Cracked (ranting)

Don’t crack under pressure. Maybe only “that watch” can do that; while most including human beings definitely crack under certain pressure like ceramics that can even break simply because of some delicate qualities that should crack to let some component of life lessons enter the inner realm of the pressurised persona.

I don’t mind cracking under certain pressure as long as life lessons can smoothly diffuse themselves into the liquid vortex within. Then as gold in kintsugi, they mend what’s cracked leaving golden map showing myself where to find a way of acceptance & letting go.

If I don’t crack, I will always look perfect with no guilt splashed, no criticism slashing, no confrontation exercising, no discussion & argument heated then calming, no accountability assessed. Looking perfect as a being accumulate some layers of avoidance to make mistakes, emotional exhaustion, failure of focused self reflection, forced compatibility even within self, self centernedness. Oh no! I prefer being an imperfect persona in front of many rather than being a looking perfect with so much burden within.

Being imperfect doesn’t mean I’m bad. It just shows me that I’m a human being and it’s fine to look ugly sometimes. As a human being I want to be vulnerable so I can be as playful as possible genuinely; so I can speak my truth with ease in a sweet way; so I can love other human being with no shame; so I can be as imperfect as nature wishes me to be outside my work (hallooow at work I need to be perfectly doing what I’m assigned for sure)!

If only I can directly tell some of human beings I know how perfect you’ve been looking and you need to stop being perfect, I’ll tell you wholeheartedly while assuring that you are free to be you the condition that you agree to heal together with no pretense and that you agree to be true to life.

Dear humans, you’re a ceramics not that watch that won’t crack under pressure. You deserve to be kintsugi decorated with golden map showing love where to flow.

Yes, I love to get answered as an answer is like lacquer reassembling cracked ceramics and yes I give myself answer because I deserve vulnerability, my own vulnerability; truth, my own truth; honesty, my own honesty– with love and respect.

Yes and I’ll let my heart crack again with better understanding and acceptance why it should crack then let life apply kintsugi on me.

Life is just like that…. πŸ’™β˜ΊοΈπŸŒ»

this is me, imperfect & vulnerable as I’m kintsugi

☺️

kintsugi in a nutshell

Some People Asked

Some people asked
Why I liked writing poems.
My answer was simple

Because that was the only way
I could tell my truth.

Then they told me to
Use naked words to tell the truth
To them then I did.

Those people asked again
Why I used naked words to tell the truth.
My answer was simple

Because you asked me to
Then they excluded me.

I'm writing poems now
And forever.

and with the poems I spray fragrance with which I decorate my truth so those particular people will get lost in their own mind that is so confusing like a maze

missing home…. sometimes human beings don’t need to rest from work, they just need to rest from drama

A Muse Who Herds Dragons

Beloved,
I don't have clear words
To decribe myself
Yet words insist to come out,
Sliding down from a lane connecting heaven and earth--

Dragon
A mythical being
Depicted in a lot of traditions all over the globe
That soars, roams, fights with a muse who lives in a realm
Called a self.

A self who is one of nine
Whichever one inspiring any her
To rule her own world
With love and compassion,
Nothing more
Nothing less.

She bears the emblem of dragons,
Plays fun with them,
Talks and plans,
Dreams and fantasizes,
Works the hardship,
Keeps secret & evaporate it,
Learns and teaches,
Fights and flies,
Stays and calms,
Grows old and stays young--
All with dragons.

Perhaps no one knows
But she knows
That the dragons might not be
someone else,
Just a being she thinks something else,
Yet in fact none in her life
Is separated--

Dear, Dragons
Be
Beloved or
Lover for her
Whichever is tasked to
You.

born with a dragon waking up at the same time

fun time with dragon most of the time

sending good messages to the universe with the dragon

sharing most secrets to dragon

welcoming sunset with dragon

struggling in battles with dragon

learning precious lessons with dragon

receiving deciphered enigmas from dragon

never growing old before dragon

physically growing old with dragon

taming dragon is her soul

a muse who rekindles dragon in her soul over and over again

Duality, Unity, O

One, two, Beloved,
Numbers to start a journey
To the zero point.

With ageing I am able to feel the surge of high energy I experienced before. With broken heart I’m so thankful that I’ve got love in this heart. With thirst I appreciate how freshness of water cures me. With the stuck in the head I become more and more familiar that flowing is the only way to love. With scarcity I can grow sense of gratitude with even just a little hope in life.

