Batik Gringsing

Time travels with you
To where good memories sit,
Waiting to rejoice.

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When I was a girl, I got sick very often. Yet what I remember the most isn’t the pain but is how my family would take care of me. Of course they medically treated me either at home or hospitalised, but there was a unique way I can never forget what my mother, father and siblings did extra.

My father would chant Javanese mantra that would calm me down. My mother would wrap me with a sheet of batik cloth before putting the next thicker blanket. And of course siblings especially sisters would sleep with me the whole night.

What Javanese mantra chanted by father? Oh can’t remember! What batik, I definitely remember it and now own it for the same need; covering myself with batik gringsing when sick.

1.2mx2.3m batik cloth with gringsing background pattern of flower bouquets

Gringsing is one of the oldest batik background patterns in Java. It is thousands of tiny square with a dot in the center symbolising “sedulur papat kalima pancer” (literally means 4 siblings and 1 core as the fifth) the cosmic balance of human reality in Javanese wisdom. And through the philosophy it is believed that when a Javanese human is sick, s/he is cosmically imbalanced and needs to be balanced. Physically s/he is medically treated, metaphysically s/he is cured with gringsing the balance symbol.

Gringsing is an acronym of gring or gering (sick, not well, ill) and sing (not); gringsing means not sick anymore. Oh! That simple! Made by hand! Oh! Not that simple!

What a blessed human being!

wrapping body when catching fever doesn’t replace paracetamol, it’s to recall the memory of how my family well treated me when I was sick 🥰
detail of gringsing: a tiny squarish scale with a dot in the center – sedulur 4 ka-5 pancer

Across Rainbow Bridge

Across rainbow bridge,
Wings bring a tiny light up
High to where it glows.

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I’m surrounded by animal lovers and rescuers. Every now and then I see how they struggle with animals in pain or death. It’s not easy each time those friends have to say good bye but at the same time they learn again and again that the best end is by releasing sincerely and being released sincerely.

Happy journey, Dear. Thanks for all the lessons you have taught us.

Alfatihah 💝🙏🏼

bye, Item; see you across the bridge 🥰 alfatihah 💝

Lunch Chat

Today I had a lunch chat with a colleague. We discussed about this and that and of course how we both grow more grey hair, more fat and of course more wisdom.

happy to work with those having courage to tell when it’s right or wrong, with objectivity

I remember when I was 30’s I said to him I was so afraid of growing old alone. Now I’m growing old alone and I’m not afraid. Today I said to him that I’m afraid of dying alone and he lightly said “No one wants to die with you or with anyone else, girl! No one!”

I laughed and said “Damn! you’re right!”

And I made a good decision right during the convo that I won’t be afraid of being alone! Everything is gonna be alright!

But he said something before saying goodbye “And you’d better be a bit stingy to those not helping!”

“Damn! You’re right again!”

Life is fair but life is also not fair so we’d better know how to surf! Unfortunately, I don’t like surfing, I’m just gonna be biking!

slow down to both directions, live and die is like drawing an ♾

Fun Day

What is a fun day?
Sugar in brioche and milk
In macchiato—

macchiato, once in a blue moon
much sugar for today, it was just good to be a bit unruly once in a blue moon 🥰

The Choice To Bloom

Even though they’re weed,
They’re flower, ready to bloom.
Truly as they are.

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Respect each other as all of us have become us with no choice but traveling the paths we’ve agreed to sign up. Early termination doesn’t apply; life is about starting and completing what’s written.

Respect each other. At least….

💝

💞

Words

I know, Beloved,
Those words are leaves falling down,
Decayed before you.

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Jika kita lahir dan tumbuh sebagai kata-kata,
saya akan selalu menggarisbawahi kamu
seperti kata yang saya anggap penting,
meski kamu nanti mencetak miring saya
seperti kata yang tak dikenal dan asing. (part of a poem by Adimas Immanuel)
7 lotus and 3 leaves in 1 clear jar

Pearl In The Heart

Pearl in the heart
That will keep shining.
No matter what.
No expiration,
No boundary,
No dimension can weaken its brightness.

In silence
In the dark
No matter what.
It will shine.

It resides
Here
Now
In the heart.

song that never fails

Happy

Happy, Beloved,
Return to office saying
“Hi!” to real bodies

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My first day working in office after 23 months working from remote workplace felt like my first day joining the company. Excitement and thrill, this time with clarity, calmness and strong ground

Although not many, I met people in real bodies not their avatar.

