Red rose on white tomb: Greeting to another world That sees but says not—
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Nyekar is one tradition that many Javanese still keep until today. Nyekarcomes from the word sekar that means flower. Nyekar is sprinkling flowers on to someone’s tomb as part of a prayer to the loved ones lying under the tomb.
Javanese pin a meaning to the word and activity of nyekar by relating it with the flowers’ fragrance, colours and shapes. The fragrance and beauty of the flowers sprinkled on to the tomb are sent as supplementary to the prayer whispered by those “visiting the dead”. At the same time it is to remind the living that it should be the good deed and memories of the dead to be cherished; bad memories and bad deed should be neutralised through forgiveness — not easy but doable.
Aside from flowers Javanese add boreh as part of the flowers sprinkled. Boreh literally means to spread or to smear cream or paste on to skin. Borehis mixture of ground dlingo (Acorus calamus L) and bengkle or bengle or bangle (Zingiber cassumunar). Dlingo has a keratabasa (acronym) of elingothat means to remember. Bengkle has a keratabasa of becikkelakuane that means good deed. In short, boreh is added to the flowers to emphasize the importance of remembering the good deed of the dead they visit.
What a beautiful visit is made to the dead by those Javanese who understand what they sprinkle on to the tomb of their loved ones.
So, no it is not just beautiful flowers or flowers arrangement; more than that, it is the beautiful meaning that Javanese pinned to the flowers.
Salaam.
the best remembrance is remembrance to the death – I picked one rose from my sister’s garden and put it on my father’s tomb; we don’t miss him as his good deed is always with us
Tragic is comic After fermentation time. Dark jokes bring bright joy.
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We always remember how our father loved our mother. He liked giving gifts to her and doing household chores like cleaning the floor and doing heavy laundry. Yet he also enjoyed teasing my mother around; his goal was to make her angry just to show that he was good at calming her down. 😂 Yet his strong affection to our mother did one extreme discomfort to her and some of us.
This morning my older siblings asked mother to re-tell a story that we the younger don’t record well as we were too young to save the moment. While they laughed before she started telling the story, we three waited curiously.
Mother: Once I went with my friend to a beauty parlour. She wanted to have her hair cut.
Younger children: With whom?
Mother: (mentioning a name that we are familiar with)
All children: (commenting about mother’s friend who happened to be a very fashionable woman at that time)
Mother: She said that I should have my hair made curly or at least wavy so I could look different. I said no because I should get permission from your father. But you know her, she was able to convince me to do it.
All children: (laughing and commenting about the lady who spent money like she would die today. Mother said that woman got much money from ex husbands so she deserved to do it.) So, curled or waved?
Mother: Medium curled
Older children: (laughing and commenting how she looked fresh but weird as we had never had anyone with curly hair in the family before)
Mother: When I reached home, your father seeing me with curly hair looked surprised. I thought it would be a terrific moment but then it changed to one terrible day. He was so angry, never before he became that angry.
Older children: Ya, I was shocked. Never saw him like that before—
Mother: I was not shocked with his reaction but the next action of his was a biggest discomfort in my life. He said he wanted to make the hair look better which I thought minor trimming and he took a pair of scissors.
Older children: I didn’t expect that to happen. He cut most of the curly hair and only left the one with very vague curls near the headskin. You were almost bald! (laughing) You became so not you.
Me: (upset) Why did’t you run to hide and protect your hair?
Older children: Hey! Don’t be too serious. He didn’t hurt her.
Me: But he hurt her pride! I won’t let my hair be screwed up by anyone.
Older children: I remember mother sobbed and I screamed to father to stop. He didn’t do it harshly, but I felt worried about her sobbing.
Me: Damn wrong thing! I never knew he would have this in the checklist.
Mother: No worry. He regretted and apologized on the same day. And trust me it was the only one bad thing he did to me. He said he didn’t want me to draw attention of other men.
Older children: Jeeeaaaalousy! We know some other things about his jealousy! You should tell more stories.
Mother: I think it was the best lesson for him about how he should not be too possessive.
All children: Yaaa!!! Agree!
