rike jokanan

Nerve

Deep inside this soul there is a big question without words.

The ears cannot identify what the question is because they have been trained to understand only entries in the encyclopedias and dictionaries that have been articulated by voice chords. But the heart can feel it and surge it in to the emotional pipes. It flows through the whole physical vessel of human being and won’t stop until the bubble dries out of the question wrapped.

Picture borrowed from http://rjheeks.wordpress.com/2013/05/19/soap-bubble-reflections/

The question flops after fluid of emotion finishes at the tips of the nervous system in the body. And it remains un-answered until now….

How can one answer the question of the question itself is not understood; left alone understood, it is not even heard.

What can we do to hear it?

So much time has been spent and there is only one way is the solution.

Go through all pipes of emotion in our body and visit every end of nervous system that we own and we’ll probably can see what’s the question we need to hear….

Listen to ourselves.
Understand ourselves.
Find the answers if really needed.
Let ourselves choose if it needs answer or just let the question un-understood or even un-heard….
…. ‘Coz the surge in the emotion pipes and the sparks at the nervous tips should be kept un-finished.

YCK Rd – Mar’ 15, 2014 – 2:42am

Orchids On Our Back Wall

Learning, love

Orchids On Our Back Wall

This is orchid planted at the back of my small hut in Tangerang Indonesia. I bought this Cattleya orchid un-flowered. I did not even ask what colour it is when it blooms. At that time Cattleya was not my favourite.

It was approximately 4 years ago. After several months perching gracefully on the back wall, it exhibited its first flower. One orchid….

Then one year later two flowers….

And, on February 27, 2014 when I called on my beloved home I saw four flowers blooming…. When I was mourning about my son, my flowers gave me the positive side of our home.

Bob, our orchids bloomed again for us….. The universe is conspiring to make me happy at the right time.

Quezon City – March 6, 2014 – 12:12

Forgiveness

Bob, Learning, love

Everybody makes mistakes…..

Can I deny that I do? The only thing I can do is to be able to forgive myself for all mistakes I have done in my life so far.

This is not easy to forgive others and even much more difficult to forgive my own self who have committed mistakes – many – of which part are planned. I don’t want to talk about the planned mistakes. Let’s just talk about mistake that is just mistake…..

My father passed away just one day before I got home. I planned to see him after so long I left my house for work in Jakarta. I was in a hard time adapting the cruel capital city that was blessing me with my first job after graduating from university. I was a secretary in a small company by then. My boss was a very pious person that treated all employees very well but then his company was not big enough to make me enough-paid to buy ticket to pay homage to my parents. So…. I had to save money for almost one year and of course to take a “decent” leave. I call it “decent” because I was needed badly to support other departments so that I did not dare to file for a leave at any chosen time.

That is my biggest mistake, it was almost unforgivable. I cease blaming on my self after so many years….. I cried when I remembered how painful it was to be poor and not able to pay a visit to beloved father who was sick and dying….. And, probably he was missing me so much. Please forgive me, oh my own self….

Then it happened again just this year.

Bob, my cat son was sick. I should have been able to pay him a visit. The ticket was affordable for me. It was just because the time did not allow. It took a long hour from Singapore to my mom’s house. From Changi airport I have to fly to Surabaya which is no problem at all, but from Surabaya to my mom’s house it would take 5 hours and so I have to spare at least 24 hours for the travel. I did not have that much time at that time…..

So, I let him die without me around…. This is almost unforgivable, too. I was sinking below all roots, could not see the beautiful flowers of my life in which those beloved ones nurtured before…..

Then….

I reconcile with my self.

What should I do? All is over.

My beloved father and son passed away when I was away. That might be what they wanted. They did not want me to see them die. They wanted me to just see how happy their life was when I was around.

They have always wanted me to commemorate their good days. They have always wanted me to celebrate our togetherness in a positive way. Like they have been saying to me “Be happy, Rike. We are always happy with you…. Celebrate our life with your good memories. Don’t cry for us. Smile for us. We will meet again in the next life.”

So then I tell myself softly that I should forgive my own self because my father and my son have forgiven me. They will never hate me just because I never touched their bodies before they were buried. Their souls have been surrounding me from then on, so they are never away because of being separated by the container called physical body.

Oye, Self….. Please cherish the love. Never forget that the soul can be communicated with even when the bodies are cremated or buried or decayed in unknown places….. Ask the souls to talk to you, listen to your explanation and apology, sincere apology.

It is never too late to realise.

Soul is always here. In the same matrix and ready to mediate.

So, please use the time while you are awake. Tell them how much you love them, how strong we are all connected and how big the sorrow will be if the forgiveness is not shared…..

Quezon City – March 4, 2014 – 9:37pm

Light

life, love

My body is lighter, when I sleep…. I can fly to all places I want to go and meet with anybody I want to encounter with. As long as I sleep well, I would dream and only then I will remember what I dream when I wake up later.

I should let myself be light, even lighter so that I can gain whatever I want to. I travel in my good sleep. I greet my beloved ones in my good sleep. I just need to sleep well to dream and at the same time to realise my dream.

I believe my dream is as real as the reality when I am awake. My reality in awake state is when the body experiences all things in life. But in dream is when my soul lets my body take a rest and it goes by itself experiencing etheric reality…. So, no matter what I dream I would thank that in the name of God I get what my body has dreamt of in the day. Oh…. how light I am now, sleepy…. Need some good sleep and sweet dream. Let me meet my Bob, my late father and any other beloved ones living in the world, in this matrix…. I am sorry I am actually chattering….. Sorry but I feel so light and want to sleep to realise my dream….

