Tag: thankful

Complete or Complex? – ranting

Learning

Life is a complete journey. You’re the driver, passenger, the road, the vehicle, the destination and the source!

That’s not complete, that’s complicated or even complex.

Dear Self, it doesn’t matter though that the understanding of the complexity isn’t coming yet.

You may think you’re just a driver, dear Self. But why thinking you’re a driver if you don’t even think of direction?

You may think you’re merely a passenger. Why thinking you’re that if you are so busy directing your life to certain direction. Only driver minds about direction.

You’re the road ‘coz you’re always saying you’re tracing back your DNA. You claim that you try to understand yourself, to follow your line…. You’re the road and route itself.

The vehicle?
Without your body, you won’t be able to move around! You. Are. Your. Own. Vehicle.
Note that!

The direction?
You always say everything is for your own good, for your own benefit…
You’re your own purpose. Direction.
Re-orient yourself!

The source?
Don’t worry, dear Self there is blown spirit given to you, from the Source.
So if you don’t think you’re the source, you at least contain some particle sparked or blown or splashed or however the way from the Source.

Hmm…. Love
So easy to fool around this humble Self to believe that life is a complete oops complex journey….

Take it easy….. Time to enjoy your corn with cheese, dear Self.

May all beings be happy

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Sunset – haiku

Learning, Poetic

She loves each sunset.
It throws her things to ponder,
About life knots.

Temasek – Aug. 30, 2020 / 23:54

—

Many people choose to live in houses facing the east where the Sun greets them in their mornings. The iconic sunrise is not only the representation of natural beauty but also the indication of value in dollars of the residence.

All my windows face west though, with no special consideration except that I pay cheaper rent for this small apartment. My friends said I should have chosen the other one with some dollars more to see the sunrise. I thought I made wrong choice but soon found that sunset isn’t less beautiful than the sunrise.

Sunset gives me warmth of the day. It waves me a hope to see the next day. It’s red, orange, yellow behind the spectrum of light to dark blue and oftentimes grey to pitch black has become my dear friend when I’m home.

I’ve been not only living but also working from home since March and seeing many sunsets with different combinations of colours and weathers.

In fine days sky gives me clearer definition of what sunset is like. Round burning circle slowly and quietly drowns into darkness, leaving the land a peaceful place and letting electricity take the turn.

In cloudy days I’ll ask the sky where he hides the giant fire ball. He says the ball is still burning behind him, moving to the same direction in the same orbit with relatively the same speed, just that it is knowing that certain days don’t need its presence for some reasons. Sun still sets but my eyes don’t witness it.

Sunset has taught me that life goes on whether we see it or not, hear it or not, discuss it or not, taste it or not, smell it or not: sense it or not. Sunset has taught me that the attention is human beings’ button of “what exists”. With or without that button, everything exists yet human beings think some don’t exists just because their button is off.

Sunset is truly a gift for me from the Universe. It is a present when I miss my beloved people, a lesson when I’m aware of who I am or I am not, a teaching when I’m enlightened, a button when I’m observant or ignorant and many other subjects depending on what state of emotions I’m in.

Sunset is a call to realise that nothing lasts forever and at the same time thing can be an eternal memory of yours as long as you wish it is.

Alamak…. I become so sentimental because of sunset….

Thanks much, Sunset for accompanying me for some minutes in my long-hour day. I know you travel to the west, please carry my hope to my love and send it back to me the next day through the sunrise in front of my east front door.

May all beings be happy….

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See You Next Year – hungry mood

Learning

I would have been to Japan at least 5 times up to this month this year if Mr and Mrs Corona hadn’t come.

Upset? Slightly. Why? Coz I planned to go eating in some restaurants whose food has been shown by one of my YouTube subscribes, and all the plans have to be postponed.

Hey! It doesn’t matter, there is still next year. And in my life the next year is always better than previous  year.

See you, Japanese food! Serve me your best! Our rendezvous is gonna be amazing!