Older children: Do you remember that you turned to be a better fashionista than her. I remember you wore turban and sometimes wigs.
Mother: Yes. And I guess he regretted it even more as I asked for different wigs and turbans until my hair was good enough to show.
What a comedy! Oops! What a tragedy turning to comedy after some time!
Lesson learnt: choose the best expression of love to avoid bad impression, don’t have your hair curled 😁, find a husband who doesn’t hate curly hair 😁, forgive your husband’s wrong expression while educating him, and see a comedy in a tragedy
Good chirp of two birds Fill the air with random songs Above golden trees.
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Time flies when we spend it with those we love. How would I not thank this life for giving me abundance of them? Good to have a holiday at home before spending more holidays outdoor faraway from them after this. 💝
I am blessed. 💝
installation art of two golden birds – good time is a chat of two sisters remembering the sweet and the shit 😊
About a nation That’s almost collapsed and dead. Life has a cycle.
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Holiday is always a time to have a small discussion about trivial facts that grows to a more serious discussion about bigger things like a damaged bridge topic growing to a discussion about a nation that starts to collapse slowly and surely.
Nothing is forever. Even if you think you are better, smarter, swifter and richer; it will end either with your fall or your death whichever comes first. How cruel! No, that’s just a cycle.
a damaged bridge (a hot yet stupid discussion on the train from Jakarta to Yogyakarta) – I love stupidity 😁
There is a tall tree Greeting the sky with its green, The earth with its white.
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There is only one choice left: grow! What’s grown within affects what’s grown without and the other way around — all in unison. Liking it or not, I grow as the sole way.
when feet are happily walking, eyes are happily observing 🥰
vegetable levelled terraces ready for next plantingthe white lines hanging are pipelines traditionally built to transport spring water from mountain to the vegetable plantation
How good is friendship? As good as age of a friend Whose food transforms taste.
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cakwe, elementary school snack served in styleonde-onde, never getting bored of it 💝six of “avengers” but only three were available this time – when we were young, we counted the price tags; now we count the limits and portions of cholesterol, sugar, salt, red meat, blah blah blah while saying “aaah this one is good!” 😁
Good roots are strong roots Supporting those on the soil. They won’t be betrayed.
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This trip is incredibly beautiful. Meeting best friends is more than anything. We talk. We laugh. We eat. We visit places. We engage with people.
One of my best friends who will be my neighbour in my humble abode is one of best human beings I’ve ever known. She lives to humbly serve humanity. She dedicates her life to help the underprivileged. She is so patient about what others do to her and always in understanding mode. She is so passionate in doing what she is doing to help others.
Among all her non profit projects that are my favourite is opening library in a small village that is functioning as youth center at the same time and supporting buruhgendong (traditional female labours who are paid to carry things either by sellers or buyers in Yogyakarta traditional markets, most of them are senior) in some traditional markets in Yogyakarta. If time allows me to live as long as I wish, our agreement is I will teach free classes of English, Japanese, leadership and management system in her youth center, while occasionally going with her from one market to another to greet the buruh gendong. Yet as an artist she is also teaching (mostly) women on how to make artistic products for sale to support themselves financially.
In this trip we discuss a lot about what we should do to ourselves and others but we can’t because of immovable blockages. We also talk about how we can feel good no matter bad a situation is. We talk about what will happen if the youth are not aware of what lies in their future at the same time we concern about how children around us get mature faster than we did before. And all always last long although with only a glass of tea, a cup of Javanese coffee and some pieces of local snack.
Life is too precious to focus on what doesn’t serve us good anymore. Life is too short to lament of any loss that is truly never loss. Life is too grand to just be sad of how that that we love disrespects us. Life is just too beautiful to consider what is not real.
So thankful for how real my best friends are in helping others. So thankful to be part of their spirit. So thankful that we are ordinary people in this grand life. So thankful that we are a grain of sand in the vast shore. So thankful that we accept who we are. So thankful that we are strong roots for each other.
Thank you, dear friend. It is good to always have a question “so what is our plan and action?” 💝
What will you do on one bright day? Anything but feel no good.