YCK Rd – March 3, 2014 – 11:18pm

I Let You Go To The Other Side

Bob, Learning, love

Bob’s leaving us from this dimension is still a pain for me – small pain but big enough to make me feel emotionally burdened, overwhelmed and cry. And, it is now time for me to release more significantly because the way I mourn gave my lovely son a negative energy and made him walk insincerely to leave this dimension to the next level of his life – in the cat heaven, some best friends of mine said it.

So, I keep saying to myself that Bob is fine now. He is free from any physical pain and is ready to be embraced by the eternal love of guardian angels. Bob is ready to evolve to become my guardian and he can do it only by seeing me smile, by witnessing me letting him go, by sensing my releasing heart, by kissing him heavenly kisses. I shall not mourn anymore. I am not sad because he is leaving me, not because we are apart physically, not because the way he died…. I am not mourning anymore.

I told him….

“Bob, go across the bridge. I know you need to go. You need to transform to be able to be my guardian. You belong to eternity. Angels are waiting for you with a crown and a pair of lovely wings…. I let you go…. I thank you for being my son. I am sorry if I did not take care of you all the time, but I love you…. My mom – Ibu – loves you as well… Please don’t be sad, smile…. Smile, my baby. Walk steadily, my son…. You can visit me and Ibu when you miss us. Just come to our dream, to our meditative level of brain. You may call us with your vibrating soul. Touch us, greet us gently like you kissed us, like you touched us, like you licked our skin, like you did in our contact….”

I will still write about you…. For sure.

Press your soft paws to our cheek so we know when you are around. Please meow softly to us so we know that you are around. Let’s keep this love and fill the air with it. Namaste….

This song is for you, Bob….

“To Where You Are” (Josh Groban)

Who can say for certain

Maybe you’re still here

I feel you all around me

Your memory’s so clear

Deep in the stillness

I can hear you speak

You’re still an inspiration

Can it be

That you are mine

Forever love

And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you’re there

A breath away’s not far

To where you are

Are you gently sleeping

Here inside my dream

And isn’t faith believing

All power can’t be seen

As my heart holds you

Just one beat away

I cherish all you gave me everyday

‘Cause you are my

Forever love

Watching me from up above

And I believe

That angels breathe

And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up

To where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile

To know you’re there

A breath away’s not far

To where you are

I know you’re there

A breath away’s not far

To where you are

…..

Yio Chu Kang Rd – February 28, 2014 – 9:12pm

Sweet Memory Starts

Bob, Learning, love, This Person

My son Bob was a cat with soft heart. He would never quarrel except another cat attacked him. He would just groan and groan and groan but did not move from his spot. Only if the other tomcat jumped to him, would he fight to survive.

He would have a lot of reason to manipulate me. He would kiss my forehead, my nose, my lips or my cheeks to wake me up from my sleep to get whatever he wanted: food, drink or door to open.

Or, he would slip under my blanket to slew comfortably, only some time then he would climb out of the blanket and sleep above me. He would snore and spread his purring beautiful sound bringing peace into my small bedroom.

When you grew older, you did not want to cooperate since you had better life outside with your fellow cats. You always scratched the door to go out and it was always at 1:00am…. But for the sake of love, I opened the door for you, Bob…..

You loved perching on TV as if you were the God of (modern) Cat…. Lovely boy! You are always able to steal my heart, Bob.

When you were sick, you didn’t moan. You just take a silent position and keep the pain in you. I could not help except giving you the best food and medication which was probably not really the best for you…. I tried hard to keep you next to me, your soul next to mine.

Then I had to leave Indonesia to pursue my dream…. I cried happy but sad…. I was given a chance to make my self more experienced in life but then I had to leave you. Could I? Who would take care of you, Bob? I had to make a hard decision. I brought you to my mom’s house – she did not have a soft spot for pets indeed.

I knew you were so sad, leaving your home…. But you trusted me that you would find another home. And, yes my mom fell in love with you.

I visited you when I had time to sneak out of my hectic days – some leave or long weekend really helped us to meet up…. You looked happy, Bob. We had good time…. I fed you, stroked you, kissed you, hugged you, cuddled you, took picture of you, took care of your body which grew older….

My mom always said “Bob is a human, he understands how to love, he is more loving than some humans who destroy others’ happiness. Bob has given us a lot of joy…. Thanks God for everything.”

He likes to daydream in the terrace, looking at the other cats that were enjoying his food left-over. Too much to throw away, good to share with other cats…. 🙂

There was a time, we really got angry because of how people treat him. So cruel…. Beat him, splash him with water, hurt him in any way they like just because those neighbours hated cats. But Bob was too weak to counterstrike. He just went home with the wound then we would lovingly treated him until he got well. We loved you, Bob and we do and will always do.

Then came a message that you were sick, puking all food you ate. Eating then puking two hours later; that was a pattern. My could not do anything. Nobody would help to take her to the vet. She lives in a village where people are busy taking care of their own poverty – there was no thinking of getting medication for animal.

Plus my mom was so busy taking care of my sick sister. I am sorry, my son Bob. We had been so occupied by our humane life that we did not take a good care of you humanely. I am sorry, we are sorry.

My mom said Bob stayed at home since Friday (Feb’ 21) until today when she found him dead on the floor of one cool bedroom – it is where I slept when I was still staying with my family. It is the coolest room in the house.

I don’t want to remember how he died. I want to remember how he lived.

He lived as a son of mine, bringing me joy and a lot of blessings. He has been sacrificing his free will to be my family member. He was so willing to share his pureness with us. He shared his sincere soul to grow among us. He inspired us with love and sincerity. He let himself be part of the madness of human in our life. You gave us love, Bob…..

I released you with all my heart.

I heard a voice calling my name last night “Rike” and I just thought it was you telling me that it is time. You called me to give a sign…. I should not have been afraid, I should have remembered you who was trying to open the door “home”…..

