graphs of my Universe
I buy your voice with hearing.
I buy your look with sight.
I buy your scent with smelling.
Some I buy with touch and taste.
I buy, never take anything from you for free.
Now you agree senses are currency, no?
A voice screams in whisper:
From whom do you get the senses?
She's in a daze
Again and again,
Failed in transaction
Against
You.
Let there be light.
Let there be light.
Light in heart.
Light of heart.
Light around heart.
Light through heart.
Light borrowed.
Light lent.
Light along this journey.
Light journey.
Light heart.
this heart feels the lightest when I’m riding my bike, exploring the greenery around the neighborhood
rain, I love you but please pause on just one day so I can either visit the water lilies in the river or tropical flowers in the paths around the reservoir
💛
Pernahkah kau diam
Dari hari-harimu yang bising,
Yang terus ambil kendali,
Yang terus mau terdahulu,
Yang melucuti pejalan sunyi,
Yang membuat hati lain tenggelam,
Yang mencabuti akar harapan,
Yang mengeringkan daun semi,
Yang perlahan dijauhi kelembutan diri?
Diamlah
Sampai hening.
Diamlah
Sampai ramai pun jadi hening.
Sehari tiada cukup.
Seminggu terlalu pendek.
Sebulan belum berarti.
Setahun baru kau buka pintu terluar.
Semuda usiamu,
Setua leluhur terdahulumu.
Diam
Hening
apa artinya waktumu tanpa hening? hanya bunyi tik-tik atau tik-tok — hanya suara dalam konteks tanpa makna yang benar-benar membangunkan dirimu sendiri
❣️
Life is just like that.
It is round, square, triangle
Seen from three angles.
Life is just like that.
Like what?
Like what I’ve never thought but I can handle it by letting go.
I thank Gusti Allah for making me a human being so I can experience being human who lives as an ordinary person, maybe less than ordinary 🤐
It is everyday lessons come and go. Some challenging, some lighter. Some are leveled up or completed, in fact some are repeated. Repetition of lessons means that a human being fails to accept what is favourable to now here and to let go of what is not favourable for the soiritual journey to achieve clarity about being human. I’m one of this that’s why I learn from all of you. ☺️
As much as I want no repetition of mistakes though I will accept life as it is, still with kindness. Kindness to whom? To myself and to others although being kind to myself might be a delayed kindness to others — it doesn’t matter, it is just about time or perception.
Photo: Yes, I will always be seen half or less than half by those who see themselves partially: either good or evil, not even a sweet arrangement of those two.
Life is just like that. ☺️
About a year, Love
Where you're present and again
Giving me all joy-
2024 was such a year! Thanks much for the one year teaching me again to warmly love sincerely with little to no condition: unclear hints that broke my heart. Life is not always about glory; it’s also losing to win lessons.
2024 was about sudden trips & data as professional breakfast & lunch. I see how fast I process biased opinions & immediately detour to the right path! Such a training by & for brain muscles!
2025 is about continuing my spiritual journey with the same foundation: singularity, uniqueness & humanity;
also about doing my life work with dedication & expertise;
sweet friendship with those that respect and love each other as best friend;
about enjoying long weekends in Korine Jati soon & enjoying longer holiday somewhere else;
about keeping sharing the blessings with those around me verbally, materially, intelectually & spiritually in moderation;
& knowing & loving myself again, again, again….
…. all genuinely & with light heart.
Welcome, 2025. I already feel your sweetness.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025
dear, monkey mind
i don’t regret but it was the most painful moment in 2024 and thankfully i was helped by my life work
i love my messy hair that gets happy with breeze caressing it and my eyes that tell even when my mouth shuts
2024, thank you for bringing Banksy’s works of art to Scotts Road
Of thousands of dreams
Flowing, blocked, flowing again
With love, not anger--
Do I have many dreams? If many is defined by number based on Arabic rule in which more than 2 is many, I do have many dreams.
My biggest dream is to materialise my home where my family and friends will occasionally gather to chat around and to enjoy my cooking. My next dream is to travel to Morocco and Macchu Picchu with a loved one before I die. A loved one can be my best friend, my lover or my own self– it depends on the time, space and my final decision. The next ones are not so significant to share with many, let me keep them with myself.
Last night I conversed with my family about dream and there were so many dreams disclosed, from the mildest to the wildest. Then we put contexts on how each of us wanted to make the dreams come true. There were laughs and smiles and grins and opinions and feedbacks and compliments. We enjoyed teasing each other until finally everyone had to go back to each room for rest.
Those younger have dreams that I cannot even digest. The oldest of us has the mildest dream yet to me among all of us it is a powerful one: releasing everything before one dies.
Big dreamer, medium dreamer, small dreamer, tiny dreamer, meaningful dreamer, meaningless dreamer, whatever dreamer…. All are labels: do I care or not? I do care to sort who gives me labels: the labels are not important to me so I don’t mind people label me based on what they know about me but how they do it: genuinely or with prejudice, with anger or with love. The labels given to me is not about right or wrong, it’s about layers of my dear self. The labels given to me is about how people care about me based on their points of view– I can move to adjust the view or they can do.
My dream might be simple: having a(nother) home and that’s why I am called a simple dreamer by most friends but do they know what values I put into anything to build it: the design, the material, the character of the people involving in the projects, the prayer I request from all the elderly from my parents’ families, etc– they are precious to me. My cousin can be labeled as a simple dreamer just because she wants to release everything before she dies but do people know how life has toughened her that she has nothing but anger that can crack her with one soft touch and so she needs to let the toughness go to let softness embrace her soul?
