graphs of my Universe
Balance off? Get up! Round wheels, thousands of chances— Some laughter won’t harm.
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When joy overrides pain, laughter is the best medicine!
No one sees! Only ghosts are around! Laugh again! More loudly!
She walks to a place, Knowing it or not. She’s timed, Knowing it or not.
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One used to want to be a doctor then changed to be an engineer then to a flight attendant then to a journalist then to a teacher then to a writer then to be rich then to be happy and peaceful then to be a human being…. Maybe someday she will change, who knows?
Hope time and space take the side on her.
🐣
Too much love will kill Who? None. Love will overflow, Reviving the death.
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Finally an agreement was achieved among some friends to start a project to support a few batik makers that we know and to spread knowledge about batik from unique perspectives. There will be video about batik, the batik artisan’s life and thin slices of Javanese wisdom. And so I have to restart the old hobby that has been dormant for how long only heaven knows.
Can’t wait to travel to dear home-base-will-be and produce slides and shows….
Hope it works well.
Friendship nurtures human beings in many ways possible.
What is in the spread? A bunch of grub and wisdom Don’t leave any bit.
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It is Lebaran today.
I put what I cooked on the table (the only table in the house), took picture of it and sent to those with whom I would love to enjoy it together on Hari Raya: family, close friends and some colleagues. This year, we’re virtually enjoying it through pictures or video calls! What an exciting morning!
Rice cake (ketupat or lontong in Indonesia), sayur labu siam (chayotes in coconut milk), opor ayam (chicken opor, the yellow soup), beef rendang and sambel goreng kentang (potato sambal), kerupuk (crackers), nuts, sweet cookies from Bengawan Solo, and of course fruits! Enjoy!
And what’s under the spread? Table cloth of batik with “nitik” motif.
Nitik is a Yogyakartan-style batik which is traditionally dark colour (sogan in Javanese) with lighter colour background compared to Solo style. Nitik is the shortened structure of “nggawe (making) titik (dots)” that immediately shows the appearance of the motif, thousands of dots forming some geometrical patterns.
Historically this motif has been believed as the simplicity and humbleness of the designers and makers who were ordinary women in the villages which were located outside of city centre (palace). This motif came into palace environment after certain period of time and finally integrated into many designs.
Interestingly nitik is a Javanese word that can also mean niteni or marking based on data or facts. So, simple and humble of human beings character can show something bigger if gathered and analysed carefully. Ah my…. Why should it be that complex? Just enjoy the batik beauty, Beloved.
Selamat Hari Raya!
May all beings be happy. 💞
When moments collide, Time slows down, space enlarges. A coincidence?
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Based on solar calendar, it is my father’s birthday today. Based on lunar calendar it is his death commemoration.
Mathematically the two calculations are crossing, astronomically celestial bodies are in moving in harmony, momentarily it’s just a coincidence. To his family it’s a special moment— celebrating a point when an important human being’s life in the world is started and ended.
God bless you, Bapak. Happy 0th birthday! Are you watching me? Thank you. But no need, just take a rest, I’m safe now. 😘
Under the green leaf, Crawls then sleeps. Wake up with love. Fly, Butterfly, fly.
Metamorphosis of egg to caterpillar to cocoon before butterfly is beautiful and relevant with the cycles of human being’s life in all aspect.
How someone finds a potential and amplifies the potential with any resources that one can think of such as schooling, taking courses/training/workshop, reading, listening, watching, contemplating, consultancy…. Oh some others who don’t have clear thinking include their actions of cheating, stealing, breaking the law, stepping the integrity lines, backstabbing, etc.
It is like witnessing the eggs sheltered by some shade of plants and with the weather and pressure, they are pushed to crawl out of the shells. Here it comes one hungry caterpillar, playing happily, eating this, eating that, eating these, eating those, eating everything. This caterpillar can only stop eating when one feels numb and one’s fullness melts away and wraps itself to sleep. The things one consumed liquifies it like ice thawed in a plastic bag.
Sleep soundly, hungry caterpillar and don’t wake up until someday your fluid self come into form, embodied into a totally different creature. The butterfly you are!