Been drooling watching the Deli Bali’s videos 🥰

Mirror – haiku

Learning, Poetic

If she’s not ready
To see herself. Stop giving
A mirror. Give gin!

—-

Sometimes you lose your confidence to tell your friend what you truly know about what happens to one; not because you are afraid of losing a friendship, but just because you know that one will lose one’s confidence by seeing one’s own true face.

Ya, sometimes you will sacrifice your position – before someone you keep doing yourself a stupid idiot (please excuse my language to myself) who will only act as a yes-friend to make someone get more and more drunk with fake realities.

A good friend, are you?

May all beings be happy….

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Milk and Honey – smiling

Learning, Poetic

Ants under a book
Crawl about into a nook,
Escape from a look.

—

I’d been struggling with happy ants on my desk. A group of ants were nesting under a book and even after some effort they were stubbornly staying under that particular book.

I didn’t get it but now I do.

I lifted the book and moved it to another place and magically no ants came back. I put another book to where the “problematic spot” is in. No ant came back! Until now….

When I checked the book that attracted the happy ants, I found the title is “Milk and Honey”.

May all beings be happy 😜

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Empty Talk of Friendship between Self & Love – ranting

Learning

There are times when you feel people pass by you igniting some fire inside of you. Oops! Not you, it is me. There are times when I feel people pass by me igniting some fire inside of me. And that day is ruined, work isn’t fun, chores aren’t fun, good movies become boring, good books become rubbish, many things become lousy.

This evening I looked at the face in the mirror, scrutinised the body line, touched the thinning hair and felt the throbbing core in the chest. Closing my eyes, those faces of people igniting my fire jumped and jolted out of my head…. And some inner songs are sung to the Self.

Dear Self,
All coming to you as Teachers with different what and how.
Some people come teaching with words.
Some others come teaching with actions.
Some others come teaching with emotions.
The others come teaching you with the combination of those.
You’ve gotta accept those people lightly ‘coz they are just Teachers.

Oh, Love
I don’t feel like having Teachers anymore.

Dear Self,
Then take them as Messengers.
All the words, actions and emotions are lines of messages, prophecies, justification, validation, rectification…. Or even judgement for you, on you, to you.
Just take them as Messengers and let them go freely and lightly. Don’t hold on to who they are. The messages and the way the messages are brought to you is more meaningful than the Messengers.
Let the Messengers go. They need to send messages to other human beings.

Oh, Love.
I know now.
My hair becomes grey and thinning because of the ugly voices.
My skin and flesh becomes flabby because of the cruel hands and feet.
My eyes and smiles become dull and gloomy because of the laughter and anger.
Those are all the reflections of my own deficiencies, not those Messengers’.
I care too much on who and whom and that has made me so tired like Heaven.

Dear Self.
Now that you know….

Oh, Love.
I don’t know

Dear Self.
But you said you know….

Oh, Love.
Let me revise. Now I know that I just need to see thing as it is, not adding assumption, perception and loading emotions….
That way I liberate myself.
That way I unlearn what have blinded me from the reality.
That way I accept things as they are.
That way I judge things neutral.
And that way I can live lightly.

Dear Self
Good!

Oh, Love.
Nothing is good or bad.

Dear Self.
You start to talk wise like me.

Oh, Love.
Aren’t I you?

Dear Self,
Stop.
Time to eat your fried tofu then sleep….

Oh, Love.
You are wise and know what I need….

—-

Note to Self: sometimes you don’t have to take life so heavily; otherwise, your head will explode before its due date. Eat then sleep! 😁

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Who Are You? – ranting

Learning, This Person

My dear Self,
You are not what you have.
You are what you do.

Oh dear Love,
Why do you keep reminding me to be one that is difficult to materialise?
Do I have another option?

My dear Self,
You have all possible options.
Be what you wanna be
But what you have should not define you.

Bloody hell, you Love….
But ok…. I will do.

