A hole curls sweetly
As a center of a whole.
Delicious truthβ
β

graphs of my Universe
A hole curls sweetly
As a center of a whole.
Delicious truthβ
β

Steps measure long roads
Where historians write stories
Tracking their own mind.
β
History isnβt about whatβs written only but it is also about whatβs tied to myths and folklores. Reading history books by ignoring whatβs verbally circulated by people through myths and folklores is like describing a rose through picture: failing to experience the touch and the fragrance. People are always the actual sources of historyβ without them history doesnβt exist.
History versions are as many as heads on earth as all people have their own life history related to certain incidents in the world; not all of them though write. Many save their history in head and heart with different reasonsβ no time, no tools, no courage! My blog is my history book (that to some brilliant people looks like full of unnecessary complaints and cheap experiences). I love my history book how much ever people laugh at it. Hey! When people laugh at it, it means my comedy works. π
Salaam.





Loud enough and clearβ
Thunder strikes and rain begins.
Children play outside.
β
Your signs are well read, well noted, well understood. Wellβ¦. π

The wind brings voice of
Falling leaves softly rustling
About silent notesβ
β
I humbly apologise for not being able to read your signsβ¦. Or maybe they are for other addresses.
Salaam π


River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.
β
Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.
What is seen in a river? Its flow. Whatβs behind the flow?
What is felt in a wind? Its blow. Whatβs behind the flow?
Whatβs behind the singing birds? Whatβs behind good food?
Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see βnoneβ that can be immediately ignored, the self sees βthe essenceβ that can only be understood through accepting in silence.
What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. π
Thank you for everything. π


Jazzy weekend starts
With a smile under the rain.
Iβve been missing you.
β
She be, Beloved,
The space not the furniture,
Lets all come and go.
β
If only maturity could be implanted like nose or breast or whatever, I would still choose to get mature naturally through ageing and weakening although it takes almost half of century of struggling and pain to find only its gate. Damn late!
One maturity breakthrough of my life was when realising I should be more a βspace human beingβ (my teacher calls it βroom human beingβ) rather than a βfurniture human beingβ.
Salaamβ¦.

Come true, Beloved,
Wishes colouring this life,
Bringing love and joyβ
β
My mini daruma dolls package arrived from Japan. Now it is time to make wishes and draw the left eye.
May all beings be happy!


Friendship, Beloved,
The sun rising so early,
Pushing stars awayβ
β
(Very early) morning conversation that left me sleepy but so energized after talking with someone whose genuineness could kept me listening to whatever this person saidβ My day is always good especially when started with a cheap talk with my best friends. Today is going to be super good one!
β¦
BF: Still writing?
Me: Everyday
BF: Poems and ranting?
Me: Ya, you donβt read mine?
BF: Not these two weeks. Busy! You still talk to yourself in your writing?
Me: Ya
BF: You think people like it?
Me: No
BF: Why do you do it then?
Me: I do what I love doing.
BF: Even if no one cares?
Me: Even if no one cares.
BF: Are you happy?
Me: Not always
BF: Are you happy writing?
Me: Mostly
BF: What happens when you are not happy writing?
Me: I have so much in head but I donβt want to make it so obvious or it is so hard to make it concise.

BF: Do you know that people reading your cheap writings might think you are madly in love?
Me: I donβt care. But yes Iβm madly in love.
BF: With whom?
Me: With many different things.
BF: Name some.
Me: Oh myβ¦. Are you interrogating me?
BF: πππ Yaaa! You didnβt know?
Me: I just realised it.
BF: Thatβs how you donβt care about what people are doing to you? Donβt be silly. Put some suspicion and negative thinking to some people, even to someone that you love.
Me: I will.
BF: Youβre 50 several years to come and still have mental of a Β£β¬$@$Β£β¬L!
Me: What?!
BF: Do you know who is among your friends genuine or not?
Me: Yes.
BF: But you look like not knowing.
Me: Because I donβt care. Itβs my business to make sure Iβm me but I canβt ask others to do the same thing to me the way I do to them.
BF: What about me?
Me: You are genuine especially when you have problem.
BF: You mean?!
Me: Yes, only I can listen to you for 5 hours non stop ranting about your problems! The same problems unsolved for years! Thatβs how genuine we are with each other.
BF: &$@!?890:;((@:!!!!
God bless all my best friends. See you all soon! π
Thereβs a bow, my love
With which message travels down
On a boat of joy.
β