There was a time when an employee is so preoccupied with what one is doing, as if one is wrapped in a system that trapped one doing the same thing like no choice is given. One does it everyday until finally not having to think of how to do it already. One might feel the job is ingrained as a thought, a feeling, an intuition, movement, the life itself. Trained skills and talents make an art, the integrity shapes wisdom. A job—when has become a dedication— will not betray a human being.
Hope someday mine becomes one. It is never about how high I climb but about how deep I dive into the commitment of making what I’m doing a wisdom and benefits for those we promise to protect and support.
I think it is ok to be one hungry caterpillar, looking greedy and craving for more knowledge, experiences, adventures. As long as it knows where poison lies, it is safe to chew and swallow anything. No no not anything…. Select wisely, Beloved.
I remember Steve Jobs said “Stay foolish, stay hungry”. That person really knew what he was doing. Many people might have thought negatively about him, laughed at what he was doing, called him crazy, kicked him out for having different ideas, backstabbed him to stop his annoyance. Those people just didn’t know that that guy was a hungry caterpillar processing into a cocoon before butterfly. Amazing human being! God bless time when he was alive and forever.
Hmm…. Perhaps he truthfully made himself hungry by fasting and foolish by learning and unlearning.
God bless you, Steve Jobs and the people around his belief about staying foolish and hungry.
Salam….
Silent nights have come To sit still and greet the heart. Please forgive me, Love.
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Ramadhan month is almost over. Many Muslim will spend the last 10 days of Ramadhan in the mosques. They focus on the zikr (remembrance) by enchanting attributes of God and reciting the Quran. They call it i’tikaf— literally meaning staying put or sitting still, commonly understood as retreat in the mosque to worship the God recommended at the last 10 days of Ramadhan. How beautiful those nights are!
How lucky people who have the time to spend with themselves and look in to their own inner journey.
I’m not a devoted one so I don’t do the i’tikaf anymore. For retreat I prefer attending discussion or meditation session or just being alone contemplating or just wandering at the nature.
I feel lucky that this past one year has been a kind of long retreat through the working from home during pandemic. I’ve got sufficient time to do what I missed doing for almost the past 12 years in which back to back trips were a cup of tea, and do it slowly with (sometimes not full) awareness.
Cooking own food, washing own clothes, cleaning the whole house alone, running or walking at the river bank, biking around midnight time, painting, singing out loud at lunch time, writing journals and blog, watering my plants and talking to them, and so on…. All thanks to working from home—
Thanks to Life for all those. Thanks for everything.
At the same time I made a series of mistakes to someone. Some things are misunderstood naturally. It’s gonna be ok. I hope Life forgives me and lets my journey be easier.
May all beings be happy. 💞
Where’s home, Beloved That gives warmth, food and laughter? Winter gets longer.
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Never was in mind that I would live in the time of Corona. Gabriel Garcia Marquez sounds relatable.
Salam….
Heaven is open When words bear petals of rose. Blessings with no end—
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What is luxury? The rarely found, Beloved Regardless its price—
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Some find synonyms of luxury in caviar, Hermes, Lambo, penthouse, blahblahblah…. Not always
It’s my luxury today! 🥰
This night gets longer. More dreams linger in silence. Lid the bucket list.
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I pray to have enough time to be able to visit all places in my bucket list as 2020 and 2021’s trips are unchecked. If only dreaming is stoppable,
Thanks God I enjoy getting lost walking or biking that’s the best option in this cute island.
May all beings be happy.
🍀
It's almost your day You're the best gift for you. Yes, Unbox yourself now.
Are you bored of celebrating unboxing the best gift which is you for you? Hope not….
Almost given up: Milestones to reach the final. Language of dreams
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Japanese is almost as difficult as Arabic but I didn’t find hard time learning Arabic as the brain was much fresher with more time to focus on lessons by then. I almost gave up this Japanese lesson as I felt too slow. Until today mixing up between シ and ツ still happens again and again. Different forms of adjective and noun when tenses change still confuse me. The crazy kanji has also tortured me. Why did I even learn this language? 🤪 Drama! 🥰
But hey! I won’t stop until I can read and compose beautiful poems in Japanese. Too much a dream? Ok, I won’t stop until I can present the company’s Code of Conduct in Japanese! Making more sense! 😁
If the teacher isn’t this good, I might have given up earlier. The Sensei is such an expert of Japanese language and culture that she can make me understand why those Japanese I’ve met have behaved so strangely not as I expected Japanese I thought would be. 😝
Some people are just so “like that” regardless they are Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Singaporean or any other….. Life is so interesting, take it easy!