Now you are home, Bob. It is the real home. Your body is buried but your soul is forever, here guarding me from any not-loving and insincerity. Thank you, son. Thank you for being flower of my soul. I know I am so heartsick, ibu* is so sad, too…. You know it, right? We know you know it. But you smile because it was your time. Time to go home, where we will also go to be together. Play, boy…. Play with the fragrance of flowers among the cats that can fly high to reach the Source without mourning.

I am sad for I was not with you when you were dying. But I know you know how much I love you. The pictures above are tokens of our relationship son – mother of cat. Hope you care to share your joy with the other souls who have gathered in the other side…. Or, even you care to share with the Source how you have made us accept life as it is.

Bob, you are always in our heart. Even the sweet memories have just started on Feb’ 25 when I heard the message that the bodily Bob died and the soul is wrapped in silk and put in a pretty basket embraced by a pair of sacred angels to the heaven.

Jakarta (Grand Hyatt), February 25, 2014 – 10:21pm

Asylum

Learning

Who needs asylum?

People who needs protection in one point of view, but considered disturbing in the other one. One group of people who are considered doing bad things in one country could be one deserved to get an asylum in another country. One (considered) mad man will be committed to asylum because of doing dangerous actions in one society.

Oh, Asylum….

Are you well defined? Do those people really do bad? Or, just want to help the people in their countries to liberate themselves or even just want to help themselves to liberate their mind. Those mad men are probably people who are not well understood by the society.

Asylum is just one place that provide protection until the society can understand what the people and mad men have done. Their actions are just their unique love that will be proven as pure as what saints have showered to the human kind. Their madness is just a way to unravel the twisted knead in their concept of life.

They are not really wrong, they are not really disturbing. They are just lost in their confusion and nobody can accept and help appropriately.

Let’s help ourselves accept the people now living in asylums as they are. They are human beings like us who are waiting to be reborn and become the best light worker on earth.

Just in front of Bunderan HI, Jakarta – February 24, 2014 – 11:29pm

Picture borrowed from http://unhcr.org.au/unhcr/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=304:art-competition-2013&catid=53:wrd-art-contest&Itemid=110

Children of Our Time

Learning

Children are the mirror of their era.

Are they happy? Or, are they miserable?

Are they optimist or pessimist?

Are they loved? Or ignored?

Are they nurtured? Or tortured?

Let’s love our children…. Like we love ourselves.

But let’s love ourselves first then… ‘Coz if we don’t love ourselves, how can we love our children?

And, all in all we are creating mirror of their time….

Singapore – February 22, 2014 – 3:58am

Mr. Gray

Bob, Learning, love

He used to be the biggest enemy of Bob in Bob’s earlier stay in my mom’s house. He was very skinny then, always trying to peep what Bob was having for meal. Bob would stay inside, not wanting to go out welcome by his evil stare.

Mr. Gray is a tomcat which is now occupying my mom’s terrace – one corner where a curling water hose is put.

I am Mr. Gray….

He is there every single day, sleeping and curling, yawning and waiting for meal after Bob has finished the food on the plate. He is not so much evil to Bob anymore because he knows he will never replace Bob’s position in our heart. But he is trying to behave nicer by staying away from Bob – except at night when Bob is outside we sometimes hear they still quarrel over female cats…. Let it be, they are real cats.

Mr. Gray has become new member in our family. We won’t let him in though. We just spare a corner outside that we think still comfortable for him to nap. We give him meal every time Bob finishes with the breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner or supper.

Mr. Gray would shout at us if we forget to feed him…. So sweet….

We know it is additional energy needed to share but it is good to share, even only with a cat.

Seeing that Mr. Gray behaves less evil to Bob, we are relieved. That Mr. Gray is fatter, we are thankful. That Mr. Gray lives a bit happily, we are also happy.

Thanks, Mr. Gray…. For being a good fellow creature enjoying the blessing under the sky…. We know you always pray for our good so that you can get good things from us.

We love you, Mr. Gray…. Go ahead napping….

Yio Chu Kang Rd, February 15, 2014 – 6:16pm

Mr. Gray is meowing: “Food, food…. I am hungry…”

Love’s Day – Why?

Bob, Learning, love, Poetic

I have so much love in my heart. I don’t need one named day to express mine to anyone. I can express it today, tomorrow, any days in the future like I did it yesterday, tester month, long long ago…. I just need love to do it. If I still have love in heart, I still have things to share.

I might have no flowers for you, but I definitely send you fragrance of flowers in my love….

I might not have chocolate for you, but I save the bitter-sweet shape of love in every breath I take then give…

I don’t have symbols when giving love. I just do with all my heart.

Be it misunderstood as too much, it is not a problem for me.

I just love…

My love touches all… Only the one that can feel the touch.

If the love is not felt, hopefully my love can grow bigger so that it can reach the untouchable surface of heart….

Life is so short.

How short it is, I don’t know.

It is not countable like the age.

But in the un-measured shortness, let’s appreciate it by doing things.

Doing things, the best manner we can.

No matter what, we have no choice but doing to be…. Being….

Doing the best

Being human,

In the shortness of life

Spreading love….

Vibrating my loving soul to the universe….

I love you, mother.

I love you, sisters.

I love you, my dear Bob….

I love you all fellow creatures….

Peace be upon all the universe….

Singapore – February 14, 2014 – 12:19am

Flowers with Guests

life, love

Sometimes it is not easy to capture beauty…. It has become a rigid template so that many can’t understand why some people call some allegedly-ugly things beautiful.

Here is some beauty I captured through my humble heart. Happy to share with you with all my heart…. Peace be upon you all in this universe. Enjoy…

Tulips in Aesop’s counter….