Your face gleams in stars
I look up alone at night.
Your words shine with suns
I search in far galaxies.
Your heart sits so high,
Itβs frozen. Should I leave now?
Said I to my heart.
A line of white clouds stop me.
These feet are stuck here
Standing on dewy grasses.
Itβs almost morning.
Maybe youβll wake up, Iβll see.
Itβs a bird story
Finding a place called a home.
She thinks home is far.
It lies in her heart meadow.
β

Penang – Oct 5, 2022 / 04:56am
Clear sky, Beloved,
Calm blue where clouds swim, birds fly
Under the warm sunβ
β
Javanese live their life with meaning and that makes them βeffortlesslyβ survive even in the hardest time. They pin meaning to everything they experience. I believe Javanese are naturally philosophers whose communal humble life is richly loaded with wisdom; unfortunately fading away by the time.
Meanings easily recognised by most Javanese are those pinned to batik method and patterns. Historically batik patterns were works of art composed by either scholars from padepokan (ashram in Sanskrit) or the royals (king, queen, prince, princess or royal artists). In fact, there were few batik patterns created by commoners such as batik nitik and batik kawung. Kawung is one of the oldest original patterns of Javanese batik which has existed since 12th century. Nitik was born younger, approximately in 19th century.
Fun fact about Javanese king: aside from courses of political knowledge, leadership, palace management etc, long time before his coronation a Javanese crown prince must completely compose 3 works of art and publicly present them to the board of senior royals then announced the art pieces to people in the kingdom. Those three are batik pattern whose batik is handmade by him, tembang/kidung (sacred Javanese song) sung by him; and bedhaya dance trained to the dancers by him (a solemn Javanese dance performed by a group of dancers).
While batik nitik was initially created as secret codes by commoners to circulate among them classified information kept hidden from unjust aristocrats at that time or from the enemies (some historians said though this pattern was composed by the royals); kawung was allegedly created by a mother to dress her son who was instructed by the king to join his exclusive team due to his outstanding skill of espionage and balanced state of mind (again the historians said this pattern was composed by the royals). The said mother made a sheet of kawung pattern for him before he left as a prayer that her son could keep his current quality even after he later lived among (socially, politically, professionally) higher rank people.

Kawung is the Javanese word of sugar palm (kolang-kaling). The symmetrical four half chambers in a fruit are used to symbolise balanced state among physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual. The clear colour of the seed is borrowed to symbolise clarity: of conscious mind, of conscious decisions, of intension, of purpose and of actions.
People also relate the word kawung to suwung that can mean emptiness: in this matter suwung is more about self alignment, absence of sense-driven wanting. A person in this suwung state in positive interpretation means someone who is already free from his/her craving for worldly interests, s/he is able to calmly and consciously prioritise among physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual proportions with no doubt or confusion. S/he is in high level of awareness of a βperfectβ human being.
In Java region that kind of person is not necessarily a saint or a priest or a bikhu(ni) or a nun; s/he might be a farmer, a batik maker, a herbal seller, a taxi driver, an employee, a housewife, a leader etc, just whoever is willing to self align through what they do everyday regardless their professions. Not a few of them were βbadβ people hearing the inner calling, deciding to quit their wrong doings and living βnewβ life.
At younger age, I met more of that type around us in my hometown. Now fewer and fewer people are interested to achieve that level because life pace is now becoming faster with the βtsunami of informationβ and life needs are βforcingβ people to be constantly in alert mode with the high competition to βsurvive certain life styleβ.
Not much I can do this time. I try to breath more slowly, pay attention on shift of emotions through body reaction (my body will never betray me) then acknowledge the emotion whatever it is. Time flies like a wind sometimes like a storm, I choose to ride it, not to get dragged by it. Not easy but doable.
How light this head is after ranting!


Fun fact about the honourable batik makers:
- Once a batik maker pulls the βcantingβ filled with hot wax on a sheet of fabric, it will start developing lines or dots as the hot wax gets dry fast and block the fabric. That is why they work very carefully to avoid unplanned error. Correcting unplanned error is more tedious in batik making process compared to drawing the patterns with canting. Zero accident policy applies.
- Batik making is a highly contemplative activity (almost) like meditation. That is what makes many of batik makers especially those senior and/or with high quality artisanal works have good self alignment.
- Some batik makers donβt need to draw the planned pattern with pencil on the fabric. They are the highly skilled, the artist, the master of what they are doing.
- It takes approximately 5 months to complete a piece of two sided hand-made batik of 210-250cm long. Those batik makers also do household chores in between their batik making activities as they mostly donβt earn good money. If you buy hand made batik, please give extra dollars to share some comfort.
- Majority of batik makers are female. Very few of them are young.


