Is there anyone Before & After Me Leaving Without permission?
None--
It is a consent that forms Life, A period where You & I Meet at a dot on a ring.
salam, dear shrine where heart and soul escort body to whisper all secrets
Kameyama Shrine
before cleaning – looked like birds loved to bathe and leave some feathers as token of gratitude
after cleaning – no one asked me to clean this, i just felt that i needed to give Japan a small token of gratitude and Kameyama Shrine be the one to receive it
always praying someday I can come back to that shrine. I will tell her that she did give me amazing vibe in my whole visit in Kameyama. Shrines, mosques, temples, churches and other places where human beings whisper their heart and soul out have always been a charm to me.
enso – there’s a dot where two extremes meet and form balance to ensure life flows
Jazz didn’t simply come to me. My beloved sister contaminated me with jazz through time. When I was 14, she was a 17 yo girl crazy about music through cassettes (ahhh…. do 17 yo nowadays know what cassettes are).
The weird jazz up to acceptable jazz were played by her daily….
Now I am enjoying it when life sounds so messy and dry.
Thanks, Mbak Yuda. You are loved!
Happy International Jazz Day!
Bengawan Solo aka Solo River where my placenta was “floated away”
How full are you, Love? Leave a space where air can move And water can flow.
—
It is Ramadhan 1, I started my 30-day fasting.
Fasting is not a new or foreign to my family. My parents consider it a sacred practice in their life. My oldest sister does fast every two days. Intermitten fasting is never a new thing for us. We are Javanese, we fast both as a spiritual sanctuary and mental exercise.
When we talk about fasting in Javanese tradition, it is not always like the Islamic fasting (not eating, not drinking, not smoking, not having sex on the daylight). Fasting or pasa or poso in Javanese is managing what is in and out through all doors of senses in our body. It can be simply by choosing what to eat, when to eat, how to eat.
In old days Javanese did many different types of fasting and so they name those types of fasting differently.
Mutih (derived from the word putih or white in Javanese) is when they only eat rice and drink water. They won’t be consuming anything with tastes: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, gurih, etc.
Ngidang (derived from the word kidang or deer in Javanese) is when they only consume leafy vegetables and water, and no other things.
Ngrowot (derived from the word krowot that means “no rice” in Javanese) in when they will not consume rice and any product of any kind of rice).
Etc….
For this Ramadhan I decided to do ngrowot. It means I will not consume any rice and any product of rice crom dawn to dusk, from day 1 until end of Ramadhan. I want to know how good I am pushing myself through “hunger”.
Living is breathing. A quest of in and out air To define meaning
—
breathing day for some of my beautiful batik, the Javanese exhibition of wisdom
One of treatments to handmade batik is letting them breath or in Javanese language we call it “angin-angin” that is literally “wind-wind” — hanging batik clothes in fresh air, not directly under the sun to let them be in contact with air to decrease the humidity.
This is a powerful song that always hits me at the core when I am complaining about what is not up to my expectation in life.
matur nuwun, Mbah Tejo for this powerful reminder about life
The poetic composition with “urip” (life in Javanese) and the “utang rasa” (owing the feel) reminds me that life is about crediting the feels we debit from others.
Life is about experiencing the feels whether it is giving, borrowing, owing or paying. What feels do we want to give? What feels do we want to borrow? What feels are we willing to owe? What feels do we need to pay for balance? Up to us.
When someone passes away, s/he will be remembered of what feels s/he has left in life whether what’s credited or debited.
Sometimes I talk to myself: what feel do you want to pay that you are so bitter to life?
Dear, Self. I am sorry. I’ve owed you so much negativity that I have nothing to pay but positivity.
One thing: I don’t want to have zero as zero will put flat tone in my humanity. I want to have more saved than deducted. Yet…. I cannot 100% be sure.
There's a time, my dear You cherish with sweet breathing. Winning against self--
—
i used to be very harsh to myself until 2019 when two doctors made me realise that taking care of my body is as important as taking care of my spirit and mental
i started expressing myself more freely and genuinely, less drama, no excuse to stop me from being calm and confident, accepting me the way me is, unlearning old knowledge, learning new knowledge, opening my heart to all possible layers of truth and beauty
now i believe i am one of this world champions seeing how well i coped with my own self until i can feel so comfortable again back to my me
…. now i won’t let those playing around with me for their own fun in to my life as my life is not only a span of fun free time yet it is a span of fun dedicating time
thank you all for being you even with just a brief existence herenow in this short journey
How do you feel loved? Not so much effort, It's just a smile, Or a cuddle from a dog.
I'm loved, I'm loved Just because Life loves, Love lives Here Now.
—
before going back to Singapore, i visited my friend in Lod Tunduh – she has 2 dogs and both love me so much, wherever i sit, both will sneak around like this!
