graphs of my Universe
Home is
Where an equation is done.
X factor is found,
Balance is placed,
Abundance is defined
Although life is never perfect.
Home is
Where the most important things gather.
Love is respected.
Respect is loved.
Priority is defined
Although life will never be perfect.
Home is
Where a painting is displayed.
Colours are combined,
Shapes are drawn.
Beauty is defined
And imperfect life is accepted.
—
Number’s readable,
Intension’s not. Heart can read
Yet eyes can deny.
—
My Japan trip gave me a lot of insight. That an intension can be hidden yet sooner or later it will be naturally disclosed. That I should not entertain any underestimating and/or disrespecting expression —hidden or shown— as life is moving forward not backward. That if symbols or signs are not delivered to me as good will, all of them are false; ignoring them is the best way. That it is the right way to let them happily underestimate and/or disrespect and/or show superiority as their life style.
Human being should communicate verbally as part of real interaction. Without clear and genuine verbal communication at all and just sending signs and symbols, they fail respecting others. Wishing happiness is the best way as that’s what they need the most. Stopping interacting in whatsoever way is the best decision as they don’t contribute anything except confusion.
Happy weekend! 😍
Typo is parties
Done by drunk fingers dancing
Teasing sleepy brain.
—
Drag me to your heart
Even if it hurts my head,
Said I.
I know you’re teasing
Even when I mean it,
Said I.
I smile in silence
Letting you laugh in joy.
Sad I’m.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy your days,
Said I.
I walk away
Leaving the last piece of my heart.
Dragging my luggage
Alone.
Smiling.
Winning
Against my own sigh.
To you, who secretly teasing again and again and again and again. Thank you. Life is full of fun. 💗
—
Small thing is cherry
On a big cake, red and brave
Savouring the day.
—
My love is mostly dumb, stubborn, too thin to see, and makes you hate me.
My luck is often loud, sudden, too huge to miss, and makes me love you.
I’m not a gambler, yet think you’re a dice rolling numbers for a prize.
—
Sweet dream is a gate
Out to where dandelions
Let their achenes fly.
—
Rindu itu
Sebutir berlian tak diasah
Teronggok begitu saja
Menanti pengasah berputar.
Tak ada yang mau.
Rindu itu
Sebiji nanas madu tak dikupas
Tergeletak di atas meja
Menanti pisau mengiris.
Tak ada yang mau.
Rindu itu
Setangkai kembang api mati
Terbujur kaku di dalam wadah
Menanti pemantik menyala.
Tak ada yang mau.
Rindu itu
Kabut tipis tentangmu
Tebal menyelimuti kaca
Menanti cuaca berganti.
Mau tak mau.
Rindu itu
Bukan tentang kamu yang lupa.
Rindu itu
Tentang aku yang tak ingat.
Mau tak mau.
Rindu itu
Rindu ini.
Sibuk sendiri
Hingga ia puas bermain
Lalu menggandengmu pergi.
Kau harus mau.
—
The orchid’s budding,
Silently showing the day
About ever hope.
—
Orchids are blooming,
Telling her to keep smiling.
Smiling is charming.
—
Left for some time, they keep their good vibe! Blooming again! Thank you!
Journey to the self
Takes a long and winding road,
Worth doing. Half done—
—
Human beings’ journey to understand one’s self is often unpredictable. I never wanted to visit Mecca and Medina yet because of my devotion to a mother, I agreed to go to ensure that she was safe and healthy. And the result was tremendous evolution of self. 💝
To Ibu: I miss you much today 😘
Alfatihah
You’re winning my heart
When my goal’s the same as yours.
After days of loss—
—
FIFA 2022 has brought controversial practices and surprises from the beginning. I don’t have further comments on those political, yet I am so happy with Saudi Arabia and Japan winning against Argentina and Germany. What a victory!
