rike jokanan

Selfie

Reading many blogs about selfie, I got caught by a wish to have more self-portrait photographs. Fun, Fun, Fun!

Historically, I love to be taken picture of and to take pictures. Doing selfie? I have made some even 6 years ago when I needed a pic for office ID badge. Pity I can’t retrieve the pic in my old laptop. Even I made some selfie using self-timer function in my old Nikon earlier than the ID badge pic – developing the selfie was another fun time by then. Anyway, looking beautiful, sweet and casual in front of our own lens is sometimes amazing. Why not appreciating our own beauty rather than waiting for others to acknowledge it – knowing that it would happen once in a blue moon…. 🙂

This is one of my selfie, with dearest Bob.

But…. I just read one striking source about selfie: A study done in 2013 study of Facebook users found that posting photos of oneself correlates with lower levels of social support from and intimacy with Facebook friends (except for those marked as Close Friends). The lead author of the study suggests that “those who frequently post photographs on Facebook risk damaging real-life relationships.”

Posting intentionally unattractive selfies has also become common in the early 2010s—in part for their humor value, but in some cases also to explore issues of body image or as a reaction against the perceived narcissism or over-sexualization of typical selfies. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selfie)

Alamaaaak! Am I some part of the noted symptoms? Not often but more than once I posted my selfie to Facebook and Instagram — not consciously showing my exceeding narcissism or over-sexualization, but honestly I had nobody to ask to take my picture when I was at home just with Bob my dear cat son and when I was somewhere in another part of the globe where not only language but also confidence had become my communication barrier. Anyway, I took selfie and posted them into public…. Hey, not public! Limited friends! And, I only have 60 friends in Facebook. Is that still counted? Look like this person starts to be guilty and afraid of getting blamed on by the result of above research. 🙂

My selfie with Masako & her husband

Hmm…. Who cares about the research? I shouldn’t bother myself too much just because a summary of research was included in a Wikipedia page and this page is not scientifically valid as anyone can update any topic. And, I didn’t even fully read the research report.

So, selfie is still one possibility in my life. I’ll probably take picture using my dear iDevices or baby Nikon somewhere someday with or without somebody with me (non-physical being not expected, please).

Anyway, this is only part of my end-of-day sharing. Many to unload from my brain just to un-stuff unnecessary rubbish inside. Hmmm…. I think selfie can be just part of un-stuffing my humane burden. Ok, latter statement of mine is stronger than any statement from that research result…. 🙂

Oh, dear Selfie…..

If you are interested in reading the result of research, please click: http://epapers.bham.ac.uk/1723/1/2013%2D03_D_Houghton.pdf

Bayan Lepas – November 3, 2014 – 11:41pm

When You Get Older

Learning, love

When I was young, I thought to be old is kind of frightening yet “entertaining”. Frightening because I saw my mom got wrinkles at the eyes and lips area – when she smiled tiny lines were formed, hair gets thiner and whiter, she sometimes complained about getting tired after walking a not-so-long distance and gave more reminders than before to the youngsters. Getting old is physically deteriorating. But “entertaining” for the some people surrounding, I teased her for the wrinkles, tiresome and constant chatter; she didn’t get upset – just smiled and said “Wait until you get there, dear daughter”.

And, yes I am now old and found the tiny linings around my eyes and lips, more gray hairs than before – oh, I’ve been gray-haired since teenager, get tired more easily after facility tour (but still can make it in 200,000 sqm area on a two-day tour), complain more about my nephews and nieces who look lazier and more relaxed compared to myself in their age. But yes, I am at the same time more patient, accept things the way they are, become more observant and reserved towards problems, and…. simplify my goals.

Those might not be really valid facts of being old, maybe only relevant to “me being old”. Others might experience different occurrences and effects; however, all those happenings in my growing up have made my mind. Getting old is not always frightening and “entertaining” anymore for me, it can even be the real entertainment for yourself if you take it in a fun way.

You might still have more time to do more things useful for your own self, family, close friends and to wider environment – for me wider environment includes social responsibility and animal welfare.

When getting old has haunted you, there is a key to overcome it: Do things, never stop. Taking meaningful actions is of course a good choice but meaningful doesn’t mean big stuff. Cooking in the morning, grooming your children or pets, chit-chatting with friends about silly things, growing plants, blogging about small stuff, laughing at funny little jokes, etc, and so on…. Just enjoy the second of this life. Many people grow old happy….