Dreams can be used by people to label others. Some don’t want to be labeled. Some are ok to be labeled. Some don’t care with any labels. Those three are valid ways to protect themselves from cracking under pressure, the flexibility applied to glue the self together to walk the path of of dreams.
Whether the dreams can be achieved or not is not even the dreamer job to decide. I’ve seen dreamers cry, scold, die with dreams not coming true. Does it matter? No. The most important thing is the dreamer walks one’s path of dreams.
Whether labels affect the dreamer is another story. Although a dreamer says “Don’t label me” but one’s heart gets busy with false labeling, one is still in doubt. Although a dramer says “Label me I am ok” but one’s heart is still filtering the labels based on bias, one will be in doubt. Although a dreamer says “I don’t care about labels” but one still asks for opinions here and there without wising up, one will still doubt.
Yet is it wrong to doubt? No….
So?
Nothing really matters.
Just walk or fly or dive the paths of dreams, dear dreamers.
Words are just dust that cover the glass and so needs to be removed. Opinions and feedbacks are probably just judgment that cloud the view and so needs to be wiped. Evaluation is assessment is probably distraction and so needs to be thrown away. Forget it.
Me? I am a dreamer that walks my path of dreams, whether it is right or wrong, this mind will take the risk; whether it is small or big, this heart will contain it; whether it is good or bad, this thought will embrace it; whether my dream is coloured or black-and-white, this view will witness it; whether this dream is judged or not, I will acceot it. This self will only care to the words from those coming with love, not anger.
I am flowing, deciding to move on to what my dreams call beautiful: LOVE. I won’t evaluate others who only want complimet and agreement, I will be back to my consent of 2024: I am flowing quietly and calmly by knowing real blockage and debris so I live real although walking on path of dreams.
With your bless, dear Beloved.
If I'm a mother,
I'd be my children's student
And their wisdom guide.
I had a Sunday cafe date with a friend while she was accompanying her son having taekwondo class nearby.
Like usual only with this friend I can always agree to go out of my home at weekend except when I am really caught up with urgent work. With her (and her husband and children) I can talk freely with loud laughter without being afraid of any judgement. They are perhaps my closest friends here in Singapore.
One of the today’s topics was mother.
We know quite a bit about both of our journey of relationship with mothers. As daughter we had almost the same experience of dealing with mother: acceptance to be a daughter of a woman with very different mindset and nurturing experience.
Our acceptance to our mother’s love evolved beautifully. Both of us have realised how much our mothers love us and how much we both love those women called mother. It was just a matter of positioning based on respect and understanding. It is always about knowing what and how love manifests in life.
oolong tea, thanks for witnessing friends’ laughter and genuine talk
That she is herself a mother of two children has taught her what a mother’s love means. To me I experienced various conflicts and arguments with my mother until at one point I realised how hard it was to be in her position and how hard to me to accept the fact that I have to accept my position before her culturally, biologically and ethically.
This friend likes to share with me how she raises her kids and the vice versa, I also like to give case studies and see how she treats some situations. Among all married friends she might be the one I would like to be like in most situations, not all as we still have different opinions in some topics if I am a mother (I know it is just an if as I don’t even have a hope to be someone’s wife at this age). She is open to communicate with her kids and husband up to a level of sitting at a round table to openly argue about things; at the same time she has her boundary at which point a mother stops to force and at which line a child must respect parents.
Today’s was our last 2024’s meet-up. She will fly to Karuizawa, Japan on Dec 11 until end of year and I will finish my work before end-of-year’s home country leave for a short while.
This friend always makes me miss my mother.
Ibu, I will call you tomorrow morning…. Know that I will always love you . Know that I will say yes if you become my mother again in my next life.
💗
One day the noise vanishes
And I meet myself.
That's when I face
The real wind,
The real fire,
The real water,
The real forest,
The real iron,
The real marketplace.
The real that was just a narrative before.
The real within--
meditating is not as complicated as it seems
My first experience of meditation was in 2010. I guess it was the most stressful event (the biggest drama because I was still a drama queen) triggering me to join a meditation group in South Tangerang.
It was weekly, guided by a teacher who happened to be a teacher of almost everything called “magical” by all of the students. He taught us how to move objects without touching it, how to self talk, how to sense energy around our body or objects, how to telepath, etc until we realised that those things are not magic; they are simply natural based on each of the students’ gifts and/or training. My fellow meditators were those among others who communicate to animals, who draw someone’s “spiritual condition”, who “read” numbers, who heal using gemstones, who read tarot cards, who do past life regression and so on and so forth.
Me? None, I just sing and write poems although Pak Sonny Sumarsono Wuryadi (our teacher) said I would be a healer overseas — please note I didn’t even have a plan to move by then. And now I am not even a healer; I am still healing myself with no end. 😀
All those skills emerge only after we silence ourselves. Without silence no one can truly eject their inner gifts to the surface for one’s self (and others) to acknowledge. But silence is sometimes scary. To me especially my first silence was not comfortable: all those inner noises that were suppressed by busy work, packed schedules, noisy environment suddenly had to face the only noise that is more eloquent than a blunt message.
It took me around one year to be able to finally meditate “quietly” but still in a short time. And it was still guided, either by music or by recorded teacher’s instruction. Sometimes when exhausted, I would meditate while lying down (then falling asleep 🤪).
Although not gaining any “magical skills” like others, I earned calmness and gradually claimed back the reality after getting hit by my own life lessons. It was a basic skill that gave me courage to say no, confidence to be different and spirit to contribute to life.
Thank you, Seroja. You have equipped me with simple tips of meditation: “silence your surrounding, listen to your own noise even if that noise is the only calm you gain” and “you can sleep in your meditation because sleeping is the deepest state of meditation”.
I bless you Pak Sonny and all my fellow Seroja meditators. We might not meet anymore but my prayer is reaching you anywhere you are.
