1
A small dot
Is buzzing among petals —
Oh one bee!
2
Gold nectar’s
Running through the tongue of —
Working bee.
3
One finger
Is swollen: bruised and fat —
A bee stung.
Temasek – February 21, 2015 – 9:33pm
Category: Bob
Loss
Certain loss should make you happy
Seriously.
Do you know that….
…. sometimes I think of a great loss of my hair that is not balanced with my weight loss. And, I think I am happier if the loss is the other way around. 🙂
Singapore – February 19, 2015 – 7:00pm
Picture borrowed from http://themoderndayspartan.com/the-secret-to-balance/
Silent Chinese New Year – 2015
I’ve got a long weekend for Chinese New Year will fall on Friday and Saturday. And, ’ve got an even longer weekend since my company grant us two more days off on Monday and Tuesday so that Chinese colleagues can enjoy more time with their family. Six days! Thanks, Tim! 🙂
Just going back to Jakarta last week to enjoy the Kenduri Cinta in Taman Ismail Marizuki so I decided not to go home to Indonesia this time with some reasons: expensive ticket, short period of holiday (inconsistent with my earlier statement that this weekend is long even very long weekend), time to contemplate….
Expensive ticket is a kind of trend. In holiday season many Singaporeans fly out. The bigger the demand, the higher the price. So be it. It might not be a problem because we can buy economy seat or use frequent flyer points to get a ticket but it won’t worth the time enjoyed…. It is a long weekend indeed but my home is not around Jakarta anymore and so it takes longer travel time. Now I like going back to my mom’s home where family reside including those cats that – I believe – miss me so much 🙂
So, long weekend short…. And I want it to be a silent year start – Chinese year….
Need a stationary time. Noble silence. No work, no chat, no talk, just me. Won’t call it “me time” because it is not for me, it is for…. I don’t know whom it is for – I just wanna do it. 🙂
Noble silence and creative contemplation will be the proper terminology. Will be enjoying the long weekend in this city country. Known already it’s gonna be short in feeling….
Equipped with a sketch book, a box of color pencils, photography tools and an EZ-link card I’ll wander around this island…. And, see what I can generate at the end.
Assalamu’alaikum….
Singapore – February 18, 2015 – 3:51pm
Picture borrowed from http://www.therufus.com/product/rumi-on-silence-poster/
The Need of Grounding
When it feels like levitate, unrooted from the foundation…. This body invites to realize that these broken pieces need to be collected for the thousandth time….
Keeping the matrix composed.
Temasek – February 16, 2015 0 4:51am
Exchanging Blessings With The Gentle Giants
I went to Oslob, Cebu, Philippines — for whale shark watching last week. Butanding is the local language for whale shark (Rhincodon Typus). I wanted to exchange blessings with them.
With Michelle and Jerry – a tour guide and a driver – I left Mactan at 5am.
Deciding not to plunge in to the water, I didn’t bring any swimsuit. Ok, a boat was rented….
The boatman is part of the conservation team…. See the T-shirt worn.
Many people already swam around something…. A group of butanding enjoying their breakfast
The gentle giant was peeping below my boat. Please let me offer you my love, dear butanding….
Look at the spots on the body….
…. on the tail
He is deeply, seriously giving his blessings…. Or her blessings….
Blessings to the feeder on the boat….
To the onlookers on and beneath the water…..
And, to me….
Before I finally left the site, I put both my feet into the water and prayed in my heart, telling huge blessings then leaving them into the sea. Thank you, butanding…. For the blessings we exchange.
Singapore – February 15, 2015 – 4:48am
For more information about whale shark, please go to:
http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/fish/whale-shark/
Maya, Anjing Yang Hepi
Lagi di Mactan Island, Cebu, Philippines.
Seperti biasa ada asyiknya dan nggak asyiknya tiap travel. Enaknya ya jelas deh ketemu binatang-binatang yang tak kalah ramahnya dengan para manusia yang kutemui di Philippines. Filipino punya bakat ramah-tamah yang nggak kalah sama orang Indonesia, jadi nyaman-nyaman saja travel ke kepulauan ini. Kutegaskan kembali Filipino di Philippines itu ramah , anjing-anjingnya hepi walau nggak semua bersih, banyak stray dogs berkeliaran dan tidak ada tukang makan anjing seperti di daerah-daerah di Indonesia. Semoga para pemakan dan pemburu anjing diberi kesadaran oleh Semesta, berhenti memburu anjing dan kembali ke jalan yang manusiawi.
