graphs of my Universe
None is forever. Hold the air. Thank the water. Greet the soil. Love’s now. Singapore - Feb. 1, 2021 / 00:23
Time flies in jet plane! Thought it would be forever to miss you but forever is so fast that suddenly February is here.
No Valentine’s Day this February as it means nothing. Valentine’s happens every second, forever….
May all beings be happy.
Time to pause or stop Is punctuated with marks. Pay more attention.
Ride life with the right punctuation like reading a story with nice intonation and meaningful flow of line, Beloved.
On a comma, halt for a while to breathe….
Language is alive Even in silence. I guess It’s ears who discount. I don’t escape, Beloved. Just my confidence collapsed.... Space is not distance, It’s a knot between two hearts. Imagine two words Without space: cramped and crowded. Just never disconnect, Love. Year end is ready To summarise lessons learnt To hand happiness Over to new one. Welcome, Self, to realm of connection....
Singapore – Dec. 30, 2020 / 00:10
You define sugar, I won’t. I prefer tasting All, and tell myself.
May all beings be happy.
Enjoy your weekend…. 💐
You’re in the dark. Who? What? Matter? Not! It’s still you. Just some shade and light.
I’m never perfect, will never be as long as I live with and in this matter. There won’t be any absence of uncertainty. There is always a gap to bridge, a space in between, an emptiness after fulfilment…. Always between 0 and 1 – a binary system of wholeness I call it. Swinging like a pendulum from one point to another up to one extreme point before at the end of momentum thrown back to the next direction…..
Why would you stay in the day for 24 hours if you can stay cool in the dark for 12 hours after a long working day? Or the other way around with some reason?
Why would you mind missing someone for at least an hour a day if it can make this life more vibrant? Just don’t hate….
Why would you regret your broken heart as long as you don’t hurt anyone’s pride? Just don’t forget to love yourself….
No matter what and who you are some time of and in your life, you’re still you. Be you! Be more whole you every time…. A true you
May all beings be happy.
I can read but I Don’t know what I read and I Don’t stop ‘coz I like What I read. Sounds strange but I Like to read hidden meaning.
Reading is fun even if you don’t know the meaning of what is read. When learning a new language with totally different structure and alphabets from what you are fluently using everyday, the excitement is there. I was so excited when first time learning writing Javanese alphabets in my childhood and I mostly knew the meaning because Javanese has been my mother tongue; while Indonesian has been second (primary) language. Then Arabic gave me the second excitement when I was around 17. And now, Japanese gives me another excitement and a taste of frustration.
Mastering language is about internalising logical thinking of a culture, the logic of a nation. Why in one particular language structure a predicate is located at the end of a sentence while in the other it is somewhere else. This frozen brain has to work hard to know how Japanese digest facts and blend them into grammar. And all the sweet apology and courtesy all over the language now make me question if they are truly kind in heart or it’s just a muscle of articulation. Forget it. Just learn and know how to use it.
The excitement is here coz I read like a kindergarten student -loud, confident but dreadfully un-melodic”. Yet I love it! Even when I had to finish the super short story Ikkyu-San in 45 minutes. I keep mixing up among ne-re-wa, i and ri, nu and me… Good heaven! (Did I mean bloody hell?) Courtesy please 😂
I also have Yotsuba! for my next. But hey, that can only be started after reading Ikkyu-San smoothly with melody. When the melody and pace are right, read more books! Then get dictionary….
My colleagues in Japan already offered their free time to chat with me in Japanese when I’m ready. When? I don’t know…. 😂
May all beings be happy.
Mr Squyrrell came, Winked then said “Loved by nature”. She asked “yours or mine?”
Up to us to think of “loved by Nature” or “loved by nature”; maybe it’s everybody’s
May all beings be happy.
Lil knoz ‘bout a gal Bikin’ crashin’ co’nut tree Laughed and helped at once
Remembering what you did in childhood is like watching cartoon movies, entertaining and energizing. How painfully the bad time was brought to you, when recalled, it brings a good smile back to your face.
When I was a girl, I loved riding bike. Often time racing with no one just with my beloved red one, enjoying the wind as if I was the queen of the road. Old people knew I was one of the careless.
One day I took off hands from the handlebars to clap hands singing along. Stupidly… No… Excitedly! Thought I was good enough as a bike rider. So, the wind took control of the bike in high speed as we were sliding from a sloping edge. We crashed into a coconut tree in front of neighbour’s house. It was my first bloody accident in life and not the last for sure 😊 I was lucky to live in a community who believed that children of the neighbourhood were the responsibility of all…
By then bike and I always met our rescuers. Now I won’t, so I ride bike wisely…. 😁 So far only one mudguard wheel was gone because of one silly accident —an irresponsible electric scooter didn’t want to slow down and forced me to get stuck to the side of the bike way pushed us to a tree. Hope no accident anymore 👍🏽
Nothing happens for no reason. Always be happy how much ever life sprinkles bitter to your plate. Hope all become good memories when we see it from later time.