Orchid in Indonesia Embassy in Singapore

Frangipani in Gardens by The Bay, Singapore

Cahaba lily in the Gardens by The Bay, Singapore

Hibiscus in alun-alun (town square) Tulungagung, East Java, Indonesia

Bud of water lily and a guest – Mr. Dragonfly

Euphorbia in my mom’s house terrace

Flowers of garlic chives and the guest – Ms. Fly in my sister’s garden

Cat’s whisker in my mom’s house… Hey, if you are careful, two uncles Ant are there…

Chrysanthemum in Changi airport, Singapore

Oh…. the guest – Princess Bird – is trying to taste the nectar in an orchid stem….

Bromelia in Gardens by The Bay – Singapore

Hydrangea (five colour flower) in Changi airport – Singapore

Adenium in Ina’s front garden – Tulungagung, East Java, Indonesia

Bromelia in Changi airport, Singapore

Singapore – February 9, 2014 – 2:47pm

My Love Is Forever Growing

Learning, love

I am almost 40 years old. So happy, without reason — age is not a reason to be happy. I just accept the way I am growing old, physically and mentally.

I was born in a family of seven. My late father, a wise simple man. My mother, the beautiful Javanese woman who is nurtured by this grand nature to be a super patient lady. Two brothers and two sisters. We are seven in a package, with ups and downs and some knots in our journey of life. And, now I have one son called Bob (Robert de Niro is his full name), my dear cat I’ve adopted as a son several years ago.

One more grey cat – we named him Mr. Gray – sleeps every single day in our verandah; so, let’s call him another additional family member.

I can’t give something extraordinary to them except one. Love…

I have nothing that grows forever, everlasting and without limit except love. I send it to my family members every single second with or without realising it.

All my family is in Indonesia. I am in a small country, Singapore. Not really far but less accessible sometimes.

When missing my family, I just open their pictures and send them my positive vibration. Or, I close my eyes, imagine their faces and send my energy to them.

It is a cloudy day, my love is still growing…. I am sending positive energy from Singapore to Indonesia, to cover my family or even all people there so that they feel the love that grows forever.

I also send my love to my dear Bob that has been so much lovely in his presence and absence to my physical. I love you, cat…

Mr. Gray, my love is for you. Be still, there coiling your fattening body until a plate of meal is served to you… Of course you should be patient until Bob is doing and you will have to have your meal together with him.

My love is also for all my neighbours, friends and all animals there… Be happy. I hope things go right… All violence is eradicated. You are living in happiness and peace…

To the world, earth and all the creatures in it… My love is growing forever for me and you… for us…

This love is precious. Never go away….

Singapore, February 8, 2014 – 5:11pm

Love Across The Border

Bob, Learning, love

I am away from home.

I am far away from family.

My closest family is Bob – a stray cat I adopted about five years ago when I was living in a rented room in Tangerang. Bob came to my landlady’s house every afternoon when I got home. I used to sit on one sofa inside or outside the house when he started to look at my chewing mouth.

“Are you hungry, cat?” From then on I never forgot to bring some food for him.

Now he is with my mom, in her village — 1,921 kilometres away from Singapore.

He is a spoiled son of mine. Almost all of my mom’s neighbours know that Bob is my “son” and they never dare disturb – if only all knew. Some don’t know and they would do things bad if they feel my cat (or any other cats) don’t behave… Oh man…. You behave please, a cat purely behave – you just don’t know.

I post Bob’s pictures on my fridge’s body and on the board of my workstation. I will greet his face in the photos everyday when I am in town. When I am traveling I kiss and smile at his saved pics in my smartphone. I feel like Bob is never far from me. My love and care for him is just the same from the first time I trained him to get used to my skin by touching on my toes on his body until finally he is fond of being caressed and stroked.

I sometimes salute him a Namaste from here just to whisper to his soul that we are never apart. Oh, what a special cat he is. Yes, indeed.

Bob was the only friend of mine when everybody did not want to be with me. Bob was the one staring at me when I was crying alone in my house. Bob was the one reminding me when there was someone climbing up to my house rooftop and saved me. Bob was the one who reminded me that there is always a soul caring…. And, he is the one making me so much full of energy in earning money. I sent some money to my mom to buy some food for him and of course for my mom…. 🙂 So simple my motivation, it is just a cat and a woman.

This Chinese New Year I hope I can go back home again to see Bob. I will let him know that my love to him is across the border. Not just a river I can sail across but it is the sky that I fly across to find good life for him.

Hi Bob, thanks for being my dear son for the past five years. Please behave, be healthy and live long. I always miss you….

Yio Chu Kang Rd – January 17, 2014 – 10:13pm

It was when he was sick before I went to a business trip for 3 days, I put him in an animal clinic that did not take care of him as well as I expected. Well, it was then…. Now he is ok with my mom and sisters.

Responsible Choices

Bob, Learning, love

Life is about choices, many people say. Not easy to choose the best one though.

My life is also full of choices. Every single day is between what in one hand and what in the other. Always two: this or that, here or there, now or never….

Am I thinking too much when I remember the day when I was so nervous and sorry for having chosen wrongly. Choose wrongly? What have I done? Many.

Thought I chose the wrong man that we broke up even with no strong ground. The worst relationship was actually the mostly-hoped-to-be-long-lasting; the guy literally dumped me because he just told me through short-message-service that “it is over”. Painful?

Thought I worked to wrong boss because that very good friend turned to be the most wicked vixen on earth — no wisdom I found at all when she became a boss. I left the company bringing a bunch of regret and wounds. How could one of best friends treat people like shit?

Thought I made a mistake when taking this current job because I learned that the stress was very high and being perfection is like an occult. I felt the stress and just wanted to go home. Even 5-star facilities could not help. What I experienced was chains of pressure and underestimation.

Thought I took care of myself the best I could. I thought I took care of my cat the best I could. I thought I did, I thought I didn’t….