Tuan rumah dengan keramahan sempurna tentunya bikin kerjaan lancar. Dan ketemu dengan Maya, anjing yang ditugaskan di gate area hotel, bikin perjalanan di Cebu lebih enteng di batin…. Ini anjing gede dan nature-nya gembira – aku panel “Maya….” langsung lompat mau ngerangkul…. Waduh rek, bukannya takut najis…. Takut digigit doang.
lompat mau hugging
I love you, Maya but please don’t hug me. I’m afraid…. Then she behave 🙂
Maya ini matanya katarak dua-duanya – curiga gw sih penyebabnya makanan karena Lorent di Makati juga matanya sakit karena makanan. So, tolong ya para pemelihara anjing beliin makanan yang nggak ada efek samping buruk untuk anjingnya. Teliti sebelum membeli.
Ada satu lagi anjing jantan namanya Bruce. Warnanya krem kayaknya sih herder juga. Cuma ketemu waktu tiba di hotel Minggu siang jadi nggak sempat moto….
Jadi mereka ini berjaga di gate bergantian tiap 6 jam. Tugasnya mengendus trunk mobil yang masuk ke lingkungan hotel.
Aku tahu alangkah membosankannya pekerjaan itu makanya Maya melonjak gembira saat ada yang menyapa.
Semoga Maya, Bruce dan 5 anjing patrol lainnya sehat, kenyang dan hepi selalu… Lebih dari itu semoga banyak yang melimpahkan rasa sayangnya pada mereka. Amin….
Ayo sayangi anjing dan binatang lainnya…..
SRL Mactan, Cebu – 11 February, 2015 – 6:22 petang
Blessing
For all animals on earth…. Blessing —
Singapore – January 31, 2015 – 4:18pm
Beautiful Greek & Handsome Greg
It is not Greek from the Europe.
She is our beautiful Greek and our handsome Greg – two cats our ours raised by my family.
The most beautiful girl and handsomest guy in our humble abode….
One female and one male felines that share their happiness and joy with us in life.
Greek, thanks for your cheerful hello when we get up, for your quick snatch when we throw the rope, for innocent look when we don’t give you enough, for your touch with the fur when you want even more rubs, for everything making us smile and (pretend to be) upset….
Mew…. Your soft voice, Greek….
Saw her and her caretaker last holiday
Meow! Wow, stronger voice: that is Greg, the one replacing Bob
enjoying day after lunch
Greg, now one-eyed has been a tough guy in our family – his right eye was attacked by virus and late treated. He’s been with us since Bob was still here.
Greg behaves calmer than Greek. He won’t hop or jump or run in front of me. He is just sitting, licking his whole body over, mewing strongly and more loudly. And, he eats more easily even finishes Greek’s leftover. They have different plates for sure but the same bowl of water.
Greg doesn’t sleep at home. He is a tom and strays around at night for female feline; he stays home when it rains very heavily — dining chair is his favourite. Greek is staying home almost 60% of her day — sometimes at the porch, beds, chairs, corner of mom’s study.
Both are loved as loved as the human around…. And be thanked as thanked as the whole Universe….
Thanks for the humans around who take care of them 🙂
under the shade of drying frame
Bob, the grand predecessor 🙂
Singapore – January 11, 2015 – 2:10pm
Into The Nature
Happiness and joy are represented by those two children playing in the rice field. Running and laughing, chasing each other in the sloping road…. Framed by terraced land of paddy, roofed with blue sky, and founded on the strong brown soil they enjoy their early journey of life.
Oka and Asti
Catch me if you can, Mbak Asti….
Grinning Oka
Smiling Asti
Pretty ladybird
Nephew and aunt
Temasek – January 9, 2015 – 1:02am
2015 – A Simple Resolution
Resolution 2015? Ooooh lala…. Once forgotten, let’s do it now!
What do I project?
- All assignments – well done
- Clearer understanding about myself
- More relaxed and cheerful
- Consistently writing
That’s it? Those four are the big points, smaller are flowing, following those main topics.
Today, Getting back to Singapore, getting back to work — a bunch of work.