I remember how Oprah Winfrey gets older happy. Dalai Lama gets older happy and calm even in the middle of chaos suffered by his people that he can’t reach out. Emha Ainun Najib gets old happy with his family & good friends even with the facts that his ideas have been betrayed by many people. Comedian Leilasari gets older happy even she is not a rich artist at the dawn of her career. Many people are happy aging…. My mom is one of them, guess I’ll be joining them.

I believe many of you won’t mind growing old without sorry.

Picture borrowed from http://www.drycreekherbfarm.com/blog/?p=32

Penang – November 2, 2014 – 6:25

Ode To Agam

Bob, Learning, love

Agam…. You, the strong boy

Though left behind by mother, father, and all friends who used to protect and enjoy wild life together in your past…. In the beautiful past….

Now even only your name I can remember. Your weak body slowly gave up and sincerely let the soul travel back to the Source. Tears fall and fall and still fall, Agam….

Agam, this ode flows with my tears singing about your happy nature, your painful heart for being separated from your beloved, your tired physical for struggling alone. Adam, my dear boy…. you have been loved and will always be loved after you left us….

Agam, send my best regards to the next life across the border. Someday we’ll meet and greet each other. You are saved from longer pain….

Forgive me,

Forgive us,

For not loving you enough, for not taking good action, for being so selfish….

Sing now, Agam. Cuddle to your mother. Be happy, the real happy!

Agam is a baby elephant surviving after his mother was poisoned to death in Aceh, Indonesia. Agam fell into a well and helped by people but his leg was broken and because of mistreatment he died. Was he abused? I can’t tell. I just want to tap Readers’ awareness about other fellow creatures. They exist not to be abused, they exist to be loved — show your affection, take action how little it is would not waste.

My heart is so broken that I have no gut to see Agam’s picture especially the last one when he was in great pain before leaving….

Singapore – October 31, 2014 – 9:15pm

Some New Thoughts About Animal Adoption

Learning

I have concerns about stray animals especially dogs and cats. This blog gives me insight – thanks to Rumpydog……

Doggy Style (bilingual)

Bob, Learning, love

It was in Ho Chi Minh City, outside the post office when I saw a relaxed buddy approaching a mahogany tree and did his short party. Oh, dear buddy…. My ancient soul was and is happy for you for your being able to be free to act as your now and here concept. You know I will never do it as long as this body is still wrapping. But Life is too busy to experience a lot of things. Thank you….

Kejadiannya di Ho Chi Minh City, di depan sebelah kiri kantor pos saya mergokin satu teman sesama ciptaan ndeket-ndeketin pohon mahoni lalu menunaikan hajatnya di situ. Oh, sahabat…. Jiwa purbaku tak pernah tak bahagia melihatmu mampu beraksi berdasarkan konsep kini dan disini. Kamu tahu kan aku tak kan bisa melakukan itu selama hayat masih dikandung badan yang ini. Bagaimanapun hidup nggak mungkin sempat mengalami segalanya. Makasih ya….

GH Erawan – October 30, 2014 – 00:37

Berubah

Learning, love, This Person

Baca-baca postingan lama — eh, eh nge-blog pertama 27 Oktober 2007 masih unyu bingits, kok berasa jadi Power Ranger – berubah!

Berasa dulu gue orang yang paham banget tentang kehidupan ini. Segala rupa difilsafatkan, semuanya ditarik ke titik bijak, banyak hal dimaknai. Hidup seperti sepokok pohon kesucian. Alamak, bebih….

Nggak buruk tapi juga nggak bagus. Perubahan yang mesti gue terima. Nerima bahwa ya beginilah gue, nggak bisa nilai deh. Yang pasti berubah aja. Asyik ternyata kalau grafiknya nggak linier, so enjoyable!

Ya deh. Semoga bermanfaat buat gue sendiri dan pelajaran bagi sahabat sekalian yang sudi menyimak hikmahnya….

Bangkok – 28 Oktober 2014 – 11:00 malam

Welcome By Small Flower Wreath (bilingual)

Learning, love, Map It!

Arrived in Bangkok today I was welcome by a wreath of jasmines, so fragrant and elegant. Sawasdee Ka!

Tiba di Bangkok hari ini aku disambut oleh seroncean bunga melati, wangi dan anggun. Selamat datang!

GH Erawan, October 27, 2014 – 7:50pm

Matoa: Jam Tangan Kayu Kreasi Lucky D. Aria dari Bandung

Learning

Membanggakan!