It’s you. Yes, it’s you. None other but you that makes me. None other but you that puts meaning on the word me. None other but you that moves all this life within me.

How can I be feeling so detached….

If you are the one attaching in all my senses?

If you are the one behaving with this corpse?

If you are the one drawing a circle for me to circumambulate until the two dots meet?

If you are the one?

I surrender. I retreat.

To

You.

Birthday & Zodiac(s) (ranting)

Happy birthday, myself.
Continue doing what you love.
If not, love what you are doing with commitment, discipline and some gentleness called love.
Know that every single deed be recorded in a ribbon coiling around you, reviewed and rewarded.
Know that however sincere and true you are,
You sometimes will be misunderstood
Even by those closest to you,
And sometimes explanation won't clear the way.
Just be true,
Be kind.
Or, walk out of the room for a while.
Enjoy your double-life: being one in the crowded road and the other in the silent pathway, always
With some sprinkle of love.
You are blessed.

A moment of happiness, you and I sitting on the verandah, apparently two, but one in soul, you and I. (Rumi)

I am 49 today….

….feeling blessed with what I’ve been given. #andnotgiven

….feeling good with by whom I’ve been surrounded. #andnotsurrounding

….feeling lucky that still looking younger than my age (said one selling me a life insurance and said ones selling me bright coloured dresses).  #paradoxicallyblessed

When people say “age is just a number”, I’ve always disagreed. Age is counted with number to highlight various processes and stories along a linear line although to me life is never linear, it’s always inward spiral. Originally the phrase “just a number” is to comfort those afraid to age, those who think getting old is scary and less favourable. In fact, getting old is fun and blessed. I’ve never thought that I still can have fun at this age, responsibly do what I love to, go to places in bucket list (no backpacking), dress the way I love to, fall in love every single day with myself and those making me love myself more, look forward to dreams coming true, and a lot more. I am talking about getting old, not being dead– the latter is mysterious and I’m still not committed to be πŸ€“

What is the essence of getting old to me? Getting old is a journey ahead of total maturation of how a human being chooses to responsibly respond & tactfully react to given situations; and a journey back home to childlike sincerity within of how a human being playfully celebrates failures and successes of life. I refresh maturity each day, at the same time playfulness and candour.

When birthday comes, people like to remind me of me being Virgo, but am I truly a Virgo just because of being born in Sep? I am not sure, in fact Virgo is in both my sun and moon, my rising/ascendant is Aquarius and several other zodiac signs sit in the other houses in the chart. Actually yes I see at times I am a pendulum swinging from being β€œVirgo’s pragmatic approaches, worrisome nature and rigid ideas” to being β€œAquarian’s free-spirit, living life one day at a time, enjoying here-now moment” and in between I am transiting in different zodiac signs in experiencing this precious life. By Chinese astrology I am a Rabbit. By Javanese astrology, oh sooo complicated!

Particular family members, friends & colleagues quote astrology to assure me that they know my personality when commenting about my behaviours. 

“It’s because you’re Virgo so you are like this,” said they. “It’s because you’re a Rabbit so you are like that”. “It’s because you’re blahblahblah….”

Well, I respect their willingness to at least understand about me through the pseudoscience called astrology. They don’t judge with bare hands, they present something to my hands. Science or pseudoscience to me though must follow my conscience; their opinion might slip from between the pores of my existence, from between fingers of these hands.

Anyways, to my understanding about this self: I simply accept that this person called Rike is a combination of inherited & evolving DNA, family upbringing & social interaction, life experience & trauma, decided responses & reactions, hopes & dreams; which might happen in awareness or not, well organized or random. If astrology does matter, it is only part of all. Once a human being understands one’s self through one’s own self (in Javanese wisdom it includes but not be limited to “mawas diri” or self examination), astrology knowledge is just frills in a gown.

Please don’t get offended by my personal opinion, take it as a stupid if not humble one. 

Whatever strong opinions about or labels given to me –how ugly or how grand– by other human beings won’t change the true me that I experience intimately. I won’t let those labels rob this intimacy. Even all identities I embrace dearly shouldn’t shake this intimacy. Those human beings labelling me and I are raw stones massively tumbled in a giant tumbling machine called life; we each other all hit, break, scratch, polish to finally shine and show the true colours of each of us. How painfully beautiful at the same time beautifully painful life is!

Thank you, Gusti Allah for this beautiful journey called human life.

I know you’ve had boundless repertoire of sweet surprises. Please give me wonderful time like always.

