When I Die….

Have you ever thought about death? When you die….
Whom do you want to meet when you die? Ok. When I die, I want….

I want to release all my bonds to this current life.

When I die,
I still want to meet Bob my cat, Greece my cat, Grace my cat, Item my cat, Moppy oh our beloved dog, Tucul and Tesi my tortoises, Kliwon the cat, all the cats I’ve met and all the dogs I’ve met and other animals I’ve never met but I know they’re there…. One dear dog dragging his rear legs somewhere in West Jakarta while I could get off the bus to help (damn, this memory haunts me with guilt), a dog staring at my eyes while he was held by someone to a slaughter house and again I could not help (damn, this experience breaks my heart and still haunts me), all animals having helped me to realize that life is so short yet too precious to be left a sole second for “recreation without creation” or “creation without recreation”. Those animals have led me to create awareness inside my own self while enjoying my existence; they’ve led me to recreate joy to blessings while creating solutions for obstacles in life.

Those animals are so precious.

Ahhh…. My human family still mean something to me and I want to meet them when I die…. But they should come with a group of animals I’ve missed ha ha ha….

I think I’m daydreaming. But seriously, when I die….
I want to release all my guilt and unfinished duties.
Let go….
Then I die happy.

Singapore – July 15, 2015 – 12:12am

Life is Too Short….

Life is too short to hoard!!!

Waking up early this morning, I found that my living space looked very untidy. But is it really the untidiness the problem? Not at all…. Coz when I checked it once again, the reason is because there are too many things. Just way too many….

Books are just piling, out of the shelf. Clothes – some un-ironed – are stuffing the three-door closet; a closet with three doors mean too much for me since I used to have only one door or two before. Too many clothing. Boxes, paper bags, plastic containers, and so on and so forth please name it…. Huft!

I’ve been hoarding.

And I’ve gotta stop myself! Or else, my life will be full of unnecessary things.

I decided to throw some unused things away. Giving away second-hand things is the last option here in Singapore since I have to wait until someone requests the unused stuff is there. Believe it or not, a friend of mine threw away a piano, still working. And, just last week we threw away one washing machine – a functional washing machine – just because we bought a new one. Weeks ago I saw a very nice book shelf stood underground near parking lot for rubbish collection. People just don’t know whom to give things to.

I promise to stop buying more things coz I believe I have all things needed. I just ought to optimize their utilities. Ready? YESSS!!!

Ok, pack it up and go!

Singapore – July 12, 2015 – 7:45pm

Greg – Our Beloved Tomcat

Greg, I heard from mother that it’s your 12th day not going home… Where are you? We hope you are ok. If only you have sent yourself to the other side, please be safe. Enjoy your new life in heaven. We’re sure you’re happy….

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But if you are still out there, please go home. Your plate is always full with your favorite fish. The bowl is full with clean water. And, your favorite corner is not occupied by anyone else. Yours is still yours.

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Greg, we miss you…. I hope you are there for me to hug when I’m home this Idul Fithri. And, Greek is missing you, too. Mom said that Greek was waiting for you everyday near your plate… Come back, boy! IMG_3705

Wherever you are. see you, my dear brother….

Seremban – July 5, 2015 – 6:15pm

Google – Father’s Day

Do you celebrate Father’s Day? Frankly, I myself don’t. But today I found Google commemorated Father’s Day and I’ve got amazed with the green animated doodles….

So sweet of how they show the father-child bonds. Thanks Google for reminding me of how much my father loved me…. I love you so much, Bapak.

Just to share with you some screenshots captured by my Mac.

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Penang – June 21, 2015 – 12:16am

Never Stay Put

Arriving from Penang yesterday, I’m now packing for another visit to Penang (again) tomorrow. Not being so keen to Penang (except the durian), having some fun in Singapore for weekend is preferable than Penang (doing some laundry, tidying up the room, hugging my dear stuffed animal dolls). Going back from Penang, I’ll be in Jakarta for a very short while (meeting some friends, seeing Moppy & others). After that I’ll be to a couple of other destinations before finally stationary in Singapore until mudik (visiting hometown) to my mom’s town, Tulungagung.