Thanks for the new day!

frozen in a huge quiet space but happy! 🥰🥰🥰
on my way to the bus stop after work, I met a jungle fowl as happy as me 🥰🥰🥰 – hello, ayam hutan!

Green Tea

Weekend, Beloved,
A bowl of green tea nicely
Served cold and creamy—

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Give yourself reward for being a brave person sometimes. 😎

For an ordinary person setting a clear boundary is enough a bravery. Sometimes a passive person should tell arrogant people “You can step on my shoulders to reach your goal ‘coz I’ll support anyone dreaming high but you mustn’t step on my head to underestimate a human being ‘coz I have the same right to be respected. Please excuse me this time to be equal and forever be.”

Happy weekend. 🤩

this is a yummy weekend and….
…. and this, all after weekend classes ; God bless the seigaiha pattern composer

Banana Tree

Live once, no regret,
Said banana trees. They die
After giving fruits.

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the boy, the mole, the fox and the horse – them in one
unlearn, my dear…. let go
my finding me is like finding a piece of unpolished sapphire, not diamond which is too high value nor gravel which is too low – maybe it’s gonna be unpolished forever but at least I know it’s a sapphire, not diamond not gravel

Data Points

Listen, Beloved,
To Wind, Earth, Water, and Fire.
Metal does clank, too.

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A set of data is powerful only when the owner knows how to use it; it is equivalent to the ability of questioning leads to better result than ability of answering.

A good start is by collecting from different points. The more data points, the more valid and accurate answers will come up. One point will be misleading.

Salaaam….

good to listen to

Alive

Treasure’s treasured, why
In tombs guarded by legends?
It’s secret’s secrets.

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I’ve often thought that people living in this society is either living right at the bars or above the bars. It’s either we force ourselves to enjoy comfort that gives us uncomfortable consequences OR we comfortably enjoy whatever we have for comfort with just-right consequences. Today I learnt that there might be some super rich living in an area which “normal” millionaires here won’t even think as a good place to live. I read a news about a millionaire who in fact lives under their own bar with his family. Extraordinary!

So?

Ah! Life is just like that! There are choices to make and people make choices which (they think) they deserve.

Nothing is more liberating knowing that life still offers me wonderful news. It has proven me that life can be NOT-WYSIWYG. I would not imagine someone mistook my car as a grab car, while I were a super duper rich girl waiting for my friends to get on my Honda Vezel. 😃

Weekend, weekend! Happy weekend!

finally feeling so liberated and relieved to have found this news! this city is still “alive”!

Chimney

Does it suffocate
Or release? Up to the sky
Or stuck in the black?
Meet the wind. Fly to the far.
Let the chimney nobly stand.

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Chimney is a symbol of industrial era like church for religiosity, tower for secularity and all kinds of stars of spirituality.

Yet I found different interpretation of mine on chimney through Japanese books reading (very very elementary, all hiragana and katakana, I can only remember 15 kanji so far, hell yeah!). Chimney can be a symbol of fairy tales, dreams, ideas and creativity emerging from the dark, beautiful stories. What else? Ya, just use imagination to find what clicks in mind until the word “chimney” meets its lighter connotation against the one in paragraph 1.

Reading the books, I can’t deny some people really get blessed with extraordinary imaginary world and ability to materialise what’s in it by intertwining the intangible blessings with the tangible ones. Like the writer whose books I’ve read.

God bless you, Akihiro Nishino (should be with ~san). Thanks for the books you’ve written.

Read. Read. Read.

Read the letters. Read the lessons. Read between the lines.

🏭

find the Chimney Town in you 🏭
dark but glowing – isn’t that paradoxically beautiful?

Alone

Go solo travel
Through blocked road, dead end
With fright, thirst and hope!
Trees will tell you where to go.
Sun will tell you when to halt.

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I (almost) always travel alone and I love it. It is not only business trip but also travel for leisure.

My first impressive adventurous solo travel was at 12 with my red mini bike. I would bike from home to my uncle’s home in a hilly district. It was about one hour ride of 7 kilometers away excluding all the U turns of getting lost in quite rough terrain in the route. I was excited doing it though because of nieces and nephews waiting to play with and the agriculture experience to enjoy. The up-hill biking to uncle’s home was my private getaway until my little brother insisted joining.