πŸ’•

Roses You Are

Roses,
You are bright
As bright as her eyes
When finding the way
And she's relieved.

Roses,
You are shiny
As shiny as her hair
When reflecting the sunray
And she's radiant.

Roses,
You are prickly
As prickly as her mood
When getting hurt
And she's fiery.

Roses,
You are wild
As wild as her rage
When becoming uncontroled
And she's sorry.

Roses,
You are quiet
As quiet as her composure
When realising the truth
And she's calm.

Roses,
You are muted
As muted as her body
When taking a rest
And she's refreshed.

Roses,
You can be everything
As complete as her existence
When getting enlightened
And she's humbled.

everytime in-room dining is served, a stem of rose in a vase will accompany the food

once done, the tray will be taken back and i ask for permission to put the rose in the vase in the room

and at the end of my stay there will be roses as many as how many times i choose to dine in the room than to go out (recently being evening lazed mode on)

I Bow to The Divine in You

The bow that launches
Is the arrow that is shot:
An exhibit by the
One
That honour is inevitably
Gorgeous
For that
Respecting
From that
Witnessing.

Salute to the bowstring.

β€”β€”

I have learnt how to genuinely respect my teachers and other human beings even more after learning meditation in Bali Usada β€” I humbly thank you, Pak Merta Ada. I bow to the divine in you and all my fellow Tapa Brata participants πŸ™πŸΌ

it was a sunny day so Pak Merta Ada invited us all to end the Tapa Brata with 1-hour meditation under the blessed bodhi tree β€” hope health and calmness be granted to all of us β™₯️

Pak Ishak giving his testimony about the noble silence, Ibu Lady his wife video shooting him β€” the oldest participants in this Tapa Brata 2 we all cordially respect

canang under a tree as a daily respect to it for being part of the environment protection

torch ginger is the most grown herb in Bali Usada meditation center β€” yummy and fragrant when cooked

πŸ’š


Three of us stayed in bungalow #4 for 12 days of which in 1st-11th we didn’t talk to each other. We just took turn of using bathroom, switching on/off light at 3:30am and 10:00pm, making sure towel racks were sunbathed, replenishing toilet tissue, cleaning bathroom. All were done in silence in between meditation sessions, physical exercises, meals and lectures. Only at the last night after Tapa Brata was officially summed up, we could not stop sharing about our life journey until 2:00am.

Tami is 32, Fitri is 33 and I am 48: I am the oldest but I am the baby in meditation β€” they meditated 1.5 hours without changing position, I did but could not stop β€œngereog” in the last 5 to 10 minutes.

My age doesn’t mean anything with these 2 ladies of harmonious mind.

See you again, my little sisters! Anicca!
πŸ’•

ngereog literally means performing reog dance; Tami used the word to describe someone’s intense movement during meditation due to muscle stress πŸ˜‚

Ibu Lady, Srimurni and I showered by the morning light right after morning meditation and no shower (yet) β€” Srimurni was one of those could not stop talking to me after the Tapa Brata πŸ˜„

pure friendship is such a magical bond πŸ’•

Surrender

With no white towel
I surrender
To the realm that hugs this heart.
I am water flowing
With no effort
To the ocean that waits for this mind.
How would this name
Say no to a call that sings love songs?
I submit everything
With a smile
And grace.
Body, mind, spirit and soulβ€”

-

Jun 10, 2023
when the air taps my whole reality
with everything subtle and overwhelming

β€”β€”

please excuse my strong arms πŸ˜€

after the Tapa Brata my classmates and I are still escorted to meditate everyday of 60 minutes for 90 days

it should be 36th day today but i only have 33 days in which i am able to do full meditation β€” in fact my doctor was quite surprised that unbelievable progress is indicated in better numbers from the laboratory test result after i meditate regularly β€” happy tears πŸ₯Ή

my health is much better with calmness that is on track and harmonious thought that builds gradually

i’ve registered to next level Tapa Brata next Sep so i can get more benefits to help certain issues in this beloved aging body and to strengthen my mind

can’t wait to meet with the wise teachers who guide us and humble caretakers who help us with daily needs in Forest Island πŸ₯°

i don’t know for sure what i can share from my achievement through meditation yet maybe someday i can help others reduce health complaints at low cost β€” i’ve always wanted to cure diseases with fragrance and herbs; my high intelligent friends said β€œpseudoscience, a crap wrapped in fancy paper”, i said β€œit doesn’t matter at least i can help them feel calmer and think positive”

all what happen in my life are like magic both the unexpected and expected β€” i hope my meditation brings more good magical celebrations to me and my beloved family and friends

and all…

May All Beings Be Happy

πŸ’•

Batik Grompol (Javanese Culture)

There are star clusters
Glowing in the horizon
Sending messages.

