graphs of my Universe
Journey to the self
Takes a long and winding road,
Worth doing. Half done—
—
Human beings’ journey to understand one’s self is often unpredictable. I never wanted to visit Mecca and Medina yet because of my devotion to a mother, I agreed to go to ensure that she was safe and healthy. And the result was tremendous evolution of self. 💝
To Ibu: I miss you much today 😘
Alfatihah
Two enter a gate
So they can end a journey
In a brand new start.
—
Found another book of “Big Panda and Tiny Dragon” by James Norbury in Changi Airport T3 today.
Why 9? It’s just 9.
When counting 9, it brings 9.
9 is 9. Be 9.
—
Why 9?
Back to uni days I was very keen of learning numerology, slightly superstitious to certain level but it was very entertaining and encouraging. It doesn’t give me a lot of benefits in career but a little knowledge about numerology sometimes gives me unique perspective of problem solving; or hmmm at least good distraction. Based on numerology each number has meaning and energy. Different number, different meaning, different vibe, different luck.
Among all numbers my favourite is 1, 7, 9. Very personal. Yet I like to make it look reasonable and logical. 😊
What about those numbers?
1 – One is loyalty, dedication, unity, singularity. We are loyal when we “worship” one – the God, the love. Dedication is focusing on one – one company, one citizenship, one goal. Unity is multiple agreeing on one – unity in diversity. Singularity is uniqueness of one, no comparison – feel it when we’re alone, that’s who you are. My definition as individual being rules the game.
7 – Seven is pitu in Javanese, an abbreviation of pitulungan that means help, support. No one can live alone as social beings so helping and supporting each other is the only way to survive in society. Cultural definition rules the game.
9 – September the 9th month is my birth month. I was categorised to have a character of group 9 in one numerology class. Almost dead at 9. 9 is the only number that I adore because of its logical and scientific function. 9 is my lucky number! Both empirical and logical experiences rule the game.
Dear, my favourite numbers. When will my company stock price go up back to 179 again? That is the point of my favourite numbers ranting today!
Happy weekend!
Now here is a point
Where start and finish collide.
A shadow of yours—
—
Two love birds singing
In a cage full of good food.
A choice to a love—
—
Love is…. ?
Love is…. ?
Love is…. ?
Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.
That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?
That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.
What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.
I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.
I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.
I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.
This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.
Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.
Alfatihah to all whom I love.
Life is a mystery. Human to solve it. Not always successful, yet it is worth doing.
Life is a gift. Human to thank for it. Not always easy, yet it is worth doing.
Life is a journey. Human to travel it. Not always smooth, yet it is worth doing.
Life is love. Human is to accept it. Not always sweet, yet it is worth doing.
Life is of this or that to be experienced. Human is to keep living within the given time, a line between two points. There is so much to take and give and I thank for everything — that I know when I know, that I know when I don’t know.
Will not ignore how precious this life is. Will always be patient with this self in experiencing it.
🙏🏼
—
Yellow lucky leaves
Pop up unexpectedly.
Answers to wishes.
—
Dream come true is not always with work only. It might be with some enchanted wishes, self encouragement, ranting when upset, sleeping when tired and beloved ones’ prayer — all acting as the x factor. In a package those can be summed up as human being determination.
Ignore those demotivating and/or disrespecting. They try to distract, but let them be out of the equation for a while. Just blow them a kiss. 😘
Weekend is a bridge between two islands. Walk on it slowly with a smile. Don’t forget to hum love songs. 💕
🍀
Too good to be true,
Yet too long to be untrue;
A dangling long dream—
—
Ocean welcomes all,
River flown and rain fallen.
Friends in a friendship—
—
A meet up with my first mentor training me in my current profession almost 20 years ago. He and his wife are in Singapore to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary and spend this whole day to meet up with me: shopping in Orchard Road Apple Store, browsing around looking for my favourite Japanese restaurant that was found closed down since 2021, having lunch (Indonesian food in Singapore….? Oh my) walking around Orchard Road, taking MRT for fun, enjoying evening coffee in Starbucks Bugis Junction before our farewell.
This wise couple gave me a bunch of advices to be this and to be that…. How lovely this life is to have friends who are willing to share their (personal) experiences for precious lesson learning.
Thank you, Pak Donny and Mbak Maya. See you in Jakarta! 💗🙏🏽
Alfatihah to my dear friends.
There’s only one way to leave a forest: its edge. Throw away the doubt.
—
Cold breeze blows softly
On weekends, and on the leaves
Rustling about me.
—
Wondered about home.
Has wandered finding a home.
She’s learnt she’s a home.
—
Feel good is feel home wherever she is.
Cleaning up the yard
From dry leaves and broken twigs.
Summer is coming.
—
Deaccelerate,
Accelerate on the road.
Life is not a race.
—
Fasting is a very familiar way of life to Javanese. Called pasa or poso, fasting in Javanese culture is always related to the effort to self align. Many Javanese like doing fasting with or without meditation (tapa brata or topo broto) depending on their commitment.