Bokor Kencana is a Javanese phrase formed from the words “bokor” and “kencana”. “Bokor” means jar commonly made from metal. “Kencana” or “kencono” means gold, golden. So, “bokor kencana” is golden jar.
While many associate “bokor” with a jar to contain flowers and water in Javanese ceremonies, it is also mentioned in one of Javanese traditional songs (Tembang Mocopat) called “Asmarandana” in which “bokor kencana” is used to describe golden jars carried by the deities whose task is to distribute blessings at the later time of night (midnight to time before dawn).
batik Bokor Kencana from Ibu Tien’s team
To me the “bokor kencana” in Asmarandana song is suitable to describe this Javanese batik pattern.
Javanese people (traditional ones) love to stay awake late at night until early morning because they believe those who give up most of their sleep portion will receive extraordinary blessings especially higher spitituality, wisdom and charisma. Is it true? No one knows if it is truly. A belief is a belief; let the believers prove it. Giving little to no judgement is better.
a full length of Bokor Kencana taken picture by Mbak Izzah
Additionally I read somewhere that this batik pattern is allegedly the one designated to all ranks of Javanese people without exception since its first composition; not only for royal but also for laypeople. Everyone can wear it.
It obviously underlines that this batik pattern is a symbol that everyone can reach higher spiritual/wisdom/charisma level regardless the position in the society as long as they are willing to give up some part of their comfort.
What a relief! At least in this particular area other than time life is fair!
😊
Asmaradhana
Aja turu sore kaki
Ana dewa nglanglang jagad
Nyangking bokor kencanane
Isine dunga tetulak
Sandang kalawan pangan
Yoiku bagianipun
Wong melek, sabar, narima
English translation
Don't sleep early
There are deities wander around the universe
Carrying their golden jars
In which protection prayers are contained,
Also clothing and food *)
Apportioned for
Those awake (sleeping less), patient, acceptant
*) clothing and food is a symbol of basic welfare in Javanese culture. First basic is clothing followed by food then house. Sandang (clothing) comes before food in traditional Javanese culture as sandang means dignity and self esteem. Traditional Javanese prefer suffering from hunger to suffering from shame. Traditional Javanese will not eat your free food if you give the food by showing arrogance or superiority, not because they want to be more than you, they just want basic respect as fellow human beings. This value has shifted in modern era where dignity is defined differently– people prefer eating for free although they have to give up their self esteem. This applies not only to real food but also to modern consummerism
Sep 2019 was a big milestone in my life. I joined a daily-life-experience-based workshop called “Self Discovery” in Hawick, Edinburgh. I still felt mild headache and minor discomfort everyday as I tried to cut off my pain killer intake but the different daily life totally poles apart from my tropical life gave me unusual strength to complete the workshop.
Chisholme House from the hill
I met other students and many others (facilitators, care takers and guests) who shared spiritual journey experience. I heard a lot of stories from them; life experiences that instead of breaking the people, the experiences rebuilt them to be human beings with holistic perspective about life. Some of them experienced much worse situation than most; imagine someone who was physically abused as a child then suffered from deadly disease and left by her spouse with weak reason; someone physically abused by her spouse while being a financial supporter, someone suffering from huge bankrupcy and left by family, losing marriage and all family members, etc….
My situation (both physical discomfort and silent mental breakdown) compared to theirs seemed to be a tennis ball compared to basketball or even this globe. Just because of getting no menses and the growth in the brain and I’d played so big a drama as if I’d lost my life…. Come on, human!
the hill from Chisholme House
They indirectly helped me wake up from long hibernation. I silently thanked them in daily prayers among daily household chores: cleaning the house and yard, ironing linens, cooking the meals, making the dining table, washing the dishes, harvesting potatos, walking up and down the hill almost everyday to pray in the monument (this one was not mandatory, my own fave), cleaning the toilets, morning meditation, daily discussion (intense yet enlightening), weekly dzikr with the rest of participants (students, facilitators, care takers, guests), and so on and so forth. Life is about doing things even when it is simply making a flower arrangement for the dining table.
Maddy in the dining room where we all exchanged joy among other activities — dear God, i’d like to be there at least once again
Going back home, I was still the same person just with clearer perspective about life and with fondness to do household chores (this was truly good foundation to face the pandemic). Life is about experiencing what is by firmly embracing genuine intension, about accepting what is but never giving up good hopes and dreams, about sharing what’s granted without letting myself become broke, about becoming a human being.
I went home with a liberated mind. I promised to love myself fully by embracing that whether I had my menses or not, I was still a woman. I pledged in silence that I would take care of my body, mind and spirit better. The soul? Soul is soul, pure and healthy but probably blurr in dim — once the body, mind and spirit get healthy and balanced, the soul gets brighter and clearer.
Oct 18, 2019 was an important day: 1st day of giving up my hijab, the fashion I’d worn since I was 17– a small move that hugely changed details of my life. I gave it up with genuine intention and sufficient knowledge after my final contemplation during my workshop in the UK. I wanted to give up something that made me think that I was a fake because of doing it halfheartedly. I made it clear that although I didn’t wear hijab, I still could be a good human being.
I gained confidence and compliment from those respecting my decision but I also lost trust and connection from those considering me lost in the dark. I got one most hitting statement from someone saying “No worry, you are lost, Allah will guide you back.” But I also received compliments about clarity, bravery and honesty. So be it, both don’t bother me.
😊❣️
Walking home that day I felt very uncomfortable with my body, something I never had before. But I just accepted whatever it was. Reaching home, I found out of getting my menses — the first after 10 years!
So much hustle as I was not ready with whatever was needed for this supposed-to-be-regular-but-gone-for-10-years thing.