Some friends would ask me when to stop traveling. Should I stop? It’s an enjoyment to meet people from different places in which they are…. Maybe someday traveling will only be for visiting poeple needing my healing supports – but not now, not yet.

However, today I’ve been thinking of stopping for a while, doing nothing in a day or two, staying put in one official residence. But in vain…

Please know that I’m living on earth, a plane(t) that constantly travels around the Universe…. So why bother listening to those suggesting me to stay? We’re traveling together.

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Singapore – June 20, 2015 – 3:42pm

Picture borrowed from http://ak7.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/582571/preview/stock-footage-planet-earth-with-fire-trail-loop-able.jpg

Animal Rescuers – Meowy Cat Shelter, Penang

I’m in Penang. Again.
It’s gonna be a fun day tomorrow – going for a durian party with my team to Balik Pulau. But it’s not the most impressive of my current trip. The tiptop of my gratitude is meeting with two animal rescuers: Pauline and Alexis, both are from Meowy Cat Shelter.

I saw one kitten cry desperately in front of hotel when I got back from a meeting but I could not rescue it because I was not allowed to go into the room with any pet so I browsed the Net to find any cat lover community in the island but failed. I called a friend – who is afraid of cat – to ask if she could recommend me to a cat lover, expectedly failed. Another friend, failed as well. Then I sent one short message to a random contact I got from the Net saying that I saw a cat bla bla bla…. – no reply. I decided to go up to my room, while the cat was frightened and hid under a white car parked exclusively next to the wheelchair ramp. It was a sad moment – not being able to help a helpless creature.

One of my friends unexpectedly iMessage-d me that she was parking her car in front of hotel lobby to get the kitten to her house before being delivered to SPCA in Jelutong. So, I flew downstairs meeting her hoping that the kitten was still there. I brought a bag for a rescue preparation.

But it wasn’t there, the car was also gone. The security guard who also saw the kitten told me that he’d tried his best to seek but in vain…. I patrolled around the hotel and apartment complex for the baby – no appearance. So, I asked her to leave because it was already 10:00pm, while she should have taken care of her family after work.

Surprisingly, my SMS to the random contact was replied saying “Please contact Alexis, I’m not in Penang right now. She’ll take the kitten. Meanwhile, if possible please smuggle the cat into the room until Alexis arrives. Thanks, Pauline.”

I told her that the kitten was nowhere to find. But she said “Find or not, please contact Alexis. We are from Meowy Cat Shelter…. You can find us in Facebook.”

A long conversation through Whatsapp happened afterwards, ended in an appointment to meet up in my next trip to Penang.

I also called Alexis twice telling her what was happening, I promised her to contact her if I see the kitten and even bring to her as long as I find it before I leave to Singapore on Friday.

This trip I might get a bit of despair because of not being able to 100% solve one particular case but I can feel a bit of joy of meeting beautiful souls like Pauline and Alexis above….

Life is offering a balance between yin and yang, even in a very simple way so no need to feel so dearly scared of not being able to smoothly move on (= on single piece of thin hair).

Thank you dear Lil’ Kitten for connecting me with Pauline and Alexis during this limbo.

I hope I can meet you oye kitten, Pauline and Alexis. God bless you!

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Penang – June 15, 2015 – 11:59pm

Gaia Sophia

Dear Mother Earth,

For years this plane has lingered on your generosity,
Enjoying the life with almost no edge.
And, today — just today — the mind remembers again
That you’ve been not only generously nourishing
But also wisely enriching.

If ever this plane has to unite with you,
Please accept it with love.
Please embrace it with warmth.
Please absorb it with positive sensitivity.
Please grow with its pure zest.
And, please send it as best regards to the Heavenly Father above….

