Tag: family

Humming Heart (ranting)

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
She's a hummingbird
Flying her colours and voice.
Garden of Eden--

If people ask what one thing I’d do at home when I’m doing other relaxing things?

The answer: humming❣️

Humming is the power of someone who loves singing but not memorise the lyrics. It’s what makes the amateur singer feel so proud of herself of singing beautifully without words, voice and tones are right, words are hidden. 😁

Today my household chores are not as many as before yet still I want to be home longer; I have a book to read then share my reading to my family and friends. I also have a sheet of white fabric to experiment shibori stitching.

Saturday is never boring with humming.

my mom used to ask “what are you cooking for this Saturday?” then “that’s delicious! wanna try! cook it for us when you’re home” then I would call her sharing laughter & jokes

no I’m not sad but I miss her love, compassion, stories, jokes, intimacy between mother and daughter

I’m so blessed with her being my mother; and still so blessed to have siblings and in-laws that understand intimacy is the glue of our family

thank you❣️

time to let my physical, heart & soul hum softly as part of my gratitude for the love around me 💕

Father

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

May 2 is a special day. It is Indonesia’s National Education Day at the same time the date when my father passed away.

I pray for him always. Yet on his birthday and on his death day I recite special prayer for him.

My father
Is a book mark
With which I remember
Where I should restart.
He is not part of the book,
But with him reading would feel so light.

The Life List (movie)

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Life list, Beloved,
Not about glory or lost.
It's what truly costs.

I used to list what I wanted to do. Every year I made the list longer until I stopped as I’ve found primary list that I won’t forget to make come true.

One of them is writing my own book (I’ve written with friends in anthology books) so I’m working on it.

Another one is having a home where family and friends feel the true selves in them. My first house was but as it is located not in a preferred place, I decided to make a new one. Working on it–

Many more and I’m working on all of them.

They might come true or not as age is not predictable yet at least I’m working on all of them.

Sooner or later

Amen

Love Bond

Learning, love

Love bond, Beloved
By blood or vow is all gift
Embraced and nurtured.

me with my aunt on Oct 27

i paid a homage to my father’s sister in law, my beloved aunt

we call her Budhe Didi, a 90-year-old Javanese woman who is now the oldest elder from my father’s family line; my mother is the other one (80 years old)

she was very happy seeing me and said “send my best regard to your mother, please bring her here to me, i miss her so much, please finish your home soon so i can meet her in your house warming…. bla bla bla”

i could only say “please bless me”

she also reminded me to keep the bond among cousins, nieces and nephews even when all elders (someday) rest in peace

aja sampek kepaten obor (never lose our family bond); it is not an easy job in modern era but i think it is the right way

thank you

❣️

Composed

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

She's simply composed,
Not even shaken by storm.
Rooted to the earth--

My intuition works wonder when it comes to family esp mother, as if knowing when something wrong happens even no one informs me.

Yesterday I contacted my sister saying that mother might not be good. She said mother was ok and sleeping.

My gut said different. I contacted my cousin saying the same thing and she said “Yes, she fell and injured a bit on her chin and left hands.”

I happened to know later that my mother didn’t allow my sister to tell me about the incident.

I tried to digest the “lie” although the feeling inside was a mix of anger, disappointment, sadness, left behind at the same time relief that she was now ok.

This morning after a long meeting I called my mother. I really wanted to give her some “lecture” that she should be careful, should not do this or that and should let me know whatsoever happens to her. But I detered myself from doing so.

I know what I would say is something true but don’t want to hurt her motherly affectionate decision. I chose to accept her reason of not informing me: so my child can work with light heart.

My mother is one of the mentally strongest women I’ve known in life. None of people knowing her will say otherwise.

Once I joked around with her “Ibu, please pray that I don’t have to be as strong as you in life as when I’m as strong as you, it means I will have one most challenging of human life.”

She said “You can be stronger than me but don’t need to experience what I have in life. Trust your life.”

Yes, I do trust life will protect me from the harms.

I love you, Ibu. Thank you.

💕

Without Teacher

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

What am I
Without teacher?
A lost wanderer
Losing destination.

What am I
Without teacher?
A confused traveler
Losing guidance

What am I
Without teacher?
A dreamer
Losing inspiration.