I got my menses! Until today some of friends still mocked me “You remember when you got your 1st menses at 44? Like a euphoric! While others probably would say damn I’ve got menses again so annoying!”
Until today I will say thank you everytime the menstruation comes although I have to feel 1 day or two of discomfort. It is a blessing that I missed before, it is a blessing that I thank every month and forever.
The endocrinologist decreased the medication dosage. He just said that there would be the next MRI to check the size of the growth. I am still taking the medicine but only 1.5 dosage per week, much lesser than before. My prolactin is still within 400-500, checked every 3 months with other kinds of blood test included to see my overall condition. Alhamdulillah….
I don’t deny the excitement and gratefulness of getting my menses back. This proof that the previous diagnose was wrong has rejoiced me. However, I don’t want to glorify it; someday I will get menopause (once again) sooner or later 😁.
with all that i’ve gone through, how can i deny this?
The most important thing is that my brain tumor has shrunk significantly. No daily headache. No daily discomfort. No uncertain anxiety. No vague expectation anymore.
I accept me. I accept my life.
2019 is a year when this human being stood up again in humble stance on life and clear sight about hers. The 10-year bitterness has turned to be a sweet memory.
Thanks for the journey, Beloved.
There's something living forever
Young and energetic
Within,
Resisting to mature up,
Insisting to cheer up,
Refusing to touch up,
Singing down the path
With one old song
About a flowing river
To the sea
Peacefully unstoppable.
My innocent evergreen--
tompi jazzy
calm jazzy
the classic
reminding me of high school when i was so crazy about singing keroncong 😁
my placenta was let flow on a clay jar accompanied by flowers and other Javanese ceremonial items to Bengawan Solo; just its name this river shakes my heart, reminding me to keep flowing
matur sembah nuwun, Bengawan Solo
matur sembah nuwun, Pak Gesang
Happy National Batik Day, dear Indonesia.
Godheg means sideburns in Javanese. Why is this batik named godheg, we can just assume that this is meant to highlight the value of sideburns when this batik pattern was composed.
Mbak Izzah could not give me exact answer when I asked her the meaning behind this batik. So like usual my wild creativity run to every nook and cranny of my imagination.
I remember my father liked to have nicely trimmed but rather thick sideburns. He said a man with sideburns looked handsome and masculine. He then said “Ini Bapak ganteng ya, Rike.” (Your father is handsome, Rike). I was mute not agreeing or disagreeing with his statement — admittedly my understanding about sexuality grew a bit later compared to my cheerful peer. Our mother always laughed teasingly when he gave himself compliments. We children just laughed as solidarity to those adult in love. 🤪
So honestly taking my father’s words (before further research) I claimed that batik Godheg was brought into existence by heaven knows which bloody Javanese man to celebrate the masculinity of the man wearing it.
By then Javanese men of high social and/or economic ranks who were definitely able to afford this batik would wear this pattern (Godheg) to attend functions or parties where they could show personification of masculinity in his class.
a pair of batik Godheg from Ibu Tien
matur nuwun, Ibu Tien — see you on either Oct 25 or 26, 2024 insya Allah
Browsing, I found one interesting article about sideburns in Javanese culture. It says that sideburns symbolise masculinity in traditional Javanese. Please allow me to include some excerpt below.
Jambang: Simbol Maskulinitas dalam Budaya Jawa
by: Lagan
Jambang, a traditional Javanese facial hair style, has long been a symbol of masculinity in Javanese culture. This unique style, which involves growing a mustache and beard, is not merely a fashion statement but a reflection of the wearer's character, social status, and spiritual beliefs. This article will delve into the significance of Jambang as a symbol of masculinity in Javanese culture.
The Historical Significance of Jambang
Jambang has a rich history in Javanese culture. It is believed to have originated from the ancient Javanese kingdoms, where it was worn by kings, nobles, and warriors as a symbol of power and authority. The style was also associated with wisdom and maturity, as it was typically worn by older men who had achieved a certain level of social status. The presence of Jambang was considered a sign of a man's ability to lead and protect his family and community.
Jambang and Javanese Masculinity
In Javanese culture, masculinity is not solely defined by physical strength or aggression. Instead, it encompasses a range of qualities such as wisdom, patience, self-control, and spiritual strength. Jambang, with its association with maturity and wisdom, perfectly embodies this nuanced understanding of masculinity. Men who wear Jambang are seen as embodying the ideal Javanese man, who is not only physically strong but also emotionally and spiritually mature.
The Spiritual Significance of Jambang
Beyond its social and cultural implications, Jambang also holds spiritual significance in Javanese culture. It is believed that the facial hair serves as a medium for spiritual energy, connecting the wearer to the divine. Some Javanese men even believe that growing a Jambang can enhance their spiritual practices, helping them to achieve a deeper level of meditation and connection with the divine.
Jambang in Modern Javanese Culture
Despite the influence of Western culture and modern fashion trends, Jambang continues to hold a special place in Javanese culture. Many Javanese men still choose to grow a Jambang as a way of connecting with their cultural heritage and expressing their masculinity. The style has also gained popularity among younger generations, who see it as a unique and stylish way to express their individuality and cultural identity.
In conclusion, Jambang is more than just a facial hair style in Javanese culture. It is a powerful symbol of masculinity, embodying the qualities of wisdom, maturity, and spiritual strength that are highly valued in Javanese men. Despite the changes in fashion and cultural trends, the significance of Jambang remains deeply rooted in Javanese culture, continuing to shape the way masculinity is understood and expressed.