May all beings be happy.

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Ode To Beautiful Weekend

Learning, Poetic

Ode To Beautiful Weekend

I can feel weekend
The thrill slithers on my back.

I can smell the weekend
The fragrance stabs my nostrils.

I can hear the weekend
The euphoria of wind whistling through the sliding door opening a jar.

I can touch the weekend
Its textures give me goosebumps of excitement.

And I can see the weekend
A fluffy nest on my bed with pillows under my feet and the greenery across my windows.

Weekend, you beautiful period
All senses are hugging you
With love and hope.

Weekend, I know you don’t last forever
You are just one seventh of the cycle,
Only a dwarf that ends the line,
Only one color in the bowing rainbow,
Only an end that starts another project.

Weekend, you are the true refresher though
That stops the billowing smoke from the top of my head,
That interrupts the intensity of hostile stalking of some friends,
That gives me space to shift my focus.

Dear Weekend,
Bring me Love in your next visit.
Pack your luggage and safe travel.

Me to Weekend – Aug. 2, 2020 / 08:57

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September – ranting

Learning, Poetic

September is the most romantic month. The feeling maybe comes because I was born in September. Or, there may be other reasons that haven’t emerged yet through my mind. The taste granted now is that September is romantic for me.

Anyway, why isn’t a question I want to deal with about this. Just can’t wait to meet September again. Although I cancelled the 2020 annual major holiday (I claim it every September), I still think it is gonna be a great time!

September, be my sweet anchor forever.

May all beings be happy

Singapore – Aug. 1, 2020 / 21:59

Busy vs Lazy – haiku

Learning, Poetic

Not so much differs
Too much work or too much time.
Busy or lazy?

Singapore – July 31, 2020 / 08:45

—-

A pile of work can show whether you have a lot of work waiting or you have wasted time that so much work is left not done.

May all beings be happy.

 

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There’s Always A Light – ranting

Learning, Poetic, Those People

There’s always a light
In the dark. Open your eyes
While you’ve got your time.

Singapore – throwback flood in my apartment last week

—

My apartment was flooded because of a bursting pipe joint in the kitchen. I was so panicky with the joint pipe bang sounding like an explosion, when I ran to the kitchen the pipe strongly sprayed water – hot water! Bloody hell! It was the hottest shower I’ve ever had in my life.

I could not find the valve to stop the water flow. Water had reached the living room and kitchen balcony. I threw all pillow from the sofa and all big towels in the drawer to the kitchen door to hold the water. I didn’t know what to do! I said to myself: My neighbour!

I felt desperate as I didn’t know anyone in the 15th floor. They never open their doors. But I was so lucky that #2 door was open and I saw a man, a woman and a small girl.

Long story short the husband ran in to my home, while I ran downstairs to the facility office to get help to close the external valve for my apartment water supply. It took 20 minutes to stop the hot water flood. Hot water!!!

When the facility lady reached my apartment (with me) my neighbour was wet like hell in my kitchen holding the piping joint. He looked so desperate but tried to behave fine and calm.

I felt so guilty especially when he helped me put a complaint on the valve thing. The wife kindly told me that they will help me follow up if anything the same happens again. What a kind couple! Thank you!

The apartment management took the blame and sent a handy man on the same day. And the next week my regular handyman came to check the whole piping to find and fix the error.

It was one bad day in my July but also the best – in the hot water flood I finally got to know my neighbour, a Malaysian young couple with one baby daughter. They said they love traveling to Indonesia and I said I go to Malaysia every month in normal situation. We agreed to check each other once in a while as good neighbours; I now knew that they also have missed to “have neighbours” like their original culture in Malaysia. Ya, it is slightly difficult to know our neighbours in this type structure of living spaces. The next door neighbour of mine only opened their door and stared at us with empty eyes seeing me panicky running to the lift to go to facility office; he didn’t even ask “What happened? What can I help?” Oh my goodness! How I miss a friendly neighbourhood. I’m sure I’ll have it, I’ll have it!