Now here, Beloved Is the best nowhere to go. Breathing, close your eyes.
—
gethuk sukun with grated palm sugar 💕 for today’s breakfast! long weekend will be full of home cooking and some fun now and here
happy long weekend fully home…. no no fully home, maybe biking or walking too
waking up hungry, i went to kitchen this morning; re-steam the sukun then put one big slice in the mortar
yesterday aunty cleaning service knocked my door and showed me a big sukun (breasfruit) saying “Ma’am, would you mind cutting this into 2, one for me and and for you” — she promised me to give some sukun harvested from a tree at the green swimming pool; of course i did it happily! thank you very much, Aunty! 💕
i loved to eat it steamed or fried back home — can i grow it in my backyard? 😍
I’m amazed Of the days Passing by like trees on a street marching fast when I ride a car,they’re forgotten. But you came like a red tree bending down Telling me “Stop! I remember you.”
I’m amazed Of the days Passing by like white clouds in the sky swimming when I look up, they’re adored. But you came like silver cloud sprinkling light Telling me “Yess…. We will meet again.”
I’m amazed Of the days Passing by like regrets deep down in this heart when seeing a name, it’s untouched. But you came like a saint forgiving me Telling me “Take care and be safe.”
——
I remember that day when I took care of 2 dogs in a construction site near my office — now they both are relocated to other construction sites 💕
a very good friend said he remembered that I used to visit dorms whose residents took care of some dogs — I’m glad that someone remembers me that way 🙏🏼 thank you so much
I am not taking care of dogs anymore, but only donate to no-killing dog shelters where stray dogs have their days free as dogs without abuse and starvation — may all dogs be happy 💕 and may the one reminding me of a good memory with the two dogs near my office be happy
This path is smooth, Many have traveled on it. A lot of hearts were here Singing hopes through time.
When sun goes down, This path is glowing. Many souls were here Whispering love through space.
Sun will rise again, Another day will come. This heart is here Promising to grow with the flow.
This heart is deciding Every step is counted And dedicated to grow prettier, Making the path smoother.
——
what’s broken can be amended and still beautiful
seeing how life is generous, I can fall in love with the same face again and again; yet when health is getting from bad to worse, I feel this heart is broken now and then
yet life is still generous, so I decide to fall in love everyday 💕
It hurts when released. In heart. It hurts when kept. In all. And so I released. All.
——-
I sent blessings and prayers to those passing away not known by their family — whoever and wherever you are all, I am one of those remember you as a family member 💕 May all beings be happy
Luxury, my love What makes one feel fortunate, Feel responsible.
Luxury, my love Not brand, not price tag. It’s mind Bursting new spirits.
Luxury, my love You can bluff but you can’t trade With a true spirit.
Luxury, my love What you’ve failed, what you’ve too learnt About the deep wounds.
——
not the Aman Jiwo Hotel making it luxurious, it is Borobudur temple, Menoreh Hill and all the Javanese villages and tradition conserved as surrounding is the real luxury
You are not a star. Never. A star brightly rises. A star magnificently sets. You might be upset As a star is what is adored By many. Don’t be a star, It is born, It dies. A seen star is thousands years of its history— Illusion.
You are the earth. Always. Who lets the sun rise And lets the sun set Sincerely. The earth is loved By many. When I see the earth I see a present moment Of everything about it. I am grounded to earth. It is where I live, love and laugh
Sincerely.
You are A star not.
——
a star is a dream; the earth is where I live, love and laugh sincerely
Note: picture is from Pinterest; I wanted a Java island on the earth with stars above yet could not find any 🙂
The bow that launches Is the arrow that is shot: An exhibit by the One That honour is inevitably Gorgeous For that Respecting From that Witnessing.
Salute to the bowstring.
——
I have learnt how to genuinely respect my teachers and other human beings even more after learning meditation in Bali Usada — I humbly thank you, Pak Merta Ada. I bow to the divine in youand all my fellow Tapa Brata participants 🙏🏼
it was a sunny day so Pak Merta Ada invited us all to end the Tapa Brata with 1-hour meditation under the blessed bodhi tree — hope health and calmness be granted to all of us ♥️
Pak Ishak giving his testimony about the noble silence, Ibu Lady his wife video shooting him — the oldest participants in this Tapa Brata 2 we all cordially respect
canang under a tree as a daily respect to it for being part of the environment protection
torch ginger is the most grown herb in Bali Usada meditation center — yummy and fragrant when cooked
💚
Three of us stayed in bungalow #4 for 12 days of which in 1st-11th we didn’t talk to each other. We just took turn of using bathroom, switching on/off light at 3:30am and 10:00pm, making sure towel racks were sunbathed, replenishing toilet tissue, cleaning bathroom. All were done in silence in between meditation sessions, physical exercises, meals and lectures. Only at the last night after Tapa Brata was officially summed up, we could not stop sharing about our life journey until 2:00am.