Dear Mother Earth,

That this plane is later meaningless for the Soul
Is a different story.
But please know that the Soul is of knowingly aware about what is happening to you.
You are being tortured,
You are being cracked,
You are being sucked,
You are being destroyed,
You are being malnourished,
You are being negatively treated….
By your children through the devilish thought
That has stealthily been occupying you for an evil sake.

Dear Mother Earth,

The center of my plane orbit….
Please stand still.
Please breathe calmly.
Please be tough
Yet be soft.
Please be knowing that you are still loved,
Still protected.
Still be synchronized.
Still be cared.
By some children of yours
Who nourish themselves with your wisdom.

Please be still Gaia Sophia.

Singapura – June 6, 2015 – 5:47pm

Lark Is Singing For Moppy

I met Moppy last Monday in Jakarta. Hugging him for about 10 minutes at one time plus several minutes after that…. The sensation was he was saying “I am ok, never mind. It’s all right now.”

I felt that it would be my last time seeing him. The coming weeks would be a very hectic time and won’t probably good space to fly in to Jakarta again. That’s why I forced myself to meet him this week; whatever it takes to do…. But if he still wants to spare some time to be hugged, I’ll take his lead.

I feel a lark lingering around. She is singing songs telling me a handsome boy named Moppy is the messenger who brings messages to each of warriors around him – to keep striving for perfection in life. The songs are like flowing river, going to the ocean – ocean of growing love.

The lark is singing while perching, while flying – it’s a sign that the messages are constantly delivered – never stop even the warriors are focusing on something else.

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Moppy, if it’s your time, please don’t wait until the warriors are stopping to sit with you. Please take the lead and the warriors are following your way. The warriors are here to stay, deciphering the messages you have brought to them. Even some messages you bring are now not read, those unread would be found in time.

Moppy, throw away your little worry. The warriors have made their pledge that they would be faithful to their missions. That they would be on the right path until they meet you in the other side.

It’s a beautiful chance to be with you in life for just several hours. Been a precious time to hug you and to sing some songs for you….

My heart is filled with love and gratitude and forgiveness that may lead our way to the Light.

Sending my love, blessings and forgiveness to a handsome boy named, Moppy. Be comfortable…..

Singapura – June 3, 2015 – 10:29pm

Playing With Mom

I took pictures of some orangutans in Semenggoh Wild Center, Kuching, Malaysia – adult and young and got causght by this particular pose. Not really a pose made but let’s call it a pose — one orangutan mother was having lunch with her toddler. So playful and fun – yet nobody of the spectators expressed their excitement with sounds. All were smiling and some children were making very soft giggles (normal to loud voice would alert orangutans to go away). Just enough to know that we all felt the joy of witnessing the loving bond between mom and kid some 50 meters away of us.

Lesson I learnt: how ugly and silly your mom is, she is still the most understanding human on earth so never give her up. And, how ugly and silly your child is, s/he is still the most adorable one so don’t let him/her down.

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Changi Airport – May 30, 2015 – 12:12pm

I Salute Labors

My job enables me to meet with factory workers almost everyday. Not seldom I’ve got the chance to talk to them. I thank Universe for this priviledge; not all of people have this luxury of knowing those hard working yet low earning people on earth.

Is their life easy? Not at all —

They have to stay in production area in rigid period of time, sometimes added with some hours of overtime to reach production target. Some employers used to restrict workers’ movement – not allowed to go for bio break was a common practice especially in sweat shop typically found in garment, footwear, furniture and other industries. But now more and more companies know that those people are human like them who need to have toilet break, drinking or even just for prayer and smoking — and they don’t have the reasons for not giving them permission them to break.

Let alone their jobs; for me to dress like them has been something not comfortable. Please see my pictures below: I was wearing factory uniforms designated for the sake of workers’ health & safety as well as the product quality.

Seriously, I salute factory workers for being patient people in the industry.

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Singapura – May 29, 2015 – 11:00pm

Falling In Love

I think I am so in love with the dog named Moppy…. that this song was just flowing.