Indonesia Proud

Lucky D. Aria, anak muda kreatif asal Bandung, menghasilkan karya unik berupa jam tangan kayu, satu-satunya di Indonesia. Berkonsep menggabungkan gaya khas Indonesia dengan urban fashion, jam tangan Matoa siap menyulap pemakainya semakin keren dan dinamis.

Terdapat 4 pilihan desain yang tentu saja sesuai dengan karakter pemakainya dan suasana. Yaitu, ‘Karo’ untuk Anda yang kasual dan formal; ‘Sumba’ dengan gaya chic dan eksotis; ‘Rote’ dengan kemewahannya dan ‘Flores’ yang simple, clean, and attractive.

Berbahan baku dari kayu berkualitas tinggi yaitu kayu sonokeling dari Indonesia dan maple dari Kanada menjamin kualitas yang prima. Tekstur halus, tahan terhadap benturan dan tekanan yang cukup tinggi serta terpaan air hujan. Saat ini pemasaran jam tangan kayu Matoa masih dilakukan via online dan pameran.

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Right

Learning, Poetic

When is left right?
When he turns his body around, 180 degree.
When is right left?
Just the same motion done —

It’s never about a rigid definition,
Only how his focus balances the light and angle.

Singapore, October 22, 2014 – 10:37am

Morning (haiku)

Poetic

Sun and moon
Give me spaces all over–
Welcoming morning

Singapore – October 22, 2014 – 5:13am

I Apologize – Maafkan (bilingual)

This Person

Please forgive me for constantly chaining the lay-out of my WordPress. I am new here — moving from my beloved Multiply and still trying to find the most convenient template and composition. Wish me luck in the near future for a better lay-out.

Maafkan karena susunan WordPress saya berubah-ubah terus. Saya baru di sini setelah pindah dari blog lama di Multiply yang anat saya cintai. Doakan dalam waktu seat bisa ndapetin susunan yang keren ya…..

Singapore – October 21, 2014 – 10:43pm

Collecting

Learning, love, This Person

I’ve been collecting things in my life — not so much thinking about their functionalities, just as hobbies. It’s like never ending craving for new types of the collected items. Fun, fun, fun!

When I was elementary schooler, I collected stamps – at least five albums & some un-albumed packs of foreign stamps before finally I gave up. Where are those albums now? No idea where they are, probably my cousins took care of them. I was fond of nail polish, bead necklaces and hair bands…. Yeah, so glad remembering that — I was feminine, yes I was….

Another I remember is pencil collection, it was when I was 15. Any types of pencil were nested in a big fancied cartons and cans – 200+++ until finally I gave up…. Where did they end their “life”? Cant remember, I thought I gave them away to anybody wanted to take them.

Longer list…. Turtle & tortoises figurines, batik sheets, overseas coins, natural stones, gemstones, crystals, orchids, refrigerator magnetics, socks, silver and other metals…. And, many more collecting thingy.

What are those all things for? Just to feed desire of having this and that, wanting this and that, the word need was forgotten and/or ignored. Did I need the used stamps? Economic value was never a concern; I’ve never considered myself a sales-person type. Did my two hands operated hundreds of pencils? Who takes care of those collections — I leave them in my house in Indonesia…. So sad. Just these very recent months I decided to stop collecting. My attention and action shall be more meaningful to more people rather than just making me contented or proud of having bunch of things.

Supporting animal rescuers (cats and dogs), and communities helping underprivileged people (health and education) are the best choices now. Not because of having so much money to donate, but it is more about how to allocate the capitals wisely. No rates of return expected except that I want to be less guilty of enjoying this blessing selfishly.

Thanks Universe, for waking me up, for opening my very eyes wide, for presenting the needy before me…. Now, the challenge is to work constantly hard and smart to be able to share more without feeling “being more”. My time to breeze…..!

Sweet disclaimer: probably the consistent collection is books ‘coz reading is like eating, without it I’ll die… Hope reading will be everlasting hobby of mine. Reading with eyes, reading with mind, reading with soul.

Picture borrowed from http://liquid-state.com/2014/04/25/people-buy-books-love-books-isnt-obvious/

Singapore – October 19, 2014 – 9:36pm

Discrimination (English)

Learning

Have you ever been discriminated? Based on any factors – religion, ethnic group, age, political stance, sexual orientation, education, gender, et cetera any other possible ways which are all possible under the sun. I’ve seen people discriminating and being discriminated. So sad, vulnerable and weak.