Another impressive solo travel of mine was in Bandar Lampung where I visited elephant and rhino conservation centres. Unfortunately the sweet young me was still innocent that people thought I was welcoming them; and I got sexual-physically harassed. Lucky me to be saved by a bus driver — wherever you are (maybe you away already because you looked like 60 years old when I was 26), you are blessed, Pak Supir!

And the excitement of the first impressive solo travel and the most dangerous one have combined to be a sufficient foundation for me to be a 99% solo traveler until now.

Traveling solo, I learn and improve how to cope with life challenges: languages, culture, human behaviour, security, etc. Yet I can enjoy the trips as I wish without having to wait for others moving slower or having to be dragged by others moving faster. It is almost always about excitement, freedom and privacy!

The bravest trip of mine was to Bangladesh in 2011. Plane touched down at 12am. Taxi waited in a corner that will be considered dangerous spot by any normal women on earth. Hotel was totally different from what was described online. Food was a bit below my hygiene par but I had to show my respect by eating with (fake) happy look! Yet I was truly happy to meet 3 new friends who hosted me with genuine hospitality (no fakey smiley like in some countries on earth I won’t mention); they brought me to city parks, mosques, slum areas, high end areas, etc in Dhaka. That was one paradoxically the happiest-saddest trip where I met the most skinny dogs and poor people right in front of luxurious houses. The most teary nights ever!

My smoothest, most expensive was 20-day solo travel in Europe: expensive flights, flights between countries, 1st class trains between cities and countries, taxi rides, good hotels, accessible public facilities, drinkable water free of charge!, good choices of food…. very little warm smile though. My favourite cities are still Amsterdam with so many Indonesians that warmed my soul and Madrid with so many handsome men that freshened my eyes! 😂

Do I still want to travel alone? YES! but not 99% anymore, maybe will be 75%. I have a small group of semi-backpacker ladies who will be best neighbours when I retire. So they might be my travel buddies when I want to share some itinerary with.

I miss traveling!!!

Next destination? I don’t know…. The virus has evolved from physical barrier to physio-socio-psycho-political block for me to move around! God bless you, dear Corona.

Happy Sunday home! Salaam. 💝

traveling isn’t the only way to find your true self, you can travel within instead; yet when having time and resources, do travel out of your familiar towns and cities – you’ll feel different blessings! stay safe!

Aging

Aging, Beloved,
Counting blessings everyday—
Feeling challenging?

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Sometimes a challenge or deadline is needed like fertiliser sprinkled on to the soil to trigger more chemical, biological, physical reactions from the root dancing in the ground to go deeper and healthier so that the tree grows even stronger and taller.

頑張りましょう!

28-day writing challenge with some friends feels like a squid game 💝 😵‍💫

Don’t Kill Your Dreams

A dream, Beloved,
Is roots absorbing nutrient
In any seasons.

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Teak wood tree will shake all her leaves to fall off in dry season and look like standing death log in order to save her energy in managing her metabolism. It happens until the first rain pours down again. Young leaves will come out. The forest will come alive again. Annually!

That’s what I learn from my childhood living in a district where teak wood forest was rich and well protected.

If I were a tree, I would dance and sing in its root in the spring, summer and autumn before dozing off in the winter.

That’s what I learn about having dreams in life.

Thank you! for everything

🥰

my dream is much simpler than his (I don’t even dream of visiting NY/USA, the only place I’m willing to visit is my office) but he is one of those inspiring me! he is mediocre (he said) just like me (I said) but given so much by life❣️

Happy Chinese New Year

New year, Beloved,
Leaf falling celebrated
By the wind then gone;
Only memories will stay
In the soul of those alive.

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You can start the year on any day and call it a new year. You can use lunar or solar or any other possible cycle in the galaxy or even beyond the galaxy as you wish.

The only thing you need is making sure your start is well used.

I thank everyday for the second chance, the new day everyday, the new year everyday.

Happy Chinese New Year!

a video from a colleague in Taiwan, always one of my favourite buddies at work!!! 👍🏽 Gong Xi, Gong Xi, Tim!

Change Left Behind?

I’m in, Beloved,
Heart and soul. Give me some time,
I might be behind.