β€”β€”

From Yogyakarta I brought home a pair of batik grompol sheets which I ordered 6 months ago. Happy I must be!

Grompol is a Yogyakartan special classical batik pattern. No other regions can claim otherwise.

Let’s talk about batik grompol today.

Disclaimer: 1) while the primary interpretation is based on what I learnt from the masters; many of it is my own thought based on what I understand on symbols and signs of Javanese, Islam and Hinduism that intertwined in my upbringing. So please be critical. 2) too much information, too little time for me to summarise. Please expect disconnected ideas, connect them by yourselves.

Grompol batik pattern is a sub-category of ceplok pattern in which one geometry pattern is clustered (squares, triangle, circle, lines, etc). In Javanese language ceplok literally means clustering, grouping, gathering based on the same characteristics or criteria (size, colour, shape, pattern, lines, etc). So hypothetically ceplok pattern is always about gathering, uniting, getting together.

Grompol pattern is characterised through the clustering of of 4-petal flower, a flower pistil in the middle, a seed with 4 couples of 3-ceceg and 5-ceceg (ceceg is a terminology used to describe dots in batik pattern) and β€œwrapped” by a square with 8 points that almost looks like octagram. 

Flower

4-petal flower is a symbol of fertile or healthy life. The 4 petals of the flower can be related to four points of the compass: east, west, north and south.

Flower pistil symbolises the centre of life, potential growth in human being. It can also represent the sun, the soul, the heart as centres of discourses to be applied based on contexts.

Flower which is the beauty before fruition is representing an expectation that human being should optimise their state of beauty which in Javanese almost always refers to the developed wisdom in human being manifested as kindness to fellow creature on earth before one dies.

Seed

A round seed surrounded by 4 couples of 3-ceceg and 5-ceceg symbolises seed of life that should be well protected from all directions.

The seed can be interpreted the same as the flower pistil in the middle of a flower. It is generated from the pistil fertilised by the pollens. It is the centre of life, potential growth in human being. It can also represent the sun, the soul, the heart as centres of discourses to be applied based on contexts.

The round shape of the seed indicates the completeness, thoroughness, integration, centredness, perfection, full cycle.

Ceceg is one type of isen (ornament in empty spaces among primary patterns of batik) in batik. Isen is more popular in Central Java than other regions, isen can be in the form of dots or lines or the combination of both repeatedly put in the intended empty spaces without changing the primary pattern, even there is an intension for isen to highlight the primary patterns.

3-ceceg can be interpreted as Trimurti, the three balancing power of Brahma, Wisnu and Siwa (Siva) which are the 3 powerful powers of creation of the universe, preservation of the universe and destruction of the universe.

5-ceceg can be interpreted as 5 types of self regulation: knowing one’s own identity and personality, connecting to inner self, managing the humane desires, living through good sources of life (no corruption, sharing to the needy) and self reflection through traveling or pilgrimage. A human being is expected to continuously strive for perfection of these five without expecting the perfection to happen.

Points of the Compass

Octagram represents 8. Number 8 in Javanese wisdom is about welfare and authority. Number 8 also represents 8 gods guarding the 4 points of the compass in which 1 direction is guarded by 2 gods of specific authority. The compass itself has 9 points – 1 the centre, 8 the directing points.

The 1 point in the middle is sat by Siwa. 8 points are sat by other gods based on what they manage in the natural realm. Those 9 (1+8) are called Dewata Nawa Sanga (nine guardian gods) in Balinese and Javanese culture. Those 8 are wellknown as Asta Dikplaka (eight gods of 8 directions).

  • North (Uttara): Wisnu or Kuwera guarding the north, Sambhu or Isana guarding east north – gods of rain
  • East (Purwa): Iswara or Indra guarding east, Mahesora or Agni guarding south east – gods of music
  • South (Dakhsina): Brahma or Yama guarding the south, Rudra or Nritti guarding south west – gods of winds and growth
  • West (Pascima): Mahadewa or Baruna guarding west, Sangkara or Bayu guarding north west.

Number 1, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9

Like in other cultures, Javanese gives significant role to numbers in their game of meaning.