Bismillaah….
among the wine, holding tea
Temasek – January 4, 2015 – 10:48pm
Gifts From Nature
Gift is everywhere, reflected by the heart as mirror reflecting shadows. How clear this heart is? See these pictures and find if there’s gift presented by nature.
Rainbow arch
Slides down to earth,
Pouring colors
======================================
Prawn spruce in a golf court in Cupertino, California
Betel leave in Tulungagung, Indonesia
Banana field with farmer couple in Lumajang, Indonesia
Green on green with an inserted red, Singapore
Snail on a walk path, Singapore
Green fountain in Tulungagung, Indonesia
Fungi on tree trunk, Aloon-aloon Tulungagung
Blooming grass flower in Nagoya, Japan
We call it “bungur china” flower, flower shot in Nagoya
Mushroom on the tree, Nagoya
What flower is it Nagoya presented? Such beauty in mini….
A dove is cooing just below my window, greeting me with warm friendly regards from nature,
Not sure what they’re named but they are in Changi International Airport….
Happy Holiday, All!
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Temasek – December 21, 2014 – 5:15
The Birds
Goura Cristata (crown dove)
These birds —
They never sing false notes. Humans slip their tongues now and then.
Where did the birds learn to sing? How did they master the sounds without flaw?
A silent crow
Oye, Birds…. Would you tell her? Would you teach him?
To sing beautifully, to talk flawlessly?
Or, at least I using the real voice of theirs…. Be it chirping, be it crowing, be it cooing…. So be it, as long as it’s their real languages.
Three geese at the lake
Temasek – December 10, 2014 – 2:55am
Where Are You?
In my names, oh no.
In my birthdays, oh no.
In my bodies, oh no.
In my sizes, oh no.
In my families, oh no.
In my pets, oh no.
In my friends, oh no.
In my jobs, oh no.
In my dedications, oh no.
In my hobbies, oh no.
In my blogs? No….
In my….. Where am I?
Where am I? I’d been wandering around the worlds to find where I am but nowhere to find…. Now, here I stop to find my self….
Temasek – November 9, 2014 – 11:49pm
Explain, please? No, Thanks!
People need others to understand what is going on, it is normally in interview or interrogation room. You’ll explain what’s your expertise, or why you are here, or what you expect people to know about what you’re doing. And, you’ll explain when explaining it will get the work done. Aside from that, no explanation is mandatory.
If you think what you are doing now need others’ understanding, it is not totally correct. Sometimes it is only feeling detecting one’s being guilty of having people misunderstood or totally lost about what is happening to us. No worries. The show must go on — as you wish. It’s your life, it’s your choice to do whatever is required to get your life DONE. As long as you don’t disturb others’ life — others are others, any other creatures.
Don’t let yourself like either the ostrich or the zebra in my below picture. Either or them is enjoying their life. The ostrich might think the zebra is annoying — I don’t think so because before this scene the zebra was with the rest of its group enjoying the green fresh grass until the ostrich got crazy breaking the zebra lot. The other zebras just went aside to another corner of the grass, while this one zebra was going around and around entertaining the ostrich…. Are they enjoying? The ostrich was, the zebra was freaking out!!!
So, the best thing is enjoying and starting to stop feeling guilty. People should be busy with themselves instead of bothering others.
Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
Temasek – December 6, 2014 – 3:38pm
Yaa Latief
And when the big wave of sadness and outrage linger in my soul, I start to whisper Thy name….
Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief …..
So that I can melt them away, to become positive energy that warm those helpless animals and underprivileged people in this cold night.
Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief Yaa Latief
To dearest Bob, Agam, Lorenz, Ucil, and all…..
Temasek, December 2, 2014 – 2:23
I thought
I thought of living as human peacefully, without thinking of how other creatures spend their time and place – that’s it.
I thought animals are only subordinates living being….
But now I change my mind. Both human beings and animals are living thing, the fellow earthlings. Plants are also the same. I respect them and love them equally, living peacefully is not the ultimate goal. My goal is to live peacefully IN HARMONY….
Scooby the dear beagle and me
Temasek – November 0, 2014 – 6:34pm
Maru and Hana
Just logged in to youtube and found that mugumogu uploaded another video of Maru and Hana just three hours ago. This pet owner has uploaded many of Maru the cat and Hana, Maru came earlier and Hana joined the gang just recently. Seems that mugumogu treats those cats like her own kids.
