Through red carnations She says goodnight, sleeps away In his bright morning.
May you be happy in your bright morning.
Red Carnations
Category: This Person
Classes In Pandemic
What a given time! Fluency and artistic test, All measured and timed—
—-
This working from home has given me less travel time and automatically much shorter time for its preparation and unpacking etcetera. This should be well used, too as without it my sleeping disorder has caused a lot more trouble than before so I decided to take some online courses that have sprung like mushroom in rainy days.
I took some online courses in Udemy and some other course centres that offer more rigorous online courses during this pandemic. In Udemy I took massage class for baby, root cause analysis, project management, and so on and so forth — those are done independently, just read and listen to some lectures and do some test with or without certificates. The other two are language classes: Japanese and Arabic.
Why do I chose those courses? All that I took are all that I need.
Ayurvedic massage for baby? Don’t laugh! I am inspired by Yu Yat, my late baby sitter and “second mother”. She was the one taking care of me since I was a red baby until I reached 12 years old before I could take care of myself, while my parents were extremely busy as civil servants. In her late life my baby sitter continued her mother’s professional legacy as a baby masseuse – Javanese baby massage. I visited her everyday whenever I spent holiday in mother’s home. Seeing her handle the babies was my favourite and I told her that I wanted to be a baby masseuse like her and she said “You can but why do you have to? You have a very good job and you might not have time to do it.” She was right and it was forgotten for so many years but inspiration never dies – and so I took an online class. I plan to practice it when visiting my mother’s town after pandemic, Yu Yat’s sister in law continues the profession so I can “borrow one client baby”. Hope it is a success. Who knows I can be a baby masseuse in my retirement time. Yay!
The other classes are all things related to my jobs, I am “sharpening my claws”. Wicked lady! Haha!
And the language classes? I need them to better the quality of life. Japanese? I do communicate with Japanese whose English is mostly not up to my par — not all but most. The way they express their idea in English has either confused or annoyed me. And when I interacted with those guys I found at times they were laughing at me – bloody hell I don’t like to be laughed, men! I checked with the people working for me yes those men were laughing at me not to underestimate me but just because they don’t feel easy with a woman being so authoritative and open. Oh my! What is a female employee supposed to do at work differently from the male? Washing their coffee mugs or polishing their shoes? So I promised that I will at least understand Japanese and know when they laugh at me so that I can scold at them. 😁 No, no, I just want to make my conversation with them at ease. Japanese men are the most insecure male creature I’ve ever met on earth so I understand why they behave like s***** people sometimes. And, who knows I can write my first haiku in its original language someday? Yay!
Arabic language? I did learn for two years when I was young and I think I still need it so I am not cheated with wrong conception of religious thought. I have to know what the book is exactly saying as the translated version of Quran (into other languages) is never pure translation, they are all interpretation that have driven the reader to a certain opinion that will lead people to irresponsible actions at times. So with one of my best friends I took an online course. We both always want to be free thinkers with basis! Not much target – intermediate level is ok.
One more to go…. I want to join Jewelry making course and Asian herb course. Maybe I can make Jewelry and herbal drinks when I retire later.
I am so thankful that I’ve got time to develop myself in such a way. I’m not happy with this pandemic though, please don’t get me wrong….
But yeah, sometimes I juggle with the homework of the language classes. The teachers are killers! 😁
May all beings be happy….
Remember Her
Relationship pattern changes over time and so does the way children relate with their parents. Although we are far away from each other, always remember the precious role of our parents especially mother. Oh anyway, I was closer to father. As he passed away, I become close to mother.
Dear Self, at least say hi through online chat or video call. Sending her the picture of our lunch would be a good sign that we are ok. Never let her worry about us, no matter what.
Who Are You? – ranting
My dear Self,
You are not what you have.
You are what you do.
Oh dear Love,
Why do you keep reminding me to be one that is difficult to materialise?
Do I have another option?
My dear Self,
You have all possible options.