I wish they win again and again and those big names lose more to balance the celebration. It is just a game yet sometimes a game should be won by those who have been underdog. I am not discriminative. 😁
Twitter too has been so much more crowded with the euphoric tweets about FIFA 2022. Exciting, hilarious, entertaining, some envious, abusive, violent though. Yet how much ever I want to click a like to soooo many “sweet” tweets, I remember my promise of not doing so for some time now. Playing in Twitter is a bit scary, buzzers and scammers are freely working, sending me irresponsible messages; better play safe and observe only. Or probably just my algorithm— 🙂
FIFA! It’s been annual celebration for football lovers, refresher for bored routine dwellers. We, —our father, siblings, cousins and I— would watch the games through national TV station together even over midnight to indirectly cheer our favourite teams. In Indonesia “nobar = nonton bareng” aka watching together (at home, community centers, cafes) is very common to enjoy sports games, badminton and football in particular — many people will do wide screen with noises and costumes of real supporters as if watching onsite. Our favourite teams were Netherlands, Brazil and England so we would be the noisiest when watching them. Not Indonesia? Of course, not! We love our national team but they are not yet ready to go beyond the country borders especially with the current funny management. Someday, someday! 😍
In Malaysia now, yet none of the people met was eager to talk about FIFA so we just talked about annual holiday at lunch break while enjoying Kapitan’s biryani and tandoori chicken. Unfortunately…. Or fortunately so I fully focus on work 🤓
‘ll be in Japan next week and love to see how euphoric Japanese are about this victory. Hopefully they will show more relaxed look and behaviour this time with the excitement. So excited! 🤩
Salaam.
It’s not about you.
It’s about me loving you.
It’s love that hides you.
A door opening ajar,
Heaven sprinkling you with stars—
—
Two enter a gate
So they can end a journey
In a brand new start.
—
Found another book of “Big Panda and Tiny Dragon” by James Norbury in Changi Airport T3 today.
Now here is a point
Where start and finish collide.
A shadow of yours—
—
Two love birds singing
In a cage full of good food.
A choice to a love—
—
Love is…. ?
Love is…. ?
Love is…. ?
Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.
That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?
That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.
What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.
I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.
I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.
I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.
This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.
Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.
Alfatihah to all whom I love.
Life is a mystery. Human to solve it. Not always successful, yet it is worth doing.
Life is a gift. Human to thank for it. Not always easy, yet it is worth doing.
Life is a journey. Human to travel it. Not always smooth, yet it is worth doing.
Life is love. Human is to accept it. Not always sweet, yet it is worth doing.
Life is of this or that to be experienced. Human is to keep living within the given time, a line between two points. There is so much to take and give and I thank for everything — that I know when I know, that I know when I don’t know.
Will not ignore how precious this life is. Will always be patient with this self in experiencing it.
🙏🏼
—
Yellow lucky leaves
Pop up unexpectedly.
Answers to wishes.
—
Dream come true is not always with work only. It might be with some enchanted wishes, self encouragement, ranting when upset, sleeping when tired and beloved ones’ prayer — all acting as the x factor. In a package those can be summed up as human being determination.
Ignore those demotivating and/or disrespecting. They try to distract, but let them be out of the equation for a while. Just blow them a kiss. 😘
Weekend is a bridge between two islands. Walk on it slowly with a smile. Don’t forget to hum love songs. 💕
🍀
The room becomes bright
With two smiles under dim light.
Feel good with good sight.
—-
I met a good friend and he could not stop talking about how hard it has been for him to feel good behind his (nice) smile. He said that he is constantly in stress of silent competition at work or in loneliness far away from family. He said that people around him seem unhappy to see others happy.
Me: Normal! It happened to me when I was young. Getting older, it is easier to accept what is.
GF: You did compete? Unbelievable! You seem to have neither ambition to excel nor spirit to live. Low profile, high product yuck! Your motto sucks!
Me: I did lightly. You’re still young so just enjoy your competitiveness and being away from family. Make more friends and only one girlfriend. Some day you will be where I am now when nothing is worth chasing except cockroach to kill.
GF: So you feel good all the time?
Me: Most of the time only, not all the time lah… I am not a Barbie doll.
GF: Meaning you never have problem?
Me: Do I look like not having problem?
GF: I know you have problems and are sometimes upset about people.