All I thought are now turning into what I personally call “my glorious ordinary” — something in daily life so ordinary but making me gain victory every single day, no regret only big lessons.

The unfair relationship has taught a girl to be a more mature woman that would never let any man to just do whatever he wants to pretend to love her. A mature woman who still believes that freedom is not only man’s privilege; it is also woman’s right. My choice is right.

Working in a historical office with unskilled boss would make an ex employee aware that to be a leader someone has to be able to lead one’s self. Management becomes very urgent. Never let others decide what you believe is right and do what you believe is right. That lousy boss has even strengthened one’s character. My choice is right.

Working in a place where people want to gain perfection is one of honorable positions. It doesn’t make people become better than the rest but at least it makes people believe that they have the right to do their best. No need to be shiny in the world and get the big name but of doing stupid things but just to be glowing in the heart by being useful to people. My choice is right.

Making choice should be responsibly.

Won’t ever let myself choose irresponsibly like torturing animals that have nothing but receiving whatever human beings want to do about this earth. Never. Animals are also fellow creatures. Let’s love them the way we love ourselves….. Why don’t we start stopping violence to animal by adopting stray dogs or cats? Or, even by buying product (including cosmetics) that don’t apply animal testing.

Picture borrowed from http://viveashphotography.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/dsc_1303small.jpg

Won’t let myself make someone do things without any good reasoning. You want people to be good? What is good? Tell them why they should be that good. If they want, that’s good. If not, that’s good but there should be risk of not doing good.

Things are changing but no need to worry because change does not define us. Choice defines us.

Let’s choose with love. What is that? Choosing responsibly:

Choosing to not force our violent behavior to the weak. Choosing to amend regret by seeing the learning part of life steps. And letting fellow creature think of why we are choosing then letting them choose….

Life is full of choices and today I believe I choose the best way to express section of my unconscious mind here now….

Singapore – January 11, 2104 – 1:42am

2014 Resolution

Learning

It is the fourth day of 2014 and I haven’t stated my Resolution in this beloved site.

I can say I have been so thankful to this very life. It has granted me with all ups and downs full of lessons of joy. I met a lot of super people – super means nothing but people with beautiful heart open enough to welcome my existence even only one single second of their very breath. I’ve encountered a lot of challenges that make my mind even calmer and my spirit even filled with more bliss. I have done good things, and for more people for sure. Thanks, Universe….

Picture borrowed from http://www.honeykidsasia.com/singapore/best-of-singapore/new-years-eve-with-kids-2014/

This year — 2014 — was started with a celebration of love. I celebrated the New Year’s Eve in a public place among thousands of people but I was not disturbed with the crowd. I enjoyed my being alone in the middle of the cheering and shouting people. I saw the fire work hit the air with its sparks and booms!!! I enjoyed it.

I cheered, too when those fire works crackled in the free sky. It was like a reflection of my own self that wanna be free like the fountains of light falling down to the Marina Bay.

Aha! My resolution….

In this 2014, I want to embrace the most delicious phenomenon in existence: FREEDOM.

Freedom of owning my own self.

See you in the next crossroad, buddies!

Singapore – January 4, 2014 – 15:49

Picture borrowed from http://www.bizpacreview.com/2013/12/07/obama-administration-to-allow-wind-farms-to-continue-killing-eagles-88541

Celebrating Beautiful Life

Learning, love, This Person

Picture 1. Butterfly

Butterfly is beautiful. The colorful feathers reflect the incredible process of natural art. Always perfect combination of colors is expressed on them.

But, would you think deeper than just beauty without processes behind?

Many of us know that before being butterfly, a butterfly have to undergo some processes starting from being a tiny “meaningless” egg, ugly no-sexy-guy-oh caterpillar, blanket of cocoon fasting the whole month suffering from whatever it is…. Such a long way to be radiant flying colors!

But how many of us want to think of how precious those processes are for us to learn a lesson.

Being a tiny meaningless egg is not easy although you just have to stick yourself to a piece of leaf. You become a stamp to a piece of leaf – identifying “hey, please see this leaf is as important as a letter that should reach the recipient….” The tiny egg should be appreciated with high respect, it is a potential to grow. The egg is dependent on the environment – it only has a potential but not yet transformed. Let’s appreciate our tiny weeny egg in ourselves. If we can’t appreciate the lying egg, there goes our dream but to vain.

Picture 2. Hey, I am a tiny weeny eggy….

Oh the no-sexy guy caterpillar is crawling, so disgusting…. No way! It is disgusting because of our misunderstanding of it. It gives you poison and makes you itchy all over when you touch that guy but of course…. The guy is trying to protect himself. Who’s gonna say “yes, please” without struggling if threatened by suffering or death? Even dying itself is struggling in either saying goodbye to current physical or accelerating to reach the next door of life…. So, the guy is protecting his life, his dream and his growing potential – he knows now that he will have stronger potential. But he knows only eating…. Yes, that is what he needs to do because the life is calling him to eat, eat, eat – craving for any single thing edible for him…. He knows he’s gonna be fasting, gonna be poor, so saving for rainy days he is.

Mr. Caterpillar, please enjoy this grand life. Eat all the leaves, eat all sweetness of life, eat, eat, eat…. Craving for all… Stay hungry, stay foolish – that’s what’s Steve Jobs said. And, by staying hungry & foolish somebody does not have other interpretations of life except for studying, learning, eating (a must). Mr. Caterpillar’s belly won’t burst for sure because….

Mr. Caterpillar feel some hair is growing. He keeps eating but feels that he is gonna die. He becomes weaker and weaker, wiser and wiser then stops eating and goes to sleep.

Picture 3. Oh…. I am sorry I just don’t have the gut to see the guy….