May all beings be happy.
Through red carnations She says goodnight, sleeps away In his bright morning.
May you be happy in your bright morning.
Prayer travels fast. Racing with light, it still wins. Ride it to meet me.
Do you miss office Where sadness is forgotten And turned to life goal?
I was granted a 1-day access to my dear office and the feel was so great, almost like first day joining the company. The excitement was so real. I scanned the badge for the first time again since March when the circuit breaker was applied due to the pandemic. Thanks to a special task that I was allowed to work in office from 8am to 5:30pm.
Covid-19 counter measure is everywhere: notices, labels, stickers of social distancing, number of meeting participant in a room, no eating and meeting only, don’t use this seat, stand here around elevator doors and other doors where people possibly queue, temperature checking, barcode scanning, etc. It is so different as if entering a new place esp with some renovation going on and new products photos on the walls. Indeed refreshing and mood boosting after some months of distance from it.
Although I didn’t work at my work station this time, I didn’t miss the chance to visit the desk at a corner. A small desk with some small stuff, vase for flowers or plants, hello kitty to hug when it is too cold, a plaque from the leader, and a cape to wrap the body (also when it is cold).
I wish to be back to office. Early next year? Not sure but staying one day there has been a good time that gives me reasons to stay excited about humble life.
May all beings be happy.
There is only one way…. No other way. That way is love. To love others by respecting and appreciating them
Relationship pattern changes over time and so does the way children relate with their parents. Although we are far away from each other, always remember the precious role of our parents especially mother. Oh anyway, I was closer to father. As he passed away, I become close to mother.
Dear Self, at least say hi through online chat or video call. Sending her the picture of our lunch would be a good sign that we are ok. Never let her worry about us, no matter what.
Self love or selfish? A striking question to me From me about me. The answer hangs up the call Coming from behind my head. — Singapore, October 26, 2020 - 9:45pm
I never want to hurt myself, I just didn’t know who you are.
I got hurt by a cactus in a desert
Who pricks little fingers,
Who just want to touch this life softly,
Not hurting, not taking anything away.
Wounded, I decided to blame stupidity:
Why did I have to have to have to have to have to just touch cacti? I should have left that arid land long before I touched a prickly spirit.
A delayed regret is less important than a lesson learned but it always gives a story the most significant pivot.
Now
I’ll just admire from here
From where I stand
With millions of prayers
For a secret journey.
Yet I know you are a ghost days and nights.
Someday when I pour down the rain,
You’ll know.
Love is as sweet as water in drought—
Maybe—
If it is not late....
May all beings be happy.
You are a flower
Ready for fruition. Give
The best of all crop.
Buckwheat hull pillow Reduces stiff neck. If not, A true marketer!
I couldn’t stand stiff neck anymore and decided to change my pillow into buckwheat hull. Once I tried one prominent brand but it felt too high (don’t like thick pillow) and it ended up stored on the rack.
Sobakawa pillow seems to be a very promising cure. Let’s wait if it really works, or the marketing just works.
May all beings be happy.
Who is your best friend? MacBook, iPad or iPhone? Internet it is!
I can’t deny my % of interaction with outside of my body recently is through machines activated by Internet. Hope 2021 will bring the “real life” back to normal: when I do the job normally meeting people kindly at the same time evaluating honestly, when I can travel to home country to meet good friends and to favourite countries to absorb good energy, when I can smile to others without waving hand because of wearing face mask, when eating out is not limited except by the operation hours not by physical distancing, when things are natural.
‘m still happy though as Life has given so big a gift every now and then. I have family who love me and friends who accompany me in high and low. I work in a company that takes care of me very very well. All with the Beloved’s bless and love
So, I am still ok to be MacBooks, iPad and iPhone’s best friend for the next some months.
May all beings be happy.
People who treat other people improperly will do it to animals. It’s in the blood. And so I never trust those who are not nice either to their own kind and/or to animals.
I have met people —they look like nice and respectable ones— who abuse others physically, verbally and/or emotionally from torturing to humiliating, underestimating up to ignoring. I’m sure those will do what they do to animals, too.
May all beings be happy.
Your self perception Doesn’t represent true you. So is self portrait.
10% of self portrait hasn’t even captured the spirit of the person being painted. It is either a failure of technique or absence of realism talent. Or both?
May all beings be happy.
What does Friday bring? Laundry, canvas, wok and pan Wrapped in a good mood.
My stubborn headache and stiff neck suddenly vanished this evening….
I naturally love my job and love it even more every day with the space between two weeks!
May all beings be happy.
It takes courage for some women just to wear what they would love to so appreciate the freedom to do what you want to do responsibly.
Life is so generous and would it be wise for me not to be blessed just to be me?
May all beings be happy.
Beautiful number Not angelic, not structured- It’s just your number. 10102020
Time in a poet’s hands is a marching group of Morse code ready to decipher…. (throwback silence of February 6, 2015 at 11:59pm)
Loss and found. That’s life. Like it or not. Come and go. High and low. Enjoy.
