graphs of my Universe
Secretly
You,
Obviously
You,
You here,
You there.
Damn!
You are everywhere.
I’m awake, remembering
You.
Asleep, dreaming of
You,
I’m alone, imagining about
You.
Among the crowd, getting attacked by
You.
These five senses recognise the very
You.
Why
You?
No reason why, it is just
You.
But where are
You?
So distant
Yet
So much close.
Oh
You….
————————————————————
🎼
Lily bulbs come back
Among red leaves in autumn.
Second chance from Her—
—————————————————————-
What is second chance? Once again? Or again and again like lily bulbs that come back every autumn and bloom beautifully until forever ends?
Mother Nature has taught me that mistake doesn’t come with punishment; it comes with lesson to be a better human being, someone who has purer intention and clearer attention. She consistently brings messages about acceptance that no one will be perfect as imperfection is an included package to realise and/or materialise perfection. That welcoming the next good day is doing the best today. That if the next now called tomorrow is here, the second chance has welcome me to be a better me. A me that’s more me than before—
I remember my Kyoto trip in 2014, my first encounter with spider lily. Fascinated, I sat down on the grass for quite long time in front of a temple with my camera until a beautiful Japanese (old) lady stopped by me.
“Hana! Hana! Hana!” She said smiling, with her thumbs pointed to the lily then to my camera.
“Ya! Ya! Ya! Thank you! Beautiful flowers!”
It was a surprise for me. A moment with no preparation. A short act with no anticipation. She just went away with her wise old smile.
That lady was probably sent to me as a second chance to re-define what possibly a Japanese truly looks like as the previous week I didn’t have a good experience with another one in Nagano.
I won’t probably meet with her again, yet enough for me to know that when I’m that age, I’d like to be as friendly and warm as her. 💝
Thank you for everything that comes with second chance, even second chance after my second chance so that in the second second chance I realise that it is my second chance not to be missed.
Al-Fatihah for all those who miss the second chance and those who are waiting for a second chance.
Salaam….
Both pictures are borrowed from https://www.japanvisitor.com/japanese-culture/seasons/higanbana
This breeze blows gently
Sending a dowry of Life
From Love, sincerely.
—————————————————-
Breathe…. It’s what Life has shown that Love still wants to live.
Salaam. 🙏🏼
A strand of white pearls
Harvested in the deep sea
Bedazzles her neck.
————————————————————
There is time when I regret of what’s done and nervous about what will happen. Why did I do that? I should have done this. What if I fail again? I am not good enough.
I used to think money was everything with happiness but I prove that money is the biggest illusion in life that I misunderstood. Now I consider money should be merely a tool, never a purpose. Yet I still think of what if my company stock price decreases? 😁
I used to look for happiness and protection in a relationship. With experiences I become strongly convinced that only a healthy relationship with the self can help me cope with problems; moreover, without healthy relation with my self any relationship with others won’t work well. Yet I still don’t heal from broken heart easily and still think whether or not I will meet someone I can share some simple happiness and shelter with.
I was between life and death situations more than once for some illness before, and so helpless about future. And gradually I realise that death can come anytime even when people are healthy. Yet I still hope I die when I let go of any confusion and live in clarity.
However, there is time when I know that only in the now I can accept everything. In the now I can shed tears with mixture of gratefulness for what’s breaking my heart and blessings of what’s boosting the quality of life. In the now I can smile just by seeing piling laundry waiting for ironing. In the now I can see the canvas is the door of self healing. In the now I can imagine sending a cake full of love for my loved ones who live in many different places, whom I cannot visit with many reasons. In the now I can see shades of real and true happiness in each and every experience from wake up to sleep.
Thank you for the now and now and now that form a strand of pearls called forever.
I live forever until the last now meets with the first now.
Al Fatihah to all of my loved ones across the oceans. I bless you happiness.
Salaam….
This life, Beloved,
Needs greenery and friendship
To stay beautiful.
————————————————————
Someone can’t truly live without dreams. Dreams make days clear with focus and full of energy, nights calm with focus and full of serenity.