In his sleep, in the grand slumberland he is connected to himself as miles of thread covering him that make universe call him cocoon…. He does not want to eat because his mount is now evolving, he just accepts whatever happens to his fatty long body that dries and slims because of fasting. More silk is coming our of his back – not hair anymore…. The silk is weaving itself to what ever they are – sort of leaves? Oh, Mr. Cocoon starts to forget his being a no-sexy guy oh caterpillar. He just concentrate in whatever process is now happening to him – no nerve is let out, all acceptance of being molten into a new creature…. Days in a woven web of something coming out of his back.

Oh, Mr. Cocoon feels something in his body move. There are leaves on his back now that still wrap him in the dark but it is time to open himself. Flowing fluid is pumped into his long nervous tissue.

His leaves – feather – are expanding, pushing out themselves to open a door of “dead” Mr. Cocoon. Slim legs are digging out the cocoon bag. Nobody should should help because anybody’s help can kill the newly-born butterfly. Let the butterfly bear its own birth. Just watch, smile and we’ll see he is capable of going out of his own darkness.

Picture 4. Mr. Cocoon

And, here is a beautiful butterfly.

A short process discussed in Entomology but it is a long process for one tiny egg on a leaf to become a real magnificent butterfly.

Please appreciate every tiny potential on earth since we never know what it would go to be. Give love to any potential and it will grow to a butterfly.

Picture 5. Celebrating beautiful life

I am happy to have been a tiny meaningless egg, a no-sexy guy of caterpillar yeah, a weary cocoon for all those processes have made me who I am.

Singapore – November 27, 2013 – 2:33pm

Picture 1 borrowed from http://www.deviantart.com/morelikethis/artists/210881601?view_mode=2
Picture 2 borrowed from http://www.learner.org/jnorth/tm/monarch/egg_butterflies_gallery.html
Picture 3 borrowed from (oh sorry….)
Picture 4 borrowed from http://lifecycle.onenessbecomesus.com/cocoon.html
Picture 5 borrowed from http://www.wallpaper.ge/view-beautiful_life-1280×800.html

Dove

Bob, Learning, love, This Person

I opened my card –

Dove….

White dove.

Serenity, being calm all over the breath, no hustle, no rush, just loyalty and sweetness of being love inside and outside.

Dove is here now, calming down my anger uproar.

Thanks…

Please be here as long as you’d like to.

Please be here as long as you’d think I need you.

So white, so dove, so serene……..

Pause a while….. In the middle of the haste – before gliding through a peaceful passage of unseen orbit.

Singapore – November 20, 2013 – 23:31

Picture borrowed from http://www.ejcr.org/teaching-sets/teaching-sets/White_Dove/manuscriptreviewhistory_whitedove.html

Gate

Learning

When you are already standing in front of the door, please don’t stop too long doing nothing. Pray, do knock on it or just go away because someone behind you wants to get in or somebody is going to go out from behind the door in front of you.

Life is just like going into different doors – never ending chains until finally the ultimate gate is welcoming you at the end of this big journey – just to start the new bigger one. So, don’t doubt. Go in or just go away.

The door is yours, the journey is yours, the decision is yours so never bother to think of others’ approval anymore.

Singapore – November 16, 2013 – 16:25

picture of gate of 23 Love Lane – a boutique hotel in 23 Love Lane, Georgetown, Penang, Malaysia (taken just on November 13, 2013 by myself)

Approval (is not for personal matter)

Learning

The older I am, the more stupid I am thinking I am…

Sometimes I need more approval from others to ensure myself that I am good enough. What for? Life is for self enjoyment – not for others’ happiness. Even if someone should be useful for others it is self fulfillment, kind of dedication in life, not too much care about they have done to others. Success in making others happy is just side effect of being happy with oneself.

Yesterday I opened one card of mine and it was bison on it.

Bison is symbol of abundance – all is provided to…. None in my life should not be thanked. It is such a wonderful state to be thanked, enjoyed and most importantly shared….

What a wonderful story to write in this blog.

I believe that next life would still consider me exist when it is recorded somewhere. Hey, I am thinking those all drawings in the cave were made by unpopular cavemen in their isolated loneliness. They were not the considered-best people in their era but they were actually brilliant enough to be a good memory of their times. Popular people in that time were probably too busy with politics and some more intriguing happenings. So, why should we are craving for others’ approval? Life is just chains of expression to survive its memory. Yeah…. We are just afraid that we lose our memory, that people will forget us, that time will ignore us. in fact, big no no. Let’s just be free soul to write, to draw, to speak, to sing, to do all things OUT LOUD!

So, let’s just leave all kinds of approval behind our personal life. Let our work be the ones with approvals. The rest, let’s surf with all our heart…..!

Singapore – November 4, 2013 – 17:17

Orchids in Changi Airport (a few to enjoy)

Learning, love, Map It!

To me, this airport has one added value. It provides nature presentation among those modern establishments. Some spots are decorated with plants and pools full with koi fish. In Chinese culture, this fish is believed to bring luck and wealth. In one central point is two giant bouquets of flower arrangement with flow of water and sounds of forest are played…. So much like surrounded by atmosphere of rain forest.

I took some pics of orchids planted in one spot of Changi, just to remember some pots of orchids I raised at home in Indonesia and that I left to reach my dream….

Thanks to the designer and idea owner of this concept. I am a villager – an alien – in Singapore that will eventually be sent to transit in Changi airport whenever I miss my beloved country which has (left over of) rain forests.

Not a professional works but these pictures are captured by eyes unstoppably reaching out for peaceful life…. Feel the vibration….

Blurred but beautiful

A family getting together

Pinky and white

This is I’ve never seen before.

Bigger blossoms

Let’s peep the happy beauty.

Another peep

Closer? Wants to give you a macro but…. it is a smartphone, not easy to adjust to get the best by this learner… Come on, it is just a step from the real sweet macro. Let’s call “almost macro”.

