyi, the apem is never wasted though as every family has different taste and ways of how to make their best apem – maybe it’s a symbol that everyone is taking the apology seriously. I used to say to my mom that megengan was more about chickens celebrating than human beings celebrating. However after I understand what is symbolised through those simple deliveries, I highly appreciate the way we Javanese hold the integrity through our humble tradition.
I used to tell my mother to not do it, but now I’ve always been a reminder to her to not forget doing it and done it myself although I’m living around those not familiar with this tradition. I normally cook some simple food for the cleaning ladies and the gardeners who are assigned in the block two days before Ramadhan. Unfortunately minus the apem, simply because I am not confident enough to make my own apem. Tried this year though and failed 🙃
I promise to myself that this year is gonna be a good Ramadhan.
Welcome, month of holding, month of exercising integrity. It might not be always easy but doable.
I’m sending out apology to all the people having felt hurt by me. I’m sorry with my heart and soul in naked words. 🙏🏼
May all beings be happy.
The Flowers That Bloom
How are you, flowers?
You’ve greeted me with colours,
Loved me with fragrance.
The canvas has been waiting
To perpetuate your beauty.
———————————————————-
Only heaven knows when the “flowers on canvas” project will be completed. Let’s take picture of flowers before painting them.
Soon! Soon!
The Sun That Sets
It sets, Beloved,
When birds swoop in to the nests
And you go to bed.
—————————————————————
Sunset doesn’t suddenly come. It sets as a process slowly through time. Just like this life: before birth… then birth, infant, child, teenager, adult, old, end of life — aging before the great divide coming
Some wise men said to me “death should be thought of as an ordinary thing, it shouldn’t be afraid of”. Not easy, it invites fright of uncertainty to me personally, but death has become a relevant thing to ponder at my age — I’ll be 50 a couple of years soon. 🥳 Although I am not prone to heaven and hell after life, I believe there is another cycle of life after the physical death whose quality depends on how the earth life is enjoyed and celebrated. A huge enigma!
Good thought that has motivated me to see death positively is a chance to be beautifully remembered by those loving me. I’m not afraid of being disliked by some (even those that I love) because I know I am loved by those whose life I’ve touched. Enjoying life to the fullest joyfully and responsibly is both a game and a goal at the same time. I don’t regret what I’ve done because there is always lesson behind. Now I just want to be a human being around human beings who appreciate each other properly and help each other grow.
Who doesn’t want to be like a sunset whose existence is realised and enjoyed by those who can sense the scene and the moment? No one.
May all beings be happy.
Damn! I’m being melancholic for just a bit. 🥰
Mask Is, Smile Is
Smile is a good mask
Than a mask can be. A mask
Masks a masking smile.
What masks a mask? Or who does?
Unmask! A soul has missed you.
————————————————————-
Sometimes she doesn’t know why she feels a blissful joy. She tries her best to find a reason but seems to fail. When people ask why she looks radiant on certain day, she will just say I love the food, I love the weather, I love this, I love that — simply for courtesy with a bit of honesty compromised due to inability to give exact reason.
Perhaps the reason is because the footprints of falling in love is greater than the scars of broken heart. Alas! It might not be. Or, it might be. Come on, it might not be. Ah! That’s not important.
Oh? She doesn’t know. And it is ok to feel that way – blissfully joyful with unknown reason like when she is falling in love, unreasonable — her love did go to that that she never ever thought of getting on the way then suddenly gone away.
Tragic comedy! 🙃
❣️
Lessons
Laughter is healing
And killing at the same time.
Lessons for two sides—
———————————————————-
Many people love laughing at funny jokes and at themselves. Yet secretly perhaps they feel some jokes are crossing the line. I myself don’t always tell those friends who make either impolite or improper jokes about me or about someone/something in front of me especially when I know they don’t have sensitivity to listen to others’ feedback. Bitter smiles or sharp shrugging then making effort to change the topics are my bad strategy – yes, I’m a coward and (to some extent) stupid. So far most friends know but some new people don’t (want to) know and keep acting funny with their own limits making fun of others.
There is always a limit; however some limits are not easy to define and pertaining to private life and can only be understood by the individual. Moreover, where privacy is already “co-owned” by public (celebrity, politician, spiritual leaders, etc), the limit might be vague, misunderstood or disagreeable.
Harassment, publicly, privately, verbally, mentally, physically are all not acceptable. Verbal one sounds less painful but hey! No one wants one’s family members to be fooled around and laughed out loud if it’s related to disability or illness.
And hey! A slap on the face can be medically treated especially if not severe BUT the embarrassment and resentment can sustain. Oh hey! Sometimes it can be well capitalized…. Especially in that particular place where money is the foundation of almost everything.
In a nutshell both are violence!
Punchline got punched!
Ouch! Ouch! Ooouuuch!!!
Touch & Go
Perfume, Beloved,
Won’t be enjoyed by blocked nose.
Eyes though see bottle,
But the fragrance goes away
Leaving no trace but the spray.
—————————————————————
Once I had a chat about “Touch ‘n Go” card of Malaysia. One Malaysian friend made what he called a joke “Life is like touch and go la. You touch then you go la. As long as you pay, it is ok! The problem is after touch and go, you realise you run out of fuel and there is no gas station there, then you are stranded in the middle of nowhere.” None of us laughed. He said “Alamak! You all don’t get it la! Boy’s joke, boy’s joke!’
Only today I can really get it. I should text him to confirm a fresh understanding. He must be happy receiving a message from a long lost friend who is now “smart enough”. 😁
I prefer not to live like “touch and go in nice cars” touching here and there for temporary pleasure then losing the ability to detach from irresponsible people who can only suck joy out from my only self through the excessively irresponsible exchange of memories. I prefer “going on foot” consciously although it looks less luxurious.
‘d only build precious memories with those reciprocally loving me and not playing touch and go 💝
May all beings be happy.
rike jokanan 
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