Be what you wanna be
But what you have should not define you.
Bloody hell, you Love….
But ok…. I will do.
May all beings be happy.
To Myself
To myself: I love you forever….
.
.
AirPods – tanka
I hope you’re AirPods,
Listening to my love songs
From far far away….
But you’re not AirPods. Your heart
Is frozen by arrogance.
Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 23:22
—-
When human technology is lame and degrading, they don’t believe anymore with the unseen signs that they can only feel through taste granted to Self…. Many human only believe in the limited five senses that won’t work just because of a wall standing tall. You know now, dear Love…. that you’re not better than my AirPods. I’m crying because of that fact but I don’t care anymore as long as my AirPods can help me listen to my own Love songs from my machine that stands tall in my living room while I’m cooking in the kitchen….
Thanks my AirPods and those who have worked together to deliver them to my silent heart….
May all beings be happy.
Hujan Bulan Juni – Sapardi Djoko Damono
Hujan Bulan Juni
tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu
tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu
tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu
—-
Most of his poems are romantic, in all walks of life. His words are not flowery but so touching with its simplicity, flowing like a story.
My maturity has grown and some shade of it has been by this poet’s lyrical poems.
Rest In Peace.
Aku Ingin – Sapardi Djoko Damono
Aku Ingin
Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan kata yang tak sempat
Diucapkan kayu kepada api
Yang menjadikannya abu..
Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan isyarat yang tak sempat
Disampaikan awan kepada hujan
Yang menjadikannya tiada
—-
Rest In Peace, Maestro 🙏🏼
You are a successful human being for your lyrical poems have humbly touched this person’s heart and taught her how to preserve love…
Unmask
Sometimes it is more convincing to speak without showing who you really are.
Yet hiding self is suffocating,
And at the end
You might forget who you really are.
Look at the mirror then slowly unmask.
May all beings be happy.
Slowing Down Footsteps – ranting
Slowing down footsteps
Pace along an ancient route.
Trace back your soul path.
Now here
—
Thought sometimes gets puzzled why thing happens to the Self, while logically she has made best possible efforts to control it not to emerge into events. At times emotions pour like heavy rain or they numb all nerves.
Then the Self realises that all is about tracing back the soul path: paying one’s karma, optimising one’s dharma.
Dear, Self.
You’d better pass major lessons in the current life. You shouldn’t want to fail the same lessons: acting lame or repeatedly meeting lame spirits wrapped in different physical planes, or both at the same time.
Dear, Beloved.
If it is not done,
Don’t let me slip from Your hands.
May all beings be happy….
You’re Different, My Love – haiku
You’re different, my Love.
Don’t turn your full life to none.
Keep your head. Alone….
Singapore – Jun. 26, 2020 / 22:31
—
I won’t let you change your life just to be with me. Fly, dear Self.
As you wish
‘Coz you’re the master of your own Life.
May all beings be happy.
Listen To The Masks – haiku
Listen to the masks
Hanging ear to ear. Take one,
Let the party start.
Singapore – Jun. 17, 2020 / 19:45
—-
You need your masks, not to hide but to show the kindness of a human being even if you have to suffer in the dark.
May all beings be happy.
Layers of Self – verses
There is time when Mr Grey is reluctant to evaluate others’
Actions,
Motions,
Emotions,
Notions—
For as much as the head’s dullness, true colours won’t lie
And untrue intentions will reveal.
In the mode of working class,
Putting layered of dignified masks in silence,
Enchanting intelligent chorus in public,
Smirking in the dark.
Beloved dedication
Decorated with
Stabbing behind—
….
Doesn’t it matter?
No—
Take a time
As long as Time wishes to be with you:
Hiding behind true Smile,
Singing in the Heart,
Reciting poems in the Soul.
Someday
When the floor invites you to dance,
Offering the best music of Life,
Then down to the floor!
Dance until the Light fades away
Which is never.
Now
Observe all the moves
Of the masks around you
Which will undo themselves
One by one.