Usedul link: https://www.questionai.id/amp/essays-e7pHAwYIR69/jambang-simbol-maskulinitas-dalam-budaya-jawa
I can't deny my instinct SOMETIMES can catch something on point. Please excuse my frankness; simply fulfilling a need to self appreciation. 😎
Back to batik Godheg….
It is a ceplok (cluster) batik in which the same pattern is repeated to form clusters that fill the whole sheet.
handsome batik indeed!
There are 4 pairs or godheg (sideburns) in each cluster and another inner and the center with also 4 parts as the elements.
Why 4?
4 is papat or sekawan or catur in Javanese, which symbolises creativity, intelligence, victory or even gold.
What’s more luxurious for Javanese men who traditionally artistic, cultural, silently dominant and (who is not) proud to be rich who can take care of the family decently. No wonder this batik use a lot of number 4 as its detail.
Do the numbers of dots in the isen (additional ornaments to fill in the blank spots among primary pattern on the sheet) also bear meaning?
Ahem! This is where imagination should be let be free.
Number 1 or siji, sawiji, esa, eka, ika, atunggal, tunggal, setunggal, symbolises unity, priority, the start, the world, the sun, the moon, country or kingdom, the king (leader), etc connotatively related to one existing. If ancient Javanese learn that there are two moons for certain period of time, they might omit the moon from the list.
Number 6 is nem, enem, enem, sad that symbolises emphaty and sympathy, humbleness, wise and wisdom, highly educated or scholar, etc.
Number 8 is wolu, asta, manggala that symbolises benevolence, honored, high rank, etc. Dragon in Javanese culture is also connoted to number 8 – why? Heaven knows!
If I may challenge all Javanese men who still consider themselves handsome Javanese, please kindly refer to these numbers to project their perfection and to evaluate their existence. 🤩
Do I truly mean with all my description of number of dots in the batik? Don’t quote me, I am speculating about most of what I say about the meaning behind batik patterns. All those symbols are taken from responsible sources of Javanese tradition though; so the number symbols are legit.
Or probably to quote Mbak Izzah’s random words when she thinks my questions are too intimidating: “Maybe the batik maker wanted to put 5 dots and no other intention, Mbak Rike.”
🤪
Once again….
Happy National Batik, Indonesia❣️
Time for me to take a rest…. I will rise earlier to go across the strait to Johor at 5am tomorrow.
today’s apparel was batik skirt (from manually folded batik sheet) with red top to celebrate Indonesia’s National Batik Day
it is Batik “Nitik Sekar Kentang Bribilan Sogan Kerok”
💕
Living up to this age, I am still learning how to live more systematically while questioning if life shall be systematic.
As I deal with management system almost everyday, let me share how I see life as a structured process flow from one phase to another in a close loop cycle. Please note it is not always implemented in all part of life by me; why? Because I love experiencing life as a flowing river instead of 1-2-3-4 that feels like ordinal number sequence, it is fair enough to break the cycle rule once in a while.
What is breaking cycle rule in my version? Simply by twisting schedule from morning to evening, changing my playlist from jazz to Balinese rindik or Javanese gamelan to unknown music from instagram that I follow. That simple? Not always, sometimes I will just call my brother for 3 hours talking bloody unfunny jokes but still laughing together. I am boring because of not clubbing? Yes, and feeling enough with myself 😃
Perhaps because outside work I am a free spirit (in different way), rigidly binding me with too structured a way of life can make me suffocated; that’s why even (if) there is a systematic approach of management system flow applied to my life, I will still hijack my own system at certain moment to ensure that my life is a pleasant bliss, not a routine.
😃
it is not yet fully done, review in progress, debatable and not a proposal — it’s just a noisy mind of mine
💃🏽
Be playful, dear self
At the same time
Be kind.
Be free
To be who
You truly are
Although to do it
You've got to sneak out
For a while.
I won't lose you,
Hey little sweet girl in me.
Happy birthday, myself.
Continue doing what you love.
If not, love what you are doing with commitment, discipline and some gentleness called love.
Know that every single deed be recorded in a ribbon coiling around you, reviewed and rewarded.
Know that however sincere and true you are,
You sometimes will be misunderstood
Even by those closest to you,
And sometimes explanation won't clear the way.
Just be true,
Be kind.
Or, walk out of the room for a while.
Enjoy your double-life: being one in the crowded road and the other in the silent pathway, always
With some sprinkle of love.
You are blessed.
A moment of happiness, you and I sitting on the verandah, apparently two, but one in soul, you and I. (Rumi)
I am 49 today….
….feeling blessed with what I’ve been given. #andnotgiven
….feeling good with by whom I’ve been surrounded. #andnotsurrounding
….feeling lucky that still looking younger than my age (said one selling me a life insurance and said ones selling me bright coloured dresses). #paradoxicallyblessed
When people say “age is just a number”, I’ve always disagreed. Age is counted with number to highlight various processes and stories along a linear line although to me life is never linear, it’s always inward spiral. Originally the phrase “just a number” is to comfort those afraid to age, those who think getting old is scary and less favourable. In fact, getting old is fun and blessed. I’ve never thought that I still can have fun at this age, responsibly do what I love to, go to places in bucket list (no backpacking), dress the way I love to, fall in love every single day with myself and those making me love myself more, look forward to dreams coming true, and a lot more. I am talking about getting old, not being dead– the latter is mysterious and I’m still not committed to be 🤓
What is the essence of getting old to me? Getting old is a journey ahead of total maturation of how a human being chooses to responsibly respond & tactfully react to given situations; and a journey back home to childlike sincerity within of how a human being playfully celebrates failures and successes of life. I refresh maturity each day, at the same time playfulness and candour.