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Life journey is a bus full of passengers. They are free to choose how to enjoy the ride except to disturb the driver. Some read books. Some sleep. Some look out day dreaming. Some enjoy the running-backwards scenery. Some talk to other passengers. Some try to seduce sexy passengers. Some take chances to steal sleeping people’s valuable belongings. Some complain why it takes so long to reach the destination. Some just look around confused or amazed or stupid or blank. Some do. Some do other things. Some don’t. Many, many and many things are happening in one packed stuffy place, misunderstood as the only whole life.

Which are you, Beloved?

Ah! A decision was made! I’m not in that bus. I got off earlier and am now riding my scooter! I might be left behind but I made a change inside of me! 🤠

Salaam….

de do do do! de da da da!

Do!

Balance, Beloved
Not about same measurement—
It’s the harmony.

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Let’s be fair, dear Self. Are you 1 kg of feathers or 1 kg of gold?

Let’s be honest. Do you prefer 2-week laundry to wash or 2-week laundry to iron?

Challenging choices to be aligned with immediate happiness

🤹🏼‍♀️

Bl—dy he—❣️

this is a true disaster! the surface of my universe 🦸🏻‍♀️

Taste

The taste, Beloved,
Touches life in every point.
No excuse for her—

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Sometimes life is about experiencing spiciness level, low to high level. Sweet is hiding for a while, it will come another day.

That’s some of my conversation with my Sensei in today’s Japanese class.

Hell yeah! ⚡️

Hot!!!

About Her

In love, Beloved,
With life witnessed by flowers
That bloom in my heart.

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I love but also don’t love myself.

flowing down
flowing in

Process Based

Blooming, Beloved
Not the most important phase.
Root is foundation
Where seed is a buried secret
With dancing roots, and the crop—

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Mind the strong foundation resiliently planting you to where you stand and contribution generously assisting yourself and those around.

💝

Sacrifice

Is there sacrifice?
Earth lovingly hugs our waste,
Giving all her love.
Committed, sacrifice not—
Yet Mars looks better? Damn you!

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I salute those who are ready to migrate to Mars yet curse them for destroying dear Mother Earth through mining and exploiting her to build spacecraft to join the god of war.

Allegedly-visionary people dream of living forever while destroying where they live. Allegedly-ordinary people take care of where they live and be considered underdeveloped.

To Mother Earth, so much love to and for you. Please forgive your children.

🌏💞

he is singing it well ⚡️ thank you

I Trust You

Know not, Beloved
This path about to end when
And where. I trust you.

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Trust is what she’s been holding tight because without it she’s lost the grip against so much magnetic force around that will pull her into a gaping hole, where greediness can consume anyone till no end.

Thanks, Beloved, for giving me a life that’s imperfect but perfectly humbling me in many ways.

I trust You; voluntarily or forcefully.

💞

a song that touches my heart like a tiny leaf falling on a placid lake 💝 thank you

The Director

Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscars—

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She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the director’s direction and directive.

What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!

So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.

Oscars are waiting.…

…. Only if you play all out!

Heart and soul dancing through body 💞

Alhamdulillah 🌻

The Director from Pinterest
Bedhaya, the epitome of Javanese dance

Beauty

A wreath, Beloved,
A circle packed with beauty,
Arranged true colours—

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Dear Self,

When you’re bored, splash some paints! When you’re angry, splash some paints! When you feel happy, splash some paints! When you feel funny, splash some paints! When you get offended, splash some paints!

As honest as you to you when you’re alone, your colours speak the truth.

Yours truly,

Your own self 💞

a wreath waiting for the final touch 🎨

Beauty

Wasted it’s never
If blooming or not. Pretty
In its full cycle.

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Blessed again with 5 beautiful flower stems, accompanied by other beautiful growing not blooming orchids.

Beauty is not only in the flower. It is in the root, leaves, keiki, pot and their presence everyday.

Salaam.

🐣

balcony #1
balcony #2
balcony #3
bathroom window sill #1
bathroom window sill #2

Perfect Combination

Love’s yellow on green,
Sprinkling ripeness on freshness.
Pack your smile for me.

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💚💛💚

yum yum or yuck yuck? 😁

River

River, Beloved,
Flows. Let things go with the flow
From, in, through, to you.

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Feel the flow: calm, swift, pushing, breaking, splashing, swirling, stuck, moving. No matter what, flow.

enzo on a plate
golden enzo

Disclosure

Seed deeply buried,
Grown finding the sun slowly—
It is about time.

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Good life was once tiny little secret longing for forgiveness and blessings.

I accept my history, present and future.

May all beings be happy. 💝

secret unveiled, happy life