How wonderful to sing this spontaneous tune to one I love. I hope your soul is listening to it and joy be with you always, Moppy

Melaka – May 24, 2015 – 9:52pm

Kucing di Kuching

Second biztrip to Kuching, to see kucing*….

I also visited Semenggoh Wild Centre (for orangutan), Gua Angin (Wind cave), Serikin (a market in the border of Sarawak with Indonesia where a market is served by Indonesian traders only – Indonesia banget boooow), boating in Sarawak River. Hope to see you again next time – next year eh?

IMG_1536 Cats in the city centre

IMG_1538Cat family

IMG_1526The boat heading to parliament building – enggang bird

IMG_1533 Shy sunset

*kucing = cat

hhonors – May 24, 2015 – 12:31am

Frog – A Transformation

So many years that butterfly is a symbol of transformation has been ingrained in my blood. From egg to caterpillar to cocoon then beautiful winged soft insect has been a cycle from a tiny little nothing to flying colors.

What about a frog?

Egg (Amplexus) then tadpole to froglet then frog
Isn’t that a cycle of transformation, too?

Yes, it indeed is.

But… What beauty can we extract from being a frog? Wait! It’s way too early to say no quality in a frog.

Frog is a sign of Spring — when life begins. Frog sings very loudly, invigorating the air of night, welcoming Summer.

A frog is a froglet losing its tail. What is tail for a frog, he doesn’t need (to) tail anymore. A frog is mature enough to take its way without tail(gating). So, are you a frog or a froglet?

And, a frog is one independent evolved egg that is able in detaching itself from the cluster wrapping thousands of eggs and escaping from the fish and other water predators. Ohlala…. You are a successful individual when reaching frog phase.

A frog is a froglet transforming from a water body to live in both water and land and ready to breed. It represents someone able to find the core of reality — being a physical cum spiritual being. Both needs to be developed and maintained; they weave and knit together to generate “haute couture” in a life time of a developed spirit. Balaced Yin and Yang: This happens as part of a frog’s being, our being.

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So, human being transforms not only like a butterfly but possibly also like a frog….

Which do you choose as your picturesque analogy? You choose.

It’s just a thought pouring down in the middle of the night before a short sleep welcoming a new day.

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Singapura – May 19, 2015 – 1:07am

It’s About New Life.

And, when your soul is weary and asking what is to keep this life worthwhile? Listen to this song, and sing along….

Lyric below:

masshiro na yukimichi ni harukaze kaoru
watashi wa natsukashii
ano machi wo omoidasu

kanaetai yume mo atta
kawaritai jibun mo ita
ima wa tada natsukashii
ano hito wo omoidasu

dareka no uta ga kikoeru
dareka wo hagemashiteru
dareka no egao ga mieru
kanashimi no mukougawa ni

hana wa hana wa saku
itsuka umareru kimi ni
hana wa hana wa saku
watashi wa nani wo nokoshita darou

yozora no mukou no
asa no kehai ni
watashi wa natsukashii
ano hibi wo omoidasu

kitsutsuite kitsutsukete
mukuwarezu naitari shite
ima wa tada itooshii
ano hito wo omoidasu

dareka no omoi ga mieru
dareka to musubareteru
dareka no mirai ga mieru
kanashimi no mukougawa ni

hana wa hana wa saku
itsuka umareru kimi ni
hana wa hana wa saku
watashi wa nani wo nokoshita darou

hana wa hana wa saku
itsuka umareru kimi ni
hana wa hana wa saku
watashi wa nani wo nokoshita darou

hana wa hana wa saku
itsuka umareru kimi ni
hana wa hana wa saku
itsuka koisuru kimi no tame ni

Singapura – May 18, 2015 – 1:09am

Animal Welfare

Many people love animals. They have pets by buying animals from petshop, getting from family or friends as gift, adopting animals from shelters or simply taking the animals from the road. Do they love animals indeed?

Yes or no….

Owning animals is not number one indicator of loving animals. The main indicator is how they treat the animals. So, after they bring the animals home, what will they do? Just putting them outside the home since they are just animals? Or, they let those animals stay inside the home as family?