It is just part of a rich planet called our home…

Penang – October 22, 2013 – 20:32

Challenges from A Friend

love

I have a new friend that has given me a lot of inputs about what I should do in my spiritual journey. She supports me with her reading the clues around me and finds solutions for not a few of my problems and several times provides me with challenges.

Once she told me to thank myself for having been supporting me all this ups and downs. She told me to love myself more than I do others – I’d been so exhausted, she said which is true. She also taught me a therapy to face myself – mirror therapy.

http://agenesiscorpuscallosum.blogspot.sg/2009/05/reflections.html

In mirror therapy, I should look at my reflection on the mirror and talk to her. Oh my… It is just like I am having split personality. Yeah…. I was talking like crazy: I expressed my bad emotions at the beginning. Anger, disappointment, shame, fright, humiliation, lonely, all those kinds of negativities bounced at me. By times, I got better – I said “I love you” to my reflection. Isn’t it to my self? Oh yeah… Yes, it works wonder.

Last night we chatted in whatsapp. This time she brought me one more therapy. It is calligraphy.

I was a bit stunned. It reminded me to a lot of forgotten hobbies. Talking to my self, standing in front of the mirror, saying thank you without reasons. And now calligraphy.

http://www.studioarts.net/calligraphy/c2.htm

She said I need it to stabilize my inner power. My energy is balancing and my body should support it by harmonizing the inner waves. The idea of practicing calligraphy helps us pay attention on stable physical results by controlling emotion inside. I notice my handwriting becomes worst and worst, kinda scribbling rather than writing. Yes, it is time to go back to nature.

Once in elementary school I experimented using my own “font” when writing the a, b, c, d, e up to z in a test to match words and their meanings. And, my grade ended up at 70 while actually I got all correct. It failed in peer correction – my friends did not understand my font.

In junior high, I tried to join calligraphy class where we were taught how to handwrite words taken from Holy Koran. I got good grades. Oh my, I didn’t even know the meaning…. So interesting!

In senior high, we competed to have beautiful yet readable handwriting. And I was one of the best. Oh yeah!

In college I was even crazier…. I memorized by writing all the words…. Beautifully….

Yes, yes…. I am showing off….

Ha ha ha…. What I was trying to underline is calligraphy has been part of mine. I just forgot it some time. My friend came and offered me a new challenge and I love it not because I love the challenge itself but because it brings me to my own self.

Oh, I love this. Really. I am walking into my inner self and I am really happy. Like going back home….

Thank you, Tristi.

Singapore – October 21, 2013 – 21:51

The Moon Last Night

Uncategorized

I took photos of the Moon last night…. So beautiful and round – it’s just I who has so limited skill operating my camera and generates the beauty so blurred…. Enjoy!

So gorgeous with the clouds around

Still gorgeous even framed with the bars of my room

Sliced by the bars

And, so full

With the fish-scale clouds

Coconut leaves teasing it

Good night, Moon…

Thank you for showering me with your light….

Singapore – October 20, 2013 – 8:15am

Swimming (again after 4 years)

Learning

After 4 years not swimming, today I finally plunged into the pool just downstairs. I felt happy for being able to win my soul just to soak my body in a water container under the moon. I didn’t care if those people crashed me in heavy traffic pool. It was just cool!!! I swam again after 4 years. Such a success!

Just to share with you, the first thing I encountered before swimming is a crappy self. I did not even want to jump into the water. I just sat in the bench placed around the pool. If I jump, I will… If I plunge, I will… What if I can’t float anyone? What if I can’t swim anymore?

Then… I finally jumped! Just today!

The excitement of being surrounded by water is just a part of my emotion because I found that I was afraid of water The water is so blue and too “huge”. I felt like stop breathing, sound of water, sound of my bubbling breath under the water… “No! Help! I can’t breathe!”

Of course I didn’t scream. I just forced the water unblock my left ear. Oh, my…

The next emotional blocking was that I forgot how to harmonize my body parts. Oh, OK I can float now, so what’s next? Stroke the hands? OK, now the feet… Oh my gosh… Why did I become so hard and awkward like a log? I swam like a drunken shark… Imbalanced!

OK, it is good enough for the starting point. Let’s just call it a day! Tomorrow is always mine. And this is my day!

Picture lent from theactivechubby.com

Singapore – Oct’ 16, 2013 – 21:58

Kambing Muda Coklat Tua

Learning, love, This Person

Tangan ini mengisahkan seekor kambing muda coklat yang menghampiriku dalam teduh khusyu doa. Senyumnya tulus, matanya teduh, hatinya penuh keheningan dan kepasrahan…

“Aku tak punya pilihan lain, harus mati dikurbankan di hari rayamu.” Tak ada lagi kalimat lain, hanya senyum dan kemudian menjauh tanpa amarah padaku.

Tertangkup tangan hangat memancarkan cahaya merah jambu… bola merah jambu berpusar mengitari jagat, cinta kasih dan kedamaian menyelimuti udara…

“Wahai malaikatku, tidurkanlah dia dan kawan-kawannya saat sebelum disembelih hingga dia mati… Taburkanlah wewangian pada sekujur jiwanya… Bawalah jiwa-jiwa merdeka itu dalam bokor-bokor emas bertahtakan permata menuju istana… Di sanalah tempat mereka yang selayak-layaknya…”

Jiwa ini bergelung bak trenggiling kedinginan… Sungai air mata deras menggelontor kepedihan; menyapu debu dan angin yang melekat di tubuh ini, mengantarkan kambing muda coklat tua menghadap cintanya…

Singapura – 14 oktober 2013, malam yang penuh dengan kekhawatiran dan kegalauan karena mengingat kambing, sapi, kerbau, onta yang akan dikurbankan….