What am I
Without teacher?
A human
Losing meaning.

What am I
Without teacher?
A Soul
Repeating the same mistakes.

Dear
Teacher,
You are born
For me
To be reborn
As me.

I'm grateful to
You.

Today’s lunch break was about a phenomenal chat with some teachers of life.

Thousands if not millions of teachers have taught me in life. There are some that I cherish the most today, those that have triggered me to make biggest decisions in life.

Thank you, dear teachers❣️

Bapak Merta Ada, he was the one teaching me to go within without doubt, without limit – “spread love and compassion”, his advice 🥹

Sister Zak, my Arabic teacher — she emphasised that what we read needs to be well understood first then pondered then can be interpreted (differently) — “be a responsible interpreter of the Quran for yourself, no one to blame when you make wrong interpretation or decision“, her advice

Aaron Cass, my mentor in Beshara School who helped me open most doors of freedom of responsibly being human through his amazing knowledge and wisdom about sufism and esp about Ibn Arabi & Rumi — “from now on whatever you do differently, never make it a new religion”, his advice

Ina, a best friend from high school whose action moved my soul: she left her brilliant career (at the same time I started mine in Singapore) without new career to take care of her parents for her sense of responsibility; she took care of her mother until she passed away, now she is taking care of her father; Ina, you are beautifully blessed — “let’s exchange stupid memes and videos”, her message

dear Ibu, i won’t let anyone hurt you — “work responsibly and take care”, her every morning’s advice

Vito, my dear nephew, “i will always love you and protect you forever”, his last message before he passed

the fire warden in the mirror, “have you smiled today?” my greeting to myself

International Jazz Day

Learning

Jazz didn’t simply come to me. My beloved sister contaminated me with jazz through time. When I was 14, she was a 17 yo girl crazy about music through cassettes (ahhh…. do 17 yo nowadays know what cassettes are).

The weird jazz up to acceptable jazz were played by her daily….

Now I am enjoying it when life sounds so messy and dry.

Thanks, Mbak Yuda. You are loved!

Happy International Jazz Day!

Bengawan Solo aka Solo River where my placenta was “floated away”

Turning Point

Bob, Learning, life, love, Poetic, Those People
Fragrance of sambac
Ferries the wish to the love
Reborn with new scents.

——

The death of my beloved nephew at young age (22 yo) is one extreme turning point in how I see life and what is in it.

I am not sad anymore and not considering it a loss anymore. Just drying tears and grateful smiles so — remembering how good his life was. How someone with so big mental wound could survive life by serving others in such a fun witty ways. 🥰 We now know how much we loved him and how tremendously he loved us.

Yet….

reborn

not interested in talking in group except for work;

prefer seeing life more lightly yet deeply at the same time;

choose to seclude myself by doing what I can do genuinely; if not, I will stay away;

respond to human interaction differently and it might have hurt people in outer rings; it doesn’t matter

still the same human being yet not the same anymore;

so amazed how losing loved ones can change someone so significantly. And the reality shows me whom are real and unreal, true and untrue…. 💚

Life is mysteriously beautiful.

Thank You so very much!

Alfatihah.

my younger brother’s 1st son was a newborn death; my older brother’s sons: one died at 10, the other at 22 — wishing them to be reborn with love, prosperity and luck 💕😊 you’re (always) in my heart and (sometimes) at my left wrist, boys! 💕💕😊

Memory of Fun

Learning, Those People

Vito and Ocka in fun flash rehearsal in the costume storage room 😁😘

💕

his life was about fun and memory about him should be about fun, too

Never-ending Prayer

Learning
In a prayer
Millions of pearls
Are dangling
In a line of blessings
Letting go off
What is called
Attachment,
Co-dependency,
And ignorance.

When darkness traps
What is called hope,
It is love
That keeps it sparked
And sparkling
Before it is free,
Traveling light
On a beautiful orbit.

——

my boy, I commit to celebrate your life and dreams instead — be always in our heart; you are so much loved, you are always remembered 💕

alfatihaah 💕

Selfish To Selfless

Learning
Time flies
Space shrinks
Moment signifies
Does it even matter?