May all beings be happy.
Singapore – Jun. 9, 2020 / 21:58
It Says Thanks To You – haiku
It says thanks to you
For showing true and untrue
Through this emotion.
Singapore – Jun. 1, 2020 / 22:15
—
Realising that a gift is not merely about a special thing wrapped beautifully but more about the true among the untrue is a gift itself. No matter how it feels inside until now, I still thank you.
What a beautiful Life!
May all beings be happy….
Nina Simone – my mood
You don’t know what love is
Until….
Even when I have lost love that yet never dies, I still don’t know what love is….
And so I’m blessed for not knowing what love is.
🥰
Half Of Me Is Back – haiku
Half of me is back.
What has gone can return by
A state of boredom.
Singapore – April 9, 2020 / 23:03
—
After becoming someone working behind a computer with so little care of household chores, now I’ve found the old me that is almost forgotten. A gem under piles of river stones kind of–
Since this flexible working arrangement I’ve got much more time staying at home with myself and seeing what are interestingly interesting to be done. Not only cooking that’s usually done at the weekend and cleaning the house that’s usually done by a regular cleaner, now I also happily do all my laundry. What’s so special about that?
Hey! For someone like me doing household chores is not only special, it is fantastically incredible! What’s more? I don’t use my washing machine. I HANDWASH ALL MY LAUNDRY!
Why so stupid oops diligent?
Oh, Love…. The handwashing has kept me sane and happy and excited twice in a week. Imagine I will soak the clothes in detergent (note that mine is environment friendly) for some time -I’ll wait patiently- then I will rub off the pieces of clothes one by one -no brush please, it destroys the fabric- trying to clean the folds and joints and the special surfaces -you know what I mean- then rinse them several times with clean water -not only once, I do it up to four times!- then hang or line them to dry. All is by my dear two hands that mostly only dance on keyboards and keypads!!! With love….
I believe this writing will be one of the most historical turning points in life when I flashback reading this blog years later (if still alive)…. 🥰
I am in love with the half of me that’s almost forgotten. I hope I can keep it intact forever.
But handwashing forever? Maybe not…. 😄
Stay safe. Stay healthy. Stay sane.
May all beings be happy…. 🙏🏼
What Should I Do Now? – haiku
What should I do now?
When the brain’s frozen, rotten–
Reset to zero.
Singapore – Feb. 24, 2020 / 7:45pm
—
What will people do when finding that there is one big mistake laying as the base of the whole life? Like when someone finds that the way s/he perceives god has changed…. I can imagine how chaotic his/her life is.
The only thing to do is to reset to zero.
Don’t think,
Don’t judge,
Don’t evaluate,
Don’t ask question.
Just observe any thought or question,
Look into self,
Accept what it is,
Be with yourself,
Embrace who you are.
Karma is a bitch
Yet the worst is when the bitch reminds you for payback.
Don’t let your next life is the repeated, unfinished lessons
That will punish you again and again,
That will make you stupid person again and again.
Better meet the bitch now and pass the test.
May all beings be happy.
Thanks for the picture to: https://www.motaword.com/blog/famous-translators/the-little-prince
None Is Left Behind – haiku
None is left behind.
Humans, animals are saved—
Humanity served.
Here now, in my silent heart
—
Flood is everywhere in my beloved country (Indonesia) and rescuers are the physically busiest of all. The good things are getting better, not only humans but also animals are rescued. There shan’t be any to be left behind even those they call non human. Those that you love in your good time shall receive the same care in your bad time no matter who or what they are….
God bless all rescue units who have worked hard soaked in the flood to carry babies, children, women, old people and others underprivileged including animals pet or cattle. God bless them.
Anyone is functioned differently. Some are active on the field, some financing, some fixing the root causes, some whispering to the Universe to save all of us.
Sending love, prayer and whatever aid I can…. 💝
Church – Coldplay
[Verse 1]
What can I tell you?