Imperfection, Love:
Perfection on the way. Back
To imperfection.
Perfection, Beloved,
Imperfection on the way.
Back to perfection.
β
No one is perfect as everyone is imperfection in perfect cycles.
How perfect you are, donβt boast. You are simply βrotten body in progressβ. How imperfect you are, wise up. You are the soul βshining in progressβ. Your body is deteriorating, your soul is rising.
β¦.
Only if you are willing to slow down.
Enjoy the rest of this weekend!
π







One last sign, dear Love,
Closure of a long journey,
End of a battleβ
β
Finallyβ¦.

Silk road, Beloved,
A bumpy road to a heart
Laughing at a jokeβ
β
In a silk shop in Hanoi a conversation happened.
Me: (silently questioning whether the silk offered was truly silk from Dalat or βsilkβ from somewhere in China)
Shopkeeper: How do you like it, Madam?
Me: I love it. But to help me make decision, would you mind answering my question? I hope this wonβt offend you.
Shopkeeper: Certainly, Madam.
Me: Is this silk truly from Dalat?
Shopkeeper: Yes, Madam. It is from Dalat, my parentsβ hometown. Why, Madam?
Me: Not from China?
Shopkeeper: (laughing) We received the same question from another customer before. I am not surprised. Trust me it is Vietnamese silk, not Chinese productβ¦. (She made a joke about βsilkβ then continued her long explanation of silk industry in Vietnam and her family business history and brought some samples of old silk that had been kept since her grand grand parents started production.)
She was able to convince me relatively well and my decision was buying one pretty white piece. White silk wonβt go wrong to attend my nephewβs wedding in December! π₯°
May all beings be happy.

Cluttered, Beloved,
Storing unprocessed info
Too much. Declutter!
β
I love jewelry and used to love purchasing them not because of its value but more because of sentiment to its historical, cultural or spiritual loads. And that was lots of money (to me, not to others who have millions and millions of dollars). My close friends and my mother repeatedly ranted and nagged to me to buy gold than those βmeaninglessβ jewelry. Did I listen? Of course nooooooot!!!
Until one day I realised that those things are a fantasy in a hoarderβs spirit of mine. And so I decided to stop buying things if not helping me work/study better or making this journey lighter.
I should be decluttering more and more and giving more space to moving energy. My home should be filled with more expressive sweet love than with unprocessed memories. Unprocessed memories = info that is never escalated into knowledge then insight then wisdom = rubbish!
Dear Life, please let me be with you longer so that I can unlearn more and more wisely, embrace your true meaning more and more clearly and give meaning to you more and more sweetly.
*breathing for a while for the next task of todayβs decluttering*


and other rubbish – give away or throw away!


Wasted, Beloved,
None. In life allβs by design
With scales and measures.
β
Good morning, Saturday. Thanks for opening the weekend gate. Iβm flying back home soon; canβt wait for the sweet surprises!
Salaam. ππΌ

Feel good, Beloved,
No matter what. Stars still shine.
Moon and earth still spin.
—
Why are you nervous, my dear? Romance is within reach, just between breathing in and breathing out. Stars, moon and earth give you so much attention while you are ignoring them. They have done their jobs; you should do yours if you think it feels good.
May all beings be happy.
Salaam. π



White hair, Beloved,
Waves through the wind of white sword
Waved by white wizard.
β
In white hair, will I be as strong as Gandalf?