Imagine a group of migrant workers among a crowd of locals in a factory, they are of weak bargaining position. At the end of the day they will say yes to any tasks given as long as they can survive until at least the contract is finished.

Someone told me of being discriminated based on gender – the same job description, the same length of tenure, different gender, different salary & benefits. What would you do?

And, in a modern country whose per capita income is the highest in the region people are ghostly discriminative against migrant workers. When people are jealous and out of clear thinking, they would think as wild as the charging bull. They think migrant workers are not as good as them, even the skill is proven against time and space. In their mind is only “getting rid of those foreigners who have taken our job opportunities”. Educated is just a word, they are not well educated actually.

Are you white? Or, black? Or, colored?

Some people — some — respect whites more than they do black or colored. I have been colored since I was born and I am thankful for being naturally safe from skin cancer but was once — twice, thrice, etc — so disappointed when local people serve my white colleagues better, treat them as if they were hints and queens. In fact, they are just THE SAME. What’s wrong with you, local colored people? Do you think white is more just because they are white? Wake up!

You treat animals like sh*t “just” because they are animals? That is a wider discrimination. And, this is even to helpless creature that have nothing but instinct to cry to the Universe.

But, when humanity and love are gathered in someone’s heart…. Discriminating is a ridiculous thing, a self mockery? Nothing but absence of sanity and clear thinking —

Love yourself. If you want others to respect you, respect others first. Love yourself more…. If you love yourself, you’ll love others and will never discriminate with any single basis possible which are all possible under the sun.

Cats will love you. Dogs will love you. Rabbits will love you. Birds will love you. Insects will love you. Horse will love you. Flies will love you. Mosquitoes will love you. Leaves will love you. Flowers, trees, wind, sun-ray, water, all will love you….. Human being will love you, too.

Namaste.

Picture borrowed from http://shiningspiritmeditation.com/tag/universe/

Singapore – october 13, 2014 – 11:44pm

Music (Musik) – bilingual

Learning

Can you hear a flow of some rhythms? Kicking off from nowhere, entering these earlobes and stay for a while before it fades away through mind…. There, the flow is curling like bellowing smoke — white, high and sublimized. No words are able to accompany the rhythm flow, no body understands how beautiful it is but ears, only ears. The music is for ears to hear, to listen…. The review is the listening itself. When you still produce words to describe the music, it is not the ultimate — Beethoven composed symphonies to be enjoyed by ears, not to criticized by verbal expression. He didn’t expect people would make him a worshipped maestro. He kept composing, transferring what was flowing through his ears and head…. And, when the vibration reaches us, Beethoven is just here together with his music presenting to the Universe in us….

Tidakkah kau dengar alunan nada itu? Bermula dari tiada, memasuki telinga dan berdiam sejenak lalu menghilang perlahan merasuki kepala…. Di sanalah alunan itu melingkar-lingkar bagai asap yang membubung tinggi — putih, tinggi dan muai. Tak satu kata pun mampu menerjemahkannya, tak satu makhluk pun paham keindahannya kecuali telinga, hanya telinga. Musik ini untuk ditangkap oleh telinga, untuk didengar…. Penghargaan musik adalah dengan mendengarkan. Kalau kau masih mampu berkata-kata menyifati musik, berarti music itu belum seberapa — Beethoven menggubah simfoni-simfoni demi dinikmati oleh telinga, bukan untuk kritik musika. Dia tak meminta orang menjadikannya maestro yang dipuja-puja. Beethoven terus menggubah, menerjemahkan alunan yang masuk ke dalam telinga dan kepalanya….. Dan, saat getaran itu mencapai kita, Beethoven sedang di sini mempersembahkan musiknya kepada Semesta di jiwa kita…..

Picture borrowed from http://www.futurenow.com/my-fn-tunes/flames-music-rainbows-notes-treble-clef-rainbow-note-fire-hd-wallpaper/

Singapore – October 12, 2014 – 10:04pm

Moon (Rembulan) – bilingual

Learning, love, Poetic

It is a full moon two days from now. I am waiting for it. She might appear full, hiding her pocky face to make me happy…. She-Night, will you shower me with your bright blessing full of messages from the gods and goddesses? Or, would you tap my transparent bubbles bursting out all secrets of Universe? Shalom….

Dua hari lagi bulan purnama yang kunanti-nanti. Rembulan mungkin muncul bulat-bulat, menyembunyikan wajah bopengnya untuk membahagiakanku…. Dewi Malam, akankah kau menyiramiku dengan pendaran berkah penuh berita dari dewa-dewi? Atau, akankah kau letuskan gelembung-gelembung bening yang menyemburkan segala rahsia Semesta? Salam….