When I’m with you, I’m walking on air
Watching you sleeping there, yeah
But what can’t I get through?
And for everyone, everywhere
You’re answering every prayer
[Chorus]
And when you’re riding a wave
Oh, won’t you ride that wave to me?
When you’re setting your sail
Oh, can I be your seventh sea?
When you’re riding a wave
Oh, when you’re riding a wave
[Bridge]
‘Cause when I’m hurt
Then I’ll go to your church
‘Cause when I’m hurt
Then I’ll go to your church
[Instrumental]
[Chorus]
When you’re riding a wave
Oh, won’t you ride that wave to me?
When you’re riding a wave
[Vocalizing in Arabic by Norah Shaqur]
أبي يا الله يا قادر، لماذا تركتني؟
أبي يا الله يا قادر
حرية يا الله
محبة يا الله
[Outro]
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
I worship in your church, baby, always
I worship in your church, all the seven days (Ooh, ooh, ooh)
I praise and praise
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
Ode To My Beloved – haiku cluster
Ode to my Beloved
Please hear me saying
The words that sweep your sorrow.
I’m in love with you.
Please kiss the rosebuds
That will bloom at the next dawn,
Opening new day.
Please touch the dewdrops
For me. Can you feel the love
When the water bursts?
Please close your eyes now.
Look at the Sun in my heart.
Do you see a You?
Please taste through my Soul.
What color do you find there?
It does remain true.
Somewhere on Nov. 7 / 12:00 (a throwback to embrace a frozen heart)
Love is that bringing us to the now either with the five senses or the sixth.
Love is that neutralising past & future into lessons & hopes.
What can be better than to be you, my Beloved?
If being you feels annoying or painful, do remember that you were born to the world welcome by a mother’s love, a father’s pride, a family’s cheer and unlimited future.
So, love yourself.
Only by loving yourself you can clear the blocked path.
Namaste
When Love And Passion – haiku
When love and passion
Collide. Words and gestures crash.
I can only sigh.
Akita – November 17, 2019 / 01:21am (a throwback to a sleepless night)
Love is maybe a type of particle collision cause, process and effect at the same time: its physical visibility is a giant supernova whose image can only be caught as late as thousands of years of light before reaching the earth, while the core has transformed into floating etheric secret or may have been absorbed by the black hole of memories – into a forever-and-a-day file saved in the Akashic records lingering like the Northern Light.
For nothing I’m still loving You. And that is ok.
Big big thanks to the Scientists Have Detected… for the picture and knowledge.
Daddy – haiku
Dad, are you out there?
I just wanna say I’m fine.
See you in Heaven.
Akita – Nov. 21, 2019 – morning glorified, ready to create incredible art of life
——
Sometimes you miss those who’ve been far away, unreached with even miles of flight.
Heaven is just untouchable, at the same time very accessible…. with just a whisper.
Do pray and they will whisper you back,
Reaching you with their heavenly hands.
I miss my father (so often) but I always tell him I’m fine ‘coz he protects me from above.
I love you, father…..
Thanks to Coldplay for this song that has given a punch on me with tons of awareness.
Dear My Beloved – prayer
My Beloved,
please spare me love that heals each other,
that nurtures each other,
that liberates each other,
that expands each other,
that respects each other,
that supports each other,
that is truthful and faithful to each other,
that is true and sweet to each other.
My Beloved, and so be it.
Prayer in a Deepavali long weekend in Singapore – 2019
Thank you for the picture, O Beloved
Rejection vs Ignorance – chatting
A cute conversation in a weekend happened when two besties missed each other. The convo went well until a topic came up.
Friend 1: What is worse than being rejected?
Friend 2: What is worse than being rejected?
Friend 1: Being ignored.
Friend 2: Are you teasing me? I’ve known it from the beginning.
Friend 1: Why did you let yourself be ignored then? You’re doomed. What a stupid move.
Friend 2: I didn’t prepare ignorance, I prepared rejection. But I learnt my lesson.
