You are beautiful
Because this heart has the eyes
Of a butterfly.
You Are Beautiful
Tag: life
Two
There is birth and death
And love in between those two.
Continuous life—
RC Gorman’s work of art
International Jazz Day
Jazz didn’t simply come to me. My beloved sister contaminated me with jazz through time. When I was 14, she was a 17 yo girl crazy about music through cassettes (ahhh…. do 17 yo nowadays know what cassettes are).
The weird jazz up to acceptable jazz were played by her daily….
Now I am enjoying it when life sounds so messy and dry.
Thanks, Mbak Yuda. You are loved!
Happy International Jazz Day!
Bengawan Solo aka Solo River where my placenta was “floated away”
Fresh and Unique
I wish you a fresh air
That brings coolness in a hot day,
And lullabies me in a cold night.
I wish you a unique vibe
That loves me romantically,
And beautifies yourself naively.
—
banana flower salad — fresh and beautiful
young rice ice cream only in autumn ☺️ — unique and cool
Cảm ơn, Hanoi 🙏🏼
Full
How full are you, Love?
Leave a space where air can move
And water can flow.
—
It is Ramadhan 1, I started my 30-day fasting.
Fasting is not a new or foreign to my family. My parents consider it a sacred practice in their life. My oldest sister does fast every two days. Intermitten fasting is never a new thing for us. We are Javanese, we fast both as a spiritual sanctuary and mental exercise.
When we talk about fasting in Javanese tradition, it is not always like the Islamic fasting (not eating, not drinking, not smoking, not having sex on the daylight). Fasting or pasa or poso in Javanese is managing what is in and out through all doors of senses in our body. It can be simply by choosing what to eat, when to eat, how to eat.
In old days Javanese did many different types of fasting and so they name those types of fasting differently.
Mutih (derived from the word putih or white in Javanese) is when they only eat rice and drink water. They won’t be consuming anything with tastes: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, gurih, etc.
Ngidang (derived from the word kidang or deer in Javanese) is when they only consume leafy vegetables and water, and no other things.
Ngrowot (derived from the word krowot that means “no rice” in Javanese) in when they will not consume rice and any product of any kind of rice).
Etc….
For this Ramadhan I decided to do ngrowot. It means I will not consume any rice and any product of rice crom dawn to dusk, from day 1 until end of Ramadhan. I want to know how good I am pushing myself through “hunger”.
Bismillah!
Yes, I can.
💕
my first day of “Ramadhan Ngrowot” breakfast
😁
Breathing
Living is breathing.
A quest of in and out air
To define meaning
—
breathing day for some of my beautiful batik, the Javanese exhibition of wisdom
One of treatments to handmade batik is letting them breath or in Javanese language we call it “angin-angin” that is literally “wind-wind” — hanging batik clothes in fresh air, not directly under the sun to let them be in contact with air to decrease the humidity.
Enjoy your breathing.
❣️
Utang Rasa (Owing The Feel)
This is a powerful song that always hits me at the core when I am complaining about what is not up to my expectation in life.
matur nuwun, Mbah Tejo for this powerful reminder about life
The poetic composition with “urip” (life in Javanese) and the “utang rasa” (owing the feel) reminds me that life is about crediting the feels we debit from others.
Life is about experiencing the feels whether it is giving, borrowing, owing or paying. What feels do we want to give? What feels do we want to borrow? What feels are we willing to owe? What feels do we need to pay for balance? Up to us.
When someone passes away, s/he will be remembered of what feels s/he has left in life whether what’s credited or debited.
Sometimes I talk to myself: what feel do you want to pay that you are so bitter to life?
Dear, Self. I am sorry. I’ve owed you so much negativity that I have nothing to pay but positivity.
One thing: I don’t want to have zero as zero will put flat tone in my humanity. I want to have more saved than deducted. Yet…. I cannot 100% be sure.
Salaam….
💕
We Are The Champions (Queen)
There's a time, my dear
You cherish with sweet breathing.
Winning against self--
—
i used to be very harsh to myself until 2019 when two doctors made me realise that taking care of my body is as important as taking care of my spirit and mental
i started expressing myself more freely and genuinely, less drama, no excuse to stop me from being calm and confident, accepting me the way me is, unlearning old knowledge, learning new knowledge, opening my heart to all possible layers of truth and beauty
now i believe i am one of this world champions seeing how well i coped with my own self until i can feel so comfortable again back to my me
…. now i won’t let those playing around with me for their own fun in to my life as my life is not only a span of fun free time yet it is a span of fun dedicating time
thank you all for being you even with just a brief existence here now in this short journey
💕
You
When the road meets its end,
I wish
That this heart is letting go,
These steps are finished
So this soul flies in joy
To
You.