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Yio Chu Kang Rd – Oct’ 7, 2014 – 12:25am

Hello, Humans

Learning, love

Hello, Humans….

How would you care about me? Animal that lives in the same planet with you…. Please respect me.

If you have to kill us, it is not because of your sense of violence. If you have to kill us, it is because we are the chosen in sincere and beautiful way. Please don’t make joke of us before killing us, don’t torture us before and when killing us. Please do it gracefully. Please….

Singapore – October 4, 2014 – 3:24pm

Gonna Teach Myself How

Learning

Dear Readers, please read it in fun tone. No seriousness here indeed.

Do I feel stupid sometimes? Or, always? Most of the time.

How do I respond for feeling it? Happy as always. Not always, most of the time. See, how stupid I am, not even being able to identify the frequency of my doing or feeling this and that. So, how?

A pamelo from a friend

Feeling stupid is a good start, to be better. So, if people feel stupid everyday, it means they get better day by day – never ending stupid is never ending learning plus never ending getting wiser. Never ending seems so tiring. So, how?

When was the last time I made mistake? Just today. Do I plan to make mistake again? I don’t…. I know I will make more. Oh gosh, does learning take place? Hmm…. I think it does.

Do I get smarter? Yes, but why do I ask so many questions even about small things? How should I handle my self? How should I present my self? How can I solve all these?

Only one way – Am gonna teach myself how to….

But how? 🙂

Singapore – September 25, 2014 – 10:46pm

Haiku – River Bank

Learning

Splash of water

Gently sweeps a left shoe swaying

To the river bank

Muar, Johor – September 24, 2014 – 7:12pm

To Be Just Right

Learning

There are a lot of things left behind the schedule if I talk about my life plan.

http://www.globaldms.com/blog/bid/149727/Dodd-Frank-Act-Finds-Itself-Behind-Schedule

I plan to get married at 25 years old but happen to be single until 39. Plan to have a house by 30 but got it by 35. To have iPod, iPhone, iPad, MacBook as soon as they were launched but I could just got them all as one package two years ago — just right after I reached Singapore for a new job. To enjoy meditation years ago but being able to do it just three years ago. To do this and that, all with delay….

http://www.visionsforhr.com/2012/01/how-apple-changed-my-life/

But that’s life, to wait for things happen with real patience. When the time is just right, all will come. Needless to say, but like working on repeated actions requiring ergonomics, it takes good stance and poise to get all life plans done. Stance is focusing on priority, poise is doing the best.

http://www.boattest.com/Resources/view_news.aspx?NewsID=2997

To be just right is a main goal of mine now. To be at the point of understanding that I can only plan and work on my plans without extremely targeting when and how I should reach the dream. Dreams will come true, we should believe — as part of flame to keep up good things. But when and how…. That is just right at the end of the tunnel, we can only see the light without seeing the details of it.

Ahhh…. I’ve been so much treating my life seriously. Time to enjoy every tap of my steps and every tick of my second…. All is well and it can never be enough to say “thanks”. Anyway…

…. Thanks for everything, my Universe….

Muar, Malaysia – September 21, 2014 – 7:36pm

Out Of The Silo

Learning

Coming out from the silo is like going out of a dark cave – dark yet comfortable place to take care of my dwarf inside of me. Time flies and staying in this small room is not enough to breathe freely anymore.

I am coming out of the dark. After so many years secluding my own self it is time for me to break free, free from the real enemy — my own self.

It is time to come out of my hidden shell. The pearl is ready to shine. Shine!!!

Picture borrowed from http://www.bitrebels.com/design/photography-a-woman-breaks-out-of-her-shell-literally/

Bayan Lepas, Penang – September 17, 2014 – 6:07pm

Shrines in Kyoto

Learning, love, Map It!

Temples are scattered around Kyoto, Japan. I visited three of them…. Many remaining to visit in my next trip to Kyoto.

Bell

Mr. Stork…. perching on the roof of the shrine gate

The sky, blue….

Green and tidy….

Water from dragon mouth….

Lamp post, giant

And summer flowers are just decorating Kyoto street…. Sweetly greeting me.

Singapore – September 14, 2014 – 11:13pm

Nagoya, First Steps On Japan

Learning, Map It!