More than that: do they provide good and healthful food for the animals or just throw rubbish to the animals?

Do they give good health service to the animals? Vaccine, neuter, deworm, shampooing or bathing, teeth cleaning, etc…. Please care about it.

Do they let the animals suffer from anything uncomfortable? Give them good place to sleep on. Spare them enough space. Do you know that in many petshops animals are kept in very small cages that make them go crazy. Please know this, consider this. Be loving to your pets…. Even to any animals.

Do they let those animals be animals? What is letting animals be animals? It is simply not putting clothes to them. Some people think dressing their pets is upgrading the dignity of those animals? No, it is downgrade their dignity, friends. And, at the same time making the animals into inconvenient situation: they feel hot especially animals in tropical climate. So, do you still want to keep the cats and dogs or rabbits etc in your stupidly-chosen clothes? Please stop entertainig yourselves by forcing human’s culture to animals.

This is a whining of today…. I’m grumbling because I think I haven’t done enough to animals for their welfare. Not only me, but many people are so ignorant to animals just because they are animals.

So, let’s change our mindset. Animals are our fellow creatures who logically only lacks ability to anallyse, who physically aren’t developed like us, who genetically outnumber in DNA. So, basically we have many same components making them deserve to be treated justly, well and with love and care.

Time to realize what we can fix. Love them. Please stop being violent to them. Show that we are the caretaker of this universe by respecting our fellow creatures.

If you really hate animals, no need to express your hatred. Please just halt and don’t do harm to them.

Oh, how tiring it is to see that this earth is full of people treating animals badly.

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inspired by Bob, Greece, Moppy, Ucil, Jeliteng and all other animals greeting me with love

Taipei – May 14, 2015 – 9:17pm

Asa – haiku (bilingual)

Dia berhitung.
Air mata berjatuhan,
Diserap asa.

He has been counting.
Teardrops fall, run down to soil,
Absorbed by the Hope.

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To Moppy, with love….

Singapura – May 4, 2015 – 11:53pm

Hari Kartini

Siang tadi seorang teman mengirimkan pesan whatsapp, bunyinya: “Bagaimana kamu memaknai Hari Kartini?” Pertanyaan kok berat-berat gitu to ya? Akhirnya kujawab “Bentar, asah batu akik dulu baru bisa jawab.”

Beberapa tahun lalu mudah rasanya memaknai sesuatu, gampang sekali mengucapkan kata-kata baik lisan maupun tulisan. Ada di tulisan saya ini: .

Nah, tahun ini pertanyaan tentang makna Hari Kartini justru merangsang rangkaian pertanyaan di benak: sudah benarkah pengetahuan sejarah tentang Kartini? Sejauh mana surat-surat yang dikompilasi itu menceritakan kisah yang sesungguhnya? Apakah memang emansipasi wanita itu yang seperti dikonsepkan berbagai corong toa bernama media?

Nggak bisa dibahas di sini — sebab nggak semangat nulisnya. Tapi masih ada jalan untuk memaknai Hari Kartini demi mencari jawaban yang lebih jujur: dengan mencari tahu kehidupan Eyang Kartini secara proporsional (bukan lagi menurut Pram atau Imron atau penulis lainnya), memahami arti emansipasi.

Ok, mari kita mulai….

Emansipasi berasal dari kata emancipate yang artinya “memerdekakan, membebaskan”. Sebebas apa yang kita bisa? Sebebas apa yang kita mau? Sebebas apa yang kita perlu?