Simple dreams will do; as simple as doing daily gardening on a small courtyard garden and veggies garden around a house that is hosting simple rendezvous of family and good friends, cooking, teaching free language classes and life skill or tips of management or leadership to those who need, traveling light to places friendly to weaker body, sharing how life is so broad and deep with those who care.
Come true. Come true. Come true. 🐣
Wake up! All is still on paper. Go back to work! 😃
May all beings be happy. 💝
Distance, Beloved,
Isn’t how far you’re from me.
It’s how soft the voice
Can reach your heart. These whispers
Slide through the space of the rain.
—————————————————————-
Have a good weekend! 🌱
Plants greet gardeners,
Life shows generosity.
Optimism springs.
————————————————
Sometimes what she needs is optimising the sight in enjoying spectrums of light reflected through colours around her and rests. Then only a meadow of no feeling…. All can be called whatever it is, she prefers calling it beauty.
She realises rain has brought a lot of happiness to the orchids. It probably contains fertiliser triggering blooms and blossoms. Strong roots, healthy leaves, appearing flower stems, keiki. Thank you.
Nature greets those who’d like to take care of others who also want to survive, even the least of care is repaid.
Salaam….
Fire melts metal,
Taming its hard side of life.
A shout to soft heart—
———————————————————-
Hardship in life train two muscles: physical body and mental body.
The harder the exercises, the harder and tougher the physical body is. Punches will only hit hard strong muscle and a hit back can even beat the attacker.
In fact the harder life tests a human being with challenges, the softer one’s heart could be. Soft heart isn’t a sign of weakness, it is kindness or even wisdom. And wisdom is the purest strength.
A Javanese wisdom reflects how a soft heart can build someone’s attitude and behaviour: sugih tanpa bandha, digdaya tanpa aji, ngluruk tanpa bala, menang tanpa ngasorake.
Sugih tanpa bandha: Someone can feel rich without money or property. She can own treasure, wealth, fortune more precious than what money can buy. The true richness is a soft heart that can contain a lot of opportunity to learn lessons and preserve the heritage of life wisdom of being a human. Only soft heart can do that.
Digdaya tanpa aji: Someone can be powerful without physical strength. Only clear mind and soft heart can shape her to a powerful individual through whom solutions and ways out are channeled. Don’t ever worry, Beloved that having a good heart is in vain. At the end it is soft heart who drives good mind and it is also soft heart who invites true appreciation and respect.
Ngluruk tanpa bala: fighting without ally sometimes happens in life. Or always? Yes, when she fights against her own imbalanced judgement or inharmonious thinking, that’s when she doesn’t have ally. She is alone. No one can help her. She needs her own self and her alone. It is soft heart her sole ally to win every battle inside.
Menang tanpa ngasorake: winning without defeating or humiliating others. What do we need but victory? Yet victory isn’t always about winning against others in arguments or race. Victory is at the end about learning what weakness lies beneath a failure to appreciate and respect a relationship of any form: blood ties, friendship, romance, etc. And only soft heart can calm her down from intensity of defeating or humiliating others. The softer her heart, the better others feel about themselves. As a result those who are not feeling belittled will make space; and only soft heart will be given space without second thought.
Unfortunately it is applicable only in relationships without money as the basis. Sad? No. I can apply it happily outside business arena, a space which is broader and deeper than it looks. Step by step…. 💝
Salaam…
Moment, Beloved
The breeze before falling rain
Greets the earth. A joy—
—————————————————————
Moment is when an experience gets clicked with all senses, falls on to the right-chosen meanings, stays for a longer time.
Yet each moment should vanish, fade away, blend into pixels of maturity in someone’s life. It will be forgiven, might be forgotten, must be learnt as life lessons. How delicious this life is for those who are willing to appreciate both shade and light. How beautiful life is as it is composed by millions of pixels of different experiences whose essence is memorable.