I want a pillow
That is white,
Soft,
Strong,
Wise
From
You.
My time will adjust to
Yours
That is as fast as light,
As fluid as water,
As peaceful as a night
With
You.
—
♥️
I’m Loved
How do you feel loved?
Not so much effort,
It's just a smile,
Or a cuddle from a dog.
I'm loved,
I'm loved
Just because
Life loves,
Love lives
Here
Now.
—
before going back to Singapore, i visited my friend in Lod Tunduh – she has 2 dogs and both love me so much, wherever i sit, both will sneak around like this!
About Love
About love
That throbs like screaming wound,
Craving for nothing but
Its own
Genuineness,
Clarity,
Loyality.
No reciprocity
No repayment
It hurts.
It hurts.
Yet it is noble
And true.
It is endless overflow
Of spring water
To the river
Flowing
To the
Sea.
—
the driver drove me these 2 days has 3 kids; 1 is pursuising police education, 1 is studying to be a technician, 1 is 10 years old
he and his wife work super hard to make their children’s dreams come true — they have double jobs and spend most of their time working
that old man and his loyal wife truly have reflected what love is, reminding me to my parents and what they did for their children
thank you for the love lesson that makes me believe how love changes things
❣️
Perfect?
Perfect, Beloved?
Universe dancing pattern
With risks and blessings--
—
there is no need to be perfect to be beautiful — it is just about expressing one’s self genuinely
picture from Pinterest
Now Here
Now here, Beloved
Is the best nowhere to go.
Breathing, close your eyes.
—
gethuk sukun with grated palm sugar 💕 for today’s breakfast! long weekend will be full of home cooking and some fun now and here
happy long weekend fully home…. no no fully home, maybe biking or walking too
waking up hungry, i went to kitchen this morning; re-steam the sukun then put one big slice in the mortar
yesterday aunty cleaning service knocked my door and showed me a big sukun (breasfruit) saying “Ma’am, would you mind cutting this into 2, one for me and and for you” — she promised me to give some sukun harvested from a tree at the green swimming pool; of course i did it happily! thank you very much, Aunty! 💕
i loved to eat it steamed or fried back home — can i grow it in my backyard? 😍
About sukun
Good Days
I’m amazed
Of the days
Passing by like trees on a street marching fast when I ride a car,they’re forgotten.
But you came like a red tree bending down
Telling me “Stop! I remember you.”
I’m amazed
Of the days
Passing by like white clouds in the sky swimming when I look up, they’re adored.
But you came like silver cloud sprinkling light
Telling me “Yess…. We will meet again.”
I’m amazed
Of the days
Passing by like regrets deep
down in this heart when seeing a name, it’s untouched.
But you came like a saint forgiving me
Telling me “Take care and be safe.”
——
I remember that day when I took care of 2 dogs in a construction site near my office — now they both are relocated to other construction sites 💕
a very good friend said he remembered that I used to visit dorms whose residents took care of some dogs — I’m glad that someone remembers me that way 🙏🏼 thank you so much
I am not taking care of dogs anymore, but only donate to no-killing dog shelters where stray dogs have their days free as dogs without abuse and starvation — may all dogs be happy 💕 and may the one reminding me of a good memory with the two dogs near my office be happy
sincerely ♥️
Cheese!
When someone says cheese,
It doesn’t always mean cheese.
It is just cheese said,
Not cheese tasted.
——
they thought I took picture of theirs after a long walk, actually they were wrong 🤭 they wasted some cheese 😃
Decisions
This path is smooth,
Many have traveled on it.
A lot of hearts were here
Singing hopes through time.
When sun goes down,
This path is glowing.
Many souls were here
Whispering love through space.
Sun will rise again,
Another day will come.
This heart is here
Promising to grow with the flow.
This heart is deciding
Every step is counted
And dedicated to grow prettier,
Making the path smoother.
——
what’s broken can be amended and still beautiful
seeing how life is generous, I can fall in love with the same face again and again; yet when health is getting from bad to worse, I feel this heart is broken now and then
yet life is still generous, so I decide to fall in love everyday 💕
Released
It hurts when released.
In heart.
It hurts when kept.
In all.
And so I released.
All.
——-
I sent blessings and prayers to those passing away not known by their family — whoever and wherever you are all, I am one of those remember you as a family member 💕 May all beings be happy
I believe they are released from any unhappiness
🙏🏼
Centred
It is not out there
What is searched is here waiting.
A centred spark—
——
keep centred — thanks, Beloved for all the blessings
💕
no one can shake an ancient rock
Luxury Redefined (haiku cluster)
Luxury, my love
What makes one feel fortunate,
Feel responsible.