  • 1 – siji, setunggal, tunggal, ika, eka: It can mean uniting, integrating, the first, the earth, the sun, the moon, queen, king, country or any other thing perceived as singular or superior.
  • 3 – telu, tiga, tri: It can refer to 3 life (spirit life, physical life, life after life), attitude/behaviour/work, celebration/luxury/merriness
  • 4 – papat, sekawan, catur: Number 4 in Javanese culture signifies creativity and intelligence, endurance, perseverance and victory. The 4 points of the compass also represent something about those 4 directions. The power of sun in the east, the power of mountain in the north. The power of luck in the west. The power of maximum ability in everything in the south.
  • 5 – lima, gangsal, panca: self integration, self regulation, supernatural powers
  • 8 – wolu, asta: Number 8 signifies high rank, respected people, physical forms, dragon as symbol of authority

Summary

That it is a ceplok type signifies the clustering, gathering, integrating of certain characters. So this batik is message and prayer for uniting of between or among family members. It is also a message and prayer of integration of human being internal wisdom – a state of maturity. Batik grompol is often worn by bride and groom in their wedding day due to its very sacred meaning of ultimate protection and potential growth through a gathering.

The uniting or integration should be based on clarity of wisdom and protection. It is the wisdom personally and culturally harvested and nurtured. The beholder, owner, wearer of batik grompol is expected to realise that this pattern is a message and a prayer that they are well protected at the same time expected to extend the given protection to all directions as the gods of all points of compass spread their protection to the universe.

The pistil of the flower as the potential growth in human being put as a compass centre in human being life can be interpreted that human being integrated wisdom has as strong power as Siwa who is sitting at the centre of the compass/chakra. Although described as destroying god, Siwa is actually symbol of re-creating, re-cycling. His being sat in the centre of a chakra (wheel, cycle) is significantly describing him as recreation/recycling agent who then distributes the re-created/re-cycled material to different function around him to be re-governed wisely by β€œdifferent gods” (remember the 8 gods of all directions).

A human being should be able to learn, re-learn and un-learn one’s own life experience and lessons then to better redo or re-process the way one solves problems or to simply treat other creatures.

The round seed means a centred human being who has achieved the understanding of integrity, full cycle of life. It doesn’t mean the human being is flawless; it means the human being is aware of one’s flawedness yet accepting the state of imperfection of being human. And through the acceptance the human being keeps bettering one’s self in treating one’s self, fellow creatures and the nature. This is an everlasting interaction and intertwining between micro cosmos (jagat alit in Javanese language which represents human being) and macro cosmos (jagat gedhe, the universe).

And all in all, a human being shall pray to his God or make one’s self sure that to any direction one is heading to, one is safe and peaceful. Religious human being will live through guidance and protection from God. Spiritual human being will find inner centre in one’s self whatever one calls it and focus on what one is doing in honesty and sincerity. Free thinker will boost one’s self confidence and focus on what one is aiming with integrity.

So batik grompol has helped me understand that all my fellow human beings are essentially doing the same things as what I am doing in my life, just explained through different perspectives; and we are only of different pace and timing.

What a beautiful batik pattern. What a beautiful meaning.

my beautiful grompol batik cloths were born through the golden hands and soul blessed to this beautiful lady, Ibu Tien Wartienah

Busy

Busy explaining
Busy pretending
Busy threatening
Busy flexing
Busy building what’s hiding
Forgetting what’s to be true.

Ah!
That’s normal
As I’m a human being.

Time has come to being human
Maybe one more week
Or one twilight
Or months
Time can be so biased
For me who is
Busy being someone else.

β€”-

Rike, try this one! you’re too busy with the deep fried, this one is healthier and there’s egg your fave πŸ₯’

No Regret

One by one they fall,
Petals decompose to soil,
Fertilising lifeβ€”

β€”

when i see more fine lines under my eyes, i feel blessed that i am alive up to this age; i wish to live longer with the same amount of love or even more πŸ’ there is no regret for all are signs and turns to the home πŸ’

A Loving Visit

A loving visit beyond time and space. Salaam. Universe answers.

β€”

about the museum
beloved
beloved
beloved
when you’re loved, people still visit you even when you’re nowhere πŸ’
when you’re loved, you’re taken care of even when you’re nowhere
beloved – visiting him with love, see you again
beloved – visiting him with love, see you again

Smile

Smile, Beloved, smile.
It’s a luxurious gift
For you and for me.