Another business trip and I just can’t stop thanking the Universe for giving me the life of abundance of freedom and freeness. What should I do but working as the best performer in my own scales? No need to compete, no need to crave for more recognition ‘coz the deeds are the rewards themselves. Thanks

Nagoya Castle under the Sep’ 9’s (almost) full moon

Moon was shining just two nights before it was brightly blinding.

This is the reflection of castle and moon on my room window glass.

Incredibly amazing, the effect of light has brought. From Nagoya we rode to Nagano. I stayed in a resort called Komagane Kogen Resort Linx. A nice resort with friendly people – staffs and guest alike. Mountains and country side have always been the soulmate. What a smart gift for my birthday! Thanks again.

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A unique watch just in front of the resort building and a small lake full with happy fish _DSC1143

Komagate mountainous area viewed from resort area

Down the road, shiny and warm… Before the front door is a small water fall….

Fresh hibiscus greeted me every morning. Thanks, my Universe.

Kyoto, Japan — September 12, 2014 – 11:53pm (local time)

Water lily in Borobudur

Learning, love, Map It!

A small terra-cotta bowl with water

And water lily plant is resting on it

Blooming; blossoms are happy under the sun

Emitting the spirit of eternity – living without dying, how? Spreading good deed and love to the globe….

The leaf is so near with the mud…. Living so close to the dirt – down to earth

The color…. so brightly graceful – ignoring where it grows.

See it close…. Details of water lily stun me.

Life is about composing a beautiful friendship by living to the fullest with the outstanding quality of each of the person….

There was a time when I was so enclosed, look so plain and insecure, hidden in my firm unreadiness to reveal my own self.

And, there was a time when I was so aware of my tainted body.

And, when all is done, who can deny the beauty?

Oh there was something, bothering? Sometimes…. But it was just a bug, a virus named insecure friend visiting once in a while to feel the revealing security.

Ooohhhhhh Ms. Sun, are you so radiant showering me so much light? Thank you….

All pictures were taken on September 7, 2014 in Borobudur Museum, Magelang, Indonesia.

YCK Road – September 8, 2014 – 5:49

One Year Older

Learning, love, This Person

Birthday has never been so important for me except (maybe) when I was 17 years old…. Sweet seventeen, not really sweet but sweet enough to celebrate it with my all classmates in my third grade of senior high; additionally, tandem with a boyfriend (a friend who was a boy) born on the same day but one year older than me.

Tomorrow (some minutes ahead) I’ll be one year older…. And, I don’t feel it special except (maybe) that I will fly to Yogyakarta then ride to Borobudur to trace back my soul journey.

Picture borrowed from http://www.dpreview.com/galleries/2249911620/photos/1723070/

My father was born near Borobudur temple and I think it is just serene to feel the breeze of that site in my early 39.

I feel so thankful, I feel so blessed for having been granted this life of mine. Being single – not as happy as the married women out there but I am still happy with so much time to take care of my self and to dedicate to my family and friends and many more. Idealistic, huh? Indeed, that is the only thing I can work on to live my life: crystalizing the concept from my scattered moments and spreading my concepts to all the monumental seconds of my breath.

I am not sorry to be current me. I’ve been going through ups and downs; the highest alps and the lowest abyss — my own scale.

Do you know that all my mother, father in heaven, sisters, brother, nieces, nephews and my beloved cats and all friends have been my biggest supporters. They supply me with their cabling energy that connect to me through my dreams and fantasy — their love has magically turn my imagination into reality.

So, I won’t leave them like those who never leave me….

Happy birthday to me. I love me. Long live me.

Yio Chu Kang Rd – September 6, 2014 – 12:03 / just after midnight

Kangen

Learning, love, This Person

Rasanya kangen menjadi anak-anak ketika apapun tak membuatku dinilai – betas sebebas kucing mau tidur, meang-meong, berantem, berteman dengan siapapun tanpa ragu berbagi cerita.

Asyik sekali jadi kanak-kanak. Memandang sesuatu tidak dengan penghakiman dan tidak takut dihakimi karena yang kutahu adalah suka dan ketulusan. Nggak takut orang nggak suka….

Mau bagaimana, sekarang sudah dewasa mau bertingkah mesti mikir umur, lingkungan mengawasi dengan berbagai macam mata: mulai mata buta hingga mata mikroskop.