God bless all….
Flow, Beloved. Flow. Be a river whose stream knows Its gravity. Yours Is me? Making it flow back To where a home is. Within—
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A river is a river only when the stream is moving to a point of a pulling force. Don’t get stuck or blocked because that is when you lose your being as a river.
Find the tiniest gap and flow….
Flower is blooming In a dry valley. No grudge— Just beauty and life
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Flower is everywhere as beauty is. Find it in you.
You look perfect, Love Mechanically living. I can’t reach you, Love. You’re deadly cold snow— heartless Pushing me farther away.
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Some work of art is precisely designed, formulated and worked by robot. Accuracy, precision, flawless
Some is beautifully designed, measured and worked by living artist whose movement is built through heart and soul. Relatively beautiful with direct human touch
Each prefers one with some price
Some human beings are so mechanical, they don’t know how to respond others humanely. They simply see things through a flow chart. Hope that this group extinct soon.
May all beings be happy.
Beyond layered skies Is beauty unknown, my Love I’ll never give up.
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This I wishes happiness to that you across the ocean although the you never knows….
When you reach the shore, Let the sand pull you into Everlasting pores, Put life to start once again. Life stories of wave and wind
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How will you be back to shore after being brought back to sea….
….every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, birthday, death, life….
….Repeatedly?
Ripple can disturb A placid lake. Tidal wave Won’t change a rough sea.
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I’m a small lake, whereas you’re the wide sea. Dear, with the roughness you can’t feel the softest heart. Too bad….
May all beings be happy.
You’re a paradox. Close but distant; tangibly Impalpable sphere—
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I know you’re around. I just know. I trust you, Beloved. You smell like mid spring, sound like jazz, taste like sugar cane, feel like breeze, but not sure look like what….
May all beings be happy.
Is it love or pride To push through? Fortunately Engineerable—
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Some choose love over pride, some pride over love. No one can truly win over either because love and pride can be carved on to two faces of a coin. Ones need to toss the coin and get any appearance of one face not by luck. It is well designed, constructed and furnished.
How?
Culturally obviously….
True, Love. As long as you are being human, you can never absolutely win over one over another (the other?). It’s about how you grow through all dimensions in which you are: physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, economically, politically.
Accept it.
May all beings be happy.
Mount Bromo, where sun cheerfully rises
What is after this? What shall we be transformed, Love? Trust me, Beloved.
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Trust is my key. It is with what I address what I can’t see behind the curtains. Be it good or bad, the journey is ahead. God bless each breath I take and the air I release….
May all beings be happy.
Cold weary corner Keeps things alive. It’s a choice To put some colours.
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Often time one puts everything in one place and let the other space vacant because it is easier to get whatever within reach. It is good, yet sometimes one should follow the heart to reach out those beyond spatiality.
Re-arrange and better manage one’s self.
Where are you now, Love? Home is around the corner. Turn right and be there.
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One of good friends sent her work of art, compiling her memories of Sulawesi trips into a sweet calling-home clip.
Thank you, Mbak Adek for reminding me that I’ve got home, a beautiful one. A beautiful home is a heaven on earth and in heart.
Home is where heaven is. Good friends make you realise that it’s real!
Salaam.
This video was produced by Adek Azhar. She is a cat lover, a happy mother and grandmother, a good friend, a crazy traveler, a senior journalist as best description of her. Can’t wait to travel with her after pandemic in our small group of awkward travelers! 💞
Colours adorn day— Connect it to a mood which Is the token. Not?
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Flowers can give positive vibes in the room and even in the house. Working from home takes more effort to stay vibrant as for at least 8 hours some employees won’t be in “real contact” with other human beings; online platform can’t fully accommodate the actual need of interaction among human beings.
One of my colleagues in China who has the same interest in flower with me sometimes sends pictures of her today’s flower display. Last week she sent white peony. She knows I really really really want to have peony, which isn’t available in Singapore.
To some ladies flower is a medicine, curing some disturbed moods.
May all beings be happy.