A guest, Beloved,
Makes host happy yet confused.
Smile sweet and thank, too.
β
Iβve met hosts with different types of personality or characteristics. When the host is a person, itβs just about that particular person. When the host is a company, it shows me the company culture or local culture.
Iβve got a few βcuteβ treatment from some hosts.
One company in Koka was informed that Iβm a Muslim. My colleague told them βRike eats halal, please find the food source from now.β They didnβt clarify to me and just followed that pranking colleague blindly. And in my 3-day visit they fed me halal food they ordered online and had to be delivered long trip to that remote area.
βIs it good, Rike-san?β The host asked me on the last day.
βDo you expect honest or polite answer?β said I laughing.
βBe honest please ha haβ¦β
βI tried NN-sanβs food from your canteen. I love your food much much better. This online food tasted good but didnβt taste fresh.β It was impolite like hell for most Japanese host I guess. π
βOur canteen food is not halal. Iβm sorry about the online food.β He must have wanted to commit suicide after that. π
Then I started preaching what halal meant to me. And they said they would not order the halal food for me anymore and give me their canteen food the following years. π

β
The second was one company knowing Iβm a Muslim as informed by the branch in Malaysia. So they knew I pray although they never knew I only pray when wanting to.
So they brought me to a small room to do afternoon prayer. I asked if they have Muslim employees so they had the room, they said it was prepared for me. They moved out table, chairs and other cultural ornaments. ππ»ββοΈ
The first day I prayed, the other days they asked if I would pray. I said no. Then again I preached what type of Muslim I was and they nodded heads looking confusedβ they might think how would a human being can be this obedient yet disobedient to her God.

β
The third is also about being a Muslim. I came with 6 other people for 2 days and the company gave me fruit salad while giving nice beef/chicken/pork, egg, vegetable, rice lunch to others. They said they only had salad as halal food and no restaurant near the industrial area cooks halal and non halal food separately.
My colleagues explained that I could eat this and that but βnot pork onlyβ. So the next day they provided my favourite Vietnam spring roll with βvegetable and porkβ not βpork onlyβ. I left the lunch box untouched and went back to the yummy salad. Iβll come back next year, please give me pho. π

β
Some people are so naive not knowing what to do and deciding to do their bestest best to respect the guests. God bless them.
I enjoy being a (not so good) Muslim. Misunderstood but still well treated by those willing to respect others. God bless you! π
Salaamβ¦.

Unforeseen, unplannedβ
Lifeβs rich: men, events, chances
Bring moments of truth.
β
This evening I met up with two Saigonese friendsβ not planned, not predicted. We sent each other messages and found that we three were in Hanoi and decided to have dinner together.

His message to me: βIβll pick you up once youβre preparedβ. Her message to me: βLet me know when you arrive at hotel, Iβll kidnap youβ. And they both came in the same taxi with different intension. π
For years we have always wanted to meet in Ho Chi Minh City to eat south pho bo and life preferred pulling us together in Hanoi for north pho bo.

A happy rendezvous! All was good. The only minus was that I had much noodle as part of dinner. π See you in HCMC!
I hope to get other sweet surprises. Or at least I commit to feel good no matter what so any surprises will be sweet.
Salaam.

Breathing, Beloved,
Dive with it slowly, knowing
It can blaze and burn.
β
So much swarmed in mind today. This brain was so busy processing unclear things that it could not process what truly happened within. All dots of thoughts felt like molecules bumping with and crashing each other in Brownian motion. The internal Brownian motion expanded externally and bad mood caused physical discomfort.
For around 12 hours the bad mood and physical discomfort was densely lingering. Reading, cooking, eating, drawing, writing, washing, watching YouTube, listening music, checking suitcase for next trip, taking shower, even sleeping didnβt help stabilise the emotion. Alamak I didnβt understand what was going on.
At dusk time I took a seat in one bedroom corner, closed eyes and paid attention to breathing. Very fastβ it was not my normal breathing speed. Then trapped emotions were found: unexplainable insecurity and anger. After around 30 minutes normalising my breathing speed, the bad mood was totally gone.
Iβm sorry for ignoring you, breathing. It canβt be denied that my physical has given me signs of what happened inside. This physical has always reminded me about what emotions are dominating. The dominating emotion indicates what energy is attracted β positive or negative. Donβt ignore signs given by body; not even once!
Lesson learnt: Some dominating stuffs donβt deserve priority. Severe weather, bitter messages, false news βeven if affecting meβ deserve to be smacked down! Donβt try me, bitch(es)! π
New week is gonna be nice! π€
Alfatihah.