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seating arranged by a rice field in Yogyakarta – a place where people become human being, transaction tones down to neighbourhood, ordinary feels extraordinary
Always love this city Where work is in moving cars, Finished in toll gates.
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What is Jakarta about? Heavy traffic? Better in some way. Flood? Better in some way. People? Always happy, optimistic and witty no matter what!
Nothing beats feel home. 💝
a city isn’t about its minuses 😎 (Jl Sudirman, Jakarta)…. – traffic jam should be one tool to shape patience 🥹
…. but also about how leaders manage it through wrong and right decisions and policies and also about the people who are willing to be led by different leaders from different backgrounds with different interest and partiality 🙏🏼 (Bundaran HI, Jakarta) – traditional food finds its heaven in “car free day” on Sundays in this spot 💝
Cleaning up the yard From dry leaves and broken twigs. Summer is coming.
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when you want to eat healthy but your friends think it dirty – a bit of excessively-fermented tempe, chicken feet and soup from any vegetable left in the fridge 😝
Deaccelerate, Accelerate on the road. Life is not a race.
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Fasting is a very familiar way of life to Javanese. Called pasa or poso, fasting in Javanese culture is always related to the effort to self align. Many Javanese like doing fasting with or without meditation (tapabrata or topobroto) depending on their commitment.
While Javanese Muslim do at least one month of fasting per year in Ramadhan, fasting in Javanese culture itself came even much earlier before Islam was introduced. While in Islam fasting is between dawn to dusk and the same restriction is commonly applied to all kinds of fasting, Javanese fasting is more varied both in term of period and restriction.
Fasting helps Javanese slow down the pace in their mind, regulate the speed of their ambitious behaviour upon life goals, train themselves to be patient.
There are several kinds of fasting in Javanese culture that are still practiced by relatively many nowadays.
1. Regular fasting This fasting is done only from dawn to dusk like the Islamic fasting. This is a common practice, many Javanese parents use this kind of fasting to train their children about how to manage their immediate excessive desires and concentration in under pressure situation. I remember when we were elementary and high schoolers, we were instructed by parents to do fasting on Monday and Thursday during yearly school testing weeks. Yes, I felt more focused on my study as I had to prioritise tasks to save energy. Brilliant!
2. Mutih Mutih is derived from the word putih (white in Javanese, Indonesian, Malay). During this fasting, a person is restricted to eat other than white rice and fresh water for 24 hours started either at dawn or dusk. Ordinary Javanese can do it for one day, three or seven. Yet more advanced (usually senior) Javanese would extend the period as per commitment.
3. Ngasrep or nganyep Ngasrep is derived from the word asrep that means cool or cold; while nganyep from the word anyep means tasteless. In this kind of fasting the food and drink should be all cool and tasteless. The person is suggested to eat only boiled vegetable without adding taste (salt, sugar, oil, sauces, etc) and drink fresh water. It is mostly done in three days.
3. Ngrowot Ngrowot is a word derived from the word krowot that means Javanese common carbo source except rice. The person who does this fasting will only eat carbo non rice like sweet potato, suwek (konjac), gembili, gembolo (English please….), taro, cassava and other tubers.
4. Ngebleng Ngebleng means staying in; so doing this, a person will do regular fasting but very limited food intake allowed without leaving room or house, not meeting anyone, just doing meditation or doing household chores without distraction from anyone. Someone can do it three and seven days and forty days. Not many are doing this as this is a challenging one: not easy to find a place. This fasting is quite heavy because it does not allow sufficient food intake for a long time.
5. Patigeni(pati: turned off, geni: fire) It literally means “fire turned off”. This is the highest level of Javanese fasting as the restriction applied really tests the person’s very high commitment: s/he is not allowed to eat, drink, sleep including fall asleep and see any light both artificial and natural. How long? The shortest is 24 hours, maximum unlimited. Note: if s/he sleeps or falls asleep, s/he has to restart the fasting.
There are other kinds of fasting in Javanese culture which were done by very limited people and have been left by many due to the impracticality such as pasangidang (from the word kidang or deer) in which a person is only allowed to eat raw foliage like a deer, pasangalong (from the word kalong or bat) only eating ripe fruit from the tree, pasakungkum (bathing up to chin level either in the pool, river or shallow sea) without eating or drinking, etc. There are probably other kinds of fasting as Javanese used to be very creative in “fasting engineering” hahaha….