You farewelled
Sweetly to all,
Yet no one knew
Until you departed.

This selfish self
Has learnt selflessness
That it is about forgiving regrets
And escorting you to the grand gate.

We weeped heavy tears,
You’ve left long love trails.
We thought we loved you,
You’ve ignored our selfish wails.

You smiled at the long line
That witnessed your selfless joy.
We smiled to you, thanking life
For giving privilege of having that boy.

Thank you
For magically turning us
From egoistical arrogance
To considerate beings.

Thank you,
My dear boy.

——

Gathering after his funeral, most of us shared about our experiences with him in his life time. Most of stories were his witty strength, social awareness and artistic talents. Many were also about how much he ate — he was not a picky eater.

Yet some kept saying “I can’t stop crying”, “I was one of those giving him last sacred bath”, “I trembled one night before he passed away”, “Why did you leave me?”, “I am so lonely without him around”, blahblahblah of all expressions showing how people experience you. Great self you are!

Yet does it matter? We mostly are all regretting what we didn’t do what we should have done with and to you. We mostly have difficult time to forgive ourselves for not doing so with and to you.

It is about you — all the administration and ceremonies. Yet at the end it is about forgiving ourselves from what we have regretted and about accepting that you are not physically around anymore.

You? Vito, you pass this cycle and enjoy the happiness beyond our joy!

My tears will dry; yet my love will keep flowing to you.

💕

Salaam.

we’ll continue striving for what you’ve always dreamt of — loving family and wise fun personality!

people said it is the longest line of funeral procession for a young man of an ordinary family — everyone said it is because of your true and selfless self

Pink Rose

Learning, Poetic
As pink
As rose
My heart
Chants you
Forever
As love
That throbs
Through blood
And tears
And breath
And words
In heart
And body
And mind
And spirit
And soul

you might not like pink rose but this is the most beautiful petals with which i can sprinkle with the least tears for your no-turn-back journey 💕

our last Bali tour with Ocka was our most testing trip — the rain and storm and damn how would you stop driving every three hours and said “Mbak, i am hungry i can die driving” 😁

our love is about laughter and wit ♥️

my broken heart in romance has turned to a minuscule particle compared to my broken heart of losing my beloved nephew

Love Is

Learning, love, Poetic
Two love birds singing
In a cage full of good food.
A choice to a love—

—

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.

That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?

That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.

What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.

I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.

I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.

I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.

This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.

Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.

Alfatihah to all whom I love.

a love locket with a pair of love birds seen in Bangkok airport – I could not resist its charm! now it is a daily friend to my T key love pendant

Mother’s Story

Learning, life, Poetic, Those People
Tragic is comic
After fermentation time.
Dark jokes bring bright joy.

—

We always remember how our father loved our mother. He liked giving gifts to her and doing household chores like cleaning the floor and doing heavy laundry. Yet he also enjoyed teasing my mother around; his goal was to make her angry just to show that he was good at calming her down. 😂 Yet his strong affection to our mother did one extreme discomfort to her and some of us.

This morning my older siblings asked mother to re-tell a story that we the younger don’t record well as we were too young to save the moment. While they laughed before she started telling the story, we three waited curiously.

Mother: Once I went with my friend to a beauty parlour. She wanted to have her hair cut.

Younger children: With whom?

Mother: (mentioning a name that we are familiar with)

All children: (commenting about mother’s friend who happened to be a very fashionable woman at that time)

Mother: She said that I should have my hair made curly or at least wavy so I could look different. I said no because I should get permission from your father. But you know her, she was able to convince me to do it.

All children: (laughing and commenting about the lady who spent money like she would die today. Mother said that woman got much money from ex husbands so she deserved to do it.) So, curled or waved?

Mother: Medium curled

Older children: (laughing and commenting how she looked fresh but weird as we had never had anyone with curly hair in the family before)

Mother: When I reached home, your father seeing me with curly hair looked surprised. I thought it would be a terrific moment but then it changed to one terrible day. He was so angry, never before he became that angry.

Older children: Ya, I was shocked. Never saw him like that before—

Mother: I was not shocked with his reaction but the next action of his was a biggest discomfort in my life. He said he wanted to make the hair look better which I thought minor trimming and he took a pair of scissors.