Those two cats have brought joy to this life, showed humans how fellow creatures should live together in harmony, enjoyed now&here to the fullest. Not easy (for me for sure) but it’s doable.
Here is the latest post meant…
Makati SRL, November 23, 2014 – 5:56pm
Laughter To Envy
Then I just laughed when you suggested a fact that I am watched by you….
But does it really matter?
No, it matters only to you…. And, some folks next to you, who have the same feather but can’t fly. So high, in the imaginary sky, without capable to fly.
Does it really matter?
No, it never matters to me…. Only sketched some seconds in a note, that is as brittle as a butterfly’s wings. For a while, in beauty, no sustainability.
Does it really matter?
Not really. Really not, finally. Your voice, your choir, your noise doesn’t matter to this path.
Enjoy the cloud where you think you sit, but actually you skid.
Thanks, friends…. For sharing me the face of envy.
Dear beagle Skipper
AMK Street 64 – November 14, 2014 – 6:45am
Haiku – Vibration
Touching my chest
I hear throbbing pulses there —
Sign of life.
==========================
Breezing wind
Sweeps my hair and curtain, flying —
Cool air.
==========================
Coarse sand
And soil cover my skin and hair —
Earth is here.
==========================
Today I just want to emit vibration of love to all animals and underprivileged people in the world to support them in silence. I love you, I love you, I love you. You are loved, you are loved, you are loved. You are safe, you are safe, you are safe….. Mother Earth is helping you, protecting you all from harmful human beings. Be strong, be strong, be strong….. I love you, I love you, I love you. You are loved, you are loved, you are loved. You are safe, you are safe, you are safe…..
Singapore – November 8, 2014 – 9:39pm
Selfie
Reading many blogs about selfie, I got caught by a wish to have more self-portrait photographs. Fun, Fun, Fun!
Historically, I love to be taken picture of and to take pictures. Doing selfie? I have made some even 6 years ago when I needed a pic for office ID badge. Pity I can’t retrieve the pic in my old laptop. Even I made some selfie using self-timer function in my old Nikon earlier than the ID badge pic – developing the selfie was another fun time by then. Anyway, looking beautiful, sweet and casual in front of our own lens is sometimes amazing. Why not appreciating our own beauty rather than waiting for others to acknowledge it – knowing that it would happen once in a blue moon…. 🙂
This is one of my selfie, with dearest Bob.
But…. I just read one striking source about selfie: A study done in 2013 study of Facebook users found that posting photos of oneself correlates with lower levels of social support from and intimacy with Facebook friends (except for those marked as Close Friends). The lead author of the study suggests that “those who frequently post photographs on Facebook risk damaging real-life relationships.”
Posting intentionally unattractive selfies has also become common in the early 2010s—in part for their humor value, but in some cases also to explore issues of body image or as a reaction against the perceived narcissism or over-sexualization of typical selfies. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selfie)
Alamaaaak! Am I some part of the noted symptoms? Not often but more than once I posted my selfie to Facebook and Instagram — not consciously showing my exceeding narcissism or over-sexualization, but honestly I had nobody to ask to take my picture when I was at home just with Bob my dear cat son and when I was somewhere in another part of the globe where not only language but also confidence had become my communication barrier. Anyway, I took selfie and posted them into public…. Hey, not public! Limited friends! And, I only have 60 friends in Facebook. Is that still counted? Look like this person starts to be guilty and afraid of getting blamed on by the result of above research. 🙂
My selfie with Masako & her husband
Hmm…. Who cares about the research? I shouldn’t bother myself too much just because a summary of research was included in a Wikipedia page and this page is not scientifically valid as anyone can update any topic. And, I didn’t even fully read the research report.
So, selfie is still one possibility in my life. I’ll probably take picture using my dear iDevices or baby Nikon somewhere someday with or without somebody with me (non-physical being not expected, please).
Anyway, this is only part of my end-of-day sharing. Many to unload from my brain just to un-stuff unnecessary rubbish inside. Hmmm…. I think selfie can be just part of un-stuffing my humane burden. Ok, latter statement of mine is stronger than any statement from that research result…. 🙂
Oh, dear Selfie…..