When birthday comes, people like to remind me of me being Virgo, but am I truly a Virgo just because of being born in Sep? I am not sure, in fact Virgo is in both my sun and moon, my rising/ascendant is Aquarius and several other zodiac signs sit in the other houses in the chart. Actually yes I see at times I am a pendulum swinging from being “Virgo’s pragmatic approaches, worrisome nature and rigid ideas” to being “Aquarian’s free-spirit, living life one day at a time, enjoying here-now moment” and in between I am transiting in different zodiac signs in experiencing this precious life. By Chinese astrology I am a Rabbit. By Javanese astrology, oh sooo complicated!
Particular family members, friends & colleagues quote astrology to assure me that they know my personality when commenting about my behaviours.
“It’s because you’re Virgo so you are like this,” said they. “It’s because you’re a Rabbit so you are like that”. “It’s because you’re blahblahblah….”
Well, I respect their willingness to at least understand about me through the pseudoscience called astrology. They don’t judge with bare hands, they present something to my hands. Science or pseudoscience to me though must follow my conscience; their opinion might slip from between the pores of my existence, from between fingers of these hands.
Anyways, to my understanding about this self: I simply accept that this person called Rike is a combination of inherited & evolving DNA, family upbringing & social interaction, life experience & trauma, decided responses & reactions, hopes & dreams; which might happen in awareness or not, well organized or random. If astrology does matter, it is only part of all. Once a human being understands one’s self through one’s own self (in Javanese wisdom it includes but not be limited to “mawas diri” or self examination), astrology knowledge is just frills in a gown.
Please don’t get offended by my personal opinion, take it as a stupid if not humble one.
Whatever strong opinions about or labels given to me –how ugly or how grand– by other human beings won’t change the true me that I experience intimately. I won’t let those labels rob this intimacy. Even all identities I embrace dearly shouldn’t shake this intimacy. Those human beings labelling me and I are raw stones massively tumbled in a giant tumbling machine called life; we each other all hit, break, scratch, polish to finally shine and show the true colours of each of us. How painfully beautiful at the same time beautifully painful life is!
Thank you, Gusti Allah for this beautiful journey called human life.
I know you’ve had boundless repertoire of sweet surprises. Please give me wonderful time like always.
💕
I am not a fan of Cinderella story as no pure love is found at the stairs of a palace…. 😂 but I love this song, I can listen to this song this whole night.
Thanks God for giving an ever space in this heart to always move forward no matter what. Life is about defining and redefining a self through dreams, plans, actions and evaluations with love and compassion.
Almost birthday and I already feel so much love from my family and close friends.
Thank you….
❣️
Mm
Mm
So this is love
Mm
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow, mm
And now I know (and now I know)
The key to all heaven is mine
My heart has wings, mm
And I can fly
I'll touch every star in the sky
So this is the miracle
That I've been dreaming of
Mm
Mm
So this is love
My life
Is a drop of dew
That glistens and freshens
The life of a sleepy leaf,
Woken up in a beautiful morning
To greet the sun.
I fall to the tip of a grass leaf
And break
Becoming
Spurt of water, so tiny
Enough to shower less than an inch of dry land
Then come through the soil gently
Finding a way to the earth veins,
Traveling back to the sea.
thank you, life for always making me nod to the simplicity of accepting what is
A book, Beloved
Soaks a soul in clean water.
Washed off and refreshed--
I read a book by Haemin Sunim, Love for Imperfect Things. It is second book from him I’ve read, the first was When Things Don’t Go Your Way. While the latter felt like diving into my own understanding of life– a set of confirmation of what I’ve done and/or understood in life; the currently read is like a playful garden to me, giving me more space to reinterpret my life based on Haemin Sunim’s point of view.
I’ve stopped reading “heavy books”, those that make me more intelligent with bunches of upgraded sciences and knowledge, more critical towards others’ (different from me), more analytical around my folks (outside work), more rigid in forgiving those “making mistakes”. I am now trying to dull the knife in my mind, I’d love to have curvy corners that will just give slight sensation without wound when bumping or bumped by my fellow human beings.
💕
Yes, I am now a weak book reader, but I am an avid reader of my own heart and life.
This book reminds me that I should be bonding myself to an anchor called compassion in life so whatever happens to or around me, it is always love and kindness that become my basis of judgement and decision.
thank you, Haemin Sunim — how grateful i am to have read this book
Most books I am now attracted to are fiction, short books, those illustrated, colourful, with picture collection. I read some biography but only of my favourite people (now reading Alan Rickman’s).
Not a fan of “self help” books either as I don’t need to be helped, just need to sit together with a company to listen and to be listened to.
every chapter is as powerful as decades of dripping water that forms a smooth hole on a rock 💕
thanks to my favourite person for recommending this book; i wish to see you soon 💕
Continuing reading Haemin Sunim’s next book–
If I'm to follow,
It's only to follow you.
Do you mind me to?
the sun, sunflower and a weekend
Look at nature's work.
Coloured, shaped, structured and timed.
I shout the delight.
walking through a site is fulfilling, i not only see how the environment is maintained but also capture how nature expresses her beauty freely and beautifully —
this mimosa is beautiful, said i
when i said beautiful, it is not precisely about the subject of discussion (mimosa), it is about how my mind labels the state of emotional response (to the mimosa) happening within me — the same emotion can be interpreted differently by other people based on their schemata, belief system, cultural and physical environment and other possible factors; when i am in bad mood, i might think that same mimosa as just weeds; when i don’t assign emotion to see my surrounding, i might not even regard the same mimosa
so i might never be as objective as expected by many, but definition of emotional labels is discussable and/or debatable and that is where communication will be lively if done with smiles (or laughter)
you’re beautiful 😘
Read to me, dear heart
The fairytales about you
So I can sleep well.
not an easy ones to finish before end of 2024 🤪
night….