Older children: I didn’t expect that to happen. He cut most of the curly hair and only left the one with very vague curls near the headskin. You were almost bald! (laughing) You became so not you.

Me: (upset) Why did’t you run to hide and protect your hair?

Older children: Hey! Don’t be too serious. He didn’t hurt her.

Me: But he hurt her pride! I won’t let my hair be screwed up by anyone.

Older children: I remember mother sobbed and I screamed to father to stop. He didn’t do it harshly, but I felt worried about her sobbing.

Me: Damn wrong thing! I never knew he would have this in the checklist.

Mother: No worry. He regretted and apologized on the same day. And trust me it was the only one bad thing he did to me. He said he didn’t want me to draw attention of other men.

Older children: Jeeeaaaalousy! We know some other things about his jealousy! You should tell more stories.

Mother: I think it was the best lesson for him about how he should not be too possessive.

All children: Yaaa!!! Agree!

Older children: Do you remember that you turned to be a better fashionista than her. I remember you wore turban and sometimes wigs.

Mother: Yes. And I guess he regretted it even more as I asked for different wigs and turbans until my hair was good enough to show.

What a comedy! Oops! What a tragedy turning to comedy after some time!

Lesson learnt: choose the best expression of love to avoid bad impression, don’t have your hair curled 😁, find a husband who doesn’t hate curly hair 😁, forgive your husband’s wrong expression while educating him, and see a comedy in a tragedy

Birthday

Learning, love, Poetic
On your birthday, Love,
Magic sends sweet messages
And flowers and gifts.

—

Ibu turns 78 today. It is a 78 years of human beings, 54 years of a wife, 53 years of a mother of 5. 47 years of being my mother— maybe the most annoying of facing this one rascal among 5 angels. 🙃 She might not be always happy being her but she is full of sweet smiles and words of encouragement.

If her life is a painting, it will be a colourful canvas full of fragrant tropical flowers and powerful herbs that can be concocted as medicines especially for her family and friends. Beautiful and full of healing for others— No wonder her family and neighbours highly respect her.

Ibu, I know you never like big celebration and that’s why we only send stupid messages on your birthday. But I know you always miss us to annoy you and that’s why we give surprises! Much love today and forever!

Salaam…

I sent this picture to her; maybe she was wondering why I didn’t send picture of a real birthday cake as I normally do. She will be surprised!

Oct 9, 2022

Coffee

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic
Coffee, Beloved,
Brings back the fragrance of breeze
From the green high land.

—-

I drink coffee but am not a big fan of it. Fragrance of raw coffee beans, coffee cherries, coffee leaves, coffee flowers, coffee trees are much more lovable to these nostrils. Last 2019 visit to my uncle and aunt’s home in Menoreh Hill has always been a fresh fragrant memory; it is because the coffee fragrance would welcome us in the morning when wind blowing down the hill through the window sills.

Along the path up the hill going to our grandparents’ graveyards these hands would playfully pull some coffee leaves or coffee cherries, squeeze them and breathe the aroma in. My cousins and nieces would do the same. We would throw them to the dogs jumping around as playful as the owners.

Miss that green high land, where my ancestors started their humble legends—

Wind, fly me. 🛫

Salaam.

coffee shrubs decorate back yard of many houses in the hill; that fragrance is the witness of how the people love the land 💝
another fragrance loved – pepper
wait!
hey! get up, let’s run!

Amazing Day, Today

Learning, life, Poetic
Today, Beloved,
Filled with laughter of past times.
Bitter was, sweet is—
Time doesn’t heal. It turns taste,
Look. All is well. All shall pass.

—

Rendezvous with my best people, those who are always with ears to listen and to be listened to, with tongue to twist bitterness to wisdom, with foolishness to laugh at what’s not even funny but needing some appreciation.

Some people are amazing with just one reason called trust.

Blessed to have them.

Holiday is getting shorter. Let’s slow the steps and insert more meaningful conversations before it halts.

May all beings be happy.

🐣

TA – May 12, 2022 / 11:46am

Prudent Clown

Learning, Poetic
Comic, Beloved,
Life through senses. Through head, storms—
Through soul, a great gift—

—————————————————————-

‘m wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to meet my family and friends then have some chat with them while throwing sour jokes without emoticon or disturbed internet connection.