If you are interested in reading the result of research, please click: http://epapers.bham.ac.uk/1723/1/2013%2D03_D_Houghton.pdf
Bayan Lepas – November 3, 2014 – 11:41pm
Ode To Agam
Agam…. You, the strong boy
Though left behind by mother, father, and all friends who used to protect and enjoy wild life together in your past…. In the beautiful past….
Now even only your name I can remember. Your weak body slowly gave up and sincerely let the soul travel back to the Source. Tears fall and fall and still fall, Agam….
Agam, this ode flows with my tears singing about your happy nature, your painful heart for being separated from your beloved, your tired physical for struggling alone. Adam, my dear boy…. you have been loved and will always be loved after you left us….
Agam, send my best regards to the next life across the border. Someday we’ll meet and greet each other. You are saved from longer pain….
Forgive me,
Forgive us,
For not loving you enough, for not taking good action, for being so selfish….
Sing now, Agam. Cuddle to your mother. Be happy, the real happy!
- Agam is a baby elephant surviving after his mother was poisoned to death in Aceh, Indonesia. Agam fell into a well and helped by people but his leg was broken and because of mistreatment he died. Was he abused? I can’t tell. I just want to tap Readers’ awareness about other fellow creatures. They exist not to be abused, they exist to be loved — show your affection, take action how little it is would not waste.
My heart is so broken that I have no gut to see Agam’s picture especially the last one when he was in great pain before leaving….
Singapore – October 31, 2014 – 9:15pm
Doggy Style (bilingual)
It was in Ho Chi Minh City, outside the post office when I saw a relaxed buddy approaching a mahogany tree and did his short party. Oh, dear buddy…. My ancient soul was and is happy for you for your being able to be free to act as your now and here concept. You know I will never do it as long as this body is still wrapping. But Life is too busy to experience a lot of things. Thank you….
Kejadiannya di Ho Chi Minh City, di depan sebelah kiri kantor pos saya mergokin satu teman sesama ciptaan ndeket-ndeketin pohon mahoni lalu menunaikan hajatnya di situ. Oh, sahabat…. Jiwa purbaku tak pernah tak bahagia melihatmu mampu beraksi berdasarkan konsep kini dan disini. Kamu tahu kan aku tak kan bisa melakukan itu selama hayat masih dikandung badan yang ini. Bagaimanapun hidup nggak mungkin sempat mengalami segalanya. Makasih ya….
GH Erawan – October 30, 2014 – 00:37
Long Before
Long before I hug you under the shed of light, you have chosen me to do….
It is not my intention. It is your wish to do….
Wings folded,
Halo un-rung,
Down to me you flew….
To my life, to my heart, to get absorbed by my soul.
And,
Time to press the button:
Last day of your physical being to be with us….
They call it death, let’s call it gate….
You’ve chosen somebody else,
I’m okay.
Be safe.
Be great. Be the bearer of the light….
I never regret for being your human – tears flowing isn’t a sign of sadness. Allow me to cry when remembering you, it is a celebration of my pride of being a mom of a cat that is now waiting to be born as a human being….
Wherever you are, be loving, be loved….
Thank you, Bob….
Singapore – July 23, 2014 – 11:22
A Goose, A Kitten and A Bear
I saw a gracefully-moving goose, swimming…. Not swimming, she was paddling her feet below the water to show me that life is beautiful but with circulating movement of inner power. How do human being look so calm but struggling to reach the other end of their journey which is at the same point is the start of another trip….
Picture borrowed from http://ibc.lynxeds.com/photo/swan-goose-anser-cygnoides/swan-goose
I saw then played with a bear. The eyes are soft so intriguingly contradictory with his sharp claws and teeth. Oye, Mr. Bear…. Please hug me in your huge warm body to feel that your heart is distributing love to your real existence through your eyes…. Your claws are the only tools to survive from others’ attack. Your strength is ultimately powerful to pump your core of love to my life, your strong boundary shares my selfishness of being a spiritual being – I will never want others to dictate my spiritual journey. You take the honey from my hands softly because you know that I only have heart full of love for you. I have nothing but love…..
Picture borrowed from https://addons.opera.com/en/themes/details/sweet-bear/
For me this life is a group of circling boundaries set by Mr. Bear; boundaries full with claws that have been defeated by his loving eyes…. Take the claws and del the love.