β€”

I was checking my educational docs and was in awe to see my photos in each of different docs. How I am touched by physical transformation and what experiences attached to it, that makes me stay loyal with my own self whatsoever.

Tell yourself that your life is a journey that if you need buddy, you should pick those willing to share wonder. Otherwise, travel alone. πŸ’

Thank you!

πŸ’

sleepy, angry, yet stop telling me to take a nap! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
classroom, my party time; playground, my party time, my childhood was everyday party! πŸ‘―β€β™€οΈ
no smile, no mercy πŸ˜ƒ
length of hair defines how I treat the world; i love my pretty silly me! πŸ˜ƒ

Love Is

Two love birds singing
In a cage full of good food.
A choice to a loveβ€”

β€”

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.

That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?

That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.

What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.

I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.

I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.

I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.

This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.

Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.

Alfatihah to all whom I love.

a love locket with a pair of love birds seen in Bangkok airport – I could not resist its charm! now it is a daily friend to my T key love pendant

Good Food

River flows. Wind blows.
Birds perch on a twig and chirp,
Enjoying good food.

β€”

Life is not really WYSIWYG, there are layers that can be peeled off like peeling off onions layered skins.

What is seen in a river? Its flow. What’s behind the flow?

What is felt in a wind? Its blow. What’s behind the flow?

What’s behind the singing birds? What’s behind good food?

Something looking like nothing yet there are powerful layers of realities that wrap another deeper level of reality. At the end of the peeled-off onion, what is it? The eyes see β€œnone” that can be immediately ignored, the self sees β€œthe essence” that can only be understood through accepting in silence.

What an experience as a human being! Maybe this is a euphoria of being alive, or being aware? This is a good time and I will always feel good no matter what. πŸ’

Thank you for everything. πŸ’

good breakfast for a tempe(h) lover πŸ₯°
good snack for a pumpkin lover – run out of honey this time

good time

Good time, Beloved,
Sitting silently, centred.
Grazing on the timeβ€”

β€”-

Life is never bored of reciting how grand a name when zoomed in and how tiny its reality when zoomed out. Oh! It is the other way around, tiny when zoomed in and grand when zoomed out.

don’t disturb, she’s enjoying her good time as if she’s real – is she?

What is your name, dear? Deer!

what is an animal as sturdy and cold as metal? this! is it real?

Are you a buck or a stag? You don’t look like one. Or, you look like both?

Life of A Flower

It’s about flower in its life cycle.

A flower blooms, dries to fall off or falls to dry at time in place for a given moment. It lives then dies. It blossoms or prematurely drops.

Some flowers are admired, some are not even noticed. Some are vibrantly coloured, some are dead dull. Some are meticulous, some are straightly simple. Some produce edible fruits, some the poisonous.

It’s about flower, the beauty in itself, although most view points perceive the look differently. Absolute beauty sits where it is, lingering forever as values and concepts. Relative beauty fades away through aging, some even without being remembered as memory or history.

It’s about flower, the one in a palace and that in a lawn.

Salam. Alfatihah.

prominent, admired, blessed
unnoticed, hidden beauty, blessed
fall to dry, blessed
dried and ready to decompose, blessed

Sacrifice

Is there sacrifice?
Earth lovingly hugs our waste,
Giving all her love.
Committed, sacrifice notβ€”
Yet Mars looks better? Damn you!

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

I salute those who are ready to migrate to Mars yet curse them for destroying dear Mother Earth through mining and exploiting her to build spacecraft to join the god of war.

Allegedly-visionary people dream of living forever while destroying where they live. Allegedly-ordinary people take care of where they live and be considered underdeveloped.

To Mother Earth, so much love to and for you. Please forgive your children.

πŸŒπŸ’ž

he is singing it well ⚑️ thank you

Time Takes Side

Time flows, Beloved,
To an estuary of hope.
Time flows, Beloved,
To the eternity sea.
Won’t be long before we meetβ€”

Time flows, Beloved
To you through me. White beacon
Blinks red at low tide.
Wind says the woodlands miss me.
Time flows, Beloved. Thank you.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Don’t take too long a time to fix an issue. Time wisely travels with those willing to appreciate a journey through action taking along with wisdom harvesting. Otherwise, it will bulldoze what’s not solved.

Dear January. I know you’ll transform with me who doesn’t want remedial lessons next year.

Thank you, 2021. Welcome, 2022.

Bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiem….