Luxury, my love
Not brand, not price tag. It’s mind
Bursting new spirits.
Luxury, my love
You can bluff but you can’t trade
With a true spirit.
Luxury, my love
What you’ve failed, what you’ve too learnt
About the deep wounds.
——
not the Aman Jiwo Hotel making it luxurious, it is Borobudur temple, Menoreh Hill and all the Javanese villages and tradition conserved as surrounding is the real luxury
A Star Not
You are not a star.
Never.
A star brightly rises.
A star magnificently sets.
You might be upset
As a star is what is adored
By many.
Don’t be a star,
It is born,
It dies.
A seen star is thousands years of its history—
Illusion.
You are the earth.
Always.
Who lets the sun rise
And lets the sun set
Sincerely.
The earth is loved
By many.
When I see the earth
I see a present moment
Of everything about it.
I am grounded to earth.
It is where I live, love and laugh
Sincerely.
You are
A star not.
——
a star is a dream; the earth is where I live, love and laugh sincerely
Note: picture is from Pinterest; I wanted a Java island on the earth with stars above yet could not find any 🙂
Salt and Pepper
It’s salt and pepper
Seasoning life with some taste.
Spicing up the dreams—
——
salt and pepper
I Bow to The Divine in You
The bow that launches
Is the arrow that is shot:
An exhibit by the
One
That honour is inevitably
Gorgeous
For that
Respecting
From that
Witnessing.
Salute to the bowstring.
——
I have learnt how to genuinely respect my teachers and other human beings even more after learning meditation in Bali Usada — I humbly thank you, Pak Merta Ada. I bow to the divine in you and all my fellow Tapa Brata participants 🙏🏼
it was a sunny day so Pak Merta Ada invited us all to end the Tapa Brata with 1-hour meditation under the blessed bodhi tree — hope health and calmness be granted to all of us ♥️
Pak Ishak giving his testimony about the noble silence, Ibu Lady his wife video shooting him — the oldest participants in this Tapa Brata 2 we all cordially respect
canang under a tree as a daily respect to it for being part of the environment protection
torch ginger is the most grown herb in Bali Usada meditation center — yummy and fragrant when cooked
💚
Three of us stayed in bungalow #4 for 12 days of which in 1st-11th we didn’t talk to each other. We just took turn of using bathroom, switching on/off light at 3:30am and 10:00pm, making sure towel racks were sunbathed, replenishing toilet tissue, cleaning bathroom. All were done in silence in between meditation sessions, physical exercises, meals and lectures. Only at the last night after Tapa Brata was officially summed up, we could not stop sharing about our life journey until 2:00am.
Tami is 32, Fitri is 33 and I am 48: I am the oldest but I am the baby in meditation — they meditated 1.5 hours without changing position, I did but could not stop “ngereog” in the last 5 to 10 minutes.
My age doesn’t mean anything with these 2 ladies of harmonious mind.
See you again, my little sisters! Anicca! 💕
ngereog literally means performing reog dance; Tami used the word to describe someone’s intense movement during meditation due to muscle stress 😂
Ibu Lady, Srimurni and I showered by the morning light right after morning meditation and no shower (yet) — Srimurni was one of those could not stop talking to me after the Tapa Brata 😄
pure friendship is such a magical bond 💕
Repeatedly Blessed
Once again
Is a bonus
Becoming allowance
As it is
Again and again.
I wish another
After another
Again
And again
Until it is
Time to end.
——
‘M 48th tomorrow. ‘Ve never thought I would reach this age.
When I was 9, I almost died. When I was 24, I almost died. I thought I would die at 44. It’s been huge blessings to be given another year.
another door before another door, 48 means a door to victory
My wish is simpler this year. After all failures and broken hearts, I wish for a warm home and a good job. Those two mean happiness to me. With a warm home, I can host my family and good friends. With a good job, I can leverage my role to help others around me improve their well being.
Amen.
Thank you!
Spiralling (Batik Parang Nogo)
Life spiralling in
Revisiting same axis--
Deep understanding
—-
Javanese dragon (nogo, naga, makara, makoro) is described as a magically strong creature. It is a giant snake. It wears a crown adorned with gemstones and hair. At times Javanese dragon is pictured as wearing jewelry like dangling earrings, necklace, ring at the tail.
Not only Javanese mythology has dragon in its mythology; Chinese and European do, too . Although in general Javanese, Chinese and European dragons are all mythologically the same natural roles and functions, each of those three is unique in itself. Javanese dragon has no feet and wears crown and jewelry. Chinese dragon has four feet and long moustache above its mouth. European dragon is more like a giant long-necked lizard with big wings.