Tami is 32, Fitri is 33 and I am 48: I am the oldest but I am the baby in meditation — they meditated 1.5 hours without changing position, I did but could not stop “ngereog” in the last 5 to 10 minutes.
My age doesn’t mean anything with these 2 ladies of harmonious mind.
See you again, my little sisters! Anicca! 💕
ngereog literally means performing reog dance; Tami used the word to describe someone’s intense movement during meditation due to muscle stress 😂
Ibu Lady, Srimurni and I showered by the morning light right after morning meditation and no shower (yet) — Srimurni was one of those could not stop talking to me after the Tapa Brata 😄
Once again Is a bonus Becoming allowance As it is Again and again.
I wish another After another Again And again Until it is Time to end.
——
‘M 48th tomorrow. ‘Ve never thought I would reach this age.
When I was 9, I almost died. When I was 24, I almost died. I thought I would die at 44. It’s been huge blessings to be given another year.
another door before another door, 48 means a door to victory
My wish is simpler this year. After all failures and broken hearts, I wish for a warm home and a good job. Those two mean happiness to me. With a warm home, I can host my family and good friends. With a good job, I can leverage my role to help others around me improve their well being.
Life spiralling in Revisiting same axis-- Deep understanding
—-
Javanese dragon (nogo, naga, makara, makoro) is described as a magically strong creature. It is a giant snake. It wears a crown adorned with gemstones and hair. At times Javanese dragon is pictured as wearing jewelry like dangling earrings, necklace, ring at the tail.
Not only Javanese mythology has dragon in its mythology; Chinese and European do, too . Although in general Javanese, Chinese and European dragons are all mythologically the same natural roles and functions, each of those three is unique in itself. Javanese dragon has no feet and wears crown and jewelry. Chinese dragon has four feet and long moustache above its mouth. European dragon is more like a giant long-necked lizard with big wings.
The most dragon in Javanese mythology is Antaboga or Sanghyang Antaboga, a meditating (sleeping) giant snake residing beneath the earth.
modified Antaboga, the most wellknown dragon in Javanese mythology — the wing is occasionally off
Antaboga (useful link, I prefer to out this one among many because this does not include too much unnecessary foreign culture): https://id.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antaboga
Sanghyang Antaboga, in Javanese leather puppet (wayang) with no wings
In Javanese culture dragon is a symbol or fertility and blessings. It is considered as water creature that is able to optimize the water quality and make the soil fertile. With the fertile soil, agriculture the inland part Java’s most popular life sector has been benefited and blessed with the good quality of water and soil.
Dewi Sri (Javanese goddess of fertility and agriculture) is mythologically alleged to be the incarnation of one of Sanghyang Antaboga’s eggs.
Dragon also signifies protection and patronage. Protection is more about physical security. Patronage is more about mental and spiritual security. Dragon carvings are commonly found at around old building gates, entrances, stair banisters to protect the buildings from those entering.
Sanghyang Antaboga is said to be the protector of the weak and the good. He is crowned as the lord of underworld in Javanese mythology.
dragon in the stairs flight in Candi Kidal
Talking about dragon….
I just received a new batik sheet from Ibu Tien. The pattern is called Parang Nogo. Parang Nogo is a batik pattern combining parang as the background with nogo (Javanese dragon) as “ceplok” or highlighted/clustered pattern.
Parang as recently discussed is about not giving up, sustainability, agility, noble ideals and loyality. Nogo itself as earlier introduced is about protection, patronage, fertility and blessings.
So Parang Nogo is a pattern that is intended to combine the spirit of all those values into one work of art.
Parang as recently discussed is about not giving up, sustainability, agility, noble ideals and loyality. Nogo itself as earlier introduced is about protection, patronage, fertility and blessings.
Sultan Hamengkubuwono X in Parang Nogo (the Yogyakarta Sultanatecum the Governor of DIY Yogyakarta)
As a “batik larangan” (batik with sacred pattern that can be worn only by royal family for certain occasions/function), Parang Nogo was meant to be worn by king and his family as a reminder to hold and practice the values attached in the Parang Nogo. Their behaviour and attitudes could give assurance to the people that the kingdom was managed and protected by trusted human beings. Yogyakarta king still wears batik Parang Nogo in some occasions; probably to assure the people that things are well managed under his governance.
Parang Nogo – handmade, my collection from Ibu Tien
Makara, the sea dragon with a lion in its mouth in Candi Borobudur
How would you greet the dragon within you? The coiling coloured energies sleeping to be awaken–
rike jokanan 
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