Friend 1: Lesson? What subject? (might be saying while smirking)
Friend 2: Distance-speed-time formula (whatever one wanted to say)
Friend 1: Hmm…. Seems that you already master it now.
Friend 2: Pretty much.
Friend 1: So?
Friend 2: So what?!
Friend 1: Oops. Sorry. You learnt your lesson, I know. Don’t trust that type of subject. Don’t be naive ever again !@#$%^&*()_+!
Friend 2: !@#$%^&*()_+!
Then both laughed together. That’s what friends are for – tasting each other’s bitterness, ridiculing each other’s foolishness and throwing worst wisdom to each other’s nose.
Through the FaceTime audio
Thank you for the picture to: https://www.macworld.co.uk/how-to/iphone/how-facetime-iphone-3583186/
Cornucopia – haiku
Cornucopia,
The abundance prepares for
The masked-off: new self.
Singapore – October 16, 2019 / 21:39
2019 has opened an extraordinary road of becoming the whole me. Many major lessons are learnt here.
Previous me always thought that things were between good and bad, right and wrong, happy and sad, strong and weak, one extreme and the other extreme, BLACK & WHITE. It was too much and I hold it no more.
What’s coming is lots of love in myself to myself and the abundance to share — not solely about gold and coins.
Abundance is about colors that make life vibrant howsoever my potential has been tampered.
Abundance is about clarity that creates enough space for myself (and so others) to contemplate whether the situation is uplifting or not– the keyword is uplifting, not favorable or superior. If not uplifting, either has the right to walk away from the situation with respect. Without respect, the situation has failed to be a station to heal, to nurture, to expand and to liberate each other.
Abundance means enjoying life while sharing it with others. Sense of abundance can only be manifested with sharing. You share what you spare.
Abundance means living the life to the fullest. Only with the awareness of abundance human being can grab the reality of abundance. If you feel empty, you won’t care to share.
Cornucopia
A hollow horn of lots of everything that will rot if the holder keeps it with herself.
So dear, Self. Don’t let anything get rotten through this journey. Love yourself and share the good things wholeheartedly.
My Beloved, I’m grateful for the abundance and the least my feeling of abundance.
I can’t be more grateful to You for sparing me this 2019.
I am feeling loved.
Useful link 1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornucopia
Useful link 2 & source pictures: https://www.psychics.com/blog/words-mythology-pt-v-cornucopia/
One of My Days Was Doomed By Zodiac Reading (ranting)
Have you ever listened to zodiac reading in Youtube?
I did.
Some time ago my friend and I came across to an idea to see if the readings of our zodiacs (Virgo and Cancer) were accurate against the actual situations. Moreover, she was curious if her love life was on the right path.
“I think your zodiac won’t agree with that Aries guy!” I said that knowing that the Aries guy was too good to be true – someone that you know…. handsome, successful, rich, loved by many (daydreaming) ladies (but in my perspective –so sorry to say– that that kind of man can be the most manipulative).
“Don’t frustrate your friend.” She snapped me sharply. Ahem!
We searched the topic using smart key words and chose zodiac readers with more than 100,000 subscribers. We assumed that the more subscribers someone has, the more trust that reader gets from his/her viewers.
We found many readers in Youtube. They have wide range of styles, accuracies, clarity, excitement and approach. Some are very detailed – imagine someone is reading your zodiac for more than one hour without pay! (I mean paid they get paid through AdSense, not you). Some are very stingy – only 6 minutes and called it “general reading”. Some are very sexy look and busier showing their sex appeal than reading integrity; some are sloppy, like just getting up from the bed and dragged by the reading schedules. Some are very brilliant speakers – this is a bit dangerous because they can just flip the fact to sound sweeter to you; some are blunt or use too many fillers in their speech like “uummm”, “errr”, “like”, etc. Some are very knowledgeable, while some are not more than making your ass hotter and want to hit the antagonist in the reading. Some are young, some are old. Most of them are female — this is not discrimination but yes, the male readers sound like female to me except the one in a cowboy style named Ramblin Mike.