Whatever you say, Beloved,
It's my day.
I've built it through seconds, minutes, hours.
Just because others use extended brain,
Doesn't mean I will.
I live my true life
Even without a perfect "1100100" score given.
Whatever you say, Beloved,
It's my day.
no artificial intelligence is involved in my writing process except if my brain is considered one
using AI in my thinking and writing process is haram 🤓
haram is not related to any religion standpoint, it simply means i will never use it until professionally mandated in my work which i believe will not happen — will never use it for my poem and ranting of mine
😺
What am I
Without teacher?
A lost wanderer
Losing destination.
What am I
Without teacher?
A confused traveler
Losing guidance
What am I
Without teacher?
A dreamer
Losing inspiration.
What am I
Without teacher?
A human
Losing meaning.
What am I
Without teacher?
A Soul
Repeating the same mistakes.
Dear
Teacher,
You are born
For me
To be reborn
As me.
I'm grateful to
You.
Today’s lunch break was about a phenomenal chat with some teachers of life.
Thousands if not millions of teachers have taught me in life. There are some that I cherish the most today, those that have triggered me to make biggest decisions in life.
Thank you, dear teachers❣️
Bapak Merta Ada, he was the one teaching me to go within without doubt, without limit – “spread love and compassion”, his advice 🥹
Sister Zak, my Arabic teacher — she emphasised that what we read needs to be well understood first then pondered then can be interpreted (differently) — “be a responsible interpreter of the Quran for yourself, no one to blame when you make wrong interpretation or decision“, her advice
Aaron Cass, my mentor in Beshara School who helped me open most doors of freedom of responsibly being human through his amazing knowledge and wisdom about sufism and esp about Ibn Arabi & Rumi — “from now on whatever you do differently, never make it a new religion”, his advice
Ina, a best friend from high school whose action moved my soul: she left her brilliant career (at the same time I started mine in Singapore) without new career to take care of her parents for her sense of responsibility; she took care of her mother until she passed away, now she is taking care of her father; Ina, you are beautifully blessed — “let’s exchange stupid memes and videos”, her message
dear Ibu, i won’t let anyone hurt you — “work responsibly and take care”, her every morning’s advice
Vito, my dear nephew, “i will always love you and protect you forever”, his last message before he passed
the fire warden in the mirror, “have you smiled today?” my greeting to myself
Dear, Beloved.
Thank
You
For reminding me
About being humble.
I won't
I won't
I won't
Let this self
Boast of one's self.
Please always tone me down
When I am too high.
Yours truly,
One of
Your breathed
Soul....
the first page that i continue reading from “Fihi Ma Fihi” directly slaps my ego to tone down
thank you for not giving me long time to feed my selfishness
thank you for reminding me that i still have fear to shadow my hope and ears to listen to what universe whispers
please protect those that i love the most from the imbalance between fear and hope
thank you, always
Found a dearest good friend wrote a touching message in Instagram this evening and would love to keep it here — only in Bahasa Indonesia though
My translation into English might never be good enough to contain how compassionate her message is. You might want to translate with Google.
Note: it is a verbatim text
❣️
bertahun lalu, ketika berkesempatan mengunjungi ka’bah, aku duduk menatapnya lalu berucap: “tuhan, tunjukkan aku cara membaca (iqra) alquran. karean aku tidak percaya tuhan mana pengasih maha penyayang se-strict itu.” aku mengacu ke penekanan pada dosa dan neraka yang kerap diangkat.
sejak itu—atau sebenarnya jauh sebelumnya, aku percaya tuhan terus menjawab permintaanku: hidupku adalah tanggapan tak putus dari tuhan atas permintaan itu. dia menunjukkan betapa dia maha pengasih, maha penyayang dan nama-nama lain yang terlingkupi oleh rahman dan rahim.
aku dipertemukan dengan manusia dan makhluk lain (kucing misalnya) yang menunjukkan ragam bentuk kasih sayang, diperjalankan melalui peristiwa-peristiwa yang membantu melembutkan hati—atau menunjukkan di bagian mana hatïku masih perlu dilembutkan; dan dititipkan pada sekolah-sekolah yang secara gamblang membimbingku untuk lebih berwelas asih, berserah, dan merayakan hidup dan keagungannya.
manusia sejatinya bisa berjalan sesuai fatwa hatinya; bisa tergerakkan oleh arahan jiwa (spirit)-nya; bisa hidup dengan lebih jujur minimal kepada diri sendiri. utopis? atau bisa jadi pemikiran bahwa hal ini utopis telah membatasi kita?
banyak yang ingin kuceritakan. bukan untuk mengajarkan, karena siapalah aku ini. namun, lebih ke berbagi. siapa tahu ada yang mengetuk hatimu, lalu kau mengetuk hatiku kembali. Sama-sama kita belajar menjadi manusia.
ingin bercerita, tetapi belum tahu bagaimana. kutaruh tulisan ini di sini sebagai langkah awal. atau, mungkin, kau punya cerita, kegelisahan, pertanyaan, atau ide yang bisa melanjutkkan pembicaraan ini?
terima kasih.
❣️
Thank you, dear friend. You’ve touched my heart many times, I hope I’ve at least once done as good as you.
Thanks for making room for me. Always.
Salaam.
If heaven is waiting,
Let it be this land,
A home in
A beautiful house between
Mountains and beaches at
The south edge.
If rebirth is scheduled,
Let me be reborn here,
A place where
Sun paints skin tones,
Rain showers naked hair,
Earth hugs stories.
If hell is a transit,
I wholeheartedly let
You call me everyday
Telling me to work hard
And cry gratitudes
For meeting
You again.
when you finally accept who you are, nothing is between you and yourself
thank you for making me me
my dzikr will be alhamdulillah
A hermit walks in
To a cave in a market.