The more experience, the better? Yes, only when its essence is memorable. Its essence is memorable only when all senses are capturing the experience and reflecting it through lesson learnt. Or else, it is just motion gone with the tick-tock of a clock— not forgiven, not forgotten, no learnt-lesson.
Walking through the lanes around Masjid Sultan, sitting at the verandah of an old shop lot, reading new old-book from Wardah Books, drinking Turkish coffee, sucking the sweetness of kunefe, breathing the air right before the rain, hearing the warm chats from other tables are all motions which are waiting for the moment to disclose beauty before things end. The taste of life!
Weekend is always much appreciated through slow pace, to balance the fast-paced demanding targets that are relevant for a preparation before the next beneficial life journey.
May all beings be happy.
Alaturka Mediterranean and Turkish Restaurant, gonna be back again (and again) 🥇
It’s Helianthus
Following Helium core,
Breathing in the life.
———————————————————
Sufficient for me is you, and you’re where I give myself over to.
May all beings be happy. 💝
Good morning, moon. How
Was your night? Mine is so blue,
Missing someone that
Is loved. He flies with his dreams.
I dive with mine. Happiness—
—————————————————————-
💐
Birthday, Beloved,
One step closer to the gate
To a rendezvous
———————————————————-
It’s my mother’s 77th birthday and she looked so happy when I called through my little brother’s phone. A happy day for all of us finding that she’s still happy and healthy in this age.
She’s a lady of the house. She’s respected by family and neighbours because of her kindness. She’s cheated though by the greed. She’s loved by her children at the same time official enemy of all of them at certain time. I personally have a shade of rivalry against her, she did envy me how I would be closed with and always got constant support from my father. 😂
My friends want to be like her but I don’t. I don’t want to be like her because her life was too tough. She was born in a period of war, raised mostly without a father and be given a lot of ups and downs in her personal journey. Lucky that she was married to a humble, kind, hard working man and they became one of the best couples in our humble world.
Happy birthday, Ibu. I wish you happiness. 💝 Long happy life! See you at our dining table on your 78th birthday. 😘😘😘😘😘😘
Lots of love as always,
Your daughter (stubborn yet sweet) 😊
I love myself who
Loves you with unsent flowers
And restricted time.
What about you, Love?
Have you fallen in love, too
With me? Or never?
You love yourself who
Loves me loving you. We’ll meet
When the dream is done.
When will it be, Love?
You hold the ropes of all joints,
Awaken by you.
I wish to wake up
Before sunrise when we are
Still madly in love.
I wish you are there
Holding my hand, flying me
To next dreams with love.
——————————————————————————————————
Too much love will kill? It depends on how love is defined.
Why killing if it is the reason why I wake up in the morning,
…. If it is the cause that drives me to wish happiness,
…. If it is a detail that makes a picture clear,
…. If it is the air running through respiratory system,
…. If it is the blood flowing through capillary system,
…. If it is the history through which one reality lives and dies then lives then dies then lives again and again and again to meet you?
I am afraid you are not awake when I am, or you are awake when I doze off.
Can we meet in each other’s dream at least?
Salaam….
I love you today
With heart and soul. Tomorrow?
It’s done and will go.
—————————————————————————————————
Live as if there is no tomorrow. People die. People forget. Do good while now is here.
Blessed those who live today.
Salaam…
The eyes, Beloved,
Bury what was once alive,
Mark eternity.
———————————————————-
Maybe it’s your eyes when I look in to them. And mine when I look through the heart.
Welcome the weekend.
Only, Beloved,
Unnecessary limit.
Roam. Do celebrate.
———————————————————-
Weekend always opens my eyes to see that life isn’t only about balancing or fulfilling. Life is sometimes about emptying what’s full and making regular things odd, because celebrating is about putting one more milestone where a journey restarts.
September, thank you for giving me many signs which I can and cannot read. The unread is queueing to be deciphered. Wish you give me the answers so I can have more celebrations in life.
May all beings be happy…. 💝
Beauty, Beloved
Hidden, might never be found—
Still it is beauty.