Down the hill she walks, A meadow where the breeze blows. Steps for a journey—
Can leaf be not green, Beloved? As you wish, Love, I’ll send you Autumn. Don’t send Autumn, Beloved, You’ll break the Law of Tropic.
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How do I love you? You’re my movie. You’re my song. I memorise you. You know me not. Read me not. Flashback through this diary.
What’s being neighbours? Readily help and share with; Willing to be, too—
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My homebase starts materializing. Yay! It is in Yogyakarta, a small city that is socio-culturally integrated (different ethnic, religion and political groups are well blended), not so crowded and modern (sayonara, Jakarta!), with existing international airport, etc, etc, etc. And one most important thing is good friends are living there.
I always love to be and to have good and reliable neighbour(s). Those good friends will be my neighbours from whom I will get help and support when needed and who are willing to get helps and supports from me. They are not in the same housing complex but still in the same city.
For the past four days my menu has been all about banana. Banana for breakfast. Banana for lunch. Banana for dinner. Banana either cooked or just eaten not cooked. How much ever I felt bored with banana, I had to finish the banana because neighbours confirmed of not liking and wanting banana. Their expressions of “oh that banana?”, “banana hahaha”, “ummm banana but…” left a tiny puncture on my poverty pride. Maybe next time I’ll share gold or cash and see if the puncture moves to another point hahaha…
My “active neighbours” said to me it is not so common to share food with “any neighbours” nowadays. Or, they want to give but they don’t want to accept. Yes, yes, they are so right. I learnt another lesson about this people.
My so called “active neighbours” nowadays are the cleaning services and security guards with whom I can share food and wishes freely. Hey, hey I never share left over, all food is either cooked by me or packed from stores/restaurants purposefully for them. Respect to all my active neighbours. 🙏🏼
When I shared the pictures of those cooked banana in the Instagram and how much I’d love to share the banana (cooked or not cooked) with neighbours, my neighbours-will-be in Yogyakarta gave welcoming comments including they would love to share their cookings too, and that alone has made me confident of moving to that city and hopefully living comfortably there in the (not so near) future.
Sometimes I feel that I don’t belong to this place. Yet I know I have to be here for some time before leaving these things behind and enjoy being a human living side by side with others without other temporary identity; just being me, being human.
I know it will happen, not very soon; but it will happen. Now I am happy with this temporary identity and want to be a good neighbour for anyone who is willing to be my neighbour.
One more thing: I’ll grow banana in the future homebase and cook the best banana recipe and share it with neighbours there! 😂
May all beings be happy.
Defined with honour, Integrated in mindset: Sublime happiness—
Having beautiful dreams everyday for one week is blessings in a row. The best of mine recently was finding so many ruby stones while walking home. When waking up, sense of calmness and relief were present yet at the same time a question of whether happiness was here. In the dream I still had to polish the ruby to shine, but at least those stones were given to me.
A couple of years ago I joined a noble silence in Bali, a one-week-no-gadgets-no-books-no-media-no-talk-just-be-with-yourself-although-living-in-a-dorm-with-other-people-and-be-vegetarian-plus-meditation-almost-the-whole-day. A top luxury for someone like me
Not about the noble silence, but a lot of things came back to me especially on how happiness is perceived by different people with different social, cultural, economical backgrounds.
In that noble silence there attended many different people from all walks of life: someone working in a prominent firm in NYC, fashion designer from Paris with one’s daughter, a family from Australia, a rich flight attendant of one of the best airline on earth, a rich person naming himself a party animal, a young start up owner who once talked in front of a president of the super power, an entrepreneur from Spain with one’s daughter, all others I can’t remember who because we practically didn’t introduce each other further. We stared and smiled with each other maybe once for that one week because each was simply busy with one’s self.
I was surprised that those who appeared so proud and happy and unshakeable finally shared in the closing ceremony how they struggled in life and how the noble silence brought realisation to them — simply by befriending with themselves. We were broken with different reasons: family matters, public cases, friendship, romance, work, trauma, fear of things and so on and so forth.
One more thing, struggling is not about how big the problem is but it is about how something disturbs the state of one’s clear mind. Nothing is defined too small when it shakes the boat.
I miss another noble silence, one of the biggest luxuries of life.
May all beings be happy.
rike jokanan 
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