Me: Ya, I do have problems. People confront me. I confront people. But I minimise blaming others. Most thing if not everything is about me making incorrect decisions. I am sometimes very very unhappy about others, too. I act boldly occasionally to show boundary.
GF: And you still can feel good when you are not happy?
Me: Yes, I have a lot of distractions ready: work, books, orchids, painting, people although mostly not them, biking, cooking. End the unhappy time fast.
GF: How?
Me: Distract yourself. Flip the coin to the other side. And remember feel good is contagious. At least you don’t look gloomy when you feel good.
GF: So how do you think I should feel good when my colleague stabs me in the back?
Me: Feel good that it is not you stabbing people in their back. Thank God for showing the real friends to you.
GF: Argh! I want to punch his face!
Me: Ouch! Will it make you feel good?
GF: Maybe, but makes me look not good, then makes me feel not good.
Me: Wow! You master it already!
GF: But don’t you realise some people will get offended even when we feel good and do things as we are? They think we are insensitive. They think we are ridiculing them.
Me: Why care? You only need your approval to do something that makes you feel good, with one condition: that you do it without intension of offending or hurting others.
GF: If they get offended?
Me: I…. Don’t…. Care….
GF: Okaaaaaay! Hey! How is the food?
Me: Not so good 😩 The worst tom yum on earth!
GF: Agree. So is it because you are not able to appreciate the food? And how do you minimise blaming others in this case?
Me: Of course I blame the chef! You think I am his mother? Let’s not be back to this restaurant again.
GF: 😂😂😂
Lessons learnt: stay away from chatty friends when hungry, be relaxed when talking to young men as they explode easily, find a good restaurant or cook your own tom yum, get older without grudge, avoid those disrespecting you, laugh joyfully
Floods come with big rain,
Worsened by the blocked drainage.
Leaving mud story
—
A big flood happened in Jakarta in Feb 2007. It trapped many people in the buildings for almost the whole day (even longer in some area) or inside cars for at least 6 hours (even more in some location). Those in the office just stayed in the office. We on the road moved inch by inch as only narrow part of the road was “safe” from water — no, no, not dry at all; it was standing water almost like ripply shallow ocean.
The cause of flood in Jakarta is the extremely heavy rain plus bad drainage system in Greater Jakarta.
I was on the road back in 2007 flood day for 8 hours feeling stuck: no food or drink, no toilet (the worst of all the experiences), with random collection of songs played in a music player low bat before even I reached half of a normal journey home.
It was only one day or two of misery; the next year we all laughed at each other’s story. A friend who peed in to a bottle in the car. A friend who decided to leave his car on the road and went home on foot finding the car moving far away from where it was left the next day. Some friends who cried afraid of losing chance to meet the family but the family especially children thought that flood was fun time. Many friends whose floors and walls were messily coated with mud mixed with rubbish and creepy crawly after the flood and they found stuff that were lost for years through cleaning the mud.
We’ve learnt the lessons yet it takes time to fix such a systemic issue. Jakarta, you can!
I’ve learnt my lesson too that tragedy + time = comedy. A simple equation without unknown factor except how much time is stretched. God speed!
Salaam.
Blessing is a swan
Walking, swimming and flying
Around garden lake.
—
Water, air and hair:
She draws figures and colours
To a sweet daydream.
—
A line of this heart remembers
What’s not even in memories.
Flowing clean river hidden in the sky—
The other line of this heart remembers
Only what’s imprinted through relations.
Murky pool standing around the earth—
Don’t have the right to be missed
With these limited memories.
This sky is hidden by the cloud—
Don’t have the right to be remembered
With absence of relations.
This earth is full of locked doors.
Can only miss what’s not imprinted.
Can only remember what’s hidden.
Still beautiful
Still amazing
Yet hidden
Yet secretive
Circled around between hearts
That read what’s not inky written.
There’s an end
To a dream.
It’s when coming true
Or coming dead.
And that’s the light at the end of a tunnel
Of light
Of wide spectrum
In which we’re prancing.
Choose your colour.