Javanese believe that with fasting they will connect better to themselves and inevitably with the ultimate power of the universe. They will usually become confident people without showing off. Those fasting committed people —if doing it right and without evil intension— will be a highly spiritual people and voluntarily dedicated to environment and people.
Javanese believe that this type of people bring blessings to the surroundings although blessings are not always tangibly seen. The blessings can be as simple as peaceful daily life with little conflict,
Do we still have many of them? In very silent villages around Java island we might still find a few. They are traditional farmers who feel the need to connect with the ultimate power as only that can help them manage their humble farming that is now severely industrialised and exploited.
Hope we still have them in silence. Amen.
Alfatihah.
“too much” in all kinds: portion, protein, sugar, carb – never mind, it’s good! 🥰 my yesterday’s break fasting
River is flowing. Stuck, it is lack of clean air, Home of mosquitoes.
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Keep flowing and feeling good no matter what. Some people think that is a suggestion to someone weak. Nope! That is a sentence to someone who knows that life is so abundant and doesn’t offer thing except feel-good. Kindly know. 😊
Yet those who don’t know interpret most things only from what the senses capture in the surface.
May all beings be happy.
Dewi Saraswati, the goddess through which knowledge, sciences and art is flowing; my dewi 🥰
See you, dear neighbour. The old prays, the new welcomes. Good memories stay.
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One of my neighbours move to a new place as they need an apartment with 3 bedrooms after having a new baby. We met at the basement carpark when they were stuffing cartons and stuffs to the Lalamove lorry.
The wife gave me their new address that is near my office so it can be easy to visit them someday.
We pray for your nice warm new home. We bless our 4-year neighbourhood. Thank you.
Let’s meet Under a tree that we climbed when we were children.
The tree will say “Here are the children who perched like birds the whole day to eat my fruit.”
Let’s meet At the river whose bank we used to build sand figures.
The sand will say “Here are the children who tap and slap me to look stunning.”
Let’s meet At the crossroad where we departed to where our bikes agreed to go.
The road will say “Here are the children who noisily negotiated which place to visit”.
Let’s meet Once again before the next once-again.
The rendezvous will say “Here are the children who have refused to lose excitement in life and continued to be young in heart, Even when age has taken some muscles away.”
What truly exists is what’s tangible. Nope. What truly exists is stories. Nope. What truly exists is belief. Nope. What truly exists is interconnection. Nope. What truly exists is mind. Nope. So what truly exists?
My mother said You were a cute baby Even when crying.
My mother said You were a beautiful toddler Running around, Bubbling all words.
My mother said You were a cheerful girl Cycling around Climbing up trees Playing drowning in the river.
My mother said You were a beautiful woman Arguing every ideas from me Showing me your strong desires Moving to where life brought us.
My mother said You are an adult woman Enjoying life differently from me Giving me what you’ve promised to be Loving what you love with no doubt Living life with smiles and warm heart.
My mother said I love you I bless you Wherever you are. You’re loved You’re blessed However you are.
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My mother called, we laughed a lot today. She said I laughed as I did when I was a baby. How happy I have been to be her daughter. Lots of hugs and kisses, Ibu.
The earth is loyal To the sun, and vice versa. A very good fact—
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Note: A fact is a fact. It is neutral in its nature. Good or bad is a label given by human beings in their favour. The best option is to responsibly respond to the fact to stay in good mood.
loving sweet and savoury in the same plate & this is not neutral! this is naturally a feel-good! 🥰
Blooming orchids show Vibrant hues waited a while Without counting time.
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I think so much surprise comes to us because we just do without craving for the expected result. Not 100% correct, but that is most what has happened to me. ☺️
Welcome, blooming flowers. You have been as stubborn as the gardener. God bless you! 😍
Sunday is full of cleaning, laundry and sweet surprises!
Salaam.
joyful day celebrating 4 stems of orchid buds from one pot 🤩
rike jokanan 
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