Oh, ternyata masih ada rasa takut di hatiku – mau tak mau kualami saja. Nggak ada salahnya jadi dewasa di depan orang dewasa dan menjadi kanak dalam kesendirianku dan di hadapan para pengembara. Mereka para pengembara itu tak sempat menghakimi karena bicaranya adalah hakim bagi dirinya sendiri, pandangan matanya adalah pantulan bayangannya sendiri, semua tentang dirinya sendiri maka mereka tak akan murka. Kanak-kanak adalah bagian dari kejujuran.

Gambar dipinjam dari http://cosmic-soup.com/nasal-breathing/

Marah, marahlah secara kanak-kanak – secara jujur, bukan kepura-puraan, kemarahan yang menyentuh, karena sepatu satu-satunya dicolong bukan karena sepasang dari sepuluh pasang sepatumu hilang. Sedih karena kucingnya mati bukan karena patung kucing keramikmu jatuh dan pecah. Malu karena masuk kelas terlambat, bukan karena tidak juara….

Tak mudah menjadi kanak-kanak karena kemurnian yang dijalankan. Ah, ini bukan kanak-kanak lagi; hanya teori ha ha ha….

Yah, sudahlah…. Biar kuhadirkan diriku dalam kesendirian saja. Khalayak hanya suka dipuja…. Nafas mereka adalah keramaian, aku mati di dalamnya. Nafasku harus keheningan, saat nafaspun tak sadar siapa dirinya…..

Yio Chu Kang Rd – 5 September 2014, 12:05 dini hari

Hutang

love

Namanya orang hidup pasti ada hutang: hutang uang, hutang budi…. Normal. Malahan kalau nggak punya hutang hidup terasa kurang berwarna – at least itu prinsip saya lho….. Sedikit dan bertanggung-jawab penuh terhadap hutang kita.

Berhutang dan menghutangi adalah setara karena tidak ada rumus bahwa yang menghutangi itu lebih baik daripada yang berhutang karena ketulusan seharusnya menjadi ukurannya. Jadi, mari kita nggrayahi awake dhewe (introspeksi, Bahasa Jawa) apakah kita lebih tulus menjadi penghutang atau terhutang. Wuda blejet (telanjang, Bahasa Jawa) di hadapan dirimu sendiri tidak membuatmu menjadi makin jelek; mungkin bahkan sebaliknya – menjadi semakin cantiklah dirimu.

Ada beberapa kesantunan dalam berhutang yang harus dijaga kalau masih mau dihargai sebagai teman.

Jangan pernah merasa lebih baik sebagai penghutang maupun terhutang.
Kalau mau hutang ngomong langsung, jangan pakai nyindir-nyindir. Sedapat mungkin jangan pakai calo….
Jangan pernah menjadi korban jika Anda sedang berhutang dan tidak mampu membayar. Bekerjalah! Jangan malas mencari alat pembayar hutang.
Jangan pernah memiliki niat untuk tidak membayar hutang kecuali jika ditagih oleh yang terhutang. Sebaik apapun Anda kalau dalam hati kau menganggap kewajiban membayar hutang terabaikan, maka busuk hatimu…. Ingat! Busuk hatimu!
Jangan pernah mengikhlaskan penghutang untuk tidak membayar hutang sebelum si penghutang mengatakan secara langsung bahwa dia tidak mampu membayar hutangnya.
Jangan menjadi sungkan sailing meledek antar teman karena posisi kalian berseberangan (penghutang dan terhutang).
Intinya…. hutang itu wajib mbayar ndul…. Kalau belum mampu bayar ya bilang, jangan diem aja…. Kalau orang Jawa bilang “semaya” (menjanjikan kapan mampunya)

Demikianlah uneg-uneg saya sekaligus sharing saya yang pernah punya hutang dan tidak mampu membayar sesuai akad awal. Jadilah manusia yang pemberani. Berani berhutang, berani membayar, berani semaya….

Foto dipinjam dari http://cacaicaoca.blogspot.sg/2012/03/hutang.html

Singapura – 20 Agustus 2014 – 11:11 malam

Anger In Range

Learning

The range of my life is considered so wide, unlimited but I hardly can feel it since all aspects of life of mine is limited by others’ interests. They have their circles, bubbles everywhere they are and their bubbles are pushing me backward, making me disabled…. Ruined in despair.

The range of my bubble is so little, resulting in inability to be free….

The range of my circle, of my interest, of my freedom, of my independence, of my free will, of my everything is so limited….

Do I see range or anger?

This is so tricky. My life is full of anger that makes me pressed and depressed amongst all limitations symbolizing physical ambiences.

Why am I so angry?

What makes me so furious?

Where have I been gaining this false victory?