No, no. I am not talking about the readers. I want to talk about the reading, that unluckily was very rarely on both of our sides. We felt that we were doomed because of having “wrong” zodiacs.
- One reader said that my friend was offered a love by a Virgo. Friend: It should be by an Aries. (-)
- One reader said my friend would give good response to a Sagittarius. Friend: She was so excited. Me: But hey, he is not a Sag. He is an Aries! (-)
- One reader said that I was unfaithful. Me: Goddamn! She said Virgo is unfaithful?! I never cheat anyone in my relationship! I’d been cheated! (-)
- Some readers said that my friend was getting a very good job promotion; while actually she was in a tension with her boss. Friend: Nonsense! (-)
- One reader said that I was going to get a very good appreciation from the company. Me: Resonated! Thanks God! (reality: I hadn’t even had a performance review yet.) (+)
- Some readers said that time was fluid and so the reading points could happen in the past, present and future…. Us: Ummm (?)
- One reader (my favorite, maybe because he is a Virgo and always takes a side of Virgo) made us rock on laughter “Oh God, he is even deceitful in his fantasy”. Me: So cute! (+)
- Some readers said that they heard words coming to them as divine message. Us: Really? Teach us how. (+)
- One reader said that she heard the word “Disney” intuitively and she said that my love story would be like Disney’s love story. Me: Rubbish!, Friend: Don’t say rubbish, just pray. Me (again): Rubbish! (-)
- One reader said that my friend’s love would come by end of this year. Friend: Yay! (+)
- Another reader said that my friend’s love would come later, maybe mid of next year. Me: Hahaha (-) Friend: What?! (-)
- Some readers said at the beginning of the reading that the card energy was so good, then when opening other cards they would say that the card’s energy shifted so fast and said that it was so negative. Us: Inconsistent! (-)
We cursed most of the time because many things didn’t reflect our situations.
And, what finally broke our laughter was when one reader said “…. Oh, your person really loves you and this person is willing to die for you blahblahblah…. But if you don’t have the same situation, this person might deal with one more Virgo and you are the antagonist one.”
Both of us: “Change reader! Hahaha….!”
Please don’t get me wrong. I respect all those readers. They have trained themselves to read either using tarot cards, oracle cards, intuition, rune, etc. I am sure some of them took advanced courses and some of them have been truly gifted spiritually. Some of them claimed that they have read for more than 20 years, with credentials that I didn’t even imagine before I found this thing in Youtube. My point is that general reading can be misleading and no one should take it for granted.
If you really want to be read through, find a trusted reader and do personal/private reading where the reader can access your energy specifically and directly. And he or she shall be good, intuitive, trustworthy and reliable reader. Clear and authentic. Genuine and sincere. High integrity and mature —
Life sometimes can feel so good when the zodiac reading is positive; even if it is not true. Damn right! :-))
Ah…. I might take a course to be an excellent reader someday so that I can read good things for everyone and make them happy…. 🙂
Singapore – October 12, 2019 / 12:25am
I’m grateful for the picture to: https://blog.hellofresh.com/the-zodiac-signs-spring-veggies/
What’s In A Cask – haiku
What’s in the cask, Bruh?
Wine or tea? — I never know
Until the party starts.
Beware of a mind-twisting haiku!
This haiku contains a conversation between two fools who wanted to know what was inside a cask. Both were waiting for a party to start and hoped to enjoy the content of the cask. When would the party come? No idea, oye Fools…. 🙂
Life is like a party that never comes on time when a fool is only waiting for someone to open the cask. To enjoy the content of the cask, those fools should have openned it and spilled whatever inside it. Whether it is aged tea or old wine. A fool should be a fool, acting like a fool.
Don’t wait for the party to come. A real fool should get drunk just by an idea of what’s inside a cask….
Life is a comedy, where working is as addictive as drinking intoxicating substances.