May all beings be happy….
When sign means nothing,
She’s maybe illiterate
Or dead desperate.
—
I had a conversation with a good friend, the topic was “sign”. This particular friend cannot read most of non verbal signs and hints from her spouse clearly. What her spouse shows non verbally won’t trigger any curiosity from her; except when he expresses it verbally then she will understand. Facial gestures, body language, more seriously mental vibration won’t do her any ring anymore.
I thought it was strange as a couple should be able “to read” each other’s feeling or idea with a blink of an eye! At least that’s my ideal couple goal.
Then after a while I can relate to what has happened to me.
I’ve been living away from family for more than 25 years; the 7 of which I’ve lived totally home alone (cats and other pets not counted). And that 7-year period is when I think I’ve lost the ability to read what my family is trying to communicate to me. We either don’t understand “the language” or we just can’t accept “the reasoning”. When it comes to language, I feel that our ability to read kinds of personal or cultural gestures have diminished either with my ignorance to their loving and caring behaviour or with their insensitivity to my practicality and logical thinking. We just don’t know how to match things in many occasions and usually we’ll just tolerate each other by saying “no worry, as long as you are happy and healthy”.
When I asked what happened to my friend and her spouse, she said “I just don’t know what language I should use to communicate with him”. Hmm exactly what I experience with my mother and siblings.
“Why don’t you try guessing whatever you see from him? Just to show that you care?”
“I’ve tried but it looks unnatural. He asked me why I did weird questioning and guessing.”
“It is ok, unnatural at the beginning but will be natural when you find the click”.
“We won’t find a click anymore. We are not happy and not meant to be.”
Eh?
At that point I couldn’t say anything. I think she is not illiterate, she’s seriously desperate.
Gosh! Life is a mystery! We, her close circle have always thought they’re the happiest and I’m the lonely. Now I think it is time to be thankful just for a minute to be happier even than the happiest.
May all beings be happy…..
If she’s not ready
To see herself. Stop giving
A mirror. Give gin!
—-
Sometimes you lose your confidence to tell your friend what you truly know about what happens to one; not because you are afraid of losing a friendship, but just because you know that one will lose one’s confidence by seeing one’s own true face.
Ya, sometimes you will sacrifice your position – before someone you keep doing yourself a stupid idiot (please excuse my language to myself) who will only act as a yes-friend to make someone get more and more drunk with fake realities.
A good friend, are you?
May all beings be happy….
Dear Beloved, I’m
Imprisoned in blind Love
Who taught me colors.
Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 22:54
May all beings be happy.
I’m less than a dust
But bigger than galaxy.
Would you please accept?
—
Some people just wanna stay at one point, forever good, forever winning. Two chances: impossible and improbable combined in a giant jar of lottery
Can you just accept that some people can’t accept your being a dust? Others can’t accept your being galaxy and the other small portion can accept you swinging between these two realities. Take the last group to be your true friends coz they will know when to speak bitter truth to see who you are and when to just throw you sugar-coated appraisals to cajole you in challenging situation.
Be dust and be galaxy
Never forget that you are dust in the galaxy at times,
And galaxy full of dust at others….
May all beings be happy.
Messy like heaven.
After cooking I feel tired
Of all the dirty
Pots, plates, spoons, knives and rubbish.
Full without eating—
—
I am naturally a picky eater, but trying my best to eat every thing served as long as healthy and non poisonous. I even let myself eat those I’m allergic to – just to prove to this weak Self that this body can bear the poison though has failed now and then.
Today I cooked one traditional food from Java island of beautiful archipelago, my dear Indonesia – buntil.
It is stuffed cassava leaves wraps, you can also use papaya leaves. The content can be as cheap as grated young coconut only or added with anchovy or meat or any protein that you wish to have in the meal. This time I make a fusion – buntil stuffed with Korean stir fried anchovies with pumpkin seed and walnuts. The fusion is just because I could not find the seed that originally cooked in the Java island, we call it “petai Cina” (please use your freedom to find what it is in Google). I bought the Korean side dish coz I don’t know how to make it.
This is cheap and humble dish that is traditionally eaten as side dish with rice. But it has become a rare food where I live now – even people from Indonesia might not find it interesting anymore. Not sure why but alas! Everybody has one’s own liking. I’m so grateful that the cleaning lady knocked my door and brought some earth products that I’ve missed dearly – bamboo shoot, banana flower, cabai rawit and cassava leaves! So why not making food that I’ve missed so dearly, too.
I’m happy with the result, knowing that there are details of ingredients and still a good success. But the after cooking was not so happy seeing piles of dirty containers and cooking utensils that I had to wash by myself…. Heaven!
Anyway! Let’s see the happy scenes! Unhappy scenes of cleaning and tidying up the shelves and cabinets are off the records!
Welcome next good week!
May all beings be happy….
rike jokanan 
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