May all beings be happy.

No picture, no video was taken due to panic Attack. 😶

AirPods – tanka

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People

I hope you’re AirPods,
Listening to my love songs
From far far away….
But you’re not AirPods. Your heart
Is frozen by arrogance.

Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 23:22

—-

When human technology is lame and degrading, they don’t believe anymore with the unseen signs that they can only feel through taste granted to Self…. Many human only believe in the limited five senses that won’t work just because of a wall standing tall. You know now, dear Love…. that you’re not better than my AirPods. I’m crying because of that fact but I don’t care anymore as long as my AirPods can help me listen to my own Love songs from my machine that stands tall in my living room while I’m cooking in the kitchen….

Thanks my AirPods and those who have worked together to deliver them to my silent heart….

May all beings be happy.

 

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Blind Love – haiku

Learning, Poetic

Dear Beloved, I’m
Imprisoned in blind Love
Who taught me colors.

Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 22:54

 

May all beings be happy.

 

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Hujan Bulan Juni – Sapardi Djoko Damono

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People

Hujan Bulan Juni

tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu

tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu

—-

Most of his poems are romantic, in all walks of life. His words are not flowery but so touching with its simplicity, flowing like a story.

My maturity has grown and some shade of it has been by this poet’s lyrical poems.

Rest In Peace.

 

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Unmask

Learning, This Person

Sometimes it is more convincing to speak without showing who you really are.

Yet hiding self is suffocating,
And at the end
You might forget who you really are.

Look at the mirror then slowly unmask.

May all beings be happy.

 

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I’m Less Than A Dust – haiku

Learning, Poetic

I’m less than a dust
But bigger than galaxy.
Would you please accept?

—

Some people just wanna stay at one point, forever good, forever winning. Two chances: impossible and improbable combined in a giant jar of lottery

Can you just accept that some people can’t accept your being a dust? Others can’t accept your being galaxy and the other small portion can accept you swinging between these two realities. Take the last group to be your true friends coz they will know when to speak bitter truth to see who you are and when to just throw you sugar-coated appraisals to cajole you in challenging situation.

Be dust and be galaxy
Never forget that you are dust in the galaxy at times,
And galaxy full of dust at others….

May all beings be happy.

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Aku Lala Padamu – lyric with music

Learning, Those People

This lala in the “Aku Lala Padamu” was created earlier than the lala in Lalaland.

Lala in this song (2005) is a word that you can’t find in modern dictionary or thesaurus. The singer -Sujiwo Tejo- uses this new word to express his deep, unspeakable, unspoken, painful feeling because of missing the Beloved.

Well, this old puppeteer -Sujiwo Tejo- has composed a lot of unique art work that behaves like magic either to and in the heart. His music and lyric, paintings, poems, books and stage performances are loaded with love to a hidden Lover and longing for a meeting with the Beloved.

Many young people in Indonesia swarm around his Twitter and Instagram accounts to read through his tweets and posts, to assess his clear thinking and logic (he is a Mathematician), to intelligently ridicule him, to respond with naughty statements or just to cynically laugh at him.

He is well known as the Presiden Negeri Jancukers (President of the Jancukers Land). Jancukers are nick names given to his fans characterised as those who own the expression of honesty and/or frankness and/or wit and/or paradox. What a tribe of artist they are!

Life becomes more mysterious, at the same time more meaningful and beautiful in the hands of artists around you.

May all beings be happy.

Against Gravity

Learning, Poetic

As if I’m not there.
Floating— I’m a drone over
You, who never cares.

Singapore – July 14, 2020 / 20:24

—-

Expectation is like gravity to a plane that is taking off leaving the runway. Fly away to the destination! Expectation will only overkill your dream especially if the one that you want is not the one that can appreciate sincerity.

May all beings be happy.