His night's never dark,
Day's never noisy. He's still
When he moves or talks. Centered--
Today is about another batik prepared by Mbak Izzah for shipment from Jogjakarta to Singapore.
Batik Ciptoning
Ciptoning is a Javanese word composed of two: cipta or cipto and ning.
Cipta or cipto means thought, imagination, creativity.
Also….
It means to create or to manifest.
And….
The ning, ening, bening, wening means clear as of water, clear as of mind, quiet, serene.
So ciptoning can mean clarify the thought and imagination or creativity….
Or creating or manifesting in serenity or in clear mind or in quiet mind.
This batik pattern consists of ceplok (clusters) of geometry patterns formed by series of parang, wayang, gurdha (garuda) or wings pattern, bird and some isen-isen (repeated small dots or checks or lines to fill the space among all primary and secondary patterns).
I did talk about parang, gurdha and isen-isen in previous postings. Hope they still can be looked up, or else they should be googled. 😉
There are two wayang characters in the centers of the ceplok who are Begawan Abiyasa and Arjuna; one is the spiritual teacher, the other is the pupil. This is the scene when Begawan Abiyasa teaches Arjuna on how to complete a retreat. Once Begawan Abiyasa completes his task, he disappears and Arjuna has to start everything by himself. Yes, teacher will vanish when student is ready to jump alone — not needed anymore.
What does Begawan Abiyasa teach Arjuna to do?
A common retreat in Javanese tradition is a semedi or samadhi. The samadhi is usually conducted in a quiet, serene place and it is done by calming the mind, composing the body posture and focusing on nothing but the purpose of the retreat– can be anything including something, everything even nothing. That is what Begawan Abiyasa teaches him to do.
In wayang world a special retreat like this is normally done before a knight goes to a battle against raksasa or gandharwa that are representing evil energy of the world. Arjuna as a famous knight of his ability to survive a long retreat, his nature of complete human quality (including but not limited to naughtiness and ambition) and his high skills of warship; is assigned to spend from time to time for a retreat more often than his siblings; while Begawan Abiyasa is a maestro of spirituality in wayang world and so is trusted to guide a knight to face his impurity.
When doing a retreat, Arjuna uses a different name as he doesn’t want people to know that a royal family member is among the commoners doing a retreat. And that doing a retreat is a secret activity, he doesn’t want to be disturbed by commoners who want to take selfie with him. 😃
He is named Begawan Ciptoning.
Begawan can mean some: hermit, escatic, retreatant, recluse, solitaire, anchoret. In some way it can also mean maestro.
Ciptoning is to describe what Arjuna is doing during that period of hermitage. He is composing himself physically and mentally in serenity in order to achieve purity in his thought, imagination and creativity. He contemplates in silence among the crowd within himself, fighting against all distractions to survive the retreat and to finally get a clarity on how to manifest the everything or something or nothing that becomes his purpose of retreat.
Begawan Ciptoning will only end the retreat when The Undescribable blesses him with what is needed to go back to the “real world”, “to fight against the evil energy”.
When he is done with the retreat the begawan turns its meaning and value from hermit into maestro!
😳
Long story short please, Rike!
Batik Ciptoning is a special batik for those respected spiritually in Javanese early tradition. It was worn by those achieving certain levels of hermitage or having the quality of a spiritual maestro and so can provide guidance to others “lost” in the “search of meaning of life”. Those people shall go through repeated cycles like what Begawan Ciptoning has gone through with the guidance of Begawan Abiyasa.
It is now though worn by anyone who loves the pattern or one who prays that s/he is able to reach an enlightment in her/his own journey of life.
Gosh! My writing is broken pieces. Many to write but my thumbs need a retreat….
💕
my pieces of batik Ciptoning ready for delivery ♥️
Tears are footsteps
To friendship
Or
Away from it.
Tears of joy,
Tears of sadness,
Tears of letting go
Repeatedly
Until letting go
Becomes breathing.
female, young, kind, intelligent, high integrity, humorous , pretty! A loving wife, mother, friend 💕
Rest in peace, dear Laksmi 🌸
#utangrasa
Saraswati is my dewi.
This goddess represents wisdom, knowledge, language and art especially music. She is also the one guarding the flowing river.
Dear, Saraswati
You are blessed as I am.
Lyrics (major correction)
Om Jai Saraswati Mata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini,
Sadgun Vaibhav Shalini
Tribhuvan Vikhyata,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Chandravadani Padmasini,
Dyuti Mangalakare
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare,
Sohe Shub Hansa Savare
Atul Tejdhari....
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Bayen Kar Men Vina,
Maiyaa Daye Kar Mala,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe,
Shish Mukut Mani Sohe
Gal Motiyan Mala,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Devi Sharan Jo Aye,
Unka Uddhar Kiya,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Paithi Manthra Dasi,
Ravan Sanhar Kiya,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Vidhya Gyan Pradayini,
Gyan Prakash Bharo,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Moh Aur Agyan Timir Ka,
Jay Se Nash Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Dhup Deep Phal Meva,
Man Svikar Karo,
Man Svikar Karo,
Jag Nistar Karo,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Maa Sarasvati Ki Arti,
Jo Koi Jan Gave,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Hitkari Sukhkari,
Gyan Bhakti Pave,
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
Jai Jai Saraswati Mata
This life is written
Along a ribbon coiling
Around a live book.
weekend is to read what’s written as weekdays is to write what’s read
i’m a book with cover, title, table of content, chapters, and an end; and i’m craving to know about its precious author among all readers
rike jokanan 
You must be logged in to post a comment.