πŸ’

nothing is forever, let go of all that are not serving for my highest good either interest or ambition
no one is perfect, accept the dark side of my own self and learn all lessons either pleasant or unpleasant
balance is feasible only when mental detachment and appropriate acceptance are achieved, I claim the balance
I’m ok, dude…. You’re not? 🀠

Forever

A strand of white pearls
Harvested in the deep sea
Bedazzles her neck.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

There is time when I regret of what’s done and nervous about what will happen. Why did I do that? I should have done this. What if I fail again? I am not good enough.

I used to think money was everything with happiness but I prove that money is the biggest illusion in life that I misunderstood. Now I consider money should be merely a tool, never a purpose. Yet I still think of what if my company stock price decreases? 😁

I used to look for happiness and protection in a relationship. With experiences I become strongly convinced that only a healthy relationship with the self can help me cope with problems; moreover, without healthy relation with my self any relationship with others won’t work well. Yet I still don’t heal from broken heart easily and still think whether or not I will meet someone I can share some simple happiness and shelter with.

I was between life and death situations more than once for some illness before, and so helpless about future. And gradually I realise that death can come anytime even when people are healthy. Yet I still hope I die when I let go of any confusion and live in clarity.

However, there is time when I know that only in the now I can accept everything. In the now I can shed tears with mixture of gratefulness for what’s breaking my heart and blessings of what’s boosting the quality of life. In the now I can smile just by seeing piling laundry waiting for ironing. In the now I can see the canvas is the door of self healing. In the now I can imagine sending a cake full of love for my loved ones who live in many different places, whom I cannot visit with many reasons. In the now I can see shades of real and true happiness in each and every experience from wake up to sleep.

Thank you for the now and now and now that form a strand of pearls called forever.

I live forever until the last now meets with the first now.

Al Fatihah to all of my loved ones across the oceans. I bless you happiness.

Salaam….

back on track, contemplating with colours
do things with love, the definition of love? enjoying good things to the fullest or, in bad time enjoying the process with patience πŸ’
thank you, Emily for the message πŸͺΆπŸ™πŸ½

Quests

Dogma, Beloved,
The least she can hold in life.
She is full of quests.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

What human beings should think of being sick is it is a tool materialised by Life to make them stop or at least slow down especially from analysing every single thing. Yet human beings often forget that blessing should not be always gift-wrapped in fancy paper with ribbons; it might be sometimes humbly bundled in a sack.

Blimey! Why do I have so many sacks? And poorly unable to untie them successfully 😎

May all beings be happy.

a pile of ugly sacks; filled with all the richness of nature

We Are All Prime Numbers

What’s prime number, Love?
Itself and one can divide.
Most intimate loveβ€”

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

It’s just me and the one.

The one that I’ve always missed with no reason. The one that I’ve perceived but not perceivable. The one that I’ve missed and travelled for but nowhere to find. The one that I’ve felt so intimate but so distant. The one that I’ve cried for but making me smile. The one that I’ve been peaceful with but breaking my heart.

You’re a prime number, Self, one that is greater than one and can only be divided by one and itself. The rest is excluded.

What prime number are you?

Salam…. πŸ’

prime numbers
the only even prime

Peace Is Within


Dive, mine pearls deep down.
True book with golden pages:
Self you’ve forgotten.

Past year without traveling and literally working from home has brought a kind of peaceful mind. Workload is still there but the level of stress is much much lower and that has made me a happier person.

What’s more, a lot of discoveries about self: negative, positive, wound, trauma, anger, disappointment, broken heart, happiness, honesty, fun, comedies, sweetness of my heart; all are blessings in different manifestation. What a period 2020 and 2021 has been! Socially it is a worldwide trial! Personally for me it is a deep wound of ignorance!

Slowly I realise that it is the way Universe teaches me what’s best to be a human being called me. I don’t like people to do one thing to me so I will never do it to others. But I won’t expect others to do what’s best according to meβ€” let the Universe teach them how to do it….

Thanks Universe, you are the best teacher and teaser at the same time! I praise you and scold at you as I wish at the same time! ⚑️

Life is so just. You lose, you gain. It is just about time…. While waiting, befriend with your own self….

Thanks for everything….. πŸ’ž

May all beings be happy.

yellow is honesty – honest to self πŸ’«

Arid Land, His Heart

I never want to hurt myself, I just didn’t know who you are.
I got hurt by a cactus in a desert
Who pricks little fingers,
Who just want to touch this life softly,
Not hurting, not taking anything away.