KEJAM (omelan acak)

Bob, Learning, love

Makin banyak manusia berjiwa kejam bermunculan di bumi ini.

Membunuh binatang,

Mengganggu binatang,

Membenci binatang,

Jijik pada binatang;

Semua itu indikasi saja…

Yang pasti mereka memupuk jiwa kejam dalam dirinya…

Baru tadi pagi kutemukan berita di National Geographic tentang cyber poaching yaitu perburuan melalu jalur internet yaitu berburu binatang-binatang dilindungi yang mengenakan GPS collar (kalung untuk mengetahui keberadaan lokasi binatang tersebut); tujuannya adalah supaya para poachers tersebut dapat membantai para binatang malang itu dengan mudah tanpa blusukan nyasar-nyasar di hutan rimba.

Baru-baru ini satu macan Bengggala (India) diburu secara online oleh manusia-manusia jahanam itu.

Kebayang nggak sih di era modern ini bisa saja hewan- hewan yang tadinya nggak langka sama sekali akan menjadi hewan buruan dan membuat pemiliknya ketar-ketir sepanjang masa. Terbayang di pelupuk mataku Bob, Minthil, si Abuy, si Abu, si Korep, Sora, Cedric, dan anjing serta kucing malang itu diburu lalu entah lah dimakan atau diawetkan dijadikan koleksi para manusia kaya sialan yang suka mengoleksi stuffed animals di istananya.

Mulai tergerak hatiku untuk jadi donatur WWF tapi again…. aku kok nggak percaya bahwa mereka ngurusin bener-bener para binatang langka. Makanya aku cuma mau ikutan temen-temen yang ngurus kucing jalanan, anjing terlantar dan jalur-jalur “lambat” lain yang lebih membumi dekat dengan kehidupan sehari-hari. Mereka peduli dan mengejawantahkan kepedualiannya dengan cara yang lebih membumi… Ah, ini tidak berarti WWF tidak membumi – hanya saja WWF terlalu sophisticated buatku…

Selamat menikmati hidup di jaman modern yang dipenuhi dengan kekejaman demi pelestarian hidup manusia tanpa peduli pada hidup makhluk lain.

Eh, sebenetar lagi Idul Adha ya? Maaf, saya nggak korban karena nggak mau salah memilih ternak yang ternyata belum ikhlas mati… Duh, Gusti minta tolong…

Singapore – 12 Oktober 2013 – 16:39

INTUISI

Learning, love, This Person

Mengasah intuisi…
Apakah seperti mengasah pisau? Bisa jadi…
Untuk mengoperasi penyakit menahun yang memblokir kejernihan berpikir.

Intuisiku menginformasikan di usia 39 aku bakal ke benua yang dulunya menjadi rumah bagi para penjaga padang rumput dan bongkahan nugget berkilauan di tanah-tanah berbatu… Dan tempat para bison menikmati kedamaian…

Wow! Semoga…

Garuda lounge – 1 September 2013, 7:13

MUSIC

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

kutemukan musik dalam hidup
aliran udara dan tekanan angin yang berbeda menjadi musik
gemericik air dan gulungan debu menjadi nada
tarikan dan hembusan nafas yang satu-satu lembut, sedang, memburu, sesak… tempo…

musik,
jiwa yang berirama,
kehidupan yang berpola,
nuansa yang menggema beribu tahun, kembali mengingatkanku pada alunan musik

terlupa sejenak lalu ingat ketika terpanggil oleh kerinduan….
akan masa-masa yang penuh cinta…

musik selalu menggugah emosi,
menelusuri rasa,
membangkitkan keimanan akan pertemuan dengan yang sejati

dengan YangSejati….

Yio Chu Kang Road, 28 Agustus 2013 – 21:30

PRETTY SOCKS FROM MY SISTER

Learning, love, This Person, Those People

When I was a girl – about 10 years old,

I studied in a village school,

Students wore uniform – white shirt and crimson red skirt,

Black shoes and a pair of white socks.

Our socks were all the same, white – just white as long as half of our legs.

My sister, she was 16 y.o. at that time and studied in town…

And she would live in a boarding house, coming to visit our family every weekend,

There was a time when she always brought socks for me,

Special socks – because those socks from her were always much more beautiful than everybody else’s, either with pictures of strawberry, flowers, Heidi the Alp mountain girl, colorful, with laces, so many… one pair every week…

I will always remember that… My sister – her name is Andri – was such an angel to me and now she still is… She’s been with my mom, helping her with all the household chores and my mom’s small business, taking care of Bob my cat while I’m away, doing all things she can…

I love you my sister… You are such a beautiful perfect good saint in our family… Please spread your love as always… You are loved. Universe is blessing you…

Singapore, Aug 1 – 23:47

Picture is taken from http://thisthriftyhouse.blogspot.sg/p/favorite-posts.html

MALACCA – I AM BACK AGAIN

Learning

Malacca, part of Malaysia to which I’ve been so many times.

I guess I have been part of this area in my lives… Many lives of mine.

Wondering what I have been in my lives – let me learn the rope to be mature soul,

Wandering where I have been in my lives – let me learn the richness of my soul…

I hope I get the answer before game is over… :-))

Many buildings and monuments, so old with their memories

Roads and streets, so long history

Parks, beautiful

Shops, crowded and lucrative

River and piers, the trading activities….

People are different, time cycles…

I am just wondering why I am back here again and again; I hope I can be wandering to more places from the historical Malacca…

Malacca, July 29, 2013 – 15:00

MY LOVE TO ANIMALS

Bob, Learning, love, This Person

My life changed

When I adopted a cat and named him Bob.

From then on I have loved animals more and more…

Be it cat, dog or other kinds

I will give my charity as I can

The best I can…

God, please save the life of the neglected animals

…

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