Bad mood is hunger
Draining mind and tainting heart.
Can food heal the pain?
β
Certain type of bad mood doesnβt go away easily. It can sit silently consuming emotion for almost 12 hours. Some can be cured with food, some canβt. We still need food anyway.
Unfortunately no one is responsible as the cause, it popped out just like that with the falling rain; yet the self is responsible to get through it patiently.
π




I dive
Every night
To where you are
And see no one
As
You are diving
To where Iβve left my throne.
When Iβm back,
Youβre back
To where youβve left yours.
If we know the hours of each othersβ departures,
Weβll meet at the crossroads
Where whatβs left behind
Is forgiven, not forgotten
Tonight.
β

These gifts, Beloved,
Peace and love hummed to loved ones
Living here and thereβ
β
One of the Javanese and Islamic teachings that I will never leave for the rest of my life is sending gift of prayer containing peace and love to my loved ones wherever they are, whether they are physically wandering on earth or spiritually gathering around life.
I believe that my passing-away ancestors are living in different levels of consciousness (call it hell, heaven or somewhere in between up to your liking) and they are watching their offsprings without being able to directly communicating with us. They deserve my gift as they have been my line to get the chance to be here now. They deserve peace and love as they have done the best they could to draw a meaningful family tree. Yes, some might have made silly mistakes but hey thatβs what Buddhism calls βkarmaβ. Yes, some might have caused shameful stains on the family picture but hey thatβs what Islam calls βalam syahadahβ. Whoever and whatever they were, all of my ancestors deserve good wishes sung to them.
I also wish peace and love to those I love still breathing the air. Wishing all of them health and happiness. π
We Javanese Muslim will send gift by reciting some Javanese prayer closed with Alfatihah, a short chapter in the Quran containing peace, love, praise, forgiving, protection and guidance. A basket of beautiful wishesβ
How light this heart is to be sure that all whom I love are well.
Alfatihah to all whom I love. Youβre loved. Youβre blessed. Donβt shop too much. π
Happy weekend!


Pleasure, Beloved,
Sweet moment under the rainβ
Sunshine is peeping.
β
Todayβs biking started at 6:30am and ended at 7:15am as the rain began earlier – weather forecast reported rain would fall at around 8am. We decided to fold the bikes in my home then drive to βKueh & Meeβ for breakfast.
Conversation is never boring with this good friend. Any topics about her children are my favourite as those children give me inspiration to be always young in heart how old ever I am and optimistic about life how much low my mental is. Topic about her wanting to go back to work is never nice because thatβs when she questions if she is capable of doing this or that; while she is one of intelligent friends I have β- she is an excellent chemist who lets her expertise hibernate and allows her husband to lead a brilliant professional success.
After todayβs chatty laughing breakfast, she went home then picked up her husband in Changi Airport, arriving from a biz trip. A long list of tasks were still waiting for her, making me lose reasons to complain about life.
She is one of my favourite people inspiring me with their being ordinary the way they are.
Thank you, Mbak Eva! God bless you. π₯°


Warm heart, Beloved,
Where flowers bloom in hot day,
Roots enjoy divingβ
β
I cooked cow heart for lunch. The taste of the heart was more special than before. Perhaps it was because I hadnβt eaten cow heart for more than 2 years. Or the heart was owned by a kind cow. π
The dish reminded me of a joke among my circle.
A: Why donβt you eat beef?
B: How would you eat that whose eyes are so beautiful. They must have good heart!
A: But why do you pork?
B: &@$@?! Why donβt you eat pork?
A: How would you eat that whose look is so cute like Ms Piggy. Their heart must be romantic!
Weekend is almost here! Letβs enjoy it with warm heart!
π

Guessing, Beloved,
The least inaccurate points
Of mangosteen seedsβ
β



Thatβs what we call βtebak buah manggisβ, guessing game to decide whether the number of sections at the bottom of the fruit accurately matches the number of seeds inside. Mostly matching, yet this time it is not! π Life is sometimes unpredictable even with good database; anomaly is a rule whose patterns are not yet formulatable oops formulated by human beings β please excuse my English, Iβm not a native. π
Like someone we love. We thought they are 6, in fact they are 5.
Fair enough to say: seldom expect accuracy in estimation; better be sufficiently into the least inaccuracy so it wonβt drop one down to abyss when finding inaccurate things. Iβm trying to be wise as myself for myself about myself. π₯°
Oh dear, mangosteens!
Thank you, Beloved.
Clouds and rains carry the signs.
Earth decipher them.
β

It is about me
Myself, not about others.
Jump. Spread these wings. Fly.
β
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