While Javanese Muslim do at least one month of fasting per year in Ramadhan, fasting in Javanese culture itself came even much earlier before Islam was introduced. While in Islam fasting is between dawn to dusk and the same restriction is commonly applied to all kinds of fasting, Javanese fasting is more varied both in term of period and restriction.
Fasting helps Javanese slow down the pace in their mind, regulate the speed of their ambitious behaviour upon life goals, train themselves to be patient.
There are several kinds of fasting in Javanese culture that are still practiced by relatively many nowadays.
1. Regular fasting
This fasting is done only from dawn to dusk like the Islamic fasting. This is a common practice, many Javanese parents use this kind of fasting to train their children about how to manage their immediate excessive desires and concentration in under pressure situation. I remember when we were elementary and high schoolers, we were instructed by parents to do fasting on Monday and Thursday during yearly school testing weeks. Yes, I felt more focused on my study as I had to prioritise tasks to save energy. Brilliant!
2. Mutih
Mutih is derived from the word putih (white in Javanese, Indonesian, Malay). During this fasting, a person is restricted to eat other than white rice and fresh water for 24 hours started either at dawn or dusk. Ordinary Javanese can do it for one day, three or seven. Yet more advanced (usually senior) Javanese would extend the period as per commitment.
3. Ngasrep or nganyep
Ngasrep is derived from the word asrep that means cool or cold; while nganyep from the word anyep means tasteless. In this kind of fasting the food and drink should be all cool and tasteless. The person is suggested to eat only boiled vegetable without adding taste (salt, sugar, oil, sauces, etc) and drink fresh water. It is mostly done in three days.
3. Ngrowot
Ngrowot is a word derived from the word krowot that means Javanese common carbo source except rice. The person who does this fasting will only eat carbo non rice like sweet potato, suwek (konjac), gembili, gembolo (English please….), taro, cassava and other tubers.
4. Ngebleng
Ngebleng means staying in; so doing this, a person will do regular fasting but very limited food intake allowed without leaving room or house, not meeting anyone, just doing meditation or doing household chores without distraction from anyone. Someone can do it three and seven days and forty days. Not many are doing this as this is a challenging one: not easy to find a place. This fasting is quite heavy because it does not allow sufficient food intake for a long time.
5. Pati geni (pati: turned off, geni: fire)
It literally means “fire turned off”. This is the highest level of Javanese fasting as the restriction applied really tests the person’s very high commitment: s/he is not allowed to eat, drink, sleep including fall asleep and see any light both artificial and natural. How long? The shortest is 24 hours, maximum unlimited. Note: if s/he sleeps or falls asleep, s/he has to restart the fasting.
There are other kinds of fasting in Javanese culture which were done by very limited people and have been left by many due to the impracticality such as pasa ngidang (from the word kidang or deer) in which a person is only allowed to eat raw foliage like a deer, pasa ngalong (from the word kalong or bat) only eating ripe fruit from the tree, pasa kungkum (bathing up to chin level either in the pool, river or shallow sea) without eating or drinking, etc. There are probably other kinds of fasting as Javanese used to be very creative in “fasting engineering” hahaha….
Javanese believe that with fasting they will connect better to themselves and inevitably with the ultimate power of the universe. They will usually become confident people without showing off. Those fasting committed people —if doing it right and without evil intension— will be a highly spiritual people and voluntarily dedicated to environment and people.
Javanese believe that this type of people bring blessings to the surroundings although blessings are not always tangibly seen. The blessings can be as simple as peaceful daily life with little conflict,
Do we still have many of them? In very silent villages around Java island we might still find a few. They are traditional farmers who feel the need to connect with the ultimate power as only that can help them manage their humble farming that is now severely industrialised and exploited.
Hope we still have them in silence. Amen.
Alfatihah.
Is the one flowing
River? Can be flow of notes
Infusing good air—
—
Never forget that music is an inseparable part of life. Put some in every part of the day. If all those in the playlist become boring, drop a pencil on to the floor and that’s music. 😊Or, drop a pan on to the floor… No no no, that is music (and louder) but too extreme to listen to. 😁
Salaam.
Blooming orchids show
Vibrant hues waited a while
Without counting time.
—
I think so much surprise comes to us because we just do without craving for the expected result. Not 100% correct, but that is most what has happened to me. ☺️
Welcome, blooming flowers. You have been as stubborn as the gardener. God bless you! 😍
Sunday is full of cleaning, laundry and sweet surprises!
Salaam.
Bright Eyes are blinking
Lazily greeting the dusk
Hiding mister sun.
—
A path to a place
Is walked through trees and uphills.
A meadow is waiting
Opening another path
To a warm home filled with love.
—
My friend sent me three photos of our beloved “simbah” (those senior people who are considered wise or those who have grandchildren) – Javanese). Most people call these simbah “batik maker” because they make batik to earn a living. We both call them “batik artist”. More than that through what we’ve seen and heard about them, we’ve considered they are artists of their life. How they embrace their humble life gracefully and consciously has always amazed both of us. They live like calm river flowing to the sea. They don’t struggle against what others think about or do to them. They live as if there is no hindrance and disturbance in life.