Why am I so desperate? Begging to nothingness for nothing….

I see limited range because of my anger. The anger has created inflation to my bubble…. Just inflated, good – please don’t explode and leave me without place to wander…. I need my bubble, where I play and pray. Without bubble I can’t let my life go to the unlimited range….

The anger is roaring like a tiger in a cage, craving for the real jungle to survive.

Oye, Anger…. Please run, run, run…. Run unto to unlimited range, where you can roam and eat the prey, a real prey that you kill under Mother Nature’s nurture. Oye, Anger…. Leave me alone for a while, under the shadow of the vast imagination of your extract. Oye, Anger…. Go, go, go, bring me to the wilderness of life gist without bringing me out from my sanity. Oye, Anger never think of conquering me without telling me who you are. And, you are never what you are….

….. This anger in range….

Picture borrowed from http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2012/11/pictures/121105-best-space-pictures-220-mars-rover/#/space220-cosmic-bubble_60938_600x450.jpg

Yio Chu Kang Road – August 10, 2014 – 6:47pm

It is Lebaran Tomorrow

Learning, love

Idul Fitri – many of Indonesians call it Lebaran – is welcomed after Ramadhan. It is a happy day on which muslims have a big fiesta after fasting for one full month. We gather to pray together on the first day of 10th month of Hijriyyah calendar called Syawal month, have breakfast after that as a symbol of celebrating the victory of conquering the struggle within Ramadhan….

In Indonesia people have unique culture in celebrating this day. Many will arrange a “mudik” – going back to their home town to especially pay homage to family: parents, old generation, extended family. Mudik is generated from a Malay word meaning “headwaters”, the start of a river. So, mudik means going back to the start of a river – the place of origin.

Imagine millions of muslim exodus from big cities to small towns all over the country just to say hello and have small chit-chat once in a year. What a beautiful culture it is! People appreciate the high value of family bond or at least their bond with their “headwaters”. They try to remind themselves about where they come from…. Spiritually it is a symbol of tracing back the source of soul, tracking the journey that has brought us to this point.

After fasting for one month – just like caterpillar stop eating and starting to spin, becoming cocoon eating & drinking nothing – they start to realize that it is time to realize the beauty of soul like butterfly…. Butterfly taps its memory the phases of being egg, caterpillar, cocoon…. Mudik, tracing back the place of origin.

This might be not a make believe story but people in Indonesia are willing to get trapped with traffic jam for hours to be able to get back to hometown. In same cases they even cannot reach the hometown on the expected day but they are still happy on the way to home….

Ahhhhhh this is not easy to describe. But this Lebaran I have to stand by in Singapore for an assignment and can’t meet my mom in Indonesia.

I am ok as long as my mom ok but for sure I promise to myself that I have to mudik in Syawal month so I still can feel the spirit of Lebaran….

This is the feeling of longing for mudik – cannot tell properly how it feels but at least I shout it out here….

Mudiiiiiiiik!

Picture borrowed from http://www.meykkesantoso.com/2014/07/perkara-yang-musti-dilakukan-saat-di_29.html

Yio Chu Kang Rd, July 28 – 12:08am

Long Before

Bob, Learning, love, Poetic

Long before I hug you under the shed of light, you have chosen me to do….

It is not my intention. It is your wish to do….

Wings folded,

Halo un-rung,

Down to me you flew….

To my life, to my heart, to get absorbed by my soul.

And,

Time to press the button:

Last day of your physical being to be with us….

They call it death, let’s call it gate….

You’ve chosen somebody else,

I’m okay.

Be safe.

Be great. Be the bearer of the light….

I never regret for being your human – tears flowing isn’t a sign of sadness. Allow me to cry when remembering you, it is a celebration of my pride of being a mom of a cat that is now waiting to be born as a human being….

Wherever you are, be loving, be loved….

Thank you, Bob….

Singapore – July 23, 2014 – 11:22

A Plan To Borobudur

Learning

Just last night I had a whatsapp conversation with two of friends, Dydy and Ina. We decided to visit Borobudur in September…. to take some snapshots and enjoy the friendliness of our root – Javanese culture.

We’ll stay in Jogjakarta from Friday and leave on Sunday to each of our bases: Dydy to Surabaya, Ina to Tulungagung and I to Singapore.

But we need a good itinerary, if you have a good suggestion — would you please share with me?

Picture borrowed from http://abduzeedo.com/dreamy-photography-weerapong-chaipuck

Singapore – July 13, 2014 – 1:21pm

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