And, I saw a kitten…. Kitten, my baby….. Thank you for staying with me for quite sometime. You accompanied me when I was sobbing and curling near the lake. You sat next to me doing nothing except staring at me with full of questions:
“Why are you crying?
Don’t you know I am your angel?
Don’t you realize that you are my guardian angel?
What do you know about us?
How do you produce your tears? Are they from the bottom of your soul? Would you please teach me how to cry sincerely?
Soul, don’t you know you are beautiful and deserve to enjoy this blessed life? Soul, do you know that I will always be with you?
How would you stop crying of missing the real one, while I am here with you? Would you please hug me and whisper to my ears that I am your loved one?”
….
The kitten, he is now a sacred soul with me in this very world…. Thanks for being with me when I was weeping by the lake. Thanks for whispering to my spirit that you love me truly. My dear kitten, you are opening your Life and my Eyes…. Live love, Love…..
They sat with me by the lake where I saw the reflection of my spirit….
My dear Bob, now he is living in a real heaven with full of love all his life….
Singapore – July 7, 2014 – 10:57pm
You, Me, Shadow?
opening the door,
will I see you?
or, is it only your shadow? pretending to be you….
did I live with you? or with your shadow?
is it now that you are real or shadow?
tears flow, flowing along the path pushing through the door at the end.
what end? is there an end?
or a start? what should be started?
are you there?
welcoming me or welcoming my shadow?
am I real me or just my shadow?
just the two of us….
staring at each other – shadow to shadow?
I just hope you are the one behind the door….
Hilton KL – April 30, 2014 – 12:49am
Bob’s 40th Day
This is the 40th day of his leaving me….
My dear cat, my dear son….
40th day is when soul is finally ready to completely leave this physical world – letting go of all who are loved to be sincerely separated physically….
Bob is now fully releasing me. And I am, too… Thank you, Bob for being my beloved – you’ll always be. Be peaceful, seeing me from behind the curtain of light. Be happy to see me, I will see you…
Sampeyan wis seneng ya, le…. Kuburanmu ora entuk disekar karo sing manggon ning ngarepmu lho, le…. Wonge wedi he he he…. Wis, ndhak papa – tak dongakne ae malah luwih matoh.
Salam kanggo Bapak Jokanan dan Didang ya….
I love you, Bob…..
Yio Chu Kang Rd – April 4, 2014 – 11:30pm
Forgiveness
Everybody makes mistakes…..
Can I deny that I do? The only thing I can do is to be able to forgive myself for all mistakes I have done in my life so far.
This is not easy to forgive others and even much more difficult to forgive my own self who have committed mistakes – many – of which part are planned. I don’t want to talk about the planned mistakes. Let’s just talk about mistake that is just mistake…..
My father passed away just one day before I got home. I planned to see him after so long I left my house for work in Jakarta. I was in a hard time adapting the cruel capital city that was blessing me with my first job after graduating from university. I was a secretary in a small company by then. My boss was a very pious person that treated all employees very well but then his company was not big enough to make me enough-paid to buy ticket to pay homage to my parents. So…. I had to save money for almost one year and of course to take a “decent” leave. I call it “decent” because I was needed badly to support other departments so that I did not dare to file for a leave at any chosen time.
That is my biggest mistake, it was almost unforgivable. I cease blaming on my self after so many years….. I cried when I remembered how painful it was to be poor and not able to pay a visit to beloved father who was sick and dying….. And, probably he was missing me so much. Please forgive me, oh my own self….
Then it happened again just this year.
Bob, my cat son was sick. I should have been able to pay him a visit. The ticket was affordable for me. It was just because the time did not allow. It took a long hour from Singapore to my mom’s house. From Changi airport I have to fly to Surabaya which is no problem at all, but from Surabaya to my mom’s house it would take 5 hours and so I have to spare at least 24 hours for the travel. I did not have that much time at that time…..
So, I let him die without me around…. This is almost unforgivable, too. I was sinking below all roots, could not see the beautiful flowers of my life in which those beloved ones nurtured before…..
Then….
I reconcile with my self.
What should I do? All is over.
My beloved father and son passed away when I was away. That might be what they wanted. They did not want me to see them die. They wanted me to just see how happy their life was when I was around.