‘m wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to see my base home starting her life.

‘m wishing I’m as fine as now if the borders don’t re-open soon. 😎

Borders re-opening means no quarantine applied 😁 10-day in a closed room -how much ever it is comfy- is truly a must-not-happen-experience-in-life thing!

wisdom, humour and friendship at one table 😂

Forever

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person
A strand of white pearls
Harvested in the deep sea
Bedazzles her neck.

————————————————————

There is time when I regret of what’s done and nervous about what will happen. Why did I do that? I should have done this. What if I fail again? I am not good enough.

I used to think money was everything with happiness but I prove that money is the biggest illusion in life that I misunderstood. Now I consider money should be merely a tool, never a purpose. Yet I still think of what if my company stock price decreases? 😁

I used to look for happiness and protection in a relationship. With experiences I become strongly convinced that only a healthy relationship with the self can help me cope with problems; moreover, without healthy relation with my self any relationship with others won’t work well. Yet I still don’t heal from broken heart easily and still think whether or not I will meet someone I can share some simple happiness and shelter with.

I was between life and death situations more than once for some illness before, and so helpless about future. And gradually I realise that death can come anytime even when people are healthy. Yet I still hope I die when I let go of any confusion and live in clarity.

However, there is time when I know that only in the now I can accept everything. In the now I can shed tears with mixture of gratefulness for what’s breaking my heart and blessings of what’s boosting the quality of life. In the now I can smile just by seeing piling laundry waiting for ironing. In the now I can see the canvas is the door of self healing. In the now I can imagine sending a cake full of love for my loved ones who live in many different places, whom I cannot visit with many reasons. In the now I can see shades of real and true happiness in each and every experience from wake up to sleep.

Thank you for the now and now and now that form a strand of pearls called forever.

I live forever until the last now meets with the first now.

Al Fatihah to all of my loved ones across the oceans. I bless you happiness.

Salaam….

back on track, contemplating with colours
do things with love, the definition of love? enjoying good things to the fullest or, in bad time enjoying the process with patience 💝
thank you, Emily for the message 🪶🙏🏽

Friendly Green

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person
This life, Beloved,
Needs greenery and friendship
To stay beautiful.

————————————————————

Someone can’t truly live without dreams. Dreams make days clear with focus and full of energy, nights calm with focus and full of serenity.

Simple dreams will do; as simple as doing daily gardening on a small courtyard garden and veggies garden around a house that is hosting simple rendezvous of family and good friends, cooking, teaching free language classes and life skill or tips of management or leadership to those who need, traveling light to places friendly to weaker body, sharing how life is so broad and deep with those who care.

Come true. Come true. Come true. 🐣

Wake up! All is still on paper. Go back to work! 😃

May all beings be happy. 💝

Moment To Simply Live

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Life pace, Beloved
Chosen wisdom, loved glory
Of everyday life—

————————————————

I wish to retire at 52 and will be a person with not too many layers of identity, being a human being living a slower-paced life, contributing to smaller society and community with my own hands with all my heart and soul, respected as I am I am not as I am who is associated to prominent organizations.

One of good friends reminded me to get prepared for that will definitely be a much different life. There won’t be luxurious facilities enjoyed, privilege given, smiles and hand shake or bow. She says it’s gonna be a true life though loved and respected by those with genuine love and respect. No transactional courtesy, all is about friendship and humanity.

When? Still long time to go but short enough because now I live in a fast-paced life.

Time to prepare.

Once retired, I won’t want to be in contact with those who have respected me because of business or money. They should be eliminated from friendship. They will deserve others who have the capacity.

May all beings be happy. 💝

next one week flower arrangement
enjoy the moment
extended appreciation to those in my heart
someday flowers will be daily life for me, not weekly anymore

Quests

Learning, This Person
Dogma, Beloved,
The least she can hold in life.
She is full of quests.

————————————————————

What human beings should think of being sick is it is a tool materialised by Life to make them stop or at least slow down especially from analysing every single thing. Yet human beings often forget that blessing should not be always gift-wrapped in fancy paper with ribbons; it might be sometimes humbly bundled in a sack.