—
Too good to be true,
Yet too long to be untrue;
A dangling long dream—
—
Ocean welcomes all,
River flown and rain fallen.
Friends in a friendship—
—
A meet up with my first mentor training me in my current profession almost 20 years ago. He and his wife are in Singapore to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary and spend this whole day to meet up with me: shopping in Orchard Road Apple Store, browsing around looking for my favourite Japanese restaurant that was found closed down since 2021, having lunch (Indonesian food in Singapore….? Oh my) walking around Orchard Road, taking MRT for fun, enjoying evening coffee in Starbucks Bugis Junction before our farewell.
This wise couple gave me a bunch of advices to be this and to be that…. How lovely this life is to have friends who are willing to share their (personal) experiences for precious lesson learning.
Thank you, Pak Donny and Mbak Maya. See you in Jakarta! 💗🙏🏽
Alfatihah to my dear friends.
There’s only one way to leave a forest: its edge. Throw away the doubt.
—
Cold breeze blows softly
On weekends, and on the leaves
Rustling about me.
—
You’re layers of light
Disclosed by layers of dark
To an open heart.
—
Not answered questions:
Those to be pinned with meanings
By them questioning—
—
Surabaya did sum up my medium-length end-of-year holiday of mine. Hosted by one best friend, this 32-hour visit meant much to me: a lot of chat and enough food.
With this best friend open discussion is a routine. Last night’s discussion while driving around the city was everything about money. We both treat money differently. She is a better financial planner, I am a learner.
We used to be curious about what money truly was. Money discussion had always been a hot topic before and last night we both finally agreed that money can be defined as anything according to the one managing it.
We know different types of friends and their behaviour towards money. There are friends who meticulously count money (stingy), friends who think money is a symbol of welfare (social status), friends who consider money is everything (arrogant), friends who consider money is treasure (stupid), friends who consider money is nothing (careless), friends who don’t believe that money is a thing (maybe almost dead), friends who have little money (poor), friends who constantly borrow money (lazy). Complete experience. 🙂
What is money to us? We both don’t have special place for money at the same time we have special space for money. It is a tool. It is the replaceable at times, the irreplaceable at others. It is what it is with given context. We both agree that a question of “what is money” doesn’t need an accurate answer; it just needs honest response. Answer is too rigid and feels like a reaction; response is more flexible and almost a wisdom. Example? If having money makes us think we are more respectable than others, that is an accurate answer. If having no money makes us think we are less than others, that is an accurate answer. If having money makes us more functional as human beings in some situation, that is an honest response. If having no money makes us less complaining and harder working, that is an honest response.
We both don’t expect to be in forever comfort by having so much money yet don’t want to live uncomfortably because of having not enough money. We simply want to have sufficient amount as what is needed in life.
This visit puts me back on track that “life is just like that” at the same time “life is worth fighting for and beautifully living” with good will and a small touch of power from money.
Before driving me to the airport, she commented on my eyes.
BF: Have you put eyeliner?
Me: No
BF: Told you to always put eyeliner. You have one?
Me: Ya
BF: What colour?
Me: Brown
BF: No, no. Try blue.
Me: (frown on my forehead). I don’t have blue one.
BF: Try this. (handing a blue eyeliner to me)
Me: (reluctantly putting blue eyeliner on both eyes)
BF: Look at that! Brighter eyes! Ok, take it. Wear blue eyeliner more.
Me: Ok, as long as not green that turns me to a green-eyed. How much is it?
BF: I am not selling it to you. A tiny token of friendship. Not everything should be paid with money. Thanks for the birthday gift, too.
Thank you. Happy birthday, Madam Scorpio.
See you again.
Salaam.
Manusia mengembarai langit
Manusia menyusuri cakrawala
Tidak untuk menguasainya
Melainkan untuk menguji dirinya
Apakah dia bertahan menjadi manusia,
Tidak untuk hebat kuasa atau perkasa
Melainkan untuk setia sebagai manusia.
(Emha Ainun Nadjib)
—
Good morning, Surabaya. You did a lot of moulding to this human being. Thank you!!! 💝
rike jokanan 
You must be logged in to post a comment.