They have always wanted me to commemorate their good days. They have always wanted me to celebrate our togetherness in a positive way. Like they have been saying to me “Be happy, Rike. We are always happy with you…. Celebrate our life with your good memories. Don’t cry for us. Smile for us. We will meet again in the next life.”
So then I tell myself softly that I should forgive my own self because my father and my son have forgiven me. They will never hate me just because I never touched their bodies before they were buried. Their souls have been surrounding me from then on, so they are never away because of being separated by the container called physical body.
Oye, Self….. Please cherish the love. Never forget that the soul can be communicated with even when the bodies are cremated or buried or decayed in unknown places….. Ask the souls to talk to you, listen to your explanation and apology, sincere apology.
It is never too late to realise.
Soul is always here. In the same matrix and ready to mediate.
So, please use the time while you are awake. Tell them how much you love them, how strong we are all connected and how big the sorrow will be if the forgiveness is not shared…..
Quezon City – March 4, 2014 – 9:37pm
I Let You Go To The Other Side
Bob’s leaving us from this dimension is still a pain for me – small pain but big enough to make me feel emotionally burdened, overwhelmed and cry. And, it is now time for me to release more significantly because the way I mourn gave my lovely son a negative energy and made him walk insincerely to leave this dimension to the next level of his life – in the cat heaven, some best friends of mine said it.
So, I keep saying to myself that Bob is fine now. He is free from any physical pain and is ready to be embraced by the eternal love of guardian angels. Bob is ready to evolve to become my guardian and he can do it only by seeing me smile, by witnessing me letting him go, by sensing my releasing heart, by kissing him heavenly kisses. I shall not mourn anymore. I am not sad because he is leaving me, not because we are apart physically, not because the way he died…. I am not mourning anymore.
I told him….
“Bob, go across the bridge. I know you need to go. You need to transform to be able to be my guardian. You belong to eternity. Angels are waiting for you with a crown and a pair of lovely wings…. I let you go…. I thank you for being my son. I am sorry if I did not take care of you all the time, but I love you…. My mom – Ibu – loves you as well… Please don’t be sad, smile…. Smile, my baby. Walk steadily, my son…. You can visit me and Ibu when you miss us. Just come to our dream, to our meditative level of brain. You may call us with your vibrating soul. Touch us, greet us gently like you kissed us, like you touched us, like you licked our skin, like you did in our contact….”
I will still write about you…. For sure.
Press your soft paws to our cheek so we know when you are around. Please meow softly to us so we know that you are around. Let’s keep this love and fill the air with it. Namaste….
This song is for you, Bob….
“To Where You Are” (Josh Groban)
Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory’s so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
‘Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are
I know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are
…..
Yio Chu Kang Rd – February 28, 2014 – 9:12pm
Sweet Memory Starts
My son Bob was a cat with soft heart. He would never quarrel except another cat attacked him. He would just groan and groan and groan but did not move from his spot. Only if the other tomcat jumped to him, would he fight to survive.
He would have a lot of reason to manipulate me. He would kiss my forehead, my nose, my lips or my cheeks to wake me up from my sleep to get whatever he wanted: food, drink or door to open.
Or, he would slip under my blanket to slew comfortably, only some time then he would climb out of the blanket and sleep above me. He would snore and spread his purring beautiful sound bringing peace into my small bedroom.
When you grew older, you did not want to cooperate since you had better life outside with your fellow cats. You always scratched the door to go out and it was always at 1:00am…. But for the sake of love, I opened the door for you, Bob…..
You loved perching on TV as if you were the God of (modern) Cat…. Lovely boy! You are always able to steal my heart, Bob.
When you were sick, you didn’t moan. You just take a silent position and keep the pain in you. I could not help except giving you the best food and medication which was probably not really the best for you…. I tried hard to keep you next to me, your soul next to mine.
Then I had to leave Indonesia to pursue my dream…. I cried happy but sad…. I was given a chance to make my self more experienced in life but then I had to leave you. Could I? Who would take care of you, Bob? I had to make a hard decision. I brought you to my mom’s house – she did not have a soft spot for pets indeed.
I knew you were so sad, leaving your home…. But you trusted me that you would find another home. And, yes my mom fell in love with you.
I visited you when I had time to sneak out of my hectic days – some leave or long weekend really helped us to meet up…. You looked happy, Bob. We had good time…. I fed you, stroked you, kissed you, hugged you, cuddled you, took picture of you, took care of your body which grew older….