Drink, Master! Drink!
Temasek – August 12, 2019 / 10:34am
Picture borrowed from: https://sobercollege.com/addiction-blog/workaholics/
Masquerade – ranting
Life is about masquerading.
How well she acts under a mask determines what the crowds will give her.
Whether she is crying under a smiling mask, it doesn’t matter. What matters is her body languages correspond with the smiles in the mask.
Her cry in the heart will not resonate whatever frequency is spread through the air ‘coz the crowds don’t read the heart. They see the mask and they are wearing masks, too.
Dear, Mask.
How are you?
Are you happy there?
Or, do you need some touch-up of colors?
Let me do it.
I can put mascara, blush-on, eye-shadow, eyelashes or more colors on your lips.
Your smiles shall not fade away.
Otherwise, the crowds will be disappointed and go away.
Dear, Mask.
Do you know how I am?
I am crying for how long you are suffering to look good all the time.
Sobbing when you have to laugh out loud celebrating how grand the victory is.
Weeping to see the mask running low with sweat, tired of grinning at how splendid love looks.
You seem so young but I know you are weathered.
Don’t you want to take a break?
……
But hold on, Mask.
Hold on a second.
Let me think it over.
Let me reckon what I just said to you.
No, no, no.
Do you need to listen to what I said?
Yes, you should.
But should you change?
No!
It is a big no-no.
I am happy that I am here for you.
I am what I am as you are what you are.
I am your shadow, where you can hide for a while.
I am your sanctuary, where you can take shelter.
I am your bin, where you want to dump all your hazardous wastes of make-up.
I am your Lover.
I can be your Beloved, too.
Dear, Mask.
Be a good mask.
Play the best acting as you can.
If life is a joke, let yourself be the greatest Joker.
When life orders pretension, be the greatest Pretender.
You take the best Role in this Life,
With me beyond your Play.
Dear, Mask.
Just don’t forget that….
There is the Playwright.
Never ever take action without His bloody instruction.
Dear, Mask….
“Camera! Action!”
Singapore – August 11, 2019 / 10:45pm
Picture borrowed from https://myvancity.ca/2016/01/14/evening-of-hope-gala/
Weeping Ney – free verse
Ney….
Your song pulled me down in to the depth of abyss
Gliding with no weight,
Free falling –
Ney….
Your tone touched me on the hollow emptiness
Craving for sensations,
Crashing on nothingness.
Ney….
Your call dragged me along the path that I know well, yet
I am lonely and blind,
Waiting for a map.
Ney….
Do you know I’ve been here all my life,
My breath,
My step,
My tear,
My despair,
All of mine.
Ney….
You are the breeze that sweeps my draught
Then soars;
The dewdrop that breaks my morning
Then wakes up;
The spark that lights up my flame
Then burns.
The dirt that buries my hope
Then grows.
Ney….
It is you
That swirls like earth spiraled upwards by tornado,
And travels afar before it hits the door of heaven.
Ney….
I am taking your hands.
Your weeping cries will always accompany my journey
To you, Ney.
Phnom Pehn – August 2, 2019 – 22:45
Experience Sharing – ranting
I’ve lived in this tiny country for more than six years and experience is the one making me the richest. I’m sharing you one most frequent.
I’m physically very ordinary, almost ugly, dark, chubby, short, not fashion conscious. And all in all I am poor or look poor – my source of income is only my monthly salary and some bonus from the company, other than that nothing. So, people can expect unexpected from an “I am” and will think that they can’t use me in a way but suddenly they would get crazily lured to use me up to the driest point when they know who I am — who am I? Nobody.
Ok. Time to rant —
One experience today,
I went to Funan Mall in City Hall area to buy rear light for my bike missing after my minor accident to the office and a tote back to be installed in my dear bike. As normal as a customer ever I greeted the shopkeeper and asked politely if I can get a spare of rear light.
Shopkeeper: What type is your bike?
Although confused with his question I answered “the one with M handle bar”.