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Messy Like Heaven – ranting

Learning

Messy like heaven.
After cooking I feel tired
Of all the dirty
Pots, plates, spoons, knives and rubbish.
Full without eating—

—
I am naturally a picky eater, but trying my best to eat every thing served as long as healthy and non poisonous. I even let myself eat those I’m allergic to – just to prove to this weak Self that this body can bear the poison though has failed now and then.

Today I cooked one traditional food from Java island of beautiful archipelago, my dear Indonesia – buntil.

It is stuffed cassava leaves wraps, you can also use papaya leaves. The content can be as cheap as grated young coconut only or added with anchovy or meat or any protein that you wish to have in the meal. This time I make a fusion – buntil stuffed with Korean stir fried anchovies with pumpkin seed and walnuts. The fusion is just because I could not find the seed that originally cooked in the Java island, we call it “petai Cina” (please use your freedom to find what it is in Google). I bought the Korean side dish coz I don’t know how to make it.

This is cheap and humble dish that is traditionally eaten as side dish with rice. But it has become a rare food where I live now – even people from Indonesia might not find it interesting anymore. Not sure why but alas! Everybody has one’s own liking. I’m so grateful that the cleaning lady knocked my door and brought some earth products that I’ve missed dearly – bamboo shoot, banana flower, cabai rawit and cassava leaves! So why not making food that I’ve missed so dearly, too.

I’m happy with the result, knowing that there are details of ingredients and still a good success. But the after cooking was not so happy seeing piles of dirty containers and cooking utensils that I had to wash by myself…. Heaven!

Anyway! Let’s see the happy scenes! Unhappy scenes of cleaning and tidying up the shelves and cabinets are off the records!

Welcome next good week!

May all beings be happy….

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Raw cassava leaves, just in case you never know what it is….
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Boil the cassava leaves with salt until they are soft enough to chew but not too soft to break themselves in your hands.

 

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Korean stir fried anchovies with pumpkin seeds and walnuts – it is sweet originally but I still seasoned it with the buntil seasoning….

 

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This is to tie up the wrap. If not tied, the wrap won’t be strong enough to hold the anchovies in and the leak of the anchovies with different seasoning from the one in the coconut milk will affect the final blend of the taste.

 

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Wrap it up!

 

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Put all the wraps into the pot…. They are happily waiting for some shower.

 

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Pour the seasoned coconut milk on to the wraps in the pot. And ready to boil….
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Cook until the coconut milk is reduced, absorbed by the wraps. Trust me, the taste is Heaven!

Stumbled On Music – haiku

Learning, Poetic

Stumbled on music,
Ears hum into melody.
Life is always good.

Singapore – Jun. 24, 2020 / 21:11

—

Life is always good with music.

May all beings be happy.

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Celebrate your days! – haiku

Learning, Poetic

Celebrate your day!
Every day! For all blessings
Poured down to your life.

Singapore – May 5, 2020 / 00:52

—-

Dear Self,
Every day is counted blessing, none of which is unworthy even if you experience unworthiness.

Never underestimate small detail. A piece of missing puzzle will break a big picture.

Thanks for all the blessed days, dear Life!

May all beings be happy. 🥰

What Is New Normal? – haiku

Learning, Poetic

What is new normal?
A set of taboos maybe
Or ancient practice—

Singapore – May 1, 2020 / 20:00

—

I feel an acceptable level of my new normals after two months of flexible work arrangement and no business trip. I wake up almost at the same time everyday – in my old normal I woke up in different time almost everyday because either of my flight, the pick up time or time zones.

I did my groceries very rarely; now regularly and enjoyably! Oh my god, I feel like going picnic in fact just going to either wet market or to Cold Storage 😁

I used to cook only at the weekend or holiday – sometimes not even because I would prefer going to my home country for short trips to meet my family and friends; now I cook literally every single day and I love it!

I did my laundry sometimes if it wasn’t done at the hotel; but now I handwash my clothes twice a week – big fabric like towels and bedsheet will still be thrown to washing machine.