Blimey! Why do I have so many sacks? And poorly unable to untie them successfully 😎

May all beings be happy.

a pile of ugly sacks; filled with all the richness of nature

Death Is

Learning, life, Poetic, Those People
Long life, Beloved,
A postponed beauty each time
Sad news knocks the door—

———————————————————

Just two years ago a best friend of mine told me to stay safe living away from nuclear family. Just two days ago his name started to be a memory. Rest In Peace. You’ve been a best friend and family member. See you again. 💞💐

Long life is a beautiful dream of many. Yet what is a beautiful dream when faced with a reality that the dream might drop out anytime with no notice or sign?

If life should be shorter than expected, I hope the end meets with the point of no regret. That would suffice.

May all beings be happy.

some plants decay faster than the others which are decently fresh enough to decorate the vase

Signs – ranting

Learning, Poetic

When sign means nothing,

She’s maybe illiterate

Or dead desperate.


—


I had a conversation with a good friend, the topic was “sign”. This particular friend cannot read most of non verbal signs and hints from her spouse clearly. What her spouse shows non verbally won’t trigger any curiosity from her; except when he expresses it verbally then she will understand. Facial gestures, body language, more seriously mental vibration won’t do her any ring anymore.


I thought it was strange as a couple should be able “to read” each other’s feeling or idea with a blink of an eye! At least that’s my ideal couple goal.


Then after a while I can relate to what has happened to me.


I’ve been living away from family for more than 25 years; the 7 of which I’ve lived totally home alone (cats and other pets not counted). And that 7-year period is when I think I’ve lost the ability to read what my family is trying to communicate to me. We either don’t understand “the language” or we just can’t accept “the reasoning”. When it comes to language, I feel that our ability to read kinds of personal or cultural gestures have diminished either with my ignorance to their loving and caring behaviour or with their insensitivity to my practicality and logical thinking. We just don’t know how to match things in many occasions and usually we’ll just tolerate each other by saying “no worry, as long as you are happy and healthy”.


When I asked what happened to my friend and her spouse, she said “I just don’t know what language I should use to communicate with him”. Hmm exactly what I experience with my mother and siblings.


“Why don’t you try guessing whatever you see from him? Just to show that you care?”


“I’ve tried but it looks unnatural. He asked me why I did weird questioning and guessing.”


“It is ok, unnatural at the beginning but will be natural when you find the click”.


“We won’t find a click anymore. We are not happy and not meant to be.”


Eh?


At that point I couldn’t say anything. I think she is not illiterate, she’s seriously desperate.


Gosh! Life is a mystery! We, her close circle have always thought they’re the happiest and I’m the lonely. Now I think it is time to be thankful just for a minute to be happier even than the happiest.


May all beings be happy…..

Chocho – haiku

Bob, Learning, love, Poetic

He’s a yellow cat,
With a hurt back and couldn’t walk.
Much love is showered.

Chocho is one of two kittens that survive of 4 of Mother Prengil. He got an unknown accident that made him not able to walk and just drag his body. I wish I’d be with him to give him medication.

I’m so sorry, Chocho. 💝

GH Jakarta, April 19 2018 – 23:10

Home, House, Imagination

Bob, Learning, love

When I was 12 years old (I hope I remember that age correctly), I imagined of having a small cabin to live with my four best friends: Rosi, Ana, Nana, Nanik.

Then at the age of 22 I want to have a big two-storey house with luxurious furniture where I can welcome friends to chat things.

Getting older, around 35 I just wanted to have a house. Just a house, any kind of house as I was so tired of renting rooms. And, thanks God I bought a tiny home near  river bank. A small house with two bedroom, enough for me an my cat to live in. It has a small garden to the right side of it – small, really small full with sand for neighborhood cats to poo and play. It has free walls inside for my orchids to hang…. And the front wall for my wijayakusuma to bloom happily. And, it has comfortable space for friends and family to stay overnight or just pay a short visit.

I am so thankful for what I am given in my life. I hope I still have a chance to share more with all my frineds and family and all animals around me.

Light is coiling around me, praying for the best.

My house is there to pray for me…. I’m here somewhere praying for my house.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you….

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Erawan, Bangkok – March 16, 2017 – 22:16

The Biggest Lesson (Pelajaran Terbesar)

Bob, Learning, love

Do you still ask yourselves about what is the biggest lesson in your life? Don’t sweat so much. I dare to confidently tell you to stop and halt a moment.

No need to think of having a past life regression session. No need to consult to a shaman anymore. Just see around.

Who is in your family?

That is the biggest lesson in your current life. Your father, your mother, your sister, your brother, your children, your wife, your husband…. They become yours for a reason.

Think of how well you are as you – a child, a sister, a brother, a mother, a father, etc….

If you still find a gap, then bridge the gap and you are doing your biggest homework of life – family.

Never forget your family, the real closest ones in life. Never ignore them, or else you’ll fail the test of life and MUST retake in the next session. You don’t want to retake the same exam, do you?

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See around again…

It is your family the biggest lesson of yours.

Salaam….

==== (versi Bahasa Indonesia)

Apakah kamu masih bertanya-tanya apa sebenernya pelejaran terbesar dalam hidupmu? Jangan terlalu dipikirin. Saya berani memintamu untuk berhenti sejenak.

Usah berpikir bikin janji untuk past life regression. Tak perlu konsultasi sama dukun lagi. Lihat saja sekitar Anda.

Siapa keluargamu?

Itulah pelajaran terbesar dalam hidupmu. Ayahmu, ibumu, saudaramu, anak-anakmu, isitrimu, suamimu…. Mereka menjadi bagian hidupmu bukan tanpa alasan.

Pikirkan sebaik apa Anda menjadi Anda sekarang – sebagai anak, saudara, ibu, bapak, dll….

Jika kamu masih merasa kurang baik, segeralah perbaiki diri dan saat itulah kamu mengerjakan PR kamu dalam hidup – keluarga.

Jangan lupakan keluargamu, orang-orang yang sesungguhnya dekat denganmu dalam hidupmu. Jangan abaikan mereka, atau kamu gagal dalam ujian kehidupan dan HARUS mengulang di sesi selanjutnya. Kamu nggak pengen mengulang ujian yang sama kan?

Lihatlah sekelilingmu lagi…

Keluarga lah pelajaran terbesarmu..

Salaam….

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Temasek – January 5, 2016 – 9:00pm

When I Die….

Bob, love, This Person

Have you ever thought about death? When you die….
Whom do you want to meet when you die? Ok. When I die, I want….

I want to release all my bonds to this current life.

When I die,
I still want to meet Bob my cat, Greece my cat, Grace my cat, Item my cat, Moppy oh our beloved dog, Tucul and Tesi my tortoises, Kliwon the cat, all the cats I’ve met and all the dogs I’ve met and other animals I’ve never met but I know they’re there…. One dear dog dragging his rear legs somewhere in West Jakarta while I could get off the bus to help (damn, this memory haunts me with guilt), a dog staring at my eyes while he was held by someone to a slaughter house and again I could not help (damn, this experience breaks my heart and still haunts me), all animals having helped me to realize that life is so short yet too precious to be left a sole second for “recreation without creation” or “creation without recreation”. Those animals have led me to create awareness inside my own self while enjoying my existence; they’ve led me to recreate joy to blessings while creating solutions for obstacles in life.

Those animals are so precious.

Ahhh…. My human family still mean something to me and I want to meet them when I die…. But they should come with a group of animals I’ve missed ha ha ha….

I think I’m daydreaming. But seriously, when I die….
I want to release all my guilt and unfinished duties.
Let go….
Then I die happy.

Singapore – July 15, 2015 – 12:12am

The Need of Grounding

Bob, Learning, love, This Person

When it feels like levitate, unrooted from the foundation…. This body invites to realize that these broken pieces need to be collected for the thousandth time….

Keeping the matrix composed.

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Temasek – February 16, 2015 0 4:51am

Sweet Memory Starts

Bob, Learning, love, This Person

My son Bob was a cat with soft heart. He would never quarrel except another cat attacked him. He would just groan and groan and groan but did not move from his spot. Only if the other tomcat jumped to him, would he fight to survive.

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He would have a lot of reason to manipulate me. He would kiss my forehead, my nose, my lips or my cheeks to wake me up from my sleep to get whatever he wanted: food, drink or door to open.

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Or, he would slip under my blanket to slew comfortably, only some time then he would climb out of the blanket and sleep above me. He would snore and spread his purring beautiful sound bringing peace into my small bedroom.

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When you grew older, you did not want to cooperate since you had better life outside with your fellow cats. You always scratched the door to go out and it was always at 1:00am…. But for the sake of love, I opened the door for you, Bob…..

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You loved perching on TV as if you were the God of (modern) Cat…. Lovely boy! You are always able to steal my heart, Bob.

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When you were sick, you didn’t moan. You just take a silent position and keep the pain in you. I could not help except giving you the best food and medication which was probably not really the best for you…. I tried hard to keep you next to me, your soul next to mine.

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Then I had to leave Indonesia to pursue my dream…. I cried happy but sad…. I was given a chance to make my self more experienced in life but then I had to leave you. Could I? Who would take care of you, Bob? I had to make a hard decision. I brought you to my mom’s house – she did not have a soft spot for pets indeed.

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I knew you were so sad, leaving your home…. But you trusted me that you would find another home. And, yes my mom fell in love with you.

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I visited you when I had time to sneak out of my hectic days – some leave or long weekend really helped us to meet up…. You looked happy, Bob. We had good time…. I fed you, stroked you, kissed you, hugged you, cuddled you, took picture of you, took care of your body which grew older….

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My mom always said “Bob is a human, he understands how to love, he is more loving than some humans who destroy others’ happiness. Bob has given us a lot of joy…. Thanks God for everything.”

He likes to daydream in the terrace, looking at the other cats that were enjoying his food left-over. Too much to throw away, good to share with other cats…. 🙂

There was a time, we really got angry because of how people treat him. So cruel…. Beat him, splash him with water, hurt him in any way they like just because those neighbours hated cats. But Bob was too weak to counterstrike. He just went home with the wound then we would lovingly treated him until he got well. We loved you, Bob and we do and will always do.

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Then came a message that you were sick, puking all food you ate. Eating then puking two hours later; that was a pattern. My could not do anything. Nobody would help to take her to the vet. She lives in a village where people are busy taking care of their own poverty – there was no thinking of getting medication for animal.

Plus my mom was so busy taking care of my sick sister. I am sorry, my son Bob. We had been so occupied by our humane life that we did not take a good care of you humanely. I am sorry, we are sorry.

My mom said Bob stayed at home since Friday (Feb’ 21) until today when she found him dead on the floor of one cool bedroom – it is where I slept when I was still staying with my family. It is the coolest room in the house.

I don’t want to remember how he died. I want to remember how he lived.

He lived as a son of mine, bringing me joy and a lot of blessings. He has been sacrificing his free will to be my family member. He was so willing to share his pureness with us. He shared his sincere soul to grow among us. He inspired us with love and sincerity. He let himself be part of the madness of human in our life. You gave us love, Bob…..

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I released you with all my heart.

I heard a voice calling my name last night “Rike” and I just thought it was you telling me that it is time. You called me to give a sign…. I should not have been afraid, I should have remembered you who was trying to open the door “home”…..

Now you are home, Bob. It is the real home. Your body is buried but your soul is forever, here guarding me from any not-loving and insincerity. Thank you, son. Thank you for being flower of my soul. I know I am so heartsick, ibu* is so sad, too…. You know it, right? We know you know it. But you smile because it was your time. Time to go home, where we will also go to be together. Play, boy…. Play with the fragrance of flowers among the cats that can fly high to reach the Source without mourning.

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I am sad for I was not with you when you were dying. But I know you know how much I love you. The pictures above are tokens of our relationship son – mother of cat. Hope you care to share your joy with the other souls who have gathered in the other side…. Or, even you care to share with the Source how you have made us accept life as it is.

Bob, you are always in our heart. Even the sweet memories have just started on Feb’ 25 when I heard the message that the bodily Bob died and the soul is wrapped in silk and put in a pretty basket embraced by a pair of sacred angels to the heaven.

Jakarta (Grand Hyatt), February 25, 2014 – 10:21pm

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