My mom always said “Bob is a human, he understands how to love, he is more loving than some humans who destroy others’ happiness. Bob has given us a lot of joy…. Thanks God for everything.”
He likes to daydream in the terrace, looking at the other cats that were enjoying his food left-over. Too much to throw away, good to share with other cats…. 🙂
There was a time, we really got angry because of how people treat him. So cruel…. Beat him, splash him with water, hurt him in any way they like just because those neighbours hated cats. But Bob was too weak to counterstrike. He just went home with the wound then we would lovingly treated him until he got well. We loved you, Bob and we do and will always do.
Then came a message that you were sick, puking all food you ate. Eating then puking two hours later; that was a pattern. My could not do anything. Nobody would help to take her to the vet. She lives in a village where people are busy taking care of their own poverty – there was no thinking of getting medication for animal.
Plus my mom was so busy taking care of my sick sister. I am sorry, my son Bob. We had been so occupied by our humane life that we did not take a good care of you humanely. I am sorry, we are sorry.
My mom said Bob stayed at home since Friday (Feb’ 21) until today when she found him dead on the floor of one cool bedroom – it is where I slept when I was still staying with my family. It is the coolest room in the house.
I don’t want to remember how he died. I want to remember how he lived.
He lived as a son of mine, bringing me joy and a lot of blessings. He has been sacrificing his free will to be my family member. He was so willing to share his pureness with us. He shared his sincere soul to grow among us. He inspired us with love and sincerity. He let himself be part of the madness of human in our life. You gave us love, Bob…..
I released you with all my heart.
I heard a voice calling my name last night “Rike” and I just thought it was you telling me that it is time. You called me to give a sign…. I should not have been afraid, I should have remembered you who was trying to open the door “home”…..
Now you are home, Bob. It is the real home. Your body is buried but your soul is forever, here guarding me from any not-loving and insincerity. Thank you, son. Thank you for being flower of my soul. I know I am so heartsick, ibu* is so sad, too…. You know it, right? We know you know it. But you smile because it was your time. Time to go home, where we will also go to be together. Play, boy…. Play with the fragrance of flowers among the cats that can fly high to reach the Source without mourning.
I am sad for I was not with you when you were dying. But I know you know how much I love you. The pictures above are tokens of our relationship son – mother of cat. Hope you care to share your joy with the other souls who have gathered in the other side…. Or, even you care to share with the Source how you have made us accept life as it is.
Bob, you are always in our heart. Even the sweet memories have just started on Feb’ 25 when I heard the message that the bodily Bob died and the soul is wrapped in silk and put in a pretty basket embraced by a pair of sacred angels to the heaven.
Jakarta (Grand Hyatt), February 25, 2014 – 10:21pm
Mr. Gray
He used to be the biggest enemy of Bob in Bob’s earlier stay in my mom’s house. He was very skinny then, always trying to peep what Bob was having for meal. Bob would stay inside, not wanting to go out welcome by his evil stare.
Mr. Gray is a tomcat which is now occupying my mom’s terrace – one corner where a curling water hose is put.
I am Mr. Gray….
He is there every single day, sleeping and curling, yawning and waiting for meal after Bob has finished the food on the plate. He is not so much evil to Bob anymore because he knows he will never replace Bob’s position in our heart. But he is trying to behave nicer by staying away from Bob – except at night when Bob is outside we sometimes hear they still quarrel over female cats…. Let it be, they are real cats.
Mr. Gray has become new member in our family. We won’t let him in though. We just spare a corner outside that we think still comfortable for him to nap. We give him meal every time Bob finishes with the breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner or supper.
Mr. Gray would shout at us if we forget to feed him…. So sweet….
We know it is additional energy needed to share but it is good to share, even only with a cat.
Seeing that Mr. Gray behaves less evil to Bob, we are relieved. That Mr. Gray is fatter, we are thankful. That Mr. Gray lives a bit happily, we are also happy.
Thanks, Mr. Gray…. For being a good fellow creature enjoying the blessing under the sky…. We know you always pray for our good so that you can get good things from us.
We love you, Mr. Gray…. Go ahead napping….
Yio Chu Kang Rd, February 15, 2014 – 6:16pm
Mr. Gray is meowing: “Food, food…. I am hungry…”
rike jokanan 
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