I used to wear casual or sometimes dress for work; now I wear pyjamas, rompers or even just underwear when working as long as there is no conference call for the day!

And my plants have become happier – blooming orchids and growing rhizomes. 🥰

If these are new normals, would it be my normal even after the outbreak is cured? Might not all be….

I wish I have a better life after this circuit breaker and can keep some of the good and enjoyable things as my forever normal.

May all beings be happy.

 

In A World Of Men – haiku

Learning, Poetic

In a world of men
She mostly forgets to thank
For being woman.

Shanghai – December 12, 2019

—-

Why should we struggle to compete in a male dominated world? Why bother? Even when their logic doesn’t show they are logical, the men will always think they are more logical than women. So be it….

I want to be more relaxed, enjoying my privilege of being a woman. I realise I’ve given up many many things and I want to take them back!

It is time.

🎬

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Home, House, Imagination

Bob, Learning, love

When I was 12 years old (I hope I remember that age correctly), I imagined of having a small cabin to live with my four best friends: Rosi, Ana, Nana, Nanik.

Then at the age of 22 I want to have a big two-storey house with luxurious furniture where I can welcome friends to chat things.

Getting older, around 35 I just wanted to have a house. Just a house, any kind of house as I was so tired of renting rooms. And, thanks God I bought a tiny home near  river bank. A small house with two bedroom, enough for me an my cat to live in. It has a small garden to the right side of it – small, really small full with sand for neighborhood cats to poo and play. It has free walls inside for my orchids to hang…. And the front wall for my wijayakusuma to bloom happily. And, it has comfortable space for friends and family to stay overnight or just pay a short visit.

I am so thankful for what I am given in my life. I hope I still have a chance to share more with all my frineds and family and all animals around me.

Light is coiling around me, praying for the best.

My house is there to pray for me…. I’m here somewhere praying for my house.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you….

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Erawan, Bangkok – March 16, 2017 – 22:16

Mother – haiku

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

Morning wind’s
Breezing through open window
Opened by mom.

Thanks to all of mothers in the world for being valuable for their children….

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Temasek – March 9, 2015 – 6:25am

I Do What I Believe Is Right

Learning, love, Those People

When I was a teacher years ago, I didn’t stop telling my students that all deeds are based on our intention and our intention is based on our belief. “Never stop asking yourself whether or not what you believe is right,” said I at that time. And, I’ve got tested every now and then — I guess the Universe wants to show us that I walk the talk.

And, yes. I walk the talk. I do believe what I believe is right, with reserve. Challenging our own belief is kinda routine task scheduled in life. With that, I don’t bother anymore what people are saying about what I’m doing or even what or who I am. This is a good life to travel and this path is already set, planned in the space somewhere by the Core of the Universe…. Why bother by fellow traveler?

I’m not a teacher anymore and recently I’ve been tested by a fact that some people are just sucking energy like vampire sucks the blood. Don’t worry, they are not that powerful. They suck, but weakly — not as strong as they think they are. They think they suck your “blood”, your “real life spirit” to dry but actually they only suck the “sweat”, the daily emotion that act as rubbish of our day. So, the best treatment for those suckers is only one: just smile and play seriously….

Play seriously? Yups, don’t entertain them. Just treat them as friends who have nobody to share and cry for bucket to puke all their stress of life. Not seldom they would try to make you jealous (to them or to others) or angry by sending you stories or news…. But, that is the worst scenario. They just need your attention so give it to them. And, I believe it is right — paying attention is right!   🙂

It is weekend and ‘ve got laundry to clean up so nothing much I can do to entertain those kinds of things. Ignore.

Again, I do what I believe is right and ‘m gonna keep doing it till I think I don’t believe what I am doing is right. Nothing to explain to the outer world.

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Dinner with a bunch of workaholic and global trekkers 

Singapore – January 17, 2015 – 12:35am