The most dragon in Javanese mythology is Antaboga or Sanghyang Antaboga, a meditating (sleeping) giant snake residing beneath the earth.
modified Antaboga, the most wellknown dragon in Javanese mythology — the wing is occasionally off
Antaboga (useful link, I prefer to out this one among many because this does not include too much unnecessary foreign culture): https://id.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antaboga
Sanghyang Antaboga, in Javanese leather puppet (wayang) with no wings
In Javanese culture dragon is a symbol or fertility and blessings. It is considered as water creature that is able to optimize the water quality and make the soil fertile. With the fertile soil, agriculture the inland part Java’s most popular life sector has been benefited and blessed with the good quality of water and soil.
Dewi Sri (Javanese goddess of fertility and agriculture) is mythologically alleged to be the incarnation of one of Sanghyang Antaboga’s eggs.
Dragon also signifies protection and patronage. Protection is more about physical security. Patronage is more about mental and spiritual security. Dragon carvings are commonly found at around old building gates, entrances, stair banisters to protect the buildings from those entering.
Sanghyang Antaboga is said to be the protector of the weak and the good. He is crowned as the lord of underworld in Javanese mythology.
dragon in the stairs flight in Candi Kidal
Talking about dragon….
I just received a new batik sheet from Ibu Tien. The pattern is called Parang Nogo. Parang Nogo is a batik pattern combining parang as the background with nogo (Javanese dragon) as “ceplok” or highlighted/clustered pattern.
Parang as recently discussed is about not giving up, sustainability, agility, noble ideals and loyality. Nogo itself as earlier introduced is about protection, patronage, fertility and blessings.
So Parang Nogo is a pattern that is intended to combine the spirit of all those values into one work of art.
Parang as recently discussed is about not giving up, sustainability, agility, noble ideals and loyality. Nogo itself as earlier introduced is about protection, patronage, fertility and blessings.
Sultan Hamengkubuwono X in Parang Nogo (the Yogyakarta Sultanate cum the Governor of DIY Yogyakarta)
As a “batik larangan” (batik with sacred pattern that can be worn only by royal family for certain occasions/function), Parang Nogo was meant to be worn by king and his family as a reminder to hold and practice the values attached in the Parang Nogo. Their behaviour and attitudes could give assurance to the people that the kingdom was managed and protected by trusted human beings. Yogyakarta king still wears batik Parang Nogo in some occasions; probably to assure the people that things are well managed under his governance.
Parang Nogo – handmade, my collection from Ibu Tien
Makara, the sea dragon with a lion in its mouth in Candi Borobudur
How would you greet the dragon within you? The coiling coloured energies sleeping to be awaken–
Salaam.
Stones
How many stones, Love
Do I have to leap and count?
I’m happy. To home—
——
my days are like stepping stones to leap for home
Limit
A limit is lines
Where start and finish collide.
Saved energy mode—
Angel without Wings
How do you call you
Loving expecting no pay?
Only the mother—
——
today i called her after she said that she could not sleep remembering Vito, the grandson who just passed away
this lady is impressively patient and loving her grandchildren; losing him has never been easy
she tried to hide her cry from me but her voice could not lie
if i can tell anyone about someone to never forget, it must be about mother
love her, don’t disappoint her ever again as there might have been a lot of troubles from us when we were younger
i love you, Ibu
Pilgrimage
This life’s pilgrimage
Spiralling in to the core
Of old house within.
——
a mosque in Tokyo — Tokyo Jamii (Camii)
entrance — assalamualaikum, Tokyo Camii
mosque area – 2nd floor
i still know how to do sholat tahiyatul masjid (praying to respect mosque), recite QS Arrahman that is full of gratitudes and praises so i did it
the feel was exactly like when i pray in the temples and shrines
a feeling of home 💕
then a beautiful sister helped me with photo taking — she made me much taller, slimmer yet less me 😁 thank you 💕
time to fly home — thank you, Tokyo 💕
you make me love myself more and more, with all the wounds and scars
No Regret
Rain has no regret.
It’s sharp needles jabbed to earth—
Wildly seeped for life.
——
even wrong decision tasted nice! trust me the chili didn’t even have heat in it 😊 no regret at all
Two
There are two gateways
To enter one gallery
Full of works of art.
——
my left side of face is sadder, bitter and negative with which i’ve been made more and more accepting to unwelcoming sides of life 💕
my right is happier, sweeter and optimistic that has persuaded me to be more and more letting go of what is not working after some good deed 💕
whatever unpleasant and pleasant things others say about me, i feel complete with some gap that might not need to be bridged simply to show that imperfection is a perfect gift in life 💕
Note: the picture at the bottom is batik scarf designed by Dudung Aliesyahbana, a batik maestro from Pekalongan, Central Java
rike jokanan 
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