———————————————————
This prince is one of my favourite wayang (literally means shadow, leather puppet show that are watched from behind the geber/screen as shadow). He is one of the bravest, most studious, dignified character in pewayangan (Javanese puppet stories that are mostly centralised on Mahabharata, Ramayana and their modifications). He is unpopular (in wayang stories, Pandhawa and Kurawa are those who are popular), humble and empan papan (knowing one’s proper position in some given situation— Javanese wisdom)
Ekalaya or Bambang Ekalaya or Palgunadi was a prince (king later) in a small kingdom called Paranggelung (Nishada) under Hastinapura commonwealth. He ruled his kingdom wisely. His life was contented and happy, yet there was one ambition he hadn’t fulfilled yet. He wanted to be one of the best archer in his era.
While he had the talent and ambition, his status as unpopular prince of a small kingdom hampered him from getting the opportunity to enrol in the most prestigious archery school under management of Pandhita Durna. Pandhita Durna was the highest professor educating Pandhawa and Kurawa children who were the heirs of the most prominent kingdom of the era. He was the patent holder of Danudewa, the highest archery skill in the era.
Bambang Ekalaya who was naturally talented himself had achieved high level of skill, that allegedly could beat the skill of the most skilful and most favourite student of Pandhita Durna, Arjuna or also called Palguna.
Bambang Ekalaya was also known as one human being who wore a divine ring called Mustika Ampal that could amplify his power. This ring was a gift given to Ekalaya’s father who prayed to the Highest Divine wishing that his child could be blessed as a wise king. Pandhita Durna didn’t know that this unpopular prince had this rare powerful gift and thought that only Arjuna was the most talented knight.
Although he was rejected, Bambang Ekalaya didn’t stop training himself for the perfection of archery skill. He made a statue of Pandhita Durna and everyday he religiously gave respect to “him” and rigorously exercised in front of the statue as if Pandhita Durna really had been witnessing his activities.
Bambang Ekalaya was married to a princess who loved him devotedly. Her name was Anggraeni or Dewi Anggraeni.
Anggraeni loved Bambang Ekalaya devotedly. The princess was a humble, courageous woman who would not easily give up to challenge of integrity.
to be continued
If I can meet you,
I won’t stop calling your names.
Harvesting blessings—
———————————————————-
The orchids are bringing me some time to sit at home, admiring the beauty of nature gifts in pots.
Sometimes I don’t know what to do except accepting what is because beauty is just like that. Just like what?
Just like calling your names 💝
Salaam…
this white, favourite colour of mine
Hunger, Beloved,
A good friend. Not starving though—
The latter’s killing.
————————————————————
Hungry is needing and nurturing; starving is craving and suffering. Knowing what is needed becomes significant; be just hungry, not extremely hungry that causes craving for more than the capacity.
…. In another case, love. Don’t demand. Universe know what you deserve. 💝
I’m a happy birthday-clown; ready to kiss the world and kick the other side of it. 👻
Welcome one new cycle. Give me good surprises, the bad are all expired!
Salam….
Beauty, Beloved,
Prescribed by culture; differed
Through one’s perspective—
————————————————————
When I was young, I faced difficulty in describing beauty. It was always society’s perspective taken. A question of “why beauty is so rigid” remained preserved.
Getting more mature, I got more freedom to describe what beauty was and found there was wider spectrum of what beauty was.
Now beauty is in everything everywhere as the eyes are not only seeing things through what’s culturally ascribed or prescribed. They have achieved a point that what are unlimitedly created can be freely appreciated. And, so is beauty—
We are created by The Beautiful who loves beauty. Why would not see all through the eyes of the creator?
May all beings be happy.
not perfectly beautiful coz it would dig my wallet too deeply if I wanted more; this is perfectly matched my beautiful day though and that’s perfect! 💝
Glory, Beloved,
Living doubts by loving hopes.
Time is my beacon.
————————————————————
Reading the holy book, I found time is used to testify for many different things in different verses. Night, morning, dawn, dusk, time, moments, etc are used repeatedly in a lot of diction. It shows how important and powerful time is.