Eyang Kartini bebas naik dokar pergi ke luar pagar walau harus didampingi. Dia masih surat-menyurat dengan sahabat penanya – jaman itu belum ada email, jadi dia suruh-suruh orang juga buat kirim surat ke kantor pos kali ya. Dia juga memodali pengusaha perabot jati berukir walau tak mencapai kesuksesan layaknya konglomerat – kalau nggak dari suami atau orangtuanya kayaknya Kartini nggak ada duit (nggak kerja boooow…). Tapi ingat, dia masih mau menjadi priyayi, mengikut tradisi Jawa dipersunting lelaki priyayi dan rela dimadu. Di sisi lain (mungkin) dibanding Eyang Sartika yang dari Jawa Barat Eyang Kartini kalah egaliternya. Eyang Kartini masih kurang terbebaskan, kalah termerdekakan daripada Eyang Sartika. So, sebebas apa yang Kartini bisa atau mau atau perlu? Itu tergantung bagaimana kita ingin menakarnya, berdasarkan pengetahuan yang kita gali dan nilai yang kita anut.

Sampai sekarang aku masih percaya ada kisah kecil tentang Eyang Kartini yang tak tersampaikan bahwa dia tetap bahagia jadi orang Jawa, tidak menyesal menjadi orang yang terpenjara di balik tembok kadipaten…. Walau di beberapa suratnya pada mevrow Belanda dia mengeluhkan tentang betapa sedihnya melihat nasib kaumnya (baca: perempuan Jawa). Dan lalu, berdasarkan sejarah yang dipaparkan oleh media itu sebagian wanita Indonesia getol memperjuangkan kemerdekaannya sampai ada juga yang kebablasan. Kebablasan? Oops!

Maafkan aku, mungkin tak ada juga kata atau esensi kebablasan karena kebablasan itu tentang takaran dan takaran itu bisa berbeda atas matra waktu, ruang dan lain-lain.

Ngelantur…. Jadi maknanya apa dong?

Baiklah. Lebih baik aku mencari batas kemerdekaan karena sesungguhnya sebaik-baik pemahaman tentang kemerdekaan adalah ketika kita telah melengkapinya dengan pemahaman tentang batas-batas.

Repot ngurus kemerdekaan Eyang Kartini sebagai wanita Jawa kuno….
…. Karena sejatinya jiwanya telah merdeka.

Singapura – 21 April 2015 – 9:10pm

Animal Power – Still About Moppy

Why does Moppy pull me so strongly? I feel him like a magnet to iron-me. His force is around me, like swarming moths to the Light…. But, Moppy is the Light and I’m the swarming moths is the true be.

Friends, I’ve never met this dog but I fall for him already.

This afternoon, I talked to him through the path of pure souls. We love you, Moppy. Your rescuer – Mommy Tinny Chen – loves you so much, and believe that many more love you. They just don’t know how to express their love either because they’re not accustomed to love pure soul like you or they’re blind about purity.

Moppy, I see an elephant in me. I resolve…. I help but I’m not everything. I have to move forward toward the fulfilment of heart’s desire. No ego’s fear and discouragement can stop me; ‘coz it’s all spirit-driven. Let me embrace you along my roam.

I see a giraffe in you. You foresee…. You have the longest neck so you can see for us all.
Even though no one can predict the future with any absolute certainty, at this time you can see with great clarity what lies ahead. What do you see? What do you want to see? Stop, and look at the horizon, beyond what’s right in front of you then you know clearly…. That love expands without boundary. Never worry.

I see a monkey, symbol of ingenuity, adaptability in your mommy. She takes a good look at every situation. She’s brave, grabs all branches to conquer the wild. And, she should be ready to shift from one situation to another. She never stops till no tree is to climb anymore. Tough loving mommy, Moppy.

Moppy, this journey is ours but you are the captain of the boat. Befriend with the breeze…. If you should sail across, go and bring our love. Whichever your direction, you are always here. This love never leaves you, it stays like a light penetrating layers of curtains.

If the land is where you stay, free your true Self from suffer and pain.

We love you, dear Pure Soul Moppy.

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Singapore – April 16, 2015 – 9:43pm

Silent Moment – To Moppy With Love

Silent moment,
Embracing you in a the dark of Light.
The bliss of knowing you
Has made this life perfectly joyous.

Hold on….
There is a rendezvous
Before you sail
Across the river of blessings
To the wholeness….

Love you as always….

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Singapura – April 14, 2015 – 12:04pm