Shopkeeper: This is a rear light. You know it or not?
I nodded and said yes.
Shopkeeper: Hey, you know the price or not?
I got a bit heated up because of his constantly high tone since I greeted him, so I politely challenged him: Why are you asking me about the price? I thought it is $45. Is it still the same?
Shopkeeper: So why did you tell me about the handle bar?! And you know the price is $45!
Hmm…. Rude guy! I was guessing he was testing me if I really intended to buy or just walked around the new store.
“Sir, you asked me about what type of bike I have then asked me about how much is the rear light of my bike. Now you are shouting at me as if I hurt your pride?” said I politely.
Shopkeeper: Sure you can buy or not?
I went away with poker face without looking at him then approached the other guy who was younger and nicer.
…. Another experience some months ago
I met a specialist in one of the best hospitals in the city and spent quite a lot to treat my disease. I shared with someone – let’s call her a friend.
Friend: Why didn’t you go to government hospital, it gives you cheaper package with the same quality of service. In this country medical services are quite standardised, only thing if you go to private ones you spend much more. Poor people deserves poor service!
I couldn’t say anything but smiled. I didn’t explain to her that I’m not a citizen or permanent resident that will get such privilege including the medical services. As a human being – knowing whether I am poor or rich – she shouldn’t have said the last sentence to anyone. Anyone, even if really poor
This Friend is still around me. I’m still good to her. And just FYI, it was not her first sharp words that were thrown to my face. I always tell myself that she is just being her, not more not less.
…. Another experience some years ago
I entered the office lobby. Today I would meet my interviewers for the final job interview. I was nervous, happy, worried and excited at the same time. Holding my Blackberry with both hands, I headed to the receptionist.
“Good morning, Ma’am.”
“You want meet who?” Oh my…. The Singlish was a striking welcome to me. 😃
“I’d like to meet with Ms X and Mr Y for job interview.”
“You Rike Jo ha?”
“Yes, I’m Rike Jo, Ma’am.”
“Sit first la. I’ll call them. You can’t use Blackberry, only iPhone here ya. Can not connect internet for browsing la.”
Oh my goodness. What a joke! I’m here to get a job, not to connect to internet.
“Hey, you from where? Indon?”
“Indonesia, Ma’am.”
“Ok Indon ya.”
“Indonesia, Ma’am.”
“Ok ok ok. Sit there, wait for 10 minutes they’ll come.”
Oh my god. And later I found that that receptionist was in-house subcontractor – the worst ever of liking to boss around and boast around talking about the company employees whom she didn’t really like so much. And more importantly, we are not prohibited to use any brands of gadgets in the office – but why bother using other brands if your own brand is the best on earth?! 😊
I still have my other stupendous and enriching experiences but it is too much for me to tell random samples of people from various factors who have judged people by their sole blurry eyes. Let it be, let it be.
Those people have judged me with their shallow mind, unfair position, misleading intention, partial data, insufficient information and the most of it with their pompous arrogance of being superior than someone coming from their backyard.
I am normally just feeling upset then immediately back to normal but today I was so fed up with those people. I pray that they know their points of view are not enough to evaluate others. They need distance, method and clarity to view then evaluate others. They should think before they say. They should listen to understand and not to reply. They should see before they leap…. Or else someday they will fall down and break down.
I will stay here for at least the next 5 years before I’m back to a human being without formal profession. By then I will have been a mature lady who knows that the world is spinning because some good guy accept others’ stupidity as learning curve, weigh others’ unfairness as a self reminder to be always stable, embrace one’s own anguish as the warmth among the cold ignorance of the modern people, and arrange all those into a beautiful arrangement of balancing points.
I still have many good friends here that make my life so beautiful and peaceful. And I will just be their good one, too.
Life is so colourful. I’ll enjoy it, with some ranting on at times….
Salam….
Khatib, July 26, 2019 – 21:03
rike jokanan 
You must be logged in to post a comment.