By the ˹passage of˺ time! Surely humanity is in ˹grave˺ loss, except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience. (Al-‘Ashr/The Declining Time)
Time is that precious that it is scripted as proverb in some culture. Time is money in a culture that indicates people will lose money if they don’t manage the time well. Time is sword in another one that indicates only when sharpened, it will effectively work in a battle. In other cultures time is integrated in the life schedule related to seasons and celebrations.
What is time to this person? Not money, not sword. Time is a sign telling to start, to stop, to pause, to continue, to turn, to go straight or to take U-turn. Time is a when falling on to a nice where to create a moment of truth.
As long as the beacon beams its light, I’ll continue the journey.
Even if forever? Yes, even if forever as I know forever is a count down.
Good heart, Beloved,
What blossoms her life. Always.
Bright light in the dark—
————————————————————
Human being with good heart looks weak. Yes. Not always though
Human being with good heart looks stupid. Yes. Not always though
Human being with good heart looks naive. Yes. Not always though
Human being with good heart looks vulnerable. Yes. Not always though
With all those, she’s still seeking all ways to shape a good heart. Failure. Pain. Sadness. Vulnerability. Anger. Disappointment. All those are nothing but chisels sculpting the best figure in the right place at the right time.
Thanks for sending me all those human beings with good heart along this journey.
May all beings be happy.
Salaam….
Life is eternal.
Strand of dimensions through time
Bargained with good deeds
Also sins. How long? You guess.
Till creation’s obsolete?
————————————————————
September is the month when age becomes major contemplation.
How can I get older yet be more stupid?
There is a consistent concern: that the older I am, the more things I don’t know. This impression grows stronger every year. There is only one getting better: forgetting people’s names. 😎
Will there be a world where I’m not getting older, not getting younger but growing better and brighter? I don’t know….
The convo with this good friend has always left me in deep thoughts about my own self especially in September. Thanks for the chat and good contemplation, Mbak Nungki.
Salam….
I lost a fur of my dream catcher.
The play-smart mind told me
“Find what’s the cause.”
The relaxed mind of me replied
“Alamak… It’s just a metal.”
The play-pretty mind said
“But it is now less pretty!”
The play-wise mind said
“Small one. I’m just being careless. Ok!”
The greedy mind said
“That’s a good reason to buy new ones!”
From behind the door, the naive one said
“Why so noisy? It doesn’t kill.”
…… #@$%^&*!
And the core is just smiling, not even opening its eyes.
————————————————————
When talking to one’s own self, one should be ready to feel like crazy inside because one will suddenly realise even within one there are this one and that one, each of whom is craving for attention and needing entertainment.
Get entertained instead and they’ll be the most attractive acrobatics!
May all beings be happy.
Years,
Months,
Days,
Hours,
Minutes,
Seconds
Are countable;
Yet,
The feeling I’m walking with
To you
Is beyond
Any calculation.
Can I count on
You,
Beloved?
Hit the gong
When
You
Are in.
————————————————————
It’s beautiful to love you. Every moment of it…. 💝
Freshness, Beloved,
Breathing in and out the air
Loaded with blessings—
————————————————————
Beautiful memory is as fresh as tropical fruits.
Define beautiful! That drawing a smile on a face, like you….
Define fresh! That popping up when soul arrives from travel in the morning, like you….
May all beings be happy.
tropical fruits of the week 💝
Blessings, Beloved,
Accepting with no review—
See it differently.
———————————————————-
Today’s short message from a wise friend takes one of the longest thought. Lucky me for being alone so the time and space is serving just me.
Sometimes our emotion isn’t our emotion. It might be someone else’s that sits in us because some people entrust the emotions to us when sharing their burden to us. Believe it or not there is exchange of energy when beings are interacting with each other. We get sad when our family is sad. We are upset when our best friends are betrayed. We can be devastated when our pets pass away. The scale of the impact depends on how deeply they get hurt and/or how vulnerable we are to them. As simple as that.