When my friend told me some things about those three honourable ladies, I secretly harvested some lessons. It is very critical reminder for me who is still very much attached to a feeling of (accidentally) underestimated and (slightly) humiliated because of one petty case. These three artists of life have silently told me to let go.
What a loud shot in a quiet weekend!
No apology is needed. All is gradually let go through my own wish and willingness. This is my life and I only want to be the artist of my own life. 💝
Thank you, artists of life. You’re blessed. 💝
Salaam.
The biggest secrets
Are sitting on the eyelids
Without disguising.
—
River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.
—
Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.
What is seen in a river? Its flow. What’s behind the flow?
What is felt in a wind? Its blow. What’s behind the flow?
What’s behind the singing birds? What’s behind good food?
Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see “none” that can be immediately ignored, the self sees “the essence” that can only be understood through accepting in silence.
What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. 💝
Thank you for everything. 💝
It’s you, Beloved
That shines and sets in my heart
Bringing in blessings.
—
Jazzy weekend starts
With a smile under the rain.
I’ve been missing you.
—
Imperfection, Love:
Perfection on the way. Back
To imperfection.
Perfection, Beloved,
Imperfection on the way.
Back to perfection.
—
No one is perfect as everyone is imperfection in perfect cycles.
How perfect you are, don’t boast. You are simply “rotten body in progress”. How imperfect you are, wise up. You are the soul “shining in progress”. Your body is deteriorating, your soul is rising.
….
Only if you are willing to slow down.
Enjoy the rest of this weekend!
💝
Thunders, Beloved,
Not sign of rain, but lightning—
Know their true message.
—
Some messages are exactly like how people play “karambol” (carrom board in English), the player may strike one disk to target another disk. The message is as if for A but actually for B. Or the message is like this but actually that.
Don’t get fooled, dear self.
Welcome, new week full of true messages. 😘
May all beings be happy.
Welcome, Beloved.
Home is where gifts are opened,
Flowers are blooming.
—
Welcome home! said they. 💝
Wasted, Beloved,
None. In life all’s by design
With scales and measures.
—
Good morning, Saturday. Thanks for opening the weekend gate. I’m flying back home soon; can’t wait for the sweet surprises!
Salaam. 🙏🏼
Bad mood is hunger
Draining mind and tainting heart.
Can food heal the pain?
—
Certain type of bad mood doesn’t go away easily. It can sit silently consuming emotion for almost 12 hours. Some can be cured with food, some can’t. We still need food anyway.
Unfortunately no one is responsible as the cause, it popped out just like that with the falling rain; yet the self is responsible to get through it patiently.
😌
These gifts, Beloved,
Peace and love hummed to loved ones
Living here and there—
—
One of the Javanese and Islamic teachings that I will never leave for the rest of my life is sending gift of prayer containing peace and love to my loved ones wherever they are, whether they are physically wandering on earth or spiritually gathering around life.
I believe that my passing-away ancestors are living in different levels of consciousness (call it hell, heaven or somewhere in between up to your liking) and they are watching their offsprings without being able to directly communicating with us. They deserve my gift as they have been my line to get the chance to be here now. They deserve peace and love as they have done the best they could to draw a meaningful family tree. Yes, some might have made silly mistakes but hey that’s what Buddhism calls “karma”. Yes, some might have caused shameful stains on the family picture but hey that’s what Islam calls “alam syahadah”. Whoever and whatever they were, all of my ancestors deserve good wishes sung to them.
I also wish peace and love to those I love still breathing the air. Wishing all of them health and happiness. 💝
We Javanese Muslim will send gift by reciting some Javanese prayer closed with Alfatihah, a short chapter in the Quran containing peace, love, praise, forgiving, protection and guidance. A basket of beautiful wishes—
How light this heart is to be sure that all whom I love are well.
Alfatihah to all whom I love. You’re loved. You’re blessed. Don’t shop too much. 😁
Happy weekend!
Pleasure, Beloved,
Sweet moment under the rain—
Sunshine is peeping.
—
Today’s biking started at 6:30am and ended at 7:15am as the rain began earlier – weather forecast reported rain would fall at around 8am. We decided to fold the bikes in my home then drive to “Kueh & Mee” for breakfast.
Conversation is never boring with this good friend. Any topics about her children are my favourite as those children give me inspiration to be always young in heart how old ever I am and optimistic about life how much low my mental is. Topic about her wanting to go back to work is never nice because that’s when she questions if she is capable of doing this or that; while she is one of intelligent friends I have —- she is an excellent chemist who lets her expertise hibernate and allows her husband to lead a brilliant professional success.
After today’s chatty laughing breakfast, she went home then picked up her husband in Changi Airport, arriving from a biz trip. A long list of tasks were still waiting for her, making me lose reasons to complain about life.
She is one of my favourite people inspiring me with their being ordinary the way they are.
Thank you, Mbak Eva! God bless you. 🥰
rike jokanan 
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