Wounded, I decided to blame stupidity:
Why did I have to have to have to have to have to just touch cacti? I should have left that arid land long before I touched a prickly spirit.


A delayed regret is less important than a lesson learned but it always gives a story the most significant pivot.


Now
I’ll just admire from here
From where I stand
With millions of prayers
For a secret journey.
Yet I know you are a ghost days and nights.


Someday when I pour down the rain,
You’ll know.
Love is as sweet as water in droughtβ€”
Maybeβ€”
If it is not late....

May all beings be happy.

Sunset – haiku

She loves each sunset.
It throws her things to ponder,
About life knots.

Temasek – Aug. 30, 2020 / 23:54

β€”

Many people choose to live in houses facing the east where the Sun greets them in their mornings. The iconic sunrise is not only the representation of natural beauty but also the indication of value in dollars of the residence.

All my windows face west though, with no special consideration except that I pay cheaper rent for this small apartment. My friends said I should have chosen the other one with some dollars more to see the sunrise. I thought I made wrong choice but soon found that sunset isn’t less beautiful than the sunrise.

Sunset gives me warmth of the day. It waves me a hope to see the next day. It’s red, orange, yellow behind the spectrum of light to dark blue and oftentimes grey to pitch black has become my dear friend when I’m home.

I’ve been not only living but also working from home since March and seeing many sunsets with different combinations of colours and weathers.

In fine days sky gives me clearer definition of what sunset is like. Round burning circle slowly and quietly drowns into darkness, leaving the land a peaceful place and letting electricity take the turn.

In cloudy days I’ll ask the sky where he hides the giant fire ball. He says the ball is still burning behind him, moving to the same direction in the same orbit with relatively the same speed, just that it is knowing that certain days don’t need its presence for some reasons. Sun still sets but my eyes don’t witness it.

Sunset has taught me that life goes on whether we see it or not, hear it or not, discuss it or not, taste it or not, smell it or not: sense it or not. Sunset has taught me that the attention is human beings’ button of β€œwhat exists”. With or without that button, everything exists yet human beings think some don’t exists just because their button is off.

Sunset is truly a gift for me from the Universe. It is a present when I miss my beloved people, a lesson when I’m aware of who I am or I am not, a teaching when I’m enlightened, a button when I’m observant or ignorant and many other subjects depending on what state of emotions I’m in.

Sunset is a call to realise that nothing lasts forever and at the same time thing can be an eternal memory of yours as long as you wish it is.

Alamak…. I become so sentimental because of sunset….

Thanks much, Sunset for accompanying me for some minutes in my long-hour day. I know you travel to the west, please carry my hope to my love and send it back to me the next day through the sunrise in front of my east front door.

May all beings be happy….

86EC14AD-76EF-446B-9367-BF122ABD1EF9

When The Rain Hugs Her – haiku

When the Rain hugs her,
Sun is weaving Light spectrum.
Does she see the arch?

Singapore – June 22, 2020 / 23:32

β€”-

I love the rain as it warms my heart and waters my hopes.

May all beings be happy.

1

The Lost Paradise – tanka

The lost paradise
Foundβ€” By whom? Where? When? And how?
By you, here, now….. Halt!
Between two heart beats, you see
The realm of a peaceful mind.

Singapore – Jun. 10, 2020 / 21:45

 

Layers of Self – verses

There is time when Mr Grey is reluctant to evaluate others’
Actions,
Motions,
Emotions,
Notionsβ€”
For as much as the head’s dullness, true colours won’t lie
And untrue intentions will reveal.

In the mode of working class,
Putting layered of dignified masks in silence,
Enchanting intelligent chorus in public,
Smirking in the dark.
Beloved dedication
Decorated with
Stabbing behindβ€”
….

Doesn’t it matter?
Noβ€”
Take a time
As long as Time wishes to be with you:
Hiding behind true Smile,
Singing in the Heart,
Reciting poems in the Soul.

Someday
When the floor invites you to dance,
Offering the best music of Life,
Then down to the floor!

Dance until the Light fades away
Which is never.

Now
Observe all the moves
Of the masks around you
Which will undo themselves

One by one.

May all beings be happy.

Singapore – Jun. 9, 2020 / 21:58

Β 

Vacation – haiku

Sunshine’s in whole year.
A backpack and travel check–
Still in a vacation.

GH Jakarta, 20 April 2018 – 06:33am