When I asked this good friend why people or incidents are not avoidable although I’ve made best effort to stay away. Her message is “karma”. She is a Buddhist so that reply is her logical response. Besides I see the logic of karma thing.
Although I can’t tangibly prove that I live repeated lives, I live in karma system. If I do good, I get good. I do no good, I get no good. Simple and straightforward forward— whether the cause is the good one in the past affecting the current situation; or the present good deed affecting the future (not necessarily related to repeated life), that’s a certainty
But why the karma isn’t working as one to one? No, karma works like someone who plants mango seed – one mango seed will only give its fruits when it’s ready and the one seed will give the farmer hundreds of mango fruits. That karma. Alamak….!
So what should I do, Bude? I asked my friend.
Her message (translated into English word by word): that is your task of compassion.
So?
Accept it. Grow more good seeds that bad one. Pour clean water to your jug that is filled with dirty water until the jug is overflown with clean water and the dirty is flushed out.
So I can’t avoid them and don’t need to avoid them. The only thing I should do is to accept them without review. The only mandatory review is to my own emotions; understanding whether the emotion is my emotion or unnecessary impact that happens because of weak protection membrane around my own self.
This is not new thing for all of us. Yet 2020 and 2021 have been field of emotional battle in which I’ve learnt how to identify my own and others’. What a period! I wish all is getting better with the upcoming birthday. Amen.
So lucky to have good friends who are willing to accompany me in this journey.
Dear God, love me and love all my good friends. Thank you for giving the blessings of friendship, true one with true one. Please let me stay in the true one.
Salaam.
Treasure, Beloved,
Hidden, might not be found
Without accident—-
————————————————————
Look at your mistakes, Self. Sometimes they bring you the more precious.
Thanks for buying the rib while it should have been ox tail. But it turned out to be a better yum than ever imagined!
And so is mistake in life!
Makaaan!
You are, Beloved,
A complete self who finds new
Self one at a time.
————————————————————
A philosopher once said that change is the only constant and others agreed with the statement. When we see change as tangibility yes, I totally agree.
Yet about growth of self I have my own comprehension. Do I change? Yes, I get thinner or fatter, older with wrinkles and lines not younger, slower, weaker physically, less sharp sight, and so on and so forth. So I change? No, I’m still the same person with the same DNA, family, date of birth, place of birth, or other possible constants.
Not only that….
I believe I’m always this full yet I discover this self more and more everyday. With deeper and deeper understanding, wider and wider disclosure I have lived and accepted life.
Personally everyone is granted with talents, DNA, family, date of birth, place of birth. No one can deny those. No one can escape even one hates those and wishes to have been born someone else. Sorry, you can’t! Embrace the personality.
Yet everyone is given opportunity to build identity.
What did I want myself to be?
What did I not want to be associated with?
How did I want others to perceive me?
How did I not want others to treat me?
What?
How?
Whom do I want to enter my life?
Who will be part of my inner circle I want?
Whom?
Who?
Why have I done this and that? This is a very important question to even know the unbroken chains that has brought me to this state.
Am I still I am? Yes, definitely a constant! But am I me? No, you’re a different you since you’ve embraced constant self discovery.
😏
Me: Saturday night, keep me safe and warm.
Saturday night: You’ll be safe and warm if you finish your laundry and mop the floor. No one will do it!
Me: (losing all suddenly-pretending-to-be-wise act and thought)
Saturday night: 🤪 capek deh….!
May all beings be happy.
I want to want
I want to not want
I don’t want to want
I don’t want to not want
Which one am I now?
————————————————————
As long as I’m human being, I won’t be able to deny the want and not want. It’s not the verb, it’s the subject. A complication of thinking!
I don’t want to love you but I want to free myself to love one staying in the heart. That’s perfection!
In fact the struggle seems like a perfect circle when two ends collides: things don’t always happen as expected. Then what appears is that the simplicity of acceptance is above perception.
Simplicity is the crown of perfection. 💝
